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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Am I rushing the situation or is he not interested in me?
Q. There's a new guy at work that I met and he seemed to like me, according to how he acts around me. Well, he invited me to his gym and i went and signed up. I signed up because I thought it would be a good idea since I liked him too. Well, we go to ...
A. 28 December 2010: Stop over thinking it...really you have gotten what you wanted...to get close to him and have sex. Men are generally more sexual so he picked up on your signal quite quickly. Now you have had sex, it's not the time to get all coy on him. Just be ... (read in full...)
Lost without my lover but I can't leave my partner.
Q. So confused who or if im in love I had an affair with a girl 14 years yonger than me yet we think the same and act the same. we have been on and of for over 2 years. We both love cuddles and sex is great we are so hooked up. I have tried en...
A. 3 December 2010: It appears you arn't actually in love with either of them. Love is selfless and unconditional. Love isn't something you can manipulate to get what you want. If you love someone, you would rather cut off your own head than hurt them or decieve them, ... (read in full...)
Am I rushing the situation or is he not interested in me?
Q. There's a new guy at work that I met and he seemed to like me, according to how he acts around me. Well, he invited me to his gym and i went and signed up. I signed up because I thought it would be a good idea since I liked him too. Well, we go to ...
A. 2 December 2010: It definitely sounds as if he just wants to be a friend. If you are struggling with your feelings, it might be wise to stop working out with him. If he asks why then tell him the truth.... (read in full...)
I feel as if I am falling for him all over again but I'm worried about his girlfriend of 10 months
Q. Hi, I recently contacted an old love on fb. We've been corresponding for months but havent seen each other for 24 yrs. We had a brief passionate fling but I ended it as I was already in a relationship..he said I broke his heart. We've both been ...
A. 1 December 2010: I think it's one of those situations where you don't really know how things will pan out until you meet again. It's not fair to assume that he in't serious about his girlfriend if he is showing interest in you. I don't know any man that would turn ... (read in full...)
Lunatic ex wife!
Q. How are you supposed to react when the ex-wife is insane, constantly texting, calling, leaving nasty voicemails saying the kid needs something and how terrible of a person I am to their kid, when she agonised my son for ten years calling him names, ...
A. 1 December 2010: I am assuming you are the first wife and you are now back together with your ex... with his ex wife hassling you? If this is the case, it seems the ex wife hasn't got the closure she needs to move on or why else would she bother you and your ... (read in full...)
She dropped me like a hot potato!
Q. Well I was in a one year relationship with a woman who was 17 years older than me. she was tring hard to get in a serious relationship with me but I told her we can't have something because the age gap is big. It was a friend with benefit ...
A. 29 November 2010: She turned the table on you, it happens. Time to move on and find somebody new.... (read in full...)
She dropped me like a hot potato!
Q. Well I was in a one year relationship with a woman who was 17 years older than me. she was tring hard to get in a serious relationship with me but I told her we can't have something because the age gap is big. It was a friend with benefit ...
A. 27 November 2010: That is the danger with 'Friends with benefits' arrangements. At any time one or the other person can back out. This woman was straight with you, she told you she wanted more and because you didn't want to give more, she went and found herself ... (read in full...)
Why do I try to seek closure, when the guy has made it clear?
Q. Why do I try to seek closure, when the guy has made it clear? I was dating a guy for a short time (1 month). I wasn't sure if we would be good together, and he just kept working at getting me to like him and I ended up falling for him. He started ...
A. 23 November 2010: Do not beat yourself up over this, it's only been a month. So you let the guy into your home and into your heart and things didn't work out...it happens a billion times a day all over the world. Heartbreak is painful, this we know, but you will only ... (read in full...)
Why do I try to seek closure, when the guy has made it clear?
Q. Why do I try to seek closure, when the guy has made it clear? I was dating a guy for a short time (1 month). I wasn't sure if we would be good together, and he just kept working at getting me to like him and I ended up falling for him. He started ...
A. 22 November 2010: I too think you had a lucky escape. Domestic violence will always surface again and if a man was jailed for it, it was probably because the offence was very very bad and damaging. He seems to have a very quick trigger and showed you this by changing ... (read in full...)
Which one of us is being selfish?
Q. I initially agreed to go to a concert with this particular female, but recently changed those plans due to that fact that I decided to spend Thanksgiving in another state and see my kids that I have not seen in several years. Needless to sa...
A. 22 November 2010: If she was keeping you guessing whether the relationship was going to work out or not, then I think she's the one being selfish. You made other plans, anyone would as the holidays are special and kids come first.
She is being a drama queen, m... (read in full...)
I believed he was single, now I am pregnant and want to tell his wife!
Q. OK here it is.. I am a 35 year old woman. I met a guy who was introduced through a great friend.. this man told me for more than a year he was divorced and that he lived alone in a house with his daughter and his dog. after a year of talking w...
A. 22 November 2010: What this man had done to you is a terrible thing. He has lied to you, used you for sex and now he has had his way, he has dumped on you. You are pregnant with his child and although you have recieved some monetary support from him, it is likely to ... (read in full...)
Can you find true love in your mistress? should I leave my wife and marry her?
Q. i have been dating my mistress for 3 years. we decided that its time to take the next step. i am in the middle of a project abroad that will be completed in march 2011. i decided to file for a divorce then. in three years we have seen good times an...
A. 20 November 2010: Your first thoughts should be for your wife. She is about to hear news that will rip her world and everything in it to shreds. For all the love she gave you and the three beautiful children, for all her years of loyalty, her reward is to be dumped ... (read in full...)
Do I ask him outright if he is seeing someone else?
Q. I met this guy on a dating site, we have been seeing each other since september,i really like him, only see him once or twice a week as we don't live near each other and he works late afternoons, i know it's not very long, but i know he is still on ...
A. 20 November 2010: Look at what he is doing and how he is acting...If you don't like what you see, then finish with him. Casual usually stays casual. If you're scared to ask him outright, you probably already know he will back out.xx... (read in full...)
How do I stop this retroactive jealousy? Help!
Q. I went out with my current girlfriend for about a year, then broke up with her for about three years, then got back together about 9 months ago. I love her, and she says she loves me and wants to get married to me. But, I've been struggling with ...
A. 19 November 2010: You're suffering because you're making yourself suffer over someting extremely irrational and nonsensical. I am not sure what you want the aunts here to tell you. Maybe you just want to hear that it's completely normal and it will all go away in ... (read in full...)
Lost without my lover but I can't leave my partner.
Q. So confused who or if im in love I had an affair with a girl 14 years yonger than me yet we think the same and act the same. we have been on and of for over 2 years. We both love cuddles and sex is great we are so hooked up. I have tried en...
A. 18 November 2010: How do you think this will affect your children when they get a bit older and they find out you cheated on their mother. That particular gem awaits you as you have already messed up their lives. Do you even care how this is affecting the women you ... (read in full...)
She's the one who cheated, now she has the audacity to ignore me?
Q. Hi, My girlfriend and I have split up. We were very close. When I was away in France recently she had an affair with an old friend. When she told me, she was so sorry, and I thought we might have had a chance, but a few days later, she rang ...
A. 18 November 2010: Sadly she has moved on. Despite how close you were, she may be one of those people who can just move on to the next best thing and never look back. I know that sounds bad but people do it all the time.
The reason she is ignoring you is because ... (read in full...)
How do I stop this retroactive jealousy? Help!
Q. I went out with my current girlfriend for about a year, then broke up with her for about three years, then got back together about 9 months ago. I love her, and she says she loves me and wants to get married to me. But, I've been struggling with ...
A. 18 November 2010: All women are different and depending on skin type and multiple other factors, their vaginas may stretch or not stretch. Mainly this happens in child birth, but can happen during sex with a partner who is much bigger.
That aside, you seem obsessed... (read in full...)
Florida isn't in the Midwest!
Q. I've been in a long distance relationship for 5 years. This weekend, I found out on the internet that my lover is attending a conference in Florida. He works in the midwest and during a phone conversation, he told me the conference was in the ...
A. 13 November 2010:
Your relationship doesn't have any trust...you don't trust him because your snooping. If you had a comfortable relationship where you were happy and didn't worry that he was lying to you (whether he is or not) then you would be able to ask him outr... (read in full...)
I feel that my eldest daughter doesn't appreciate anything that I do for her!
Q. Hi, I'm hoping to get some advice regarding my daughter. She is 22 and since age 16 has gone straight from one boyfriend to another, usually unemployed guys who don't treat her well. Last year I told her that her latest BF couldn't live here but ...
A. 9 November 2010: She is 22, an adult. Your riding thr guilt wave and she is absolutely using you and obviously knows which buttons to press.
You have done your job, raised her to adulthood and gave her all you could, it's time for her to learn the realitie... (read in full...)
We have been married for 14 years but now she needs some space, I am lost without her!
Q. I am lost without her, My wife and i have been married 14 years and we have 3 beautiful daughters. 2 of which were hers from a previous marriage. When we were married the girls were 3 and 4. We married and have spent many great years together. ...
A. 9 November 2010: Im sorry your going through this. I can see why your wife left. To her, you have fallen apart and her trust in you has been shaken.
I acknowledge that you had a hard time over your 12 year old. At the time it would have been better to seek out... (read in full...)
Could my sister in law like me?
Q. myh sil looks at me now and then, and gives me the impression she likes me. when i dont go to her house to visit, she asks my wife, her sister, why i didnt go.she acts diffrently with me when no one is around than when familyh is around. could she ...
A. 7 November 2010: If you knew she liked you, what would you do with the information?
If the answer is that you would do nothing, then why bother knowing the answer.
The situation is a potential nightmare...proceed at your peril...it could end in divorce.... (read in full...)
My wife thinks I won't protect her and her child
Q. Myself and wife and her 13 year old daughter from a previous marriage were watching a high school football game last night sounds good right? Well my step daughter who was getting bored with the game and wanted to walk around so my wife said ok to ...
A. 7 November 2010: I agree with cerberus. You love your wife...right? If someone abused your wife would you accept that?, nope you probably wouldn't so the same goes for her kid. In fact you probably missed a great opportunity there to show some loving solidarity for ... (read in full...)
Am I truly in love with her or just feeling rejected?
Q. How do I know if I am in love with my gf of two years and it didnt hit me until we broke up? We have been dating off and on for two years and when she broke up with me the first time it didnt seem to bother me and i wanted to date others thinking ...
A. 7 November 2010: Why would you want her back?...because you love her?, would you hurt her and break up with her again?...or can you not live without you because she is your best friend lover and soul mate? Have you considered how she feels?, she loved you and you ... (read in full...)
Is my wife a lesbian?
Q. my wife of 30th years did have a lesbian,love relationship, with woman, five years ago, when i found out, i was devastated, the woman,live across the st.before,me and my wife did have a great sex life, after, the lesbian affiar she hates, oral sex, ...
A. 7 November 2010: Have you definite proof that she had a lesbian affair or are you going on hearsay? If you have proof beyond doubt then it's probably safe to say your wife is bisexual or bi curious.
When you found out about her lesbian liason before, did you spea... (read in full...)
Please help me. My life has become a battle of obsession and survival
Q. hello all i am sorry its bit long but pleaseeee read this for god heaven's sake..i am going through a lot of heartache at present. my LDR ex girlfriend(18) left me a year ago and i am still pining over the loss.sometimes i think she was young to...
A. 7 November 2010: I agree with the other two 'aunts' both really excellent answers and advice you should take. The reason you don't think any therapist can help you is because you know that they cannot tell you what you want to hear:
'It's all going to be fine and... (read in full...)
I feel he is getting an easy ride ...
Q. My partner has been living with me full time for a year now and he pays me £400 a month for his keep. My living expenses probably amount to about £1,500 a month and I am now feeling that he is getting an easy ride with what he gives me. Apar...
A. 6 November 2010: With the exclusion of the mortgage, he should be paying half for everything else, that's fair. If he can't afford it, then, like any tenancy he has to move out. I think the joint account for food, utilities and social life is a brilliant idea. If he ... (read in full...)
He only wants sex, but I want to be friends!
Q. Dear all I am a 26 bi male and I haven’t been in any relation with a guy for many reasons. Anyway, lately I met a 33 years old guy online. We didn’t talked too much and he asked me to get naked on cam (I felt strange from his question but I did it a...
A. 5 November 2010: If you think he might draw you into something then casually block him and lose his number. If you want to cut it dead, just text him and say 'forget it'. You don't owe him anything so don't sweat it.
Good luck hun x... (read in full...)
He only wants sex, but I want to be friends!
Q. Dear all I am a 26 bi male and I haven’t been in any relation with a guy for many reasons. Anyway, lately I met a 33 years old guy online. We didn’t talked too much and he asked me to get naked on cam (I felt strange from his question but I did it a...
A. 5 November 2010: If your not crazy about him and don't really know him why would you want him as a friend?, really he sounds well dodgy, there is no way of knowing he is who he says he is...the internet is a very dangerous place to meet people if they are openly ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's difficult Teenage Daughter
Q. I have a similar situation with my Boyfriends 16 year old daughter! I live with my boyfriend and his daughter....She feels free to come in our bedroom and take something of mine.....Especially if her father purchased it for me. Her comment to...
A. 5 November 2010: Diplomacy and tact needed in massive amounts. Can't teenagers be a nightmare!!...even harder if they don't belong to you. To her it's a game of popularity and I agree she sounds like she is pushing you to the limit, probably to test her fathers ... (read in full...)
After living together for 3 years he's going back to marry his cousin?
Q. Hi, I am a 40yr old lady, my partner is 28yrs old he is kurdish from Iraq. We have been together for 4yrs and living together as a couple for 3yrs. Last week i came home from work and he told me he was going back to kurdistan to marry his cousin who ...
A. 4 November 2010: Im so sorry this is happening to you. Importantly it highlights what happens in relationships when cultures clash. Your partner is probably duty bound to return and marry as this is usual for that part of the world.
Of course if his feelings... (read in full...)
He high fived me after sex and now is ignoring me at work
Q. Hi, Met guy really liked him his way younger then me though! We met through work.he liked me for bout 4 weeks, kept catching him major staring. Then I got speaking to him, through msn! I researched through friends who he was, as saw him in the same...
A. 4 November 2010: Sadly it sounds like a one night stand or a booty call.
Three massive signs:
Telling you he doesnt know what he wants.
Ignoring you at work after the event.
High fiving you after sex...hmmm...tacky!!
Don't get down about it, you just got ... (read in full...)
Am I rushing the situation or is he not interested in me?
Q. There's a new guy at work that I met and he seemed to like me, according to how he acts around me. Well, he invited me to his gym and i went and signed up. I signed up because I thought it would be a good idea since I liked him too. Well, we go to ...
A. 3 November 2010: Sounds like he wants to become a friend...seems like a good place to start, just enjoy getting to know him gradually and who knows what might develop.
Best of luck x... (read in full...)
He told me part of him wants to be with me, but the other part wants to give the mother of his child another chance!
Q. my boyfriend txt me and letting me know that part of him wants to be with me, and part of him feels like he needs to give his daughter's mom a chance together, and yet his saying he just letting me know and he doesnt know what his going to do yet ...
A. 3 November 2010: There is no time like the present...why don't you text him and tell him it's over, show him the same level of curtesy that he showed you.
Your right to want it all!, to be with someone who you can give your whole heart to and for them to reciproc... (read in full...)
I've been waiting for him for 5 years but found out he had remarried while I was waiting!
Q. I have been dating this man for a total of 5 yrs, I met him while he was in the process of divorcing and we have been together ever since. This june I called his cell phone and a woman answered and I asked for him and she told me he was sleeping and ...
A. 3 November 2010: Girl you need to listen to that gut of yours, everything it's telling you is correct!
Caringguy pretty much nailed it!!...the guy is a liar and he is duping you BIG TIME!!!
You need to dump him and find someone who isn't a liar and a cheat!
... (read in full...)
He told me part of him wants to be with me, but the other part wants to give the mother of his child another chance!
Q. my boyfriend txt me and letting me know that part of him wants to be with me, and part of him feels like he needs to give his daughter's mom a chance together, and yet his saying he just letting me know and he doesnt know what his going to do yet ...
A. 3 November 2010: OK then get a hacksaw and chop off the part that wants to be with you!!!...just kidding...that wouldn't work.
The guy is confused, and when a man is confused, he is better left to his own devices. Unless you can stand to share him with someone ... (read in full...)
Is he seeing his ex?
Q. I have been in a relationship with my partner for almost 4 years now. When we first met he would always go on about his ex girlfriend. He would tell me he didnt love me but he did love her straight away he just chipped away at my self confidence but ...
A. 2 November 2010: I'd lay money that he is back with his ex. All the signs are there, the secret texting, the changed names, the fact she is back from Australia and the distance he is now putting between you and him.
You have just had a baby so your at a very vul... (read in full...)
Am I expecting too much too early?
Q. I am 60 and retired, and have been seeing a 63 yr. old retired man for about 3 months. I feel like the only time he is available is when it fits his schedule. He has several (daily) family routines (such as cooking them dinner, nightly, baby ...
A. 2 November 2010: I agree with the previous poster, he does seem set in his ways and it's a natural thing as we get older. Routine becomes a way of coping with life (and we all know how tough life can be)
I understand you feel a little neglected but if you really l... (read in full...)
Why has she added me on MSN but then blocks my calls?
Q. Well tonight my ex came on her msn thing and added me to her msn account, but I don't get it she blocks me all the time from calling her when I got back home. So why did she add me on her msn account in is not calling me and talking to me I dont get ...
A. 2 November 2010: She sounds like she is playing games. Msn accounts are dangerous, if you add someone, they can look at your profile, see your pictures and messages and see who your adding. Maybe it's her way of spying on you. If she thinks you still have feelings ... (read in full...)
We are both married - do his 'friendly' kisses mean anything?
Q. I am a married 40 year old woman. I am attracted to a male married friend whose wife is also my friend. Our famlies are very close and we all meet up regularly. I have never let this man know about my feelings and have never acted on them. We have ...
A. 29 October 2010: Ahh it seems you have the hots for him...maybe you wish there was more coming your way.
It's more dangerous than an angry rattle snake and once you begin to see where it' going, there is no way back.
Do I think he means more by his 'lip' kisses... (read in full...)
What men think 30 Sec after ejaculation and how it can affect you
Q. The late great comedian Richard Pryor during his stand-up routine used to joke that directly before a man achieved orgasm you could ask and receive anything from him. Want to get married? This is the time to ask. Need a new car? This is the time to ...
A. 29 October 2010: I have to say I thought this was an amazing article and so very very true.
I really appreciate your honesty and it made me sigh with relief because it pin points the pivotal role that sex and it's affect has on the union between men and women.
... (read in full...)
The only woman I have ever loved doesn't want me to contact her anymore
Q. I AM A FN EMOTIONAL DISASTER! I am still in love with The Only Woman I Have Ever Loved, and while she informed me that she did not feel the same for me I accepted it and have tried with all my strength and know-how to respect and honor her demand ...
A. 29 October 2010: You have my sympathy...heartbreak is a bitch!! people have died because of it, but thankfully most of us deal with it and find ways to move foward!
I agree with the other aunts (or uncles...seeing as they are all guys) you need to physical... (read in full...)
We are both married - do his 'friendly' kisses mean anything?
Q. I am a married 40 year old woman. I am attracted to a male married friend whose wife is also my friend. Our famlies are very close and we all meet up regularly. I have never let this man know about my feelings and have never acted on them. We have ...
A. 29 October 2010: A womans worst enemy is her love sick heart!
I agree with the other aunts...you need to STOP the inappropriate kissing and get your head on straight!
Everything caringguy said is true, if the marriages break up it will be seen to be your fault... (read in full...)
Do I wait for HIM to contact ME?
Q. I met a man over 3 years ago, first we just talked( as friends) then we dated then we were FWB, i fell for him HARD...........he is sweet, well mannered, easy to talk to and he made me feel so good when we slept together BUT he was not ready to ...
A. 29 October 2010: Well isn't he the modern day vampire!!!...talk about suck every last emotion from you and STILL not give you what you what you really want and need.
HE IS USING YOU!!!
Good grief girl you spelled it out for him with all your heart, you told ... (read in full...)
Am I still grieving the loss of my ex?
Q. If you know that you have meet an amazing man who you are happy with and treats you well,how come i cant help but sometimes think how i miss an ex?I have a child with him do you think this is why i think about him?i never understood the breakup as ...
A. 28 October 2010: Yes I think you are still grieving and it's a very natural thing to do after a loss. Women invest a lot of emotional energy into relationships and having a child is probably the ultimate emotional investment to any relationship. It's impossible not ... (read in full...)
Do I wait for HIM to contact ME?
Q. I met a man over 3 years ago, first we just talked( as friends) then we dated then we were FWB, i fell for him HARD...........he is sweet, well mannered, easy to talk to and he made me feel so good when we slept together BUT he was not ready to ...
A. 12 April 2010: Sorry but in matters of the heart, men arnt so complicated.
Men fall hard for women and when they have feelings of love or desire they will pursue, they will call, they will chase. They will do all they can to make that desired person theirs. ... (read in full...)
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