A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi! So i have a dilemma and I'm just looking for advice/opinions..My friend is getting married in September and I just received an invitation to her bridal party in June. I should mention that we used to be friends in High School, lost touch and since last year we got back in touch and we get together at least once a month. I am so happy to have her back in my life, even though its not like high school and were not as close but still. Anyway, her bridal shower falls on the day after my boyfriends birthday. We've been together for 5 years, and every year we go away somewhere for his birthday week. We usually pick the destination a couple of weeks before we go b/c he's in the airlines but this has always worked out.So i mentioned my invitation to the party and he got a bit upset b/c i want to go to my friends shower. I feel bad b/c i do want to be there for my friends special day, and all of my friends will be there plus ive never been to a shower before (with my friends at least). I told him maybe we could pick a destination that leaves after the party but he wants to leave the day before on his actual birthday.He's mad b/c he feels like im betraying him for my friend, and he told me that since im not a bridesmaid or even that close to her why i would pick her over him? I dont know, maybe i'm being selfish for wanting to go but i also dont want to miss out on the fun of my friends party. I feel like shes gonna be upset with me cuz im always traveling and dont even have a definate place to go..i just dont want to feel excluded from everything ...but i also dont want my future fiance to be sad or upset b/c i do love him very much. Am I being selfish? thanks for the advice!
View related questions:
fiance Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (12 April 2011):
 If you can't compromise over something this petty, then how will you two handle compromising over bigger issues in the future??
Birthdays do come every year, and with the divorce rate at 60% this may or may not be your friend's last bridal shower. Bridal showers are okay, you're just "oohing and aahing" over every gift she opens, you dress up, eat appetizers, cake, take pictures, and gossip.
However, there is no reason your boyfriend can't compromise and you can attend the bridal shower plus go on a birthday vacation. He has no reason to guilt trip you into not attending. If you want to go to your friend's bridal shower then go! Your boyfriend can't tell you what you can and can't do, plus it's not like you're selling him out. You will still go on vacation with him, just at a later date. Not to mention when you get older, your birthday is just another day..The only difference is you're getting a discount on car insurance and have sprouted some gray hairs.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Thanks for everyones input and opinions..maybe i shouldn't have have used the word "betrayed" because that was not his word it was mine...he just feels like he would never cancel or miss out on my birthday or anything important to me so why would i ruin our plans during his birthday week..
my bf is not a jerk but i do wish he could compromise a little bit, stubborn he is but definately not a baby or bad guy.
Hopefully we can come to a conclusion where were both happy.
...............................
A
female
reader, KeighleySky  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 Your friend will only ever have one bridal shower.
A birthday comes every year.
Tell your boyfriend to grow up, this is a once in a life time thing. Your friend has invited you and its important that you be there, whether you lost touch in the past. Your boyfriend is going to have a birthday EVERY year. Tell him to grow up, its bad having someone who doesnt want you to see your frineds just because youll leave a couple of days later for a birthday holiday, its not as if your going to miss it.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 I would not call you selfish, you are undecided between two options and you are tryng to work out a reasonable compromise, it seems he is the one who is being difficult.
And yet ... I find it slightly curious ( my personal point of view- all others are valid too ) - why would you even be undecided. I mean, that would sound like such an easy choice :
- it's not even the actual wedding, it's just a party.
So, lame hen party with drunken girls getting obnoxiously hyperexcited and making squeaky sounds :) ( that's how it goes in general, at least ) thrown by not-really-so-close-friend- more -like- an- acquaintance ; - against your own couple tradition / romantic getaway ( maybe with exotic destination ? ) providing chance for many memorable moments with true love of your life. Most women would not think it over a sec- romantic getaway wins hands down.
Wouldn't it be by any chance that you are a little bored with your fiance' ? Things have become a bit stale maybe ?..How do you explain your lack of enthusiasm at the perspective of a nice vacation with him ?...
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 April 2011):
 He said you were 'betraying' him?? Really?? Wow what a jerk!!
There is an old saying...
'When you can't please everyone...just please yourself!!'
I agree he is being a total stupid baby. Does he really have to celebrate his birthday on the actual day? or would it really bring the sky down if it was moved a day foward...Is he really that inflexible??...If he is, you might want to reconsider the marriage thing.
Go to your friends bridal shower and leave the baby to sulk. If you let him have his way, he's going to do it to you for the rest of your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gabry +, writes (12 April 2011):
Hmmm... Thats a hard one, i think your boyfie is being a bit tantrumy, its not like you are choosing, you simply want to be there for both of them...
I think you should ask him to be a bit fair, just explain your point clearly and in a loving way.
After 5 whole years he should be able to compromise.... You have a big baby right there!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2011): Ahh no youre not being selfish. In fact, youre trying hard to compromise so both people are satisfied which is never an easy thing to do. To be honest and to be fair, whatever event you had planned first should be given priority. For example, if you planned your BFs trip long in advance before the shower you could explain to them that you committed to an event and would like to stay committed to it simply cause you feel itd be right to do ethically and wouldnt be anything against them. As a compromise for missing the shower, suggest a girls nite out and even plan it... that will show them how much you want to spend time with them and do genuinely want to see them. This way you ladies can still see each other and can have fun. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 The question is not about personal importance at all.
Its about timing. Her date is set in stone.
His date is mutable.
If you go to the shower it may start raining on your parade.
But that is the challenge in your RS you will have to decided to take or leave. Giving into someone elses desires or fears who knows, may leave you bitter. Giving into yours may leave him bitter. Think of it has a test.
I say he can change his date and still have his BD with you.
You won't have another opportunity to go to this shower.
One shower, many BDs, and a test on how you two will resolve many more issues into the future.
...............................
|
