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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Husband cheated. We seperated. I took him back. Now he cheated again. Now what???
Q. I just found out my husband cheated on me for the second time. We had been married for 13 yrs and had our ups and downs, then I found out about a affair he was having and we split up, but never got divorced. It was like that for about 6 yrs, in ...
A. 13 June 2011:
'I said that I was sorry I didn't try hard enough'
Really?...was the demise of the marriage your fault??? I don't think so!!!
The guy is is gone, the marriage is dead and he has moved on. You may not believe it but your standing alone, it's... (read in full...)
I canceled my online subscription, Guy I am seein has not. At what point should we bring up being exclusive?
Q. I need some help here. I am 45 yr old female. Met a 55 yr old male on an online dating site. We have been dating for 2 months. About a week ago I told him I was canceling my online dating account as I didn't want to pay for it any more and I am not ...
A. 11 June 2011: Hey there,
Calm yourself by not looking at his dating profile. It is way too early for exclusivity and maybe he doesn't want that at all...loads of people on dating sites are on them so they can play the field.
It's hard to not go rushing in bu... (read in full...)
I left my wife for her, now I fear she won't leave her husband for me!
Q. This is a tough one. I am married and I have a friend who is also married, both of us are in unhappy marriages that have been unhappy for several years. We have been friends for 3 years, last year we started a relationship with each other and after ...
A. 11 June 2011: I agree with the anonymous female reader...apart from the bit about easing back with your wife.
You were unhappy anyway and I am sure your wife and kids are extremely hurt so why should they have to suffer you moving back when you left them for... (read in full...)
Why would a guy suggest being "just good friends"?
Q. Ok, here’s my question? Why would a guy (who tried to break it off with me) want to be not just friends, but good friends?? Here’s the short story. I met a great guy through friends about 8 months ago. We live in two different cities about a 3 hour...
A. 11 June 2011: When a man says things like:
'I'm not ready for a girlfriend'
'I don't trust women'
'I find you too clingy'
'I just wanna be friends'
what he is actually saying is:
'I don't want YOU as a girlfriend'
when you have sex with a guy like t... (read in full...)
What do you think of teachers dating former students?
Q. Alright, here's my situation... I'm a 30 year old male teacher, and I've fallen completely in love with a 17 year old female student. She has no idea how I feel as I have never, and would never, under any circumstance, act on it while she is sti...
A. 11 June 2011: I agree you need to wait until she's an adult...if you don't, then you could find yourself in some very hot water.
Best to wait.... (read in full...)
My friend is sending money overseas to a girl he never met, but he doesn't know that I know. Help!
Q. i need major help. im close friends with a guy and im worried for him. the other day he asked me to send an email for him on his account and while i was there i saw some emails i probably shouldnt have but in a way glad i did. he's been crazy about ...
A. 11 June 2011: I agree, he's an adult. You have tried to warn him about getting involved with someone with visa probs and he hasn't listened, so he isn't going to listen if you bang on about him sending her money.
No reason why you can't still be friends,... (read in full...)
Is he playing games or does he still have feelings for me?
Q. Broke up 8yrs ago. I spoke to his secretary on internet and he asked for my number. He calls me to tell me he is getting divorced. He continues calling for the past 3 months. He ask me to go on a date with some friends. He tells me he regrets ...
A. 10 June 2011: He sounds majorly confused and doesn't know what he wants.
I think the best thing for now is to offer friendship, but on your terms. Maybe meet for dinner or a drink just to catch up but absolutely don't let him give you the runaround...it's frie... (read in full...)
Will he ever realise what he as lost? We he ever come to his senses and leave this girl?
Q. I need some advise, I have recently disowned my brother for cheating on his wife with her mate...her mate was also the bridesmaid at their wedding. I am not the only one that as disowned him, so as my mother and brother and the rest of the family. ...
A. 10 June 2011: Wow, really sad and upsetting situation for you all I am sure...and so frustrating.
As maddening as it is, there is very little you can do and it's one of those situations where your brother is going to learn the hard way. Afterall he is a grown ... (read in full...)
How do I improve my self-confidence in having a relationship??
Q. Hi guys I have seen that I am good at talking to women and teasing them and doing all the push and pull thing. Some of my female friends actually think I am good at it. However in most cases its later on that after I have made the initial rapport ...
A. 8 June 2011: Hmmm this made me think...really it did.
Talking, teasing, push and pull? Sorry but I am not surprised you can't 'close the deal'...because it's not a deal...it's a relationship.
The mistake a lot of people make is to thrash about, being cha... (read in full...)
How can I tell if my FWB is ever going to turn into something more?
Q. I have known this wonderful guy for four years. He always was so nice and made me laugh, both were in relationships at the time. But for the last four n half months we have been making hot passionate sex with kissing and cuddling and spending the ...
A. 8 June 2011:
'I kinda already told him how much I really liked him and he said too much and to over the top'
'Sometimes we are at a mutual friends house hanging out but we don't really talk outside of that unless we are making plans to hook up'
Jus... (read in full...)
Daughter wants to inroduce grandaughter to her father. I am against this. Am I being overprotective?
Q. My Granddaughter has writing letter to her father,she has not seen her father since last year. SHe is only 5. My daughter wants to take her to see him, but I against because.I think this man will only emotionally hurt my little granddaughter.I just ...
A. 7 June 2011: Hmmm difficult to step back at a time like this but it's what you must do. Unless your daughters judgement is extremely impaired, it is her right to choose for her child to see its father. You might come off worse if you make it into a battle.
... (read in full...)
I found some texts to his ex that have made me worried...what should I do?
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. When we got together his ex fiancé was pregnant with his child, she kicked him out not long after she found out. Recently they have been getting on better, for their daughters sake. I don’t k...
A. 7 June 2011: Oh dear!!
Everyone thinks they can trust their partner until they find cold hard evidence that they are cheating!!
These were obviously recent messages as you were mentioned in them. You are right to worry, he will have constant contact... (read in full...)
I thought we had a connection, what went wrong?
Q. i met this guy online a couple months ago. we messaged back and forth a few times, and talked on the phone a few times. ive done the majority of the initiating, and it takes him awhile to return a message, but he always sounds happy to hear my voice ...
A. 7 June 2011: Lot's of people get 'chatting' through websites and get on famously...until they meet!!, thats the pitfall of internet dating and most men are all about how a woman looks.
It seems this guy either just isn't into you or he is just looking for a fr... (read in full...)
I am so upset at his swearing and name calling that I really don't think I want to be with him anymore.....
Q. I was frightened of my partner driving fast last night as it was raining heavily and dark and he got angry as he was tired. He knows I hate it when he drives at the upper limit as I was in a bad accident in my teens in the rain. He was so angry he ...
A. 6 June 2011: If he was just snapping at you then maybe he was being thoughtless, but driving fast when he knows it scares you is quite cruel.
My advice would be to monitor his moods towards you, if he gets abusive again then maybe you should suggest a break wh... (read in full...)
What does this man want?
Q. Well here I am again......my ex and I have been separated for 9 months....lately he has changed hes more receptive and texting me, now me I am hurt I cant play nice anymore...he left me for another woman and says he still communicates with her but ...
A. 3 June 2011: I agree with B123, excellent advice...you need to step away because the man has you on a string with no real confirmation of wanting you back.
He has had affairs, how did he feel about you then?
He left you for another woman, how did he feel abou... (read in full...)
Would my girl friend want to be with me more if I posed nude for her? Is this a good idea?
Q. I'm a guy. Would posing nude for my girl friend bring us closer? I want to pose nude for my girlfriend of a year. We aren't very intimate now, as we were, and I want to bring back our regular intimacy. Would this make her want to be with me more...
A. 1 June 2011: I don't think it's a good idea.
A better idea would be to take her out for a romantic meal and talk to her honestly about why your intimacy has stopped. Women prefer honest communication, if you suddenly bombard her with naked pics, I guarante... (read in full...)
Iv been stuck in a rut all my life with disgusting boyfriends. How do I get out of this and what do I do?
Q. I apologize in advance for how ridiculously long this is. It's an all around vent/question thing and I'd really like some sound advice from anyone who has either gone through this and knows how to get out or would just like to help. Thanks... My f...
A. 22 May 2011: I really feel for you. You certainly have had a rough time where men are concerned and it is so much harder for women on the dating scene.
I often think that certain personality types just have the misfortune of allowing others to treat them bad... (read in full...)
Is it possible to just stop the sex with this married guy but keep the friendship?
Q. Hi guys, I need some advice here...I met this married guy at work about a year ago. We both liked each other and became friends. We finally crossed the line about 3 months ago and we both knew it would happen. He has a baby with his wife but he ...
A. 22 May 2011: Yes it is possible and probably for the best.
Talk to him and tell him you dont want to have sex anymore but you want to remain friends. If he sulks then thats his choice.
Really he shouldnt be having sex with anyone but his wife but friends... (read in full...)
Dad is sick, boss is angry at me, bf is neglecting me. How do I go on????
Q. Hi I hope you can help me as I really don't feel I can go on anymore. Last week my dad had a huge heart attack, we were told to say our goodbyes to him but fortunately he recovered but needs to have a triple heart bypass. I am emotionally and ...
A. 21 May 2011: I am sorry your dad's not well and that you are feeling so under pressure. It is at times like these that you can really use a supportive partner but it seems yours is treating you badly and behaving like a d**k. I gotta ask why you are with thi... (read in full...)
Ex says he will always love me but has to move on
Q. My ex is engaged,. I just moved out of the house a month and a half ago. I am so hurt. I lost twenty pounds. He tells me to give him some time he needs to find himself. He is not even admitting to me he is engaged.(He says a promise ring) We have ...
A. 18 May 2011: It makes me angry when relationships end because someone moves on and yet they still claim to love the person they are leaving.
I can kind of see why he has left if he thinks you cheated and it's sad if you were never given a chance to explain ... (read in full...)
I can't have a relationship because there is always someone new! I need to break this cycle!
Q. Hi there , I thank you in advance for any help you can offer me at all. Its pretty hard to explain but I will try my best. I have an obsession with men. To the point where it takes over my life and I can't think of anything else. I was never give...
A. 17 May 2011: It's not fair on you and it's not fair on the guys you 'get involved with' to carry on doing this. The problem you have is psychological and sounds a little obsessive. Nobody here could possibly unravel the reasons why you do this and you could be ... (read in full...)
Did she purposely text me and pretend it was an accident to let me know that she's thinking about me?
Q. So I've been seeing this girl for about 2 months and about 3 weeks ago I found a text to her ex bf that lives out of state now and I approached her on it. For the next few weeks we have not hung out at all, we've been texting here and there, just ...
A. 16 May 2011: What ever the reason, it's clear she's not into you. Sometimes people keep someone hanging on just because they are bored or because they just dont wanna be on their own...
If you really like her and you have told her you really like her then unl... (read in full...)
What are my chances of getting my husband back?
Q. Hey need some help here guys, my question is what do you think my chances are of getting my husband back and us being a family again? We split up 8 weeks ago after he cheated on me with my good friend, he is in a relationship with her and living w...
A. 15 May 2011: I think everything you have done up to now has been exactly the right thing to do. You have kept the lines of communication open, allowed him to see his son and are also making plans to get on with your life. As for his 'new' relationship, it seems ... (read in full...)
I've fallen for a guy who doesn't want a relationship!
Q. Hey guys............ Ok, so the obvious has happened, I've fallen for a guy who Doesn't want a relationship. His 4 years younger then me, been single for 5 years and sleeps with lots of women...his honest and upfront about it. (which I appreciate) ...
A. 14 May 2011: OOhh its SOOOO hard to be in that kind of situation. I have been there myself with a guy I have known for several years. The bad news is it's not going to go the way you want it...the guy has stated what he wants and sadly it's not a relationship ... (read in full...)
Is anyone else annoyed at Facebook?
Q. I hate Facebook. There, I said it. I hate the way most people use text messaging, too. I do not participate on Facebook, but most of my friends and family do. That's fine. It's a nice way to connect with a lot of people at once and share thos...
A. 13 May 2011: To be honest, if I didnt use facebook, I probably would never hear from my two daughters, who both live away and who arnt very good at calling. I agree with everything you have said though and it is annoying when you make time to see a friend and ... (read in full...)
Why do I let him BACK in my life because he has nowhere to go? I've got to get him OUT of HERE!
Q. Dear Cupid: I am an educated,loving,generous widow with one adult child in college. I got hooked up with a man who was married to a family member I never really knew..who is now dead. He had a drug habit (meth), smokes, drinks, has NO ability ...
A. 11 May 2011: Pack up his stuff, dump it on the porch, change the locks, call the police and report his drug taking and abusive behaviour. Go to the courthouse, get a restraining order. Change your phone numbers and anytime he comes around you call the police.
... (read in full...)
How do I get my bf to move out of my place when I am pregnant...he won't leave??
Q. I am currently pregnant about half way through. My bf - 41 is currently living with me but I am thinking it would be much better if he left. Last night we were having a good night together, I cooked him a v tasty meal and we watched tv for a bit. ...
A. 11 May 2011: If he is on a 6month or 2 year visitors permit, he will have no choice but to go back to the states when the visa expires. It seems that neither of you knew eachother well enough to be able to make a decision about living together let alone having a ... (read in full...)
What is a reasonable budget for a not too over the top wedding?
Q. Hi We would like to get married but we are trying to pay off priorty debts first. Does any body know what a reasonable budget is for a not too fanciful basic wedding that we can do ourselves. We are thinking of £1,000. Is this a reasonable...
A. 11 May 2011: You can get married for about 65 pounds. Thats for a standard registry office marriage and the licence. You could allow your fiance maybe a couple hundred pounds to buy a nice dress and shoes and then the rest could be spent on an intimate dinner ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife to get professional help or hope she straightens things out herself?
Q. I have been married to my wife for 6 months. She is a medical professional. One of her co-workers contacted me to ask me if she has problems because she is not enthusiastic or energetic about her work like she used to be, and made a “joke” about ...
A. 11 May 2011: I agree 100% with KC...the problem she has is with the relationship. If a woman wants to have children but cannot because of a medical problem then she will have to try and come to terms with it. If a woman cannot have children because it doesn't ... (read in full...)
Adult dating websites. When should a wife be concerned?
Q. Why do men register on adult dating websites? Let me rephrase: Why do married men register themselves on adult dating websites? Are they bored with the wife? Are they just trying out a new porn sight? Like trying to see real naked girls instead of ...
A. 11 May 2011: He will tell you it's 'just curiosity', he will tell you 'it's just a bit of fun' but sooner or later someone is going to catch his eye, stroke his ego and he will cheat.
You need to talk to him because it's abnormal behaviour for a married ... (read in full...)
He won't commit but I want to build a life with him, what can I do?
Q. I have been in a relationship (with a mini-break 2 years ago) for 6 years and I love him dearly. I get really frustrated that he wont move forward and commit (ie live together properly) and I voice this to him occasionally. He simply answers he's ...
A. 7 May 2011: You want commitment, he doesn't. There are two ways to go...either give it up and find someone who does want commitment or put up with what he wants forevermore.
You are, on the point of commitment, incompatible, you cant change his mind and he c... (read in full...)
I know need to move on, but could someone give me insight into his sporadic behavior?
Q. Hello all, Please can I have your thoughts on the following if possible. Thanks. I dated a guy coming up to a year ago now. All was well, until after a couple of months he turned out to be controlling and nasty. By the time I found this out, I...
A. 7 May 2011: Read this...it will help you a lot because it helped me with the same thing.
http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/boomerang-relationships-the-yo-yo-girl/
Em x... (read in full...)
How do you trust in a relationship after being cheated on and played so many times?
Q. How do you trust in a relationship after being cheated on and played so many times?...
A. 6 May 2011: You don't!...you wise up, walk and find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve.... (read in full...)
Is it time to dump, date, or do nothing?
Q. I am dating this guy for the past 3 months. I only got divorced 7 months ago after a 13 year marriage and 3 children. To me, my kids are my first priority. I was a stay at home mom until the divorce. I have been working for the past 5 months and ...
A. 6 May 2011: I went through something very similar recently. I dated a man for about 3 months and he was very full on and said he had fallen for me in a big way. I liked him enough to carry on dating just to see how things went but told him that I wanted to take ... (read in full...)
My bf still chats with his exes, even though it makes me upset. Am I right in letting this bother me so much?
Q. Hi, I'm in a troubled spot. I'm dating a great guy and we're perfect except... He still talks to his exes. Once or twice things got slightly inappropriate... with one ex, he made a few comments that were sexual--not directed at them having sex, ...
A. 6 May 2011: Nope! you are bang on the nail with your suspicions. Even if your partner isn't having sex with these women, there are obviously certain attentions he wants from them and thats why he is maintaining the contact.
The one thing that stand out for ... (read in full...)
This guy is complicated! Do I spend the weekend with him and have sex, with no strings attached?
Q. This guy is complicated! Do I spend the weekend with him and have sex with no emotions or strings attached? Here's the short story.... We met a couple months ago, went out a few times, he works out of town and we text everyday. I was...
A. 5 May 2011: My advice would be to run...RUN...and run some more right away from him and to find someone else less ambiguous, less manipulative and someone who doesn't play games.
Stack it up:
He's a player (self admitted)
He has trust issues
He's control... (read in full...)
I caught my ex cheating in the office! Would you turn her in?
Q. I caught my ex gold-digging past-lover that I work with screwing with another person in the office this morning? I caught them and now have extremely incriminating evidence against her and I would love to get her kicked out of the office for ...
A. 5 May 2011: It's unprofessional I admit but it's not a crime to shag someone in the office. If it were, there would not be millions of Christmas office party liasons.
Your angry and bitter towards this woman and your not thinking of telling because it's for... (read in full...)
Why am I feeling so hesitant about a relationship with this younger guy?
Q. I have been chatting with this guy for almost a year. We have seen each other 3 time (he lives out of town). Although, I am still unsure of my feelings for him "I run hot and cold" so does he. We have some sort of connection that brings us ...
A. 30 April 2011: I am in the same situation as you. I met someone online 4 years ago and we text and talk almost every week. He has been to my home on several occasions over the years and I have built a bond with him. We have remained sort of distant friends, sort ... (read in full...)
Should I really consider having a fling with an unhappily-married woman?
Q. I am having a real struggle with my conscience and really need some advice. I have been single for over a year after a break up of a 10-yr relationship. I have found dating hard because I don't want kids. Anyway, last weekend, I met someone who ...
A. 28 April 2011: There is nothing modern about a short term fling, to name it so in such terms is irrisponsible. Affairs are messy complicated and dangerous. You have to bear in mind that women get emotionally attached when they have sex or even just get some much ... (read in full...)
Should I stay or should I go?!
Q. I am 42, my girlfriend of 4 years is 26. I originally lived with my brother after splitting with my previous girlfriend. 2 years ago, my now girlfriend wanted us to get our own places, live seperately for a year or so , then move in together. I got ...
A. 12 April 2011: I don't get the whole 'wants to live seperately before moving in together'??? Isn't that what you are doing now??? living seperately??
I get the feeling she is stringing you along until she gets a better offer. The whole thing about not telling ... (read in full...)
I'd really like to attend my friend's bridal shower but it interferes with my boyfriend's birthday plans
Q. Hi! So i have a dilemma and I'm just looking for advice/opinions.. My friend is getting married in September and I just received an invitation to her bridal party in June. I should mention that we used to be friends in High School, lost tou...
A. 12 April 2011: He said you were 'betraying' him?? Really?? Wow what a jerk!!
There is an old saying...
'When you can't please everyone...just please yourself!!'
I agree he is being a total stupid baby. Does he really have to celebrate his birthday o... (read in full...)
Why do I let him BACK in my life because he has nowhere to go? I've got to get him OUT of HERE!
Q. Dear Cupid: I am an educated,loving,generous widow with one adult child in college. I got hooked up with a man who was married to a family member I never really knew..who is now dead. He had a drug habit (meth), smokes, drinks, has NO ability ...
A. 20 October 2010: I read your follow up and it does appear you are in one huge confusing mess where you are expected to live with and support this cling-on relative and endure his abuse and torment so that it doesnt upset the rest of the family?...Is this how it is? ... (read in full...)
Why do I let him BACK in my life because he has nowhere to go? I've got to get him OUT of HERE!
Q. Dear Cupid: I am an educated,loving,generous widow with one adult child in college. I got hooked up with a man who was married to a family member I never really knew..who is now dead. He had a drug habit (meth), smokes, drinks, has NO ability ...
A. 19 October 2010: I dont wish to sound unsympathetic but if this situation was really bothering you, you'd have him out of your life in a heartbeat. You owe him nothing and your not his mother!, he's an adult, albeit a pathetic, drug addicted mooch. There was no ... (read in full...)
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