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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Why do I let him BACK in my life because he has nowhere to go? I've got to get him OUT of HERE!
Q. Dear Cupid: I am an educated,loving,generous widow with one adult child in college. I got hooked up with a man who was married to a family member I never really knew..who is now dead. He had a drug habit (meth), smokes, drinks, has NO ability ...
A. 11 May 2011: Pack up his stuff, dump it on the porch, change the locks, call the police and report his drug taking and abusive behaviour. Go to the courthouse, get a restraining order. Change your phone numbers and anytime he comes around you call the police.
... (read in full...)
Am I still grieving the loss of my ex?
Q. If you know that you have meet an amazing man who you are happy with and treats you well,how come i cant help but sometimes think how i miss an ex?I have a child with him do you think this is why i think about him?i never understood the breakup as ...
A. 28 October 2010: Yes I think you are still grieving and it's a very natural thing to do after a loss. Women invest a lot of emotional energy into relationships and having a child is probably the ultimate emotional investment to any relationship. It's impossible not ... (read in full...)
Need advice on how to be a modern day Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice?
Q. To have a Mr.Darcy you must first be an Elizabeth... I fear I'm closer to being a Lydia, what a fool I've been. I'm upset at myself for not trusting my instincts and falling for an a**faced jerk. Now I'm trying to maintain my dignity and my sense of...
A. 28 October 2010: I always think the classiest of women know when to keep their silence, deal privately with their grief and are never beholden to anyone. A classy woman is never a doormat, recognises when she is being treated badly and always protects herself from ... (read in full...)
I need help getting rid of Mr Gutter!
Q. I'm facing a real dilemna and really need advice asap. This past August I started dating a guy I met at a conference. We instantly clicked and things between us only keeps getting better and better. He's divorced with 2 kids who live with their ...
A. 28 October 2010: I actually wouldnt worry about hurting him, maybe he needs to feel some pain after all the pain he has caused. It seems he isn't sorry and was almot bragging about what he has done (not good). I think you have an absolute right to be concerned and ... (read in full...)
Husband bullies teen daughter from previous marriage how do I get him to stop?
Q. i met my husband when my daughter was 1 he was great with her till she hit puberty now he hates her. He blames her for everything expects perfection from her and hardly acknowledges the things she does he calls her lazy, putrid and a spazz. I have 2 ...
A. 27 October 2010: I think when you start wishing he was dead, then things are pretty much over in your mind. Don't fear the future, there is lots out there to help you attain a divorce. It will be difficult at first and your kids will adjut to a new lifestyle (all ... (read in full...)
Can I save what is left of my marriage?
Q. im having an affair with a 21 year old, but are still very much inlove with my wife, who on her end claim she divorced me coz of this girl, i so much wana get back with my wife and make things rite with her but only problem is this girl fell ...
A. 27 October 2010: For your a actions I don't think you have any say whether your marriage lasts. Your wife most likely doesn't trust you now and even if you dance the magic dance, I am sure shes not going to buy it. I would leave the decision to her, the time for you ... (read in full...)
My daughter told me she is bisexual and I don't know how to handle this?
Q. My 17 year old daughter has been trying to tell me she is bisexual for the last six months.I have responded with kids today are bicurious and that is what she is doing. Each time she mentioned it I would cut off the conversation, and say I can't ...
A. 25 October 2010: My daughters are 18 and 21, both are bisexual. I didn't need to be told, I just observed who they were dating and who they talked about. I felt proud that they were so relaxed with me that they could be open about things. Both have had male and ... (read in full...)
My marriage date is set, my chat friend lied and I am getting all negative!
Q. i m at d worst stage of life. i m a just passed out enggineer age 22. my parents promised me for havin an mba n just after d month i graduated they fixed out a guy 4 marriage.i did a blunder 2 yrs earlier by being in a relationship wid a married ...
A. 21 October 2010: Thanks to God indeed xxxx... (read in full...)
I'm going to lose everything because of my stepmum... what can I do?
Q. hi am a 14 year old boy, I am so feed up with my life since my mum and dad broke up 9 years ago, i had been through the most terrible days of my life then last year ive moved with my dad and his wife meaning a step mum, bearing in mind that I am ...
A. 20 October 2010: Show him what you wrote here and how desperate you are to find a solution. Your dad should be the one who makes decisions for you, not your stepmother.... (read in full...)
Why can't my ex and I let go of each other?
Q. Hello Dear Cupid. Please help!! I am stil madly in love wth my ex, and he knows it, and he messages me if I do not hear from him, and I message him vice versa. We do not see each other much, but when we do it usually really nice, but he always ...
A. 20 October 2010: Sure tell him to f**k off it it makes you feel better but dont let him use it as a hook to reel you in again. Personally I'd do what all men hate...cut off and completely ignore him. Never look back my lovely, I have learned this lesson from ... (read in full...)
Why can't my ex and I let go of each other?
Q. Hello Dear Cupid. Please help!! I am stil madly in love wth my ex, and he knows it, and he messages me if I do not hear from him, and I message him vice versa. We do not see each other much, but when we do it usually really nice, but he always ...
A. 20 October 2010: Im glad...really glad that you have found your strength...it's hard being a loving woman when a man claims your not good enough for a relationship but your ok to continue to screw. Guys shrug their shoulders and say 'it's no big deal' but they say ... (read in full...)
Why do I let him BACK in my life because he has nowhere to go? I've got to get him OUT of HERE!
Q. Dear Cupid: I am an educated,loving,generous widow with one adult child in college. I got hooked up with a man who was married to a family member I never really knew..who is now dead. He had a drug habit (meth), smokes, drinks, has NO ability ...
A. 20 October 2010: I read your follow up and it does appear you are in one huge confusing mess where you are expected to live with and support this cling-on relative and endure his abuse and torment so that it doesnt upset the rest of the family?...Is this how it is? ... (read in full...)
Why can't my ex and I let go of each other?
Q. Hello Dear Cupid. Please help!! I am stil madly in love wth my ex, and he knows it, and he messages me if I do not hear from him, and I message him vice versa. We do not see each other much, but when we do it usually really nice, but he always ...
A. 19 October 2010: Having sex with an ex is ALWAYS a bad bad idea...stop immediately and see if he mentions it. The breakup has happened but the feelings of loss are still there for both of you. Ending a relationship requires breaking a kind of daily habit. Suddenly ... (read in full...)
What hold does this married creep have on me?
Q. Okay...so, I'm the one who asked how to truly rid myself of this married man. Well, he disappeared (or popped out) again and I have the nerve to be angry, hurt, upset, used, defiled, etc. What's wrong with me? What hold does this creep have on ...
A. 19 October 2010: Could be many things, fear of being alone, fear that you wont find someone better (not that hard I imagine), maybe you remember the good times and cant let that go or maybe your just loving the excitement of an illicit affair. Extra marital affairs ... (read in full...)
Why do I let him BACK in my life because he has nowhere to go? I've got to get him OUT of HERE!
Q. Dear Cupid: I am an educated,loving,generous widow with one adult child in college. I got hooked up with a man who was married to a family member I never really knew..who is now dead. He had a drug habit (meth), smokes, drinks, has NO ability ...
A. 19 October 2010: I dont wish to sound unsympathetic but if this situation was really bothering you, you'd have him out of your life in a heartbeat. You owe him nothing and your not his mother!, he's an adult, albeit a pathetic, drug addicted mooch. There was no ... (read in full...)
I've been so stupid
Q. ive made such a mess of things and I dont know what to do next.My wife and I just started a business running a bar together and have been working 18 hours a day 7 days a week.Its going really well. However I got it into my head that she was starting...
A. 19 October 2010: If someone was nasty and rude and accusing and angry at you...you'd want out wouldn't you?
You only have one choice to keep her in your life and you already know what it is...so just do it and keep doing it.... (read in full...)
My life has, up until this point, been a catalogue of disaster, but I want life to be better now.
Q. I am not sure if I have been and am being emotionally abused by my father. I am 35 years old, and have never moved out of home (apart from a small period of time at university) because my Dad has said that I would never been able to cope and I am ...
A. 18 October 2010: I should think you want and need to use the silent treatment on your dad very much. He sounds like a very controlling angry man with no real idea how to speak to his daughters on a sensitive level. You dont say whether you work or not but you dont ... (read in full...)
Is he hiding from himself or his past?
Q. What kind of man changes his telephone number and his identity weekly/fortnightly,his he hiding from his true self or his past i can help wandering why he behaves in this way i find it bizzare behaviour pretending to be someone else when your over ...
A. 18 October 2010: Ooooh dear!! maybe it is the police he's hiding from...I didnt think of that!!!... (read in full...)
Is he hiding from himself or his past?
Q. What kind of man changes his telephone number and his identity weekly/fortnightly,his he hiding from his true self or his past i can help wandering why he behaves in this way i find it bizzare behaviour pretending to be someone else when your over ...
A. 18 October 2010: Sounds like he's trying to get away from someone. That's the only reason I can think that a person would change their identity regardless of age.... (read in full...)
I'm devastated..ex no longer loves me!
Q. my ex told me she no longer loves 4 days ago, iam deverstated,iv not eaten or gone to work iv not been out of the house, and last night i was toil she has been seeing someone befor we split,all i ever done is love her i just can not stop crying, ...
A. 18 October 2010: Im glad your going back to work...it's a positive step and will bring some routine to your days. You might feel like your dragging your feet through cement at first but keep going foward.
You can also post your feelings here for non judgemen... (read in full...)
LDR & phone sex
Q. I am currently in a long distance relationship. For some odd reason I keep asking him if he really wants this relationship. He answers it with he is not sure. I read quite a bit about ldr and also mentionedthis websites to him but he has no read an ...
A. 16 October 2010: I agree with Shania...your giving him free phone sex and then he's hanging up??...Good grief thats NOT a relationship and I am having trouble believing you are the age you say you are!!!
Where is your dignity woman?? get rid of him and find som... (read in full...)
He has sex but doesn't make love to me
Q. Hi, I'm not sure what i should do here my male friend tells me he likes me very much and we have an intermate relationship and we are not seeing anyone else, but after all these yrs he say as much as he likes me and has feelings for me he cannot ...
A. 16 October 2010: It's a problem for him because your a friend with benefits and not a girlfriend or a partner. Even if youve done your best to convey your feelings and you love him, he doesn't feel the same way. Its a bit like having chopped liver and wishing it was ... (read in full...)
Its been 15 days since ex said he would call me back. What does that mean?
Q. my ex and i have been talking on and off for a year..i recently asked if he wanted to talk more often and he said ok and that he had no problem with that and i mentioned about meeting soon and he said ok to that as well. I even joked saying are you ...
A. 16 October 2010: If you arnt going to go along with people who tell you to move on and forget him, the only alternatives are to either do nothing and drive yourself slowly mental, or call him and keep calling until he gives you what you want.
There really are no o... (read in full...)
I'm devastated..ex no longer loves me!
Q. my ex told me she no longer loves 4 days ago, iam deverstated,iv not eaten or gone to work iv not been out of the house, and last night i was toil she has been seeing someone befor we split,all i ever done is love her i just can not stop crying, ...
A. 16 October 2010: All previous answers give good advice but it interested me that the guys think you should shake yourself up quickly, knock down the feelings of sadness and live life in the fast lane!!!
It's a male thing to not acknowledge sad and upsettin... (read in full...)
He wants to be 'just friends' but it's not enough for me
Q. After 2 years my lover just wants to be friends and im heartbroken.We did have a few fall outs and we always made up but he has had alot on his plate for the last couple of weeks and being stressed out.He said he still loved me but i cant see why he ...
A. 16 October 2010: The classic 'let's be friends' line after a sexual relationship actually means 'goodbye'...or worse 'may I dangle you on a bit of string for random sex whilst I find someone else to love'...
People can't actually say the true meanings because ... (read in full...)
2 years later and still "Ending things" with his ex-should I be cool with this?
Q. My boyfriend of nearly 2 and a half years has recently gotten in contact with his ex girlfriend-the most recent ex. Apparently it ended badly and hurt him greatly-she called to apologize and "catch up" the other night, and then he sends her a text ...
A. 16 October 2010: I also meant to add this:
'It is not what a man says but what he does that shows his true nature'
Words are cheap!... (read in full...)
2 years later and still "Ending things" with his ex-should I be cool with this?
Q. My boyfriend of nearly 2 and a half years has recently gotten in contact with his ex girlfriend-the most recent ex. Apparently it ended badly and hurt him greatly-she called to apologize and "catch up" the other night, and then he sends her a text ...
A. 16 October 2010: No your absolutely NOT being jealous or insecure. Would he accept that kind of behaviour from you?...no he wouldn't he'd be insane with jealousy!!
You have gotten into a relationship with someone who isn't over their ex. He's a man, and men move... (read in full...)
My marriage date is set, my chat friend lied and I am getting all negative!
Q. i m at d worst stage of life. i m a just passed out enggineer age 22. my parents promised me for havin an mba n just after d month i graduated they fixed out a guy 4 marriage.i did a blunder 2 yrs earlier by being in a relationship wid a married ...
A. 15 October 2010: Its really difficult to change what is a part of your culture. Your parents have chosen for you and it seems they wont listen to your worries about your fiance. Could you not ask them to reconsider and maybe find someone else who you like better?. ... (read in full...)
He thinks he is being funny but I find it a real put off!
Q. Help please I have this man i'm seeing and have been for quite a long time. What is bugging me about him is the fact that he likes to tease me because he likes the way i bite back at him.well i don't mind a joke but some of the things he says t...
A. 15 October 2010: If he is winding you up by acting like an a**hole then you have to ask yourself if he's really the one?. Also if he doesnt consider that the two of you are in a relationship, then he is probably not that serious. Things will continue until you do ... (read in full...)
I am confused over my ex and in pain. He still responds to me. What do I do? Think?
Q. Hi All, I would appreciate your advice on the following heartache. In breif. I dated a guy and he took me to meet his parents and best freinds within weeks. All was good, and we got on very well. I fell in love with him within a few weeks, but we ...
A. 14 October 2010: You are still very much emotionally involved, YOU STILL LOVE HIM!!
You do sound very confused and he is still avoiding being in a relationship with you, which probably means he DOESN'T. You said before that you wern't ever going to contact ... (read in full...)
I am confused over my ex and in pain. He still responds to me. What do I do? Think?
Q. Hi All, I would appreciate your advice on the following heartache. In breif. I dated a guy and he took me to meet his parents and best freinds within weeks. All was good, and we got on very well. I fell in love with him within a few weeks, but we ...
A. 13 October 2010: Oh well glad your back together x... (read in full...)
I am confused over my ex and in pain. He still responds to me. What do I do? Think?
Q. Hi All, I would appreciate your advice on the following heartache. In breif. I dated a guy and he took me to meet his parents and best freinds within weeks. All was good, and we got on very well. I fell in love with him within a few weeks, but we ...
A. 12 October 2010: If it was a link to a tool bar, it was an automatic IM not from him. You said hi, he signed off because he doesnt want to talk to you. You said your never going to speak to him again so why respond when you thought he contacted you??? it doesn't ... (read in full...)
I feel I can't escape this miserable lonely marriage...
Q. i have been married for 14 yrs the mortgage and house is in my husband's name, i have brought up our sons age 15 17 yrs and also worked building up my own business from home, i am also company secretary for my husbands building business, i want to ...
A. 8 October 2010: I agree you need to get evidence of the abuse, it will help your case. You are entitled to half his assets and the courts will go through everything. Get a good family law solicitor, they will do all the legal stuff for you.
I know it seems li... (read in full...)
Divorced, but can't sell house or move on with my life
Q. I have a dilemma that is not truly a relationship issue, but kinda. I am recently divorced, and am with a new partner who is great and we intend to marry late next year. The only remaining issue with my former marriage is my marital house is on ...
A. 8 October 2010: To be honest, if you have divorced your wife to be with someone else then you should allow her to keep the house and move in with your girlfriend. Just because you wanted to move on the new pastures I dont think its fair to turf out your ex and your ... (read in full...)
I am confused over my ex and in pain. He still responds to me. What do I do? Think?
Q. Hi All, I would appreciate your advice on the following heartache. In breif. I dated a guy and he took me to meet his parents and best freinds within weeks. All was good, and we got on very well. I fell in love with him within a few weeks, but we ...
A. 8 October 2010: Your on the right track to recovery. It will take about a month of taking anti depressants before you really feel the benefits. They will make you less stressed and you will feel less emotional...this helps you cope and not fall into pits of ... (read in full...)
Married a Thai girl and now have regrets.....
Q. Hello, In 2004 I found myself coming to the end of a 3 year relationship and started looking online on dating websites. To be 100% honest I liked the idea of having a very beautiful gf and I am only average looking myself but I am kind and success...
A. 4 October 2010: She sounds as if she has used you for money (asking you to pay her debts and help her family) and an easy pass into the country. I think she has a nerve but that how a lot of mail order relationships start. You shouldnt feel guilty for spoiling her ... (read in full...)
I am confused over my ex and in pain. He still responds to me. What do I do? Think?
Q. Hi All, I would appreciate your advice on the following heartache. In breif. I dated a guy and he took me to meet his parents and best freinds within weeks. All was good, and we got on very well. I fell in love with him within a few weeks, but we ...
A. 4 October 2010: I know it's really hard but you have to just stop thinking about him and whether he's going to come back, there is no way of knowing for sure but I'd say its a good 90% chance he wont. I think it's good that your going to see your GP for some ... (read in full...)
I am confused over my ex and in pain. He still responds to me. What do I do? Think?
Q. Hi All, I would appreciate your advice on the following heartache. In breif. I dated a guy and he took me to meet his parents and best freinds within weeks. All was good, and we got on very well. I fell in love with him within a few weeks, but we ...
A. 4 October 2010: Forgive me for saying it but your flogging a dead horse.
Your the one who keeps going back for more. You will never know if he wants to come back of his own accord because your not giving him a chance to. You say you cant understand why he would... (read in full...)
I am confused over my ex and in pain. He still responds to me. What do I do? Think?
Q. Hi All, I would appreciate your advice on the following heartache. In breif. I dated a guy and he took me to meet his parents and best freinds within weeks. All was good, and we got on very well. I fell in love with him within a few weeks, but we ...
A. 3 October 2010: I may have got this wrong, but from what you have written, it seems he doesn't want to be with you. He actually told you he wanted something more casual but you didnt believe him. It's my guess that he came back briefly and contacted you so try the ... (read in full...)
Are all relationships like this?
Q. How happy can one really expect to be in the relationship. I am starting to think that living with most man is kind of a boring routine, that includes their excessive computer use, lack of sexual and romantic interest after the initial stages of ...
A. 3 October 2010: So why not become single and live your life just for you?... (read in full...)
FWB moved on to a relationship, but came back and cheated with me
Q. Ok, i'm going to try and make this as short as posible. A had a FWB/buddy, this ended and he now is with somebody. This is the bad part, we had sex a couple on months ago, so basicaly he cheated. Since then i've tried distancing myself from him, he ...
A. 3 October 2010: I think your in denial, if you didnt have feelings, you wouldn't care what he did. Even if he's a friend, he doesn't owe you anything. Anyone will tell you, once you had sex with someone, it changes a friendship.... (read in full...)
I think I would be better off on my own
Q. i was married for 29yrs my partner left me i then met my current partner within a few months. he is very controlling i have been with him for over ten years but it is very difficult . he is verbally abusive and very aggressive and in the past has ...
A. 2 October 2010: I left an abusive husband after 18 years. I now live by myself in my own cosy little home with the kids popping in and staying over and the company of a rather lovely cat!!
It was hard to sort out, but not impossible and you have no idea how blis... (read in full...)
FWB moved on to a relationship, but came back and cheated with me
Q. Ok, i'm going to try and make this as short as posible. A had a FWB/buddy, this ended and he now is with somebody. This is the bad part, we had sex a couple on months ago, so basicaly he cheated. Since then i've tried distancing myself from him, he ...
A. 2 October 2010: Why are you so indignant that he cheated on his girlfriend?, if your the one he had sex with?...it doesnt make sense. I think you have feelings for him and your a little jealous that he has a girlfriend. By cutting off the FWB your hoping he comes ... (read in full...)
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