A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been chatting with this guy for almost a year. We have seen each other 3 time (he lives out of town). Although, I am still unsure of my feelings for him "I run hot and cold" so does he. We have some sort of connection that brings us together. We text everyday and chat about 3 times a week.But, I feel that sometimes he is emotionally immature (I am 10 years older) and not that attentive to my emotional needs. He hasn't had that many relationships.We are planning to meet in a couple of weeks but I worry that I more into the "idea of him" verus him personally. We do get along and I get very excited when I get a message from him or see that he called.I don't know what the cause of my ambiguity (sp) is? I haven't been in a relationship in a long time? He is not the type of guy I envisioned myself with? We are too different? I am scared? Do I end it or continue to go with the flow?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): It sounds like he is not giving you what you really want. Maybe have a talk with him and ask him where he sees things going, whether he just wants it casual or is looking for something long-term.
Also you could ask whether he is seeing anyone else. It's quite common on these sites.
Then decide what you want. You could be making do with something rather than having nothing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): I'm intrigued what is meant by emotional needs? Could the poster or someone else please elaborate what these are? I am fairly inexperienced too in this field.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 I am in the same situation as you. I met someone online 4 years ago and we text and talk almost every week. He has been to my home on several occasions over the years and I have built a bond with him. We have remained sort of distant friends, sort of confidants...he is 6 years younger than me and isnt worried by my age.
In the 4 years, we have both had other relationships with others and these relationships have ended. We seem to come together and talk. I have feelings for him but up to now,have resisted being too foward as I am afraid he will back off if he feels any pressure. I get excited when he calls or when I hear from him but even when there are some weeks that go by and we do not speak, he always gets in touch.
Recently I did reveal I had feelings for him and he seemed a little taken aback. We talked further on the matter and he revealed he did have feelings for me and felt a connection and a bond but he said he needed more time to sort out his life. He has told me he wants to spend some time with me so we can talk about things face to face but I havent heard from him in days.
I am like you, I worry about the age gap, I worry that he might get bored of me (he is a very handsome man). I also worry about the maturity issue and whether he is being sincere. In all the years I have talk to him, he has been the same, he is always genuinely pleased to talk to me but I rarely contact him first. Sometimes I think I am fooling myself and that any kind or relationship couldnt be possible but then he says such nice things that keep me hooked.
It seems you and I are very much in the same situation. I have decided to just accept his friendship and enjoy whatever time he wishes to give me. I am of course free to date other people (and I have) but I always think about him and wonder what life would be like if we were truly together. I feel if he wanted that then he would make the first move. Also when I do date, he wants to know everything and is often quite protective.
I suggested to him recently that maybe I should withdraw, but he said I was being silly and he would miss me too much...it's hard to know what he really thinks, but I do know there is a small place in his life for me and has been for 4 years. Sometimes when I see him, we make love and sometimes we don't (so I dont think its just about sex). Like I said, he isn't in a very good position at the moment, but he is trying to get sorted out. I have no idea what the future holds, but neither one of us is prepared to let go at this time...so we are just letting it be.
I guess it depends what you want. If you are ready for a full on thing, he may not be suitable, but if you are happy with the casual friendship, then thats ok too.
Women always read too much into things like this, it's very hard not to when you build up feelings, but not every liason is destined to work out.
Bide your time and see what happens...and good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): Hi, the thing that stood out was he wasn't meeting your emotional needs so you are looking for something deeper than a sex buddy. He's 10 years younger and you can't look at this as something that will be a full fledged relationship. He runs hot and cold, isn't consistent in his communication, and he's vague about things...this all spells "casual" and no more.
Men your own age or 10 years older will be a better match for you down the line and those relationships will have a more realistic chance of sticking. A man in his thirties who hasn't had kids will end up with someone younger to create a family with and anything in between is just to fill time. Don't put yourself in a situation where you will get hurt.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 personally I'd go with the flow.
know that the problems are NOT sounding like they are age gap related.
i'm 51 my bf is 37 after about 25 or so age becomes but a number that makes us insane...
if you are having fun then go for it. think of it as a vacation
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2011): If you like him but you are not interested in a relationship with him. Then just keep him as a friend.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (30 April 2011):
 I guess, as you have only seen him 3 times, it is a bit hard to form any real sort of relationship. I'm not too sure about long distance relationships, they always seem to be problematic. But there doesn't seem to be any reason to end things, just enjoy the times you are together, 'go with the flow, and see where you end up. You don't have to have a plan ok.
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