A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i need major help. im close friends with a guy and im worried for him. the other day he asked me to send an email for him on his account and while i was there i saw some emails i probably shouldnt have but in a way glad i did. he's been crazy about a girl for a while and she really is stunningly beautiful but he's been giving me a story for a while that she's in london, working as a medical student etc when in reality shes a phillipino girl living in poverty. He's not being honest with me as before i saw an email and i said to him to be careful as she had visa problems and i can tell he's loaning money for her. he denies being in love but there was literally a string of emails minutes apart-he's seriously lovesick. i was angry initially as ive helped him with money before and he swears it was for him-he's only been dating her 6 weeks but i told him if he ever played me for a fool our friendship is gone. im really worried about him but cant say nothing as he would be livid if he knew i saw the emails but she's sweet talking him a lot in them and im worried. i told him to be careful and not get played but hes not being straight with me about her so i cant interfere what should i do ?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Sorry but I think you have to be tough with him and think about yourself! He has to be responsible for his actions and I think you have done all you can really to help him/ support him- let him make his own mistake and if it all goes wrong for him then support him if you feel he deserves your help but until that point although it seems like a dodgey situation I just don't think you can do much that is going to benefit your friendship/ the situation because he seems to have decided what he is going to do!! Good luck and I hope it works out for you!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Of course it was wrong of you to look at his emails and it is worth bearing in mind that we all have faults.
Now that you know about the loans you need to think about whether or not you are going to admit you read the emails and talk to him about your loans and the fact that he has seemingly used them to give her money.
You seem very concerned about how keen he is on this woman, and naturally you don't want to see him hurt,but I wonder whether really you like him yourself and want something deeper with him. I am not suggesting this is why you are concerned about him, as any friend would be, but I do wonder. If you like him yourself, maybe this needs to be discussed too so everyone is straight.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 June 2011):
 I agree, he's an adult. You have tried to warn him about getting involved with someone with visa probs and he hasn't listened, so he isn't going to listen if you bang on about him sending her money.
No reason why you can't still be friends, just kinda fog over when he talks about her and don't give him any more of your hard earned money.
xx
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 First of all,I'd think long and hard if I really need a friend who lies to me and siphons off my money to spoil his objects of love. This does not sound to me what a true friend would do.
From a practical point of view, there's not much you can do. He is an adult, you are neither his mother nor his wife, and he has the right to make his choices ,wrong or right that they can be. In fact, many people need to fall flat on their face before they wisen up and learn to be more discriminating, so ultimately ,if he gets scammed then thrown away like an old rag, that won't be all negative, it will be a precious life lesson.
Just , don't let him make mistakes with YOUR money, YOUR time and YOUR help. Refuse him any further assistence with this matter, and don't feel that you owe him any explanation .
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