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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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How can anyone be so selfish?
Q. I have known the father of my youngest child for over 27 years. Yesterday it was my birthday and he made no effort despite the fact that I asked my child to remaid him. I know my child said something as he said so himself/ I was working yesterda...
A. 25 September 2011: If the guy doesn't live with you, why would you expect him to be in your home at 3am when you return from work? That doesn't make sense.
You said he returned your son at 11pm the following night. It almost sounds like a child access arrangem... (read in full...)
What do you make of the entire messy situation between my ex and this other woman?
Q. I recently ended a relationship of almost two decades. My ex was an extreme binge drinker throughout. I am still getting over it all. One thing that I am having difficulty with is: a couple of years back I was away with work on the other si...
A. 18 September 2011: Reading your dilemma it seems you have just become entangled between a very unbalanced (probably mentally ill) woman who had designs on your self destructive partner.
They probably did have a few fumbles,him drunk and her desperate...it's a toxic ... (read in full...)
Is this happily married woman looking to have an affair with me?
Q. I am a divorced man and met a married woman through ballroom dancing. She was my partner for a recent dance competition, during which I found myself drawn to her. She enjoys dancing with me, is flirty with me. We do a lot of hugging and holding each ...
A. 18 September 2011: All this aside, why would you WANT to engage in an affair with someone who is married and belongs to someone else?
Where is your moral compass?
Are you out to wreck her marriage for your own self gratification.
Married, happily marr... (read in full...)
This morning I found a stash of ex's dirty panties in my boyfriend's dresser!
Q. Please help.My boyfriend and I have been dating exclusively for 7 months and are talking about building a life together. This morning I found a stash of exes dirty panties in his drawer next to our bed. What should I do?...
A. 18 September 2011: Sounds like some sort of fetish that he has and it's not evidence that he is unfaithful...(not unless he's still collecting them)
He's probably going to be embarrassed when you confront him but just be honest and say it.
'I found dirty pant... (read in full...)
Why did I bleed after sex?
Q. My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time a couple of days ago. I have had sex before, but haven't for more than a year, and the guy was smaller than my boyfriend and didn't go as deep or for as long. The next day, I was bleeding, kind o...
A. 18 September 2011: You can get the same sort of bleeding from a cervical smear test. It's nothing to worry about and it's very commont to get some small tear or graze after some sexual activity.
If it persists or you get any other symptoms then you might need to ... (read in full...)
Friends wife exposing herself in window!
Q. How should i react to this....my friend lives across the strret from me with his wife. Lately she has begun to (vividly blinds wide open) expose herself to me at night in the window. The shower is directly in front of the window. She get's out she ...
A. 15 September 2011: Don't look, she doesn't belong to you and if you take her off of your friend that makes you a low life, good for nothing arse.
Shut your drapes and find your own girlfriend.... (read in full...)
I don't want a bad breakup but I want to end things
Q. I feel like a jerk because I want to break it off with my girlfriend of 8 months. I'm separated from my wife and while there is no going back, I am just not attracted to my girlfriend anymore. She's a great girl and I don't want to hurt her, but I ...
A. 15 September 2011: Just tell her as soon as you can so she can get over you and get on with her life.
You can't avoid hurting her or do anything to minimise it but you can be totally honest and make a clean break. Don't expect or offer friendship as this will mos... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't seem to know if he wants me or not
Q. my partner (or ex partner as it stands at the moment) is 51 years old, I am 47. We have been together on and off for 12 months. We have just come back from a holiday in spain. We took both our daughters, mine is 10 and his is 14. They fell out ...
A. 13 September 2011: Hello,
Judging on what you have explained, your guy seems very mixed up and is definitely NOT giving off the right signals that indicate that he wants to be in a committed relationship with you. He may want to be in a relationship with someone ... (read in full...)
I want to break free from him - How can I do this?
Q. Dear cupid...I am a married woman had a affair w/amarried man for 10 months...I have a daughter and he has a daughter and wife just had their 2nd child this wk...I broke up w/him 5times and ended up getting back together.I love him very much and so ...
A. 12 September 2011: Any relationship you have with someone who is married to someone else won't ever end happily.
He doesn't love you, he is still having kids and making a family with his wife. He may say he loves you so he can have sex with you, but if he loved yo... (read in full...)
2 year anniversary, no gift???
Q. So I've been married for 7 months now, still fresh! And me and my hubby are very much in love. We have been officially dating for 2 years now last week. We had a talk after we were married that wed still celebrate our dating anniversary as well as ...
A. 12 September 2011: I agree with chigirl, you need to speak up and tell him what you want and expect. Men like direct orders.
... (read in full...)
Even though I've had my tubes tied, could I be pregnant???
Q. I'm 44 and had my tubes tied but hadnt had period in 2 months. i also had some slight bleeding after sex, when i wiped it was light in color and only when i wiped it last thru the day and was gone the next day but happend again after the next 2 ...
A. 10 September 2011: It depends what sort of tubal ligation you had. Usually when 'tubes are tied' a small section of the tube is removed (about a centimetre) then both end of the tubes are stitched and sometimes the cut ends are quarterized.It's almost impossible for ... (read in full...)
I've uncovered the truth, but he won't say anymore!?!
Q. I have a huge problem! I started dating this man, he told me that his past wife died, I fell in love, well through time things were not adding up, red flags. Come to find out his wife did not die! He is married. I confronted him and he said he would ...
A. 10 September 2011: Excellent!!!!!!!!!!! You go girl and never look back!!!! There are better times ahead!!!!... (read in full...)
He will not face me. Why can't some men face you when they break up with you?
Q. I need some help. I was dating my BF for 6 months. He just broke up with me via email. Never had one single conversation about anything not working. Tells me I'm wonderful, amazing and he thinks we're just supposed to be friends... but won't talk to ...
A. 10 September 2011: I guess nobody answered here yet because you specifically said you DON'T want psychological or relationship responses, but those are the only kind of responses that would explain why his did what he did.
Men do this because it is MAN behaviou... (read in full...)
I've uncovered the truth, but he won't say anymore!?!
Q. I have a huge problem! I started dating this man, he told me that his past wife died, I fell in love, well through time things were not adding up, red flags. Come to find out his wife did not die! He is married. I confronted him and he said he would ...
A. 10 September 2011: Yes really, you need to step away from the both of them right this minute because you are getting yourself further and further into their lives and you have no need to be there anymore.
It doesn't matter why he lied or why his wife doesn't ... (read in full...)
I've uncovered the truth, but he won't say anymore!?!
Q. I have a huge problem! I started dating this man, he told me that his past wife died, I fell in love, well through time things were not adding up, red flags. Come to find out his wife did not die! He is married. I confronted him and he said he would ...
A. 4 September 2011: Expecting the truth from a man who has already lied to you is just madness.
He is a bad lot and you need to get rid of him quickly. Cut all contact, change your number and forget him. Just thank your lucky stars you found out before he moved in... (read in full...)
How can I find out if my BF really is cheating me with this other girl?
Q. Not really not sure how to start, I have my boyfriend of 8 months, well, recently I started suspicious that he might be having an online relationship. Hos did this happenn? well, a few months ago, he mentioned in front of everybody that this ...
A. 27 August 2011: Yep he's in contact with her, so what are you gonna do?... (read in full...)
Should I stop seeing him? Found escort agency on his computer
Q. I came accross an escort agency on my new boyfriends computer history, one year later its there again, he has had txt messages advertisine 'indays' from women and the occassional sexy picture on his mobile. His excuse is that it was his son using ...
A. 25 August 2011: I agree....way to many red flags to be ignored. People who cheat never change, you will never be able to trust him and it looks like the 'honeymoon' period is over now his real behaviour and personality are now coming out into the open.
If it... (read in full...)
How can I find out if my BF really is cheating me with this other girl?
Q. Not really not sure how to start, I have my boyfriend of 8 months, well, recently I started suspicious that he might be having an online relationship. Hos did this happenn? well, a few months ago, he mentioned in front of everybody that this ...
A. 25 August 2011: He may not be cheating but he is certainly stirring this other girl up.
You know the stuff you discovered online that she wrote is about him...so he must be communicating to her in some way and giving her cause to think she has a chance with him... (read in full...)
Should I go to the in-laws anniversary lunch just to keep the peace? Or should I not go because of the way they treated me?
Q. My husband has cheated on me with at least 2 other women during a 5 year period. I found out about his secret double life about 2 years ago. I recently told his parents the details of what he had been doing one day when I got extremely upset and ...
A. 24 August 2011: You have a lot of years ahead of you my dear. My heart goes out to you as I know how hard it is to walk from a long marriage (I was married for 19 years). It can be done, and now I have a happy new life.
Nobody should villify you for trying t... (read in full...)
Dating is taking a toll on me, but I am so lonely! Should I take a break?
Q. I am struggling at the moment and need some encouragement more than advice! I had a date over the weekend with a really great guy - we were very similar in lots of ways - maybe too similar if there is such a thing? Well, we have decided to be ...
A. 22 August 2011: I think the clue is in the last line that you wrote.
You need to make new friends...not necessarily boyfriends or partners.
When you have a good circle of friends to socialise with, dating becomes much less important.
The way to meet new f... (read in full...)
Should I go to the in-laws anniversary lunch just to keep the peace? Or should I not go because of the way they treated me?
Q. My husband has cheated on me with at least 2 other women during a 5 year period. I found out about his secret double life about 2 years ago. I recently told his parents the details of what he had been doing one day when I got extremely upset and ...
A. 22 August 2011: Your in laws and your husband sound like a complete nightmare. They are controlling you and manipulating you. It seems that all their bad behaviour can be explained away by twisting it to look like your fault.
You are completely hiding out in y... (read in full...)
Is there anyone genuine on the internet?
Q. Has anybody met anyone genuine on the internet? I have met some really rude people and am beginning to wonder if it's me. Met one guy who sent me an email with bullet points saying why he didn't want to meet again. Another guy brought 3 con...
A. 21 August 2011: After I divorced, I internet dated for a while and met some very odd people. I discovered I am more an 'eyes across a crowded room' kinda person and that men prefer to do the hunting and pursuing. People have a tendency to be more dishonest and ... (read in full...)
I want my wife to have sex with other men
Q. I want my wife to have sex with other men.This wife is #2, we have been married for 14 years, and in year 2 or 3 she said she has never had a orgasm in her life.She was in her late 30's when we got married, she has been with i guess 15 or so men ...
A. 20 August 2011: You are kinda treating your wife like an object. It's clear you don't know what she really wants and desires. Maybe she is so overwhelmed with what YOU want and what YOUR needs are that she has 'gone into her shell'
Ok so your particular fetish w... (read in full...)
I'm in love with someone who doesn't want me
Q. Hi, I feel very down as I have done something so stupid. I'm 32 and in love with someone who doesn't want me. We've been "seeing each other" for 5 months and usual he told me at start he doesn't want a relationship but we both fall for each other as ...
A. 19 August 2011: He may have told you that it was an open relationship but really it was just a FWB kind of thing. You agreed that you could both see other people and the danger is always that one of you might meet someone they like better.
He has met someone he l... (read in full...)
My wife is having an emotional affair and I can't stop her
Q. Hi guys. I am hoping somebody can help me. I am at the end of my rope. My wife has been having an emotional affair with a married man whose children go to the same school as ours. It has been going on for a year and she is very deeply involved....
A. 17 August 2011: I agree with what the other aunts have said...you have already lost her, it is time to act.
I would gather whatever evidence you can of the affair, then I would actually put her out of the house and definitely let the partner of her lover know.
... (read in full...)
Does he want to come back?
Q. My husband cheated ...I forgave him not completely..I think he never forgave himself....but went back online and started a relationship on facebook with another woman...now he slowly trying to get back into my life...everyone hates what he did to me ...
A. 17 August 2011: This was my situation and this is what happened to me.
I dated and fell in love with a guy. We were together two and a half years and we also lived together for some of that time.
He began to get a bit flaky with me and I realised he was ... (read in full...)
Not even been for our first date yet and he texts saying 'Love ya'. What does this mean?
Q. I'm going on a first date and the man I've been talking to and texting he texts me and out of the blue says love ya what does that mean ?...
A. 17 August 2011: Hmmm maybe he's just being friendly. In all honestly he cannot really love you if he doesn't even know you can he?
Some people just get over enthusiastic when they are going to meet someone new.
I would forget it and just see how the date goe... (read in full...)
Does this woman only want me as a FWB?
Q. My girlfriend is incredibly selfless,kind and would do anything she could do for someone. We have had this friends with benefits type of relationship. She has a family ( Dad,sister,brother) and keeps that part of her life separate from me and pretty ...
A. 17 August 2011: I am taking a slihtly different stance on this.
You are not happy with the way things are so I think it is time to lay your cards on the table and be direct about what you want from this woman.
Sit her down, explain that you want a full rela... (read in full...)
Should I move back home in the hopes that my ex will follow me?
Q. Hi I was wondering if you could help me. Ive asked a few questions in the past on the same topic. Its my Ex. We split up over a year ago now. He left as he has commitment issues, he left me up north in our home, I moved to London to get away from...
A. 6 August 2011: I think you should move back home if you want to be near your family and NOt because you want to get back with your ex. He seems like a very out of control dependant person who also seems to love mind games and is hoping he can pour his weaknessess ... (read in full...)
Graphic photographs and the age old 'we were on a break'
Q. Having read a lot of problems and related advice, I was wondering on what you guys make of this: I met my current bf through a social app on fb. We've been together since Christmas (but chatted for a couple of months before). I have been complete...
A. 5 August 2011: Men do not handle arguments and break up drama well, they are more likely to go out and do stupid stuff when there is a crisis going on because they are deep down very very insecure and they need instant validation that they are still desirable ... (read in full...)
I want a relationship but it just seems like the bad outweighs the good!
Q. I am a single, in my mid forties, and for the most part, enjoy this- not that i take advantage of it necessarily, by playing the field etc, i just enjoy the freedom of not having to answer to anyone and having to deal with all the 'c**p' that ...
A. 5 August 2011: I sympathise with you. As lonesome as a single life can be, it's also a very comfortable place to be. A place where you control everything and live exactly as you want to with no interferance.
I know this well because I live this life too. I a... (read in full...)
I don't want to be made a fool of by this man!
Q. I started dating a 40 year old man (divorced x 5 years, 1 child) a year ago having been single for seven years, partly through circumstance - work and studying – and also because I had a bad break up and wasn’t interested. I am not really ...
A. 5 August 2011: It's a tricky one isn't it...even good people can get tied up with debt and fall on hard times. What he has told you initially and how he really is living is two different things. He was probably trying to save face and make himself more ... (read in full...)
I have done the right thing and ended my affair, but how do I now cope with the emptiness?
Q. I am not proud of my affair. I am not that kind of a person. She and I met at work and became close. Her marriage was on the rocks, she has 1 kid and I was living away from my wife and daughter for various reasons. It just happened, first ...
A. 18 June 2011: Why couldnt you commit to her? its a bit confusing.
You said you were living away from your wife...have you gone back to your wife?
Are you trying to save your marriage?
Do you love your wife?
If you are living with your wife and you want to... (read in full...)
I've helped him with money, with work, and find out that he's lying to me about this girl
Q. im close friends with a guy and up til 3 months ago he went a bit weird on me then i discovered hes 'dating' a girl.he told me shes a medical student and lives in london. the other day i fixed his cv and he asked me to go in his email. i was shocked ...
A. 17 June 2011: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-friend-is-sending-money-overseas-to-a.html
This is the link to the last question you posted about this situation. Have linked you just incase you couldn't find it.... (read in full...)
Have I been too good and he's just capitalizing on my generosity?
Q. Seven months ago I met the man I thought I had waited my entire life for. He is kind caring supportive, great with my daughter and never too mired in his shit to extend himself to try and help fix my stressful situations. I knew two weeks in that ...
A. 16 June 2011: Does he have a job? why can't he pay his own bills?
I wouldnt give him any more money, keep your child support payments for your child because that is what the payment is for. If this guy loves you he will sort things out himself so you can be t... (read in full...)
I'm thinking about telling his wife about us
Q. I am married and had a four year affair with a married man. I ended up by my third child turning out to be my lovers. my husband found out the baby wasnt his and I begged him not to tell my lovers wife to protect our children. Somehow I am still in ...
A. 16 June 2011: Does your husband know that your youngest child isn't his? If he doesn't then you are either going to have to live with a lie or come clean...not an easy choice but the guy probably deserves to know.
Your ex most likely won't care about your dau... (read in full...)
I'm thinking about telling his wife about us
Q. I am married and had a four year affair with a married man. I ended up by my third child turning out to be my lovers. my husband found out the baby wasnt his and I begged him not to tell my lovers wife to protect our children. Somehow I am still in ...
A. 15 June 2011: Far better to insist on a DNA test and to fight for child support, you are entitled to that and he should be paying. I wouldn't make any contact with his wife but when he has to start shelling out for another child, his wife is going to want some ... (read in full...)
Multiple orgasms must be amazing - WHY don't women want to have sex all day?
Q. Ever since I was with my first "serious" girlfriend, I've envied womens' ability to have multiple orgasms. When she got going, she'd have one after another with only a few seconds (if that) in between for a couple minutes, I'd have my one "little" ...
A. 14 June 2011: Well you know a lot of women do masterbate every day. What with childbirth, periods and cramps women deserve the ability to have multiple orgasms, they can even buy sex toys that they can insert to give themselves a thrill throughout the day...the ... (read in full...)
Why would she behave this way???
Q. I have always had trouble finding a lady friend but finally met someone through a friend at work. On our first date we went for a meal and it went realy well, so I asked if she would like to meet again and she said she would. On our second date we ...
A. 13 June 2011: If she would have wet herself, it wouldn't have come through the front of her skirt. Maybe she just splashed herself with water accidentally in the bathroom.
Are you going to see her again?... (read in full...)
Women: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Q. Warning:(The following contains broad generalizations to illustrate a point, there are no rules nor concrete all encompassing truths in what I write, there are always exceptions. This applies to men too) I've been on this site for a while now and ...
A. 13 June 2011: Absolutely bang on...
Love the bit about 'the way to a womans heart...through her ears'...so true
well done!... (read in full...)
Husband cheated. We seperated. I took him back. Now he cheated again. Now what???
Q. I just found out my husband cheated on me for the second time. We had been married for 13 yrs and had our ups and downs, then I found out about a affair he was having and we split up, but never got divorced. It was like that for about 6 yrs, in ...
A. 13 June 2011:
'I said that I was sorry I didn't try hard enough'
Really?...was the demise of the marriage your fault??? I don't think so!!!
The guy is is gone, the marriage is dead and he has moved on. You may not believe it but your standing alone, it's... (read in full...)
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