A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This question and asking for opinions is coming from me and my husband.I am a new teacher, I waited until our kids were all in school to go to college. I am a reading specialist, and received an opportunity to attend a 3 day seminare in another state. It is within driving distance, and the school district will pay for the seminar, meals, and hotel. Well the problem is, there are only 2 teachers from my school going to this seminar. When I asked how to handle the hotel reservations, they said they would make them, getting a discounted rate, give us the confirmation numbers and then we would pay, turn in a receipt and get reimbursed.I received my conf# and talked to the other teacher going (he is a male), and he has the same conf#. I asked at the office, and they said it is district policy to book 2 people to a room. I said, I'm a female, he is a male, and I'm married, this is unacceptable, we need 2 seperate rooms. They wouldn't budge saying this is district policy to book 2 to a room. Nothing in the policy states about opposite sexes getting their own rooms.Needless to say, My husband and I aren't happy about this, and even though attending this seminar would look good on my resume, I'm not going. I've filed a complaint with the teachers union, but that won't get anywhere in time before the seminar.Aren't we right? This is completely unacceptable to expect a married (or even single) woman to share a hotel room with a man on a business trip. Please tell us we aren't being too old-fashioned. Both myself and my husband are completely against this. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): Hi everyone, this is the husband here replying for both my wife and myself.
Thank you all for your answers, you confirmed what we both thought, and I was very pissed off about it. I don't get the last post though, not only does it 'look' or 'sound' inappropriate, it actually is. And your not telling your partner just adds to the trouble. Fortunately my wife and I don't have that kind of relationship. As mad as I was about the situation, she was the one that was adamant she wasn't going (which is good, because I would have forbade it, but she made the right choice on her own, good for her, I'm lucky to be in such a great relationship with my wife).
Update, I just got off the phone with her school's principal who wasn't involved in this decision, it was someone else in the office who approves/pays expenses and budgets and such. She (the principal) knew that the school district was tightening expenses, but this was ridiculous and not santioned by her in anyway whatsoever. This office person was over-exuberant in 'interpreting' the new budget/expense guidelines. Anyway, she told the office expense person to make another reservation and give my wife the new conf# by end of today before the Christmas vacation. I just sent my wife a text with the news that now she can go to this seminar!
Just an example of a 'not-smart', beaurocratic simplemind trying to read new guidelines without any thought whatsoever. I hope she gets a reprimand in her personel file for this goof-up. I also am going to write to the superintendant of schools praising the principal for coming to bat and taking care of this mix-up. Thanks everyone!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Somebody dropped the bomb!!! I one time shared a room with a male colleage (NOTHING HAPPENED) but I never told my partner because it just doesn't 'look' or 'sound' appropriate.
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A
male
reader, leonard j, Douglas  +, writes (19 December 2007):
Do you know that what your School-Board is engaged in "is Sexual-Discrimination",And you do have good grounds for a lawsuit aginst your School-Distric,if you choose to pursue it.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 I agree with you.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 And another thing:
Get your teacher's union to threaten to take the school district to court over this. Someone needs to change this policy.
And one last afterthought:
This still sounds so ridiculous and unbelievable that I wonder if some individual who doesn't know what they are doing over at the school board has made a dumb mistake, and if that's the case, they shouldn't be working there anyway. Try reaching someone else over this matter in the same office.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (19 December 2007):
Absolutely unacceptable, you and your husband are 100% right to be angry about this lunacy.
Would the school district pony up after a lawsuit if you should be assaulted because of their one room policy? Please ask them for me. In private industry this would never happen for that reason alone!
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (19 December 2007):
 I agree with you and your husband 100%. How can they expect for you to share a room with a man, that is unreasonable and if I were you I would not let this go. There will be other trips and this needs to be addresssed before it happens again and you miss out on another good opportunity.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 Hi - this would certainly be unacceptable in the UK. Definately go to the seminar though. There are several ways to try and get around this while your complaint is being processed by the teachers union. There is also a lot to be gained as well if you handle this well. In every threat there is an opportunity. I'll explain later.
1)Phone them up or ask around - but find out if school district pays a car allowance. In which case drive there each day and put in a claim. Problem with this is a lot of driving.
2) Do number 1 above, but book your own motel/hotel, pay for it yourself using the motoring costs you will claim. Problem with this is you could be seen as dishonest.
3) Book your own hotel/motel. Using the same hotel (they can't complain afterwrds about not being able to get their discount/preferential rate). Get the receipt. Put in your claim via the teachers union. It'll take a while. Best option.
4) What is the male teachers situation? If he is against as well, join forces to make a case and defeat the rules.
5) Make enquiries. Other people must have had the same problem.
6) Tell the local press, TV or radio. They'll love it. Caption might be : "School district puts cost before morals." I don't think you can lose on this one. Take the high moral ground. Everyone will be behind you - teachers, parents, religious leaders, politicians. No one is going to stand up and defend this policy. It might take a while, but eventually you'll win. And will be known as the teacher who took a stand for her marriage and moral standards. Will look good on resume. Demonstrates person with highest morals.
Make sure you go to seminar though
Good luck
Richard
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Good for you. I am glad you filed a complaint with the teacher's union and you are right for refusing to go. Don't let this issue go to rest. Because it is beyond unacceptable.
I mean it goes beyind me having to explain. Its a no brainer. Of course it is unacceptable. In fact its bizarre. I just find what they are doing to you humiliating.
And no you're not old fashioned. I mean I am a urban cosmopolitan woman from the city in my 20's and me or any of my friends would think it is so weird.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (19 December 2007):
 I totally agree that is totally out of order why would they expect diffrent sexes to sleep in the same room thats just wrong, is there no way you can drive back and forth to the seminar or better yet get your husband to take some time off and book into another hotel together so therefore you get to go to the seminar and have some alone time with your hubby?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): I think you were disenfranchized by this event. And it is not your fault. I think that the office you spoke to has some ill, weird, perverse intention.
I have never heard of that. It is a business trip so the same ettiquette and ethics apply whether you are in the school premises or not.
Your privacy as a woman was violated by the system and it is correct that you persue further. It is not old fashioned. It is common sense.
I happen to like walking around bare naked after hitting the shower as I dress up when checked in to a hospital. What if that guy also has this weird habit? Doesn't this violate and harrass you? It's just not right. They should be more empathetic to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): You are absolutely correct and not being old fashioned in my opinion. They have no right to expect you to share a room with a man. I know that it must be disappointing, but you are correct to refuse to attend. Fight it all the way to a successful conclusion so that you will not have to put up with this in the future. I'm sorry that you are having to cancel, but you are doing the right thing. Some of the things that I see about school policies anymore make me so angry. By the way, why are you the one who has to cancel and not him? What a crock.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Yes i have to admit i agree wholheartedly with you. It is unfair for anyone to expect you to share a room with anyone, let alone a member of the opposite sex. Refuse to go, i certainly would until they sort this ridiculous situation out. Hope it works out for you.
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