A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:This is a tough one. I am married and I have a friend who is also married, both of us are in unhappy marriages that have been unhappy for several years. We have been friends for 3 years, last year we started a relationship with each other and after a few months it got very serious her husband found out and we stopped seeing each other for a while. She got back in touch with me again and we stated seeing each other again. Over the last few months it got more serious and we agreed to end our marriages and start a life together. I have recently separated from my wife and moved out, over the last couple of weeks she has had difficulty with her split and is finding it harder than expected to leave, she insists its what she wants but needs time to get thru the situation. My fear is that she will change her mind and stay put. Has anyone out there got a similar experience or advice on what I should do? We don't want to hurt people we just want to be happy.
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moved out, want to be happy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bijou  +, writes (11 June 2011):
I believe your marriage didnot work out because you weren't in it yourself.you concentrated on someone else outta your marriage. You can't leave your marriage for another woman. Am glad u didn't mention any bad thing about your wife that means you were the problem in the marriage.worst of all the person you were having an affair with is a married woman. too many hearts have been hurt already so i suggest you leave this woman and get the pieces of your life together. Go back to your wife and beg 4 forgiveness thats if you think you can make up for the lost time and not cheat again. I believe everyone deserves anoda chance.
good luck
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (11 June 2011):
 I agree with the anonymous female reader...apart from the bit about easing back with your wife.
You were unhappy anyway and I am sure your wife and kids are extremely hurt so why should they have to suffer you moving back when you left them for another woman.
You are out on your own now and only time will tell which way things go.
If your GF doesn't leave her husband (and it's much much harder emotionally for women to leave)then you need to make a new life for yourself and move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I honestly dont think she is going to leave him or she would have done so by now.Does she have children with her Husband, if so i doubt very much that she will risk it all and break up the family, yor cosy affair is a thrill but once yor official the thrill will be over and routine will take place, which happens in all relationships. I feel that you should have put more energy into your marraige instead of this affair, i really hope that there are no children involved in this, its a really selfish thing to do to someone after you taking vows, "for better for worse..." Maybe she is scared to leave him for you because she is not sure if the grass is greener on the other side and the pressure that will surround her being known as an adultress. If she keeps putting it off any longer i think its fair to say that shes staying put.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): ...We don't want to hurt people"You already have and you will hurt more people in your quest to make your affair work.Not a good foundation for a proper relationship. Personally relationships that start out with lies and deceit almost never work. You have a better chance to win the lottery than this working.You hurt your wife tremendously and she is destroying her hb one day at a time, how can u say you have not hurt anyone?You left your wife for a married woman who is not committed to you. She has her hb on one side and her illicit affair with you. Stats prove than if indeed you both do get together, within 2 years, you both will not be together. As I said these kinds of relationships rarely work but they leave a trail of lies, betrayal, devastation and homewrecking.LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (11 June 2011):
 I can't help but wonder why stay in an unhappy marriage for so, so, long? Are there some factors preventing you from moving on? I am married for 2 years so far but I feel that's just damaging on the human mind. Life is short, why be unhappy/miserable for so long if you don't have too?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): well if she really loved you she will leave her husband and get a divorce like you did.but if she doesn't leave him then try to ease your way back in with your wife have marriage counseling.And if she has kids with him there's a chance she might not leave him.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 I suppose some marriages are easier to break than others. However, That said, I hope you didn't divorce just for her. Have you thought what you would do if she were not to divorce?
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