A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So I've been seeing this girl for about 2 months and about 3 weeks ago I found a text to her ex bf that lives out of state now and I approached her on it. For the next few weeks we have not hung out at all, we've been texting here and there, just casual conversation now. So finally I stood up for myself as I was being the "nice guy" the entire time.On this last Saurday night after we talked a bit on the phone earlier that afternoon she was telling me she felt like crap, had cramps and a headache and wanted to relax in bed and sleep and watch a movie.I texted her that night at like 730pm "hope you're feeling better.". I got nothing back and an hour goes by. I finally did something that my woman friend told me to do. So I did it and texted her this.."You know something, I was wrong about you, I really thought you were different. Don't get me wrong, I think you're still cool and all, but you're really not my type." She then responded back within a minute or two with "K" I did not text back. A few minutes later she texted back..."Truth is your not mine either no physical attraction thanks for being rude." I still have yet to text back. 10 minutes later she texts again...."Take care of yourself I will give you your stuff monday."..I have still yet to text back. 15 minutes later she texts...."Give me my sh@t back as well and fu@k it that $100 cologne why not lmao." I still have NOT texted back. 5 minutes later she texts me...."Good luck!!!"I waited about 20 minutes and texted her finally. "Look Sarah, I don't want to sound like a di@k, but I really don't wanna play games with you."She waited 15 mins and texts me...."Bye" I did not text back. 10 minutes later she texts me again with...."Bring me my stuff I will bring yours deal?" I immediately respond this time with...."yup, no prob"4 hours later, I'm sleeping, its 1:45am she texts me..."Ha ha thats silly" then immediately texts back..."Sorry that wasn't 4 u"She has never accidentally texted me. Ever.Why do you think she did this? Was it on purpose and shes pretending it was an accident?I wasn't trying to break up with her, just wanted to gain some respect and kinda play hard to get. I really like her.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Your approach to handling a concern was to play games via text, rather than waiting until you could have a real conversation in person. It honestly reads like something out of high school.
"So finally I stood up for myself as I was being the "nice guy" the entire time." Um. No, you didn't actually stick up for yourself. You texted her your complaint. That's not sticking up for yourself.
"I texted her that night at like 730pm "hope you're feeling better.". I got nothing back and an hour goes by."
Seriously. You are upset because she didn't text you back within the hour.
"I finally did something that my woman friend told me to do. So I did it and texted her this.."You know something, I was wrong about you, I really thought you were different. Don't get me wrong, I think you're still cool and all, but you're really not my type." " Whoa, dude. You basically broke up with her by text. Was that what you wanted? To break up with her? Or was it to make her feel bad, to hurt her?
I'm not going to bother to attempt to translate her motives. What you need to do, if you are serious about 'standing up for yourself,' is to actually have a conversation, in person, to do the post-mortem on the relationship. I think you have to man up, if you want to make things work and have an IN-PERSON conversation with her about your feelings. If she was already over you, well, at least you'll find out in person. If she was on the fence and it was all a ridiculous miscommunication, well, then you'll have a hope of salvaging the relationship. The point is that you have seriously shot down your chances here, if you really like her.
Yes, she was in communication with her ex, not really a good sign but not necessarily the death-knell for your relationship with her. Maybe she was puzzling things out and needed some time to work on it by herself. Or maybe she was really busy with other things. You didn't actually ever find that out, and as you have only been seeing her for 2 months, you are still on "relationship probation." You haven't yet actually solidified things just yet... and boy, did you just demolish the foundation of trust there. Man oh man.
You don't gain respect by from her by telling her she is not your type. That's just a non-starter. Honestly, dude, that was so lame, it's almost laughable.
You might be able to salvage things by telling her your 14 yo nephew got hold of your phone and started playing with her. Or you have been taking a sleeping med which turns out to cause sleep-texting. I don't know. You'll have to be creative to get this back on track, if you are serious about wanting to date her.
Because right now, you two are broken up. That's what she believes at this point in time.
A giant bouquet of flowers. A groveling note of apology and then a personal visit to set things to rights. Wear your best outfit and smell good. Show her you have some creativity and that you are sorry for your behavior. That is, if you really want her back. From some of the things you've written, I'm not so sure you do, in your heart of hearts.
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Hello,
I can't say if she texted you late or made a mistake or was texting someone else. I would let this one go. She went off you when you found the Ex text. That was an ewww moment. Then she went silent and casual and lost interest in you. You didn't hang out after that. If she was keen she would have been there during this time. Just wait and see if she comes back at all. But, I would begin to move on mentally if I were you as you may wait and wait and drive yourself crazy.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (16 May 2011):
 Well congrats you certainly stir fried this RS. Kudos to being a nice guy gone bad, hope you learned something.
If not, here's your lesson:
Don't go snooping around someones texts and messages.
Don't get jealous or suspicious or start creating illusions and situations that you know nothing about and for the most part don't exist as you think they might.
Don't talk around issues with "you are not my type" trying to bring on a reaction, you'll get one. Best to ask with respect "I'm worried about our RS, are we having one, I would like to see you more often" or something along these lines.
Don't think you can ever take back what rolls off your tongue or you're Iphone finger tips. "Sorry I don't want to play games" You did, bottom line, who's going to trust you now?
Don't mess with a PS with a women who is having PMS.
Don't think you're a nice guy, nice guys would be there, with flowers or her favorite something she'd be happy to know you remembered. Nice guys are brave and take chances even if they're shivering in fear, they go there.
Can you get her back? Well the battle field is reminiscent of Waterloo but if you aren't afraid of a bit of mud you could get on your horse again. Just remember you're now dealing with Joan of Arc.
I'm always amused at the monsters we create out of our fears of what's under our beds.
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A
female
reader, The Girl with the Diver's Hair +, writes (16 May 2011):
Maybe she is just trying to make you jealous
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (16 May 2011):
 What ever the reason, it's clear she's not into you. Sometimes people keep someone hanging on just because they are bored or because they just dont wanna be on their own...
If you really like her and you have told her you really like her then unless she is texting calling and wanting to see you...really she's messing around and playing games.
I'd give her the silent treatment until she comes back an apologises...if she really wants you back she will eventually apologise...if you dont hear from her again then there is your answer right there...
She's just not that into you.
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