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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Should I contact my ex, who hurt me or wait for him to contact me?
Q. I'm curious if any men out there ever wished they could get their ex back after leaving them for someone else and then a yr. or so later realized you had made a huge mistake or the one you hooked up with ended up dumping you? Were you too much of ...
A. 5 March 2012: Yep. sadly it might be time to lay it to rest but at least if you deal the final blow, knowing what you know, it will give you power and then some peace. All mourners have to move on eventually or else we would just cry forever.
Lay it down, gr... (read in full...)
New relationship - Am I being silly or what?
Q. Good afternoon all, I will give you a little background regarding my situation. I'm in my 40s and met a wonderful man a couple of years younger back in November while walking my dog. We actually live on the same street and we have been dating ...
A. 5 March 2012: I am so sorry you got hurt dear girl, but you are in good company me you sandra Bullock!!! happens to the best of 'em.
Try not to let it drag you under.
Hugs... (read in full...)
Scared that no one will want me now, and terrified to find out!
Q. Dear Aunts/Uncles Im going to try and keep this brief but to the point. Single mother of three, suffer with servere I.B.S for 18 yrs, but now its not too bad. Have had a recent hysterectomy, so cant have any more kids, and obviously now goi...
A. 28 February 2012: Good girl!!!
Just go for it and don't worry...it'll only give ya wrinkles :-)
xxxxx... (read in full...)
Scared that no one will want me now, and terrified to find out!
Q. Dear Aunts/Uncles Im going to try and keep this brief but to the point. Single mother of three, suffer with servere I.B.S for 18 yrs, but now its not too bad. Have had a recent hysterectomy, so cant have any more kids, and obviously now goi...
A. 28 February 2012: I agree with the other aunt who answered...the IBS and hystorectomy arn't a big deal, you don't even need to mention those things unless you particularly meet someone who wants kids so I wouldn't worry.
The body thing, well we can all lose a b... (read in full...)
My Girlfriend is a total nag! help!
Q. My 55 year old girlfriend,who I live with, is a total bitch. She only wants sex 1 time every ten days where I want it every day. Next for 9 months she continuously nags me follows me and tells me to clean this clean that. It's annoying and it ...
A. 28 February 2012: Ummm you do not need anyone's permission to leave. If you wanna leave...then leave already!! It doesn't sound as if you two should be together anyways as you both have huge gaping differences both sexually and how you live.
You could try talking ... (read in full...)
My relationship is boring! any advice?
Q. Been with my girlfriend for 2 years. I just told her that I found us to be boring because frankly everything has been soo plain and a routine. I told her these exact same words and she said "well what are you gonna do" in a way like if she has no ...
A. 28 February 2012: 'like if she has no plans to change how I feel and it were totally up to me to do what I wish'
Uh ohhh...crazy talk!!!
Reality check!!! SHE CAN'T CHANGE YOU...ONLY YOU CAN CHANGE YOU!!
"love/physical" (I'm not referring to sex, I respect he... (read in full...)
Why is my ex so spiteful to me?
Q. I am going through a tough break up we were together for almost a year and he cheated then broke up with me it has been almost a month and yes i have called. And text.wanting answers he blocked my number because i want my sons things back. He is ...
A. 27 February 2012: Yep that sounds messy. Who knows if he will ever regret it and even if he does, it still doesn't mean he wants to get back with you. If he does come back, there are no guarantees that it will work out and from what you have said, it seems he doesn't ... (read in full...)
Help! I don't want another forbidden love!
Q. I really need some advice! I'm falling for one of my professors and he is married! I'm in college now and I've never been in a relationship because I've always liked men who were old enough to be my dad (even older!). I don't find guys my age ...
A. 27 February 2012: Without any real indepth background here its hard to say why you are attracted to such men. Some psychologists might suggest that itis lack of affection or attention from your own father that makes you seek approval and acceptance from older men. ... (read in full...)
Why is my ex so spiteful to me?
Q. I am going through a tough break up we were together for almost a year and he cheated then broke up with me it has been almost a month and yes i have called. And text.wanting answers he blocked my number because i want my sons things back. He is ...
A. 27 February 2012: It's that age old problem when a relationship ends that the one who got dumped is going to suffer the most!
You do not need answers because you already know the ultimate answer and that is that he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you anym... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets upset when I don't answer the phone
Q. i am 46 single and live in uk and my muslim boyfriend is 26 years old, we met on a dating site. I look much younger than my age,we are planning to get married. My boyfriend gets really upset with me, when he cant get hold of me on the phone. He se...
A. 26 February 2012: Muslim culture is very different from british culture and especially the treatment of women. Your partner probaby sees it as a great insult when you do not respond to his attentions and that is why he gets upset. If you are going to enter into ... (read in full...)
I'm getting tired of it, I really am!
Q. I was asking for advice concerning my ex we broke up in August remained friends he visits on weekends and has times he stays in the week I see our friendship like being on a roller coaster one minute fine then look out. We are nothing alike y...
A. 25 February 2012: Honey are you serious??? Putting up with all his shit...just so you got a ride??? Really?? take a bus, who knows you might meet the man of your dreams on the bus.
I say it again, this man is controlling you and you ARE NOT in a relation... (read in full...)
Do you think it's prostitution to be a dominatrix? Any thoughts?
Q. OK here's a question up for debate, not asking for help just your views on the subject. Random I know lol. DOMINATRIX Do you think it's prostitution to be a dominatrix woman/man. ( for anyone who dont know what that is, it's where someone...
A. 25 February 2012: I have to defend so called prostitution and sex workers. It is seen as such a negative thing and the 'shame' if you like is always directed at the female part of the deal. Without men in sexual need there would be no female service providers. ... (read in full...)
I'm getting tired of it, I really am!
Q. I was asking for advice concerning my ex we broke up in August remained friends he visits on weekends and has times he stays in the week I see our friendship like being on a roller coaster one minute fine then look out. We are nothing alike y...
A. 25 February 2012: Why are you still entertaining your ex?
He sounds like a controlling lowlife who doesn't want to be in a relationship with you but keeps coming back to use you, unload his crap on you and expects you to clean up after him?
Are you hoping he wi... (read in full...)
What would you do if a guy texts you but never calls?
Q. What would you do if a guy texts you and never calls. He doesn't ask you out consistantly. For example this weekend he has not asked me out for a date. He doesn't ever call. I really like him though and when we go out we have a really good ...
A. 25 February 2012: Sounds as if you are playing the 'fall back girl'. Someone to go out with if he's caught at a lose end. These kinds of people are fine as casual friends and you can have lots of fun with them as long as you follow 3 rules:
1)Never have sex with... (read in full...)
Should I jump ship for my old high school crush?
Q. Ive been in a relationship for the past 8yrs and we have been through a lot. He is also 7 years older. i know im not the pretty young thing like i used to be but things feel like their going nowhere. No more spark. not much conversation. not too ...
A. 24 February 2012: Right now I'd settle for boring and dependable. Fast pace jet setters usually burn out pretty quickly and the fact that he is offering so much, knowing you are married is a bit of a red flag.
It also makes me wonder why the guy whos so high cla... (read in full...)
What is harassment?
Q. If a girl breaks up with a bloke and stops communication and does not tell him exactly why, is it harassment to continue to write to the girl over email every few days to find out why? I mean if she does not answer, when is it considered harassment?...
A. 24 February 2012: Hypothetically if you e-mail someone to ask why they ended a relationship and they do not answer...that is your answer!! (they do not wish to communicate with you further and you do not necessarilly have to know why...only that they do not want to ... (read in full...)
My husband ogles other women right in front of me
Q. My husband and I got married one year ago. We have been together for 4 years now. Since getting married, he ogles women. He is not in the chase anymore and is comfortable. He does this in front of me. We just went on our honeymoon (kids were with at ...
A. 24 February 2012: Maybe it's just a habit that he's developed and he can't help himself. Men do look...it's what they do, maybe he did it before but you just didn't notice. Now you are married, you probably notice it more and I am sure it is upsetting for you.
... (read in full...)
New relationship - Am I being silly or what?
Q. Good afternoon all, I will give you a little background regarding my situation. I'm in my 40s and met a wonderful man a couple of years younger back in November while walking my dog. We actually live on the same street and we have been dating ...
A. 22 February 2012: It could be that he is busy or it could be that as he nears the end of his marriage and is finally moving on to a place of his own, he might feel that he wants his freedom.
I know that sounds a bit rough because you both have been so close bu... (read in full...)
Hot then cold then... Lukewarm?
Q. I'm slowly losing my mind trying to figure out if I should start moving on or if I still have a reason to be hopeful, because in the span of three weeks, this situation I stumbled into has gone from promising to frozen. So there's this girl on my ...
A. 20 February 2012: ' Half-way through the week though, she starts to leave practice early for ski trips, youth groups, etc. All this is perfectly timed as I finally decide to just go with my gut and ask her to hang out on the weekend'
Im talking about this time? wh... (read in full...)
What is the opinion on a 40 year old man who has never been married or engaged?
Q. I have a question for the ladies.. what do you think of 40 year old men who have never lived with a woman, been engaged, married, etc. would you question if they are boyfriend or better yet.... husband material? This conversation came up at work ...
A. 20 February 2012: If a person (man or woman) has never married/dated/lived with another there is usually some sort of reason why.
Could be lack of confidence, other family attachments, like taking care of an elderly relative, could be fear of rejection or not want... (read in full...)
Why didnt my husband back me up and come with me to the police station to lodge a complaint against his ex affair partner?
Q. Long story short, my husband had an affair with an aquaintance whom we barely knew for 3 months, she is a friend of a friend and lives with her fiance and their son, i have asked for advice previously but i couldnt find the link. I basically fo...
A. 20 February 2012: Sorry but I think its kind of a waste of police time. They sent you mail to try to make amends and yes they put you in a bad position but it most definitely wasn't a matter for the police, it was a matter for you to sort out with your husband. He ... (read in full...)
I feel taken for granted, trapped in my flat and frankly bored.
Q. My boyfriend and I have always had an up and down relationship but great sex and alot of laughs for the first few years, he is probably the funniest person I know. Having been together for 10 years (bar a year and a half apart) I have always felt ...
A. 20 February 2012: You don't know it but you have already moved on. Even by dating other men you are confirming to yourself that you deserve better than the dead end relationship you are in.
It's clear that your BF is not treating you right and staying just for love... (read in full...)
He delays fixing things around the house. What can I do with him? Yet he freaks if I call a tradesman!
Q. I am so frustrated with my husband. It takes him forever to get around to fixing things around the house. It's not that he's not capable. It's not that he doesn't have the time or money. It's not that I push him to do things every week-end. ...
A. 20 February 2012: I think I would just go ahead and call someone in to fix it. If he says anything at all just give him the look.
I was married to a guy who was just the same. He was just lazy and the house repairs never got done, we were really broke so I couldn't... (read in full...)
Hot then cold then... Lukewarm?
Q. I'm slowly losing my mind trying to figure out if I should start moving on or if I still have a reason to be hopeful, because in the span of three weeks, this situation I stumbled into has gone from promising to frozen. So there's this girl on my ...
A. 20 February 2012: Hmm its a bit stringy isn't it. Full on then a few mixed messages and then nothing.
There are several possible reasons.
Yes she may be busy
Yes she may just see you as a friend to fool about with but has backed off to give you a clear sign... (read in full...)
Should I send this email to a girl who stopped talking to me a month ago?
Q. Long story short, me and this girl went from talking to each other every day to completely stopped talking the next day. One day its all fine then, she starts ignoring my messages... Please dont judge me. Also I havent sent this email. I have wri...
A. 19 February 2012: Did you date her? I hope we wern't a bit rough with you. Just trying to give an outside view of things.
Do you see her in your day to day life? Maybe it isn't too late to get things started if you keep your cool.... (read in full...)
Should I send this email to a girl who stopped talking to me a month ago?
Q. Long story short, me and this girl went from talking to each other every day to completely stopped talking the next day. One day its all fine then, she starts ignoring my messages... Please dont judge me. Also I havent sent this email. I have wri...
A. 19 February 2012: If she was someone you just used to talk to, the e-mail comes off a litte desperate and heavy (sorry).
Basically you want to know two things.
Is she ever going to talk to you again and why has she stopped talking to you.
Email her short... (read in full...)
I can't take the rest of my life to get over a relationship that only lasted 6 months!
Q. The guy that I was in love with and I broke up for good nearly a year ago. We had a good relationship for about 6 months, and a really shitty, alcohol-fuelled, rocky, dramatic, on-again-off-again, booty-call relationship for about 6 months after ...
A. 19 February 2012: It's funny but I was thinking about this very same scenario today as I was driving to work. I was thinking what it is that keeps people grounded in misery and self sacrificed suffering at the end of a relationship.
Whatever or however things c... (read in full...)
Lies stacked upon lies and now my ex doesn't trust me
Q. I have been with this girl for 2 years and we have been very much in love. The problem is, when we first met I told her some lies about my past and as time went on I didn't know how to take them back. so I told more lies and things are in a very bad ...
A. 19 February 2012: There's probably not much you can do to be honest and it depends how she really feels about you. I can understand why she wanted to end things because trust is a very easy thing to destroy in a relationship and almost impossible to repair.
You c... (read in full...)
This man just can't take no for an answer
Q. I am divorced. I have put my house up for sale. My realtor came up a few weeks ago. He caught me off guard and stated that he was getting a divorce. On Valentines day he sent me flowers. I wrote him a email and stated I do not date married men (fyi ...
A. 17 February 2012: Well lets hope when he divorces her, she fires him...that way he can't get 'stalkerish' with other unsuspecting women!!!
xx hope you get a good sale!!!... (read in full...)
Bf does not pay attention to my breasts...but he does look at those of other women!
Q. I have a wonderful boyfriend (we have been together for almost a year now.) Our sex life is pretty great except for one thing... I get upset because he doesn't take my top off during sex and doesn't pay attention to my boobs. I admit that i am ...
A. 17 February 2012:
''I just feel that if he desires me in every way, he will show me on his own, not by me having to tell him''
Ummm nope...you got to ask him because your way isn't working and it's making you unhappy...seriously believe me when I say 'men need ... (read in full...)
This man just can't take no for an answer
Q. I am divorced. I have put my house up for sale. My realtor came up a few weeks ago. He caught me off guard and stated that he was getting a divorce. On Valentines day he sent me flowers. I wrote him a email and stated I do not date married men (fyi ...
A. 16 February 2012: That is a bit creepy isn't it!! Poor you!
Yep just ignore him and change realtor, that should give him the hint. If he persists, then it's harrassment and you can get a restraining order. Seems a bit over the top but some people can get quite ob... (read in full...)
Bf does not pay attention to my breasts...but he does look at those of other women!
Q. I have a wonderful boyfriend (we have been together for almost a year now.) Our sex life is pretty great except for one thing... I get upset because he doesn't take my top off during sex and doesn't pay attention to my boobs. I admit that i am ...
A. 16 February 2012: Most men like what they haven't got...thats why they never stop looking.
To be honest you have a great relationship and he must make you feel loved in other ways or you wouldn't be with him. We can't always have what we want so you need to decid... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being the only responsible adult in this relationship
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for over 2.5 years. We have a 21 month year old together. We hardly ever get along. I feel unappreciated. I stayed home and collected unemployment even though I wanted to work so I can watch our son while she went to ...
A. 16 February 2012: I am letting you in on a closely guarded female secret...
Women resent men who don't work
It's primeval because the man is suppose to be the hunter gatherer. Doesn't matter that you are a student or supported her when she was in school...it m... (read in full...)
If I ejaculate after her menstrual cycle, can she get pregnant?
Q. if i ejaculate having unprotected sex after her menstrual cycle, will she get pregnant? ...
A. 16 February 2012: If you don't want to get a girl pregnant, use a condom.... (read in full...)
Husband is obsessed with coworker who is not interested
Q. I am certain my husband has been going through a mid life crisis for the last three year. He had fallen in love with a married coworker who had rejected him very early on. Now three years later he is still "in love with her" and "obsessed" about ...
A. 15 February 2012: I agree with the previous aunt. I think you are in a very good position to benefit from some professional counselling or marriage guidance.
It is obvious that your husband still loves you and that this obsession in most likely a by product ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is boring and doesn't satisfy my emotional needs
Q. My boyfriend is boring ! We've been in a 1 year relationship in which about 8 months has been distant coz of my voluntary work for a good cause.At d beginning,he would jus melt away even at d sight of me n I could read dat in his face and i loved it ...
A. 15 February 2012: If someone is boring you and not meeting your emotional needs, they are NOT the one for you.
At the start he was all over you because thats what happens when people meet, they get swept away on the excitement and passion and try to make a good imp... (read in full...)
I tested positive for HIV. I very obviously got it from my boyfriend but he's turning around and blaming me for everything!
Q. Hello all I have a very sad story to tell and I need some advice as I am at breaking point. I have been tested HIV positive recently, and that was already really hard to deal with...I had a boyfriend and on the day I found it out, I cound't br...
A. 15 February 2012: I agree with the previous post, you need to seek proof of his HIV status via the legal system. You have every right to seek out the source of your infection and this is the line you should be pursuing. Without evidence you cannot begin to deal with ... (read in full...)
Should I contact my ex, who hurt me or wait for him to contact me?
Q. I'm curious if any men out there ever wished they could get their ex back after leaving them for someone else and then a yr. or so later realized you had made a huge mistake or the one you hooked up with ended up dumping you? Were you too much of ...
A. 13 February 2012: You want him back.
You know what he has done before and you are prepared to forgive him.
Seems as if he still wants to get back with you.
I'd get his siter to tell him to contact you if he wants another chance.
That said, go back with both eyes o... (read in full...)
Old flame, old rumours ...
Q. I have reacently been in contact with a guy I knew from late high school, we had been messaging one another on and off for about 6 months. We had said we would meet and catch up. Then I get a message from him that said he had heard a rumour about me ...
A. 13 February 2012: I agree with the other aunts. His behaviour is extremely juvenile and judgemental and yes it does sound like a 'get out clause'
I think you should see it for what it is. A HUGE EXIT SIGN!!!!
Run my lovely, run because the guy is an idiot!!!... (read in full...)
Is there light at the end of the tunnel? This new relationship is a nightmare.
Q. Three years ago, I gave up my career, left my two teenagers with my ex-husband(divorced 12 years), left my home, parents, and friends to move to the East Coast for a guy that I love. I moved in with him and his 10 yrs old son from his previous marr...
A. 13 February 2012: I am so sorry you are going through such a terrible time. Your husband cannot just dump you out of the house but maybe you should spend a little time apart to cool down and reassess the situation.
There needs to be a whole lot of compromi... (read in full...)
Everything is not good enough for him. How do I get over him and stop contacting him?
Q. How do I stop contacting him? I have kept in contact with a man for 1.5 years. He has stated to me that he cannot have a relationship. Two times he dated other girls, so I know that he is not interested in me. I just kept hoping that he would li...
A. 13 February 2012: Like any obsession or addiction, you just have to go cold turkey and stop.
He fulfils a need in you to feel wanted except that HE doesn't actually want you. You have attached the responsibility to him but he doesn't want it, so the problem ... (read in full...)
I have fallen desperately for my ob-gyn
Q. Hi I am 37 and gave birth to my second child by Cesarean Section 7 weeks ago. Ever since I came back home from the hospital, I have fallen desperately for my ob-gyn. I spend all the time thinking about him, dreaming about him and imagining myself w...
A. 12 February 2012: Oh dear!!!
Really you know this is irrational and I think you are just letting your imagination run riot.
You have just had a baby and that as well as a cesarian section can leave you feeling emotional and vulnerable. People see doctors and ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend ditch me, or am I completely overreacting?
Q. Yesterday, I took lunch to my boyfriend of 6 months while he was at work. He mentioned catching a 7:30 movie, and that he would talk to me when he got off work. So, I assumed that we had a date, just like every Saturday night. Usually, we go out and ...
A. 12 February 2012: I think you over reacted. You got a little bit pissy with him and he noticed.
It was obvious he was tired or maybe just didnt want to go out. He invited you to a late movie, you should have just said yeah lets go, but you didn't get the reaction... (read in full...)
Why can't I just erase everything from my ex?
Q. I have deleted my ex's mobile number and all his/my messages to each other. Why/what is stopping me deleting him from facebook? He has a girlfriend but I believe he has restricted my access to his wall. Why can't I do the final 'nail in th...
A. 12 February 2012: I did this very recently with someone I had been seeing. I did the cull over a few days. Phone number and text messages went first, then e-amils, pictures and messenger. I had taken all his stuff back to him and even gave back the gifts and cards he ... (read in full...)
I tested positive for HIV. I very obviously got it from my boyfriend but he's turning around and blaming me for everything!
Q. Hello all I have a very sad story to tell and I need some advice as I am at breaking point. I have been tested HIV positive recently, and that was already really hard to deal with...I had a boyfriend and on the day I found it out, I cound't br...
A. 10 February 2012: If he has infected you, it's going to be very hard to find out or prove, even though all his actions point to highly suspicious circumstances. The main thing is that you get help in coming to terms with your health status and learn how to live ... (read in full...)
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