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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I'd really like to attend my friend's bridal shower but it interferes with my boyfriend's birthday plans
Q. Hi! So i have a dilemma and I'm just looking for advice/opinions.. My friend is getting married in September and I just received an invitation to her bridal party in June. I should mention that we used to be friends in High School, lost tou...
A. 12 April 2011: He said you were 'betraying' him?? Really?? Wow what a jerk!!
There is an old saying...
'When you can't please everyone...just please yourself!!'
I agree he is being a total stupid baby. Does he really have to celebrate his birthday o... (read in full...)
The condom broke and now she doesn't want to see me. Why? What can I do?
Q. I have been dating a lady for 7 weeks. I am 45 and she is 46. On our 10th date I stayed at her house and we ended up having sex. The problem I have is that I used a condom but it broke. I felt it go pop but was just about to climax and couldnt stop ...
A. 12 April 2011: The fact is that the guy knew the condom had broken and he still came inside her. He should have pulled out to minimise the risk. It's irresponsible and shows lack of respect.
Maybe the woman has come to her senses and seen that he isnt respectf... (read in full...)
The condom broke and now she doesn't want to see me. Why? What can I do?
Q. I have been dating a lady for 7 weeks. I am 45 and she is 46. On our 10th date I stayed at her house and we ended up having sex. The problem I have is that I used a condom but it broke. I felt it go pop but was just about to climax and couldnt stop ...
A. 11 April 2011: In all fairness to the woman, contraception WAS used and millions of people use condoms without a problem every day so I don't really think it should be down to the woman to plan ahead when men never do.
To the OP, you need to back off with the... (read in full...)
Is it a bad idea to text an apology to an ex?
Q. Do you think apologising to an ex on a text is a good idea? I have a terrible conscience and even though i know we broke up for all good reasons, him admitting he wouldn't change, and a few other stuff, what i regret is the attitude i had w...
A. 10 April 2011: I agree with all the other Aunts, DONT CONTACT HIM!!! You still have feelings for the guy, it's obvious, and you may be able to fool yourself that you are doing it to clear your conscience but really all you want is to contact him to see if there ... (read in full...)
I'm being pressurized into marriage because my GF whom I never really loved, got pregnant and had our baby, by lying to me about using birth control..
Q. Hello. I am in a spot of bother. I had been going out with a girl long distance for about a year, we moved in together and I was pretty sure then that it wasn't true love. After about 6 months, when she was telling me she was taking contra...
A. 9 April 2011: http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/TravelAndTransport/Passports/Applyingforaneworrenewedchildpassport/DG_174106
Please read this if you fear your child will be taken out of the country. It is illegal for a parent to take a child born in the UK out o... (read in full...)
He's asked me to send pictures of my breasts over the phone...If I do it, will he think I'm slutty?
Q. I am married and have been on and on involved with a married man/friend on and off. He is now asking me to text him pictures of my breasts with a bra on and without. I trust him completely, but not sure if I should send them or not. We have never ...
A. 6 April 2011: I wouldn't send him anything to be honest, and if he was a good guy he wouldn't ask and he definitely wouldnt be having an extra marital affair.
It may be exciting and make you feel good now but in the end it's just going to be a huge miserabl... (read in full...)
Toxic man, how do I get over him?
Q. I have just ended a very toxic relationship and am sufferring badly, so any help and advice is much appreciated. It's a long story, but in brief, I had an affair with a man who, at first, I thought was wonderful. We connected deeply on a phys...
A. 4 April 2011: Feel very very lucky that you escaped this man, he has a very destructive and dangerous personality and he most definitely is not who you think he is. Seriously you should read the links that honest man posted because that will tell you exactly... (read in full...)
My husband and I cannot agree on socializing. He wants to and I do not. Please advise.
Q. My husband is extremely sociable and I am quite a withdrawn insular person. I work as a Consultant at a teaching hospital and deal with patients, friends, relatives and staff all day long and when I am at home I do not particularly want to go out, ...
A. 4 April 2011: I sympathise because I am not a very sociable person myself. I assume your husband has known you are antisocial since he first met you so has something changed recently to make him want you to go out more?
Marriages require a little give and take... (read in full...)
My husband is in a nursing home, is it wrong for me to want to go out with a man for a drink?
Q. I have been through a horrible two years with my husband who developed dementia and now is in a nursing home. We have had a very happy marraige and I miss him so much and have so much guilt about him being where he is although he is well cared for ...
A. 4 April 2011: I think you should let the man take you out. You are in a difficult situation but I still think you should do it.... (read in full...)
I found out, by snooping, that he is in tough financial shape. Could he be taking me for a ride?
Q. I have a boyfriend and it is great. I am 45 and cautious. I am at an impasse. I know this is crazy, i lent him some money, not a large sum. I had the opportunity to be alone in his house and went through some files. He told me he has had a tough ...
A. 3 April 2011: I think it's a case of sitting back and waiting to see how things go. You are wiser for the knowledge of his difficulties so you will see any falls coming your way. Just dont lend him any more money, at least not until he has paid you back the first ... (read in full...)
I am married, but regret breaking up with my ex who cheated and is newly wed!
Q. I am a married mother of 2 young children. Before I met my husband I was in a long term relationship which ended very stressful after I found out he had been cheating on me. I left him and I went straight in another relationship with now my husband. ...
A. 3 April 2011: It's unfinished business in your head and that stuff can drive you crazy.
I don't know what it is about us women, we can be the most reasonable of creatures and also the most fatalistic and obsessive. Your mind is going over old ground and fill... (read in full...)
Allowing him to have his cake and eat it and heading for heartache...
Q. Hi I keep getting myself in a situation and it is driving me bonkers! I met a really handsome chap a year ago but I felt that he saw it as just a casual relationship so I ended it. Yet we keep getting together! I have had a boyfriend since but...
A. 2 April 2011: You go girl...get rid of him and go date a handsome stranger...all the power is in your hands to make your own happiness, dont put it in the hands of someone who doesnt care about you.
I am proud of you for making a stand, that takes guts and cour... (read in full...)
Our "friendship" is hurting me, so I'm going to send him this note. Would like advice.
Q. After a lot of thought I realized i am not over my ex bf and his friendship offer is just a road of deception. Perhaps he was thinking about a casual friendship but I am hurt all the time because his indifference, regardless he says he loves me and ...
A. 2 April 2011: It would have been best to just totally ignore him and move on. I am a great believer that ex lovers can never really be friends. If they are it usually only works after many years and when both parties have moved on.
He won't show he cares be... (read in full...)
Allowing him to have his cake and eat it and heading for heartache...
Q. Hi I keep getting myself in a situation and it is driving me bonkers! I met a really handsome chap a year ago but I felt that he saw it as just a casual relationship so I ended it. Yet we keep getting together! I have had a boyfriend since but...
A. 1 April 2011: He has said it's casual several times and just calls you up when he wants company. Also he instigates sex when he says he won't!
Darling he is using you! He might be one of these guys who thinks its too difficult to be in a relationship while he... (read in full...)
Allowing him to have his cake and eat it and heading for heartache...
Q. Hi I keep getting myself in a situation and it is driving me bonkers! I met a really handsome chap a year ago but I felt that he saw it as just a casual relationship so I ended it. Yet we keep getting together! I have had a boyfriend since but...
A. 1 April 2011: You need to end it because he isn't giving you what you want. He is getting sex and no strings. If he just wants to be friends then thats ok but don't have sex with him...friends don't have sex! See how long the 'friendship' lasts if sex isn't in ... (read in full...)
He asked me to pay for dinner on the second date! What should I think about this?
Q. If a man asks a woman to pay for dinner on the 2nd date what should she think ?...
A. 31 March 2011: He's a tight*ss! lol
Its not very polite to ask someone to pay. Different if you offer to pay and he agrees or says he will pay half, but to actually say 'you pay' is quite rude.
I dont sgree that men should pay for everything on dates but mos... (read in full...)
My wife refuses to try anything new in the bedroom! Help!
Q. my wife and i have been married for 18 years but have known each other over 20 years, she is 44 , i am 57,she is not adventurous at all in the bedroom. i have asked to do a few things like, play with her breasts when we make love, i have asked her ...
A. 31 March 2011: I agree that you need the element of surprise. I don't suggest jumping out of the closet dressed as Batman!! but small things that start outside the bedroom, kissing and stroking her. You might have to go back to basics and romance her, wine and ... (read in full...)
Why do women say you're a fantastic guy, the best lover they have ever met, yet leave and say they need to move on?
Q. When my lady walked into my life, it was like a ray of sunshine, she was tall, elegant, graceful and very very beautiful with intelligence, so she should being a doctor. The second we met it was sparks, being a free spirit she didn't want a ...
A. 31 March 2011: Its really sad that something so good had to end. You sound like a very romantic man and millions of women would love a man like that in their lives. She seems like a go- getter girl and like some of the others have said, perhaps there were deeper ... (read in full...)
I slept with my ex's best friend!
Q. This is a confusing situation and I think I have to write out the whole scenario so I can get advice about what to do, but basically... I was with my ex for a long time, we were each others firsts and we had a happy healthy relationship. At thi...
A. 31 March 2011: Wow tough one!!
There is no law against sleeping with your ex friend and it's been 8 months, not like you were in the sack the day after the break up or anything. That said you probably don't want to come out of this looking like the scarlett... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend can be quite unreliable...do you think he'll call me back?
Q. My LDR boyfriend can be quite unreliable at the best of times - and even when I ask him things he can never give me a straight answer! - Anyway, the other day I text suggesting we don't see each other again if he can't make more sense to me - and he ...
A. 30 March 2011: A person who is treating you badly in the first place won't respond to an ultimatum, they are more likely to use it as an excuse to bow out and pass the blame on you. He was treating you bad, you gave the ultimatum 'I suggest we dont see eachoth... (read in full...)
Should I continue to talk and be sexual with ex or just let her go?
Q. I dated my ex for almost 3 years. she ended the relationship she said I didnt do anything wrong she just had fallen out of love but we both admitted that and that we loves eachother still just not in love. well weve been split up for over a year ...
A. 30 March 2011: If she isnt ready for a commitment then having sex with her might lead to resentment on both sides and really there is no need to be having sex if you arnt together. Also if you meet someone else while you are still having sex with her or she ... (read in full...)
Why does this otherwise nice guy turn into a jerk with me?
Q. perhaps this is a more general question: I know this guy from work, and I see him talking on all kinds of social networks, and I know some of his friends, and he is a really good person, two lovely children who adore him, but with me he was a total ...
A. 30 March 2011: Why are you blaming yourself...he sounds like an idiot whos just not into you. Let it go an refuse to have anything to do with him in the future.... (read in full...)
No one knows how unhappy I am. I'd appreciate some advice.
Q. I have been feeling very lonely and upset lately. I have a boyfriend of 6 years and everything is fine with him, but in the last while I have become really self conscious about how I look and I feel really awkward around people. I think that people ...
A. 30 March 2011: You sound mildly depressed and in a bit of a rut. This can affect your self esteem. Even though you were bullied in the past, sometimes it takes years for the bad feelings you felt at the time to surface. This can pull you down and make you feel ... (read in full...)
Right now he doesn't love me back. Is there ever a chance?
Q. Can you help me with a confusion of mine, please? I can accept an honest answer... whether it's the one I want to hear or not. However, it would be great to hear from people who have stories about this topic that they can share with me. ...
A. 29 March 2011: Thats a tough one. All I know is that it's much easier to keep someone you really love in your life as a friend than get tied up in knots because they wont ever see you as a lover.
I have a friend like this, he's been in my life for 5 years. S... (read in full...)
So here I am now, nearly four months after, still feeling hurt and rejected at being forced into ending something that could have been so good....
Q. Hi all... I was dating a woman (40) from July to Dec last year. It was so incredibly intense at 46 years of age I can honestly say I have never experienced anything like it in my life. She was everything to me - I loved everything about her and my...
A. 29 March 2011: Like many beautifully wrapped packages that beguile you, many have no substance. Once the box is opened we seldom lose momentum if there are cracks already.
Although beautiful to your eyes this woman retained secret problems that had no choice b... (read in full...)
How could he care about me if he doesn't care about my feelings
Q. I'm conflicted, he says he cares about me and when we are on good terms he also tells me that he appreciates all that I do for him. However he knows after 6 years I have developed very deep feelings for him. When I express my feelings for him he ...
A. 28 March 2011: Don't expect any kind of apology, you will never get it because it's not in the guy to give it. Time will heal and it can take up to a year to rid yourself from emotional pain from someone who got under your skin. If you ever waiver read back the ... (read in full...)
Husband wrote a story of 3 guys having sex
Q. My husband wrote a story of three guys having sex. Well I should say my ex husband. He refuses to admit he has a problem with barely legal pron and that story...perv?...
A. 26 March 2011: Good for him...loads of men like porn, you have no idea what weird stuff people dream up but I agree with everyone else whos answered...he's your ex so really it's no longer your business...move on girl!!... (read in full...)
What do I say to my daughter who wants birth control?
Q. My 16 year old daughter came up to me last night while I was making dinner and asked for birth control. At first I didn't say anything I was in total shock. Let me give you some back story. She's a good kid. She's no straight A student and she'...
A. 25 March 2011: You handled it like most mums handle it...a bit shocked but you know you have to respect her choices...just takes a while to get your head around. She's a good sensible kid so thats why she asked you and she obviously feels close to you and able to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex he received an email from a girl, inviting him for a drink?
Q. My ex partner of 10 years and I separated 4 months ago but still stay very close - it's not over for me and I believe we can recover from it given time - we still care deeply for each other. A girl has emailed him to ask him out for a drink and it ...
A. 22 March 2011: I agree with kay, just pretend you didnt see it. You arnt duty bound to pass it on but neither should you reply. Dont delete it, just ignore it. If he ever asks, you can just say you didnt know what to do with it as you arnt responsible for his ... (read in full...)
Is he using his circumstances to not date me properly?
Q. I have recently started dating a divorced man who has five children and two ex-wives and a night job! I have seen him only four times in four weeks and the last two times have been only brief meetings. Firstly because he was sick - he still turne...
A. 22 March 2011: Makes you wonder why he wants to date anyone if he can never fit them in but I guess (to be fair) he was upfront about how hard it would be to fit you in so I wouldn't be taking his behaviour personally.
You have had four dates and one of those wa... (read in full...)
We're engaged, she's pushing to get married and I just don't want to now!
Q. I have been going out with my partner for three years and we have got engaged. She wants to get married, but I do not want to, epecially at the moment. I have not officially spoken to my parents about this and now my dad has just been diagonosed ...
A. 22 March 2011: If you did not want to get married then its hard to see why you became engaged to your partner. I can understand that shes pushing things because if she is around your age, then she may feel time is running out for her to 'get hitched'
As hard as ... (read in full...)
So much passion, but not enough commitment...
Q. I have a something that is driving me crazy... I recently met back up online with my first love from high school online and we havent seen each other in 15 years atleast, but we have talked a while now online and then started visiting one another... ...
A. 21 March 2011: If you are unhappily married then you need to either try to mend your marriage or end it before you get involved with someone else.
So you have hooked up with a guy from the past and already you are assuming that you will end up with him, this is ... (read in full...)
My husband receives slutty requests from every single one of his exes who know he is married!
Q. my husband has had slutty requests from every single one of his exes since he put married on his status, even one from one wh is now a porn star asking him to join her site and keep up with her sexual adventures, and one half naked, who when she was ...
A. 21 March 2011: Darling you are not mental at all, you are just caught up in your husbands fantasy with this woman.
It occured to me that maybe he sees her through rose coloured glasses, maybe he imagines that life would be better with her but he risks losing y... (read in full...)
We're just drinking buddies?
Q. We are "just friends" he says, but our last together time was 7 hours of chatting, watching sports, dinner, drinks at his place and this is weekly, says he is attracted to me but we are just drinking buddies. So what do you think? Oh yea, I was ...
A. 20 March 2011: He sounds as if he just wants to be friends.Are you ok with that?... (read in full...)
My husband receives slutty requests from every single one of his exes who know he is married!
Q. my husband has had slutty requests from every single one of his exes since he put married on his status, even one from one wh is now a porn star asking him to join her site and keep up with her sexual adventures, and one half naked, who when she was ...
A. 20 March 2011: Its obvious by his actions that she is very special to him. I wonder how his relationship with you is? Is he loving and attentive, does he cnsider you his soul mate and confidant?
You seem to be being a very good sport about this and it could be... (read in full...)
My husband receives slutty requests from every single one of his exes who know he is married!
Q. my husband has had slutty requests from every single one of his exes since he put married on his status, even one from one wh is now a porn star asking him to join her site and keep up with her sexual adventures, and one half naked, who when she was ...
A. 19 March 2011: I know you want him to stop the ex- contacts...but does he want to stop? If he does want to stop then he will delete his public profile and keep in touch with close friends and family like most people do, by phone or e-mail. He is using typical de... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a fake msn account, I can't help but wonder if he uses it on chatsites...
Q. I found a hotmail account on my boyfriend's computer as a 14 year old girl, and he had contacts on MSN. When asked, he said it was to wind up a male colleague, but the contacts on MSN were a girl (not sure of age, but her posts lead me to think she ...
A. 19 March 2011: This sounds very dodgy indeed. Not sure how long you have been with the guy or how well you know him but if he is around your age and he is posing as a young girl and talking to other young girls then he needs investigating by the police...It's not ... (read in full...)
Should I turn a blind eye to his online activities? Or am I right to be hurt by this?
Q. I have found that my husband of 13 years is watching beautiful naked women masterbate on a site called Twistys. He also watches some porn. I find this out because I check the tool section of the computer and it will give the date and the actual ...
A. 19 March 2011: Is it a site where he gets to interact directly with a woman or is it just videos and pictures. If he is interacting and directing someone then thats a little worrying I agree. You probably need to talk to him about what he is doing and let him know ... (read in full...)
I just don't understand what he wants!
Q. My best friend and I have known each other for seven years. He is five years younger to me, though we have never felt the difference in any way. Lately the past year we have been hanging out a lot, almost every other day. Around 6 months ago i ...
A. 18 March 2011: I dont think anyone can really tell you what is going on with him, it seems he doesn't even know that himself.
Whatever he wants or is thinking, he has to come to his own conclusion by himself, there is probably nothing you can do for now.
... (read in full...)
Should I turn a blind eye to his online activities? Or am I right to be hurt by this?
Q. I have found that my husband of 13 years is watching beautiful naked women masterbate on a site called Twistys. He also watches some porn. I find this out because I check the tool section of the computer and it will give the date and the actual ...
A. 17 March 2011: There is a big difference between a guy just getting a bit horny over porn and a guy having an affair behind his wifes back. Not every guy will want to cheat but most guys like porn and are intrigued by it without it having much effect on how they ... (read in full...)
My Ex is now my friend but he keeps mentioning our past sex life and I'm uncomfortable. Please help??
Q. Hi My bf broke up with me 5 months back. I was devastated for sometime and i got over him. We are good friends now. But my ex-bf keeps talking about our past sex-life with me. I told him that i am just a friend and i dont want to do anything sexual w...
A. 14 March 2011: He is being disrespectful mentioning your sex life when you are now just friends. You need to tell him straight to his face 'Stop talking about our past sex life or the friendship ends' He should get the message loud and clear. He doesn't want to ... (read in full...)
How could he care about me if he doesn't care about my feelings
Q. I'm conflicted, he says he cares about me and when we are on good terms he also tells me that he appreciates all that I do for him. However he knows after 6 years I have developed very deep feelings for him. When I express my feelings for him he ...
A. 7 February 2011: Oh my goodness from the way you describe him, he sounds like a complete dog. You may not believe this, but you do have the power in you to improve your self esteem dramatically andbecome more confident and happy with yourself as an individual. ... (read in full...)
How could he care about me if he doesn't care about my feelings
Q. I'm conflicted, he says he cares about me and when we are on good terms he also tells me that he appreciates all that I do for him. However he knows after 6 years I have developed very deep feelings for him. When I express my feelings for him he ...
A. 5 February 2011: 'If he doesn't care about my feelings then how could he care about me'
The truth is he doesn't care about you or your feelings. He only cares about himself and the fact that if you left, he wouldn't have you around to have sex with.
To him,... (read in full...)
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