A
female
age
36-40,
*lackberryStains
writes:I love my boyfriend of a year and 3 months, but he talks over me! This really bothers me because I feel it is a respect issue; that he does not care to listen to what I have to say. My boyfriend will go off on some sort of soap-box speech, where everyone has to listen to him. If I try to add a point at an appropriate time (i.e. a pause in his speech), even when I'm on his side, he'll keep on talking over me and it drives me nuts! This happens all of the time, especially when we're spending time with others. People have even glanced at me and shrugged for this behavior. What's worse is that when we fight he'll be barking at me the whole time, and will not allow me to get a single word in, which sends me into an emotional whirlwind where I start crying. Throughout these fights, I constantly find myself pleading with him to just let me talk without being interrupted and he really stresses me out, so that when he acts like he's going to give me room to express myself, I just freeze up and cry. This is really taking a toll on me. I need to feel like I can have a civil discussion with my boyfriend on equal-footing. He makes me feel subserviant and it's just plain rude to talk over another. I don't talk over him, I listen, but for some reason he cannot do the same for me. I much prefer diplomatic discussions to one person (me) getting yelled at (by him), which makes me cry my eyes out. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 December 2007):
 I make sure that I sit right beside my husband so that I can poke him if he starts this. If he is being rude and interrupting, there is nothing wrong with rolling your eyes and making the Yakkity-Yak sign with your hand! You know the one, like that part in the bird dance! If your friends start laughing along with you instead of listening to him, he might stop doing it.
You are probably too young to remember the show, "All in the Family". The wife, Edith Bunker, used to go on and on and ON when she spoke. Her husband, Archie Bunker, would do little mime routines killing himself so that he didn't have to listen any longer. He'd pretend he was loading a gun with bullets and shooting himself in the head or taking a rope and tying it into a noose and hanging himself (head sideways, tongue sticking out!) just so he could put himself out of his misery! It was very funny!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): I used to get the same as you. It's just plain ignorant bad manners on his part and you need to tell him so, if you haven't already.
I tried telling her to shut up because it was my turn, which had a limited amount of success. But I finally cracked it by picking up a book to read while she was having one of her 'discussions'.
If someone isn't willing to listen to you, they're not worthy of being listened to either. Just act as if you can't or don't want to hear him. If there's other people in the room, and if he won't shut up start talking to someone else while he's still rabbiting on.
If he won't listen, ignore him.
Phil
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2007): He sounds like my ex who was egotistical and loved to be the center of attention. When I brought it up to him he said he was just being assertive and that people like that-yeah right! Anyway, your guy needs to respect you by listening-if he isn't then right him a letter to express how much it bothers you. If he doesn't owe up to his mistakes or change, then I would leave him because otherwise you will always be in his shadow.
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