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age
51-59,
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writes: I need some help here. I am 45 yr old female. Met a 55 yr old male on an online dating site. We have been dating for 2 months. About a week ago I told him I was canceling my online dating account as I didn't want to pay for it any more and I am not the type of person to date more than one person at a time. He has not canceled his account and in fact checks it quite frequently (sometimes more than once per day). He has said other women have messaged him but that he is ignoring them. We talk on the phone every night anywhere between 1-3 hours (he is almost always the one who calls) and see each other typically one night a week, on a rare occasion twice a week. We text each other once or twice during the day although I am typically the one who sends the first text, but not always. I have major insecurities from my past with guys cheating which is making me very anxious. I am scared I am going to ruin something really good by pushing too hard or expecting too much too soon. But his activity on the dating website is a true source of anxiety and insecurity for me. I am at the point where I over analyze everything for fear he is seeing or talking to someone else. We have not discussed exclusivity and while I would like to, I think it is premature at this point. How do I calm my fears? And at what point should we expect and discuss exclusivity?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2011): It sounds like he is keeping his options open. You could ask him whether he is seeing, or planning to see, anyone else.If you are not the type to date more than one person at a time, maybe you should find someone who is the same.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 Hey there,
Calm yourself by not looking at his dating profile. It is way too early for exclusivity and maybe he doesn't want that at all...loads of people on dating sites are on them so they can play the field.
It's hard to not go rushing in but if you continue to be anxious and suspicious, you know that is going to end the relationship...so best to back off a little and just accept each meeting as a date and try not to think too far ahead.
The right time to be exclusive is when you both agree and when it just feels right...I don't think you are feeling that yet are you?
Try to be fun and upbeat, dont over think things and just enjoy each day as it comes. Try not to be the one who does all the calling, the man wants some chase so try to be more relaxed.
Maybe you shouldnt have cancelled your subscription until you had both discussed doing it together. You don't have to date anyone else if you don't want to but you could have left your option open. By declaring to him that you cancelled...well it might be though of as pushy.
It's only been 2 months, you are both just warming up
Relax, smile, enjoy your time together and when your not with him, enjoy your life for you.
Hoped this helped and good luck xxx
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