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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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I tested positive for HIV. I very obviously got it from my boyfriend but he's turning around and blaming me for everything!
Q. Hello all I have a very sad story to tell and I need some advice as I am at breaking point. I have been tested HIV positive recently, and that was already really hard to deal with...I had a boyfriend and on the day I found it out, I cound't br...
A. 15 February 2012: I agree with the previous post, you need to seek proof of his HIV status via the legal system. You have every right to seek out the source of your infection and this is the line you should be pursuing. Without evidence you cannot begin to deal with ... (read in full...)
Why can't I just erase everything from my ex?
Q. I have deleted my ex's mobile number and all his/my messages to each other. Why/what is stopping me deleting him from facebook? He has a girlfriend but I believe he has restricted my access to his wall. Why can't I do the final 'nail in th...
A. 12 February 2012: I did this very recently with someone I had been seeing. I did the cull over a few days. Phone number and text messages went first, then e-amils, pictures and messenger. I had taken all his stuff back to him and even gave back the gifts and cards he ... (read in full...)
My sister-in-law is a cougar and I think it's unwise
Q. My sister-in-law is a 43 year old single mom to an autistic son. He is now 15 years old. Now that he is getting older she is getting back into the dating scene. She has been divorced for more than 10 years now. Good for her, I think. The p...
A. 12 February 2012: If she was an older guy dating younger women. you'd be slapping her on the back and shaking her hand lol.
She's a grown woman, I am pretty sure she knows what she is doing. Let her get on with it and don't say 'I told you so' because really i... (read in full...)
Are we moving too fast?
Q. So me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two weeks. The other day, he said I love you. Now, this is only one of my many questions, but was it too early to say those three little words? Also, is it too soon for a first kiss? I'm 13 years ...
A. 12 February 2012: I had my first kiss at 13. It was a peck on the lips and I worried about it for weeks and weeks after because the boy wouldn't talk to me after it happened. I guess we were both too young to be thinking about relationships.
If you feel love the... (read in full...)
Retrospective jealousy!
Q. I've been dating a woman seriously for close to a year. I recently found out she had slept with a few guys I know (I wouldn't say they're my close friends, but we run in the same circles.) When I asked if she had been with them, she responded by...
A. 11 February 2012: When woman has sex, she doesn't have to make it public knowledge for all future boyfriends to know, because that would be dumb and stupid. It would also infringe her human rights.
There is nothing to be said really. You either get over it (as i... (read in full...)
I tested positive for HIV. I very obviously got it from my boyfriend but he's turning around and blaming me for everything!
Q. Hello all I have a very sad story to tell and I need some advice as I am at breaking point. I have been tested HIV positive recently, and that was already really hard to deal with...I had a boyfriend and on the day I found it out, I cound't br...
A. 10 February 2012: If he has infected you, it's going to be very hard to find out or prove, even though all his actions point to highly suspicious circumstances. The main thing is that you get help in coming to terms with your health status and learn how to live ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't find me sexually attractive. But I still love him so much. What should I do?
Q. I am 13 years older than my boyfriend we have been togeather for 6 months, he moved in with me in December of last year and we barley have sex, he said he has no desire, blaming it on himself like he has sexual problems, the times we have done it ...
A. 10 February 2012: Seems a bit insensitive of him to say something like that seeing as you are older than him...makes you wonder why he would say it??
If you think you can stick it out with him, give it a go and see what develops. If he continues to make odd rema... (read in full...)
Why don't men want a relationship with me?
Q. what is wrong with me. why do men not want to have a relationship with me. they want to be friends, friends with benefits but that is all... i am told how attractive, sweet and wonderful i am, but they still find someone better to go with ...
A. 10 February 2012: Frpm another point of view I don't think it's you or the men you become involved with...I think it's the dating game and society that has changed. There has never been another time in history where men and women could live so independently and so ... (read in full...)
I'm becoming obsessed by my BF's ex and cyber-stalking her. Should I tell him and how do I stop?
Q. Hello, a little advice would be nice. My bf and I have been together for a year and a half, and I've been having this obsession with his ex for a quite a while now. I can't explain why I get this urge to know more and more about her, look at pictu...
A. 8 February 2012: Go onto her profile page (you don't have to be a contact). On left hand side you will see an option to block her profile. Follow the links. You will then never see her FB in searches or see anything she posts anywhere on FB.
Removing temptati... (read in full...)
Help ladies please! I'm petrified about my first smear test and need support please?
Q. I am 23 and I am having my first smear test Thursday, I am absolutely petrified, im shaking thinking about it, can anyone give me advice I hope im not the only one that feels like this?...
A. 7 February 2012: It is really nothing to worry about. It's a bit uncomfortable but is over in a few seconds. The more you relax the quicker it is...really it will be fine!!!... (read in full...)
Is it Normal for an ex-wife to consatantly be around after being married only a year??
Q. Why does my Husband's ex-wife come around so much? They were ony married for 1 year. I have been with my Husband for 13 years (married for 9) They have a 12 year old Son. She has since re-married and has two kids. My stepson comes over and then goes ...
A. 7 February 2012: How annoying!!! She probably does it because she has been allowed to get away with it. She has no right to make comments and blab about what goes on in your house. That said...it's up to your husband to take the lead here and tell her she isn't ... (read in full...)
B/f used to take me to Las Vegas with him for work but now he goes alone. Is he cheating?
Q. IS HE CHEATING? My boyfriend used to take me to Las vegas everytime he travels for work.. wERE supposed to stay again last month but then he cancelled and just dicided to come home every weekend.(we live together) Its been going on like th...
A. 7 February 2012: When something quite defined changes in a relationship and there is no obvious reason or explaination then it's probably true to say that something is going on but it may not be about cheating. Maybe its a financial decision and he is embarrassed to ... (read in full...)
My husband of 29 years is suffocating me and I want a way out
Q. my husband of 29 yrs. is sufficating me. everything he does and says annoys me.he calls me 5 times a day.hes at work and he knows im at work.hes 9 yrs older than me and wants to veg out and i want to go.he dont want to spend time with anyone but me ...
A. 7 February 2012: Would you stay if your husband changed and gave you more space and was less clingy?
I guess what I am asking is to ask yourself if there is anything worth saving in your marriage and are you really 'throwing the baby out with the bath water'? ... (read in full...)
A married millionaire spending time and money on a young beautiful model: Is it possible this relationship is NOT cheating?
Q. Hello, I am writing on behalf of a friend with who came to me with her concerns the other day. I tried to respond best as I could, but I wanted to tap into the wisdom pool here to see what I could tell her further or better. Basically, my fri...
A. 5 February 2012: It could be a mentoring thing although my detective brain says 'Do mentors buy expensive gifts and pay for trips?'
Hmmm maybe if the guy is rich...maybe he doesn't see it as a big deal.
How loving is your friend with her husband. I know ... (read in full...)
Why aren't men ever content with just one woman, on dating sites?
Q. Dating sites are very adventurous but I think once you have dated a guy and he wants to see you again, its only manners to wait until the next time.In meeting someone old fashioned style, if you meet someone and wanted to meet them again, would it ...
A. 5 February 2012: It seems from what I know and the very interesting comments on this thread that Internet dating is overwhelmingly filled with lots of damaged men and women, hurt on both sides, desperate to quell the loneliness and to find love but with ... (read in full...)
B/f says he wants to marry me but talks about this girl every day
Q. My fiancé and I have been together for a little over a year. We have come to our "plateau" in our relationship. But he will not communicate with me at all. He thinks I do everything wrong and he does everything right. I want to just sit and have a ...
A. 5 February 2012: If you don't want to hear 'Leave him' I guess the only thing you can do is talk to him face to face and explain how you feel. Let him know that his action are bothering you. If he has nothing to hide then he won't mind being open and honest with you ... (read in full...)
Why aren't men ever content with just one woman, on dating sites?
Q. Dating sites are very adventurous but I think once you have dated a guy and he wants to see you again, its only manners to wait until the next time.In meeting someone old fashioned style, if you meet someone and wanted to meet them again, would it ...
A. 5 February 2012: If internet dating doesn't suit you, its probably best you don't do it. There are other ways to meet people but like everything in life there are no guarantees it will work out.
I think people make that mistake with the internet, expectai... (read in full...)
Is he really considering a relationship with me or just playing games?
Q. My ex and I have done one of those off and on long term relationships. Due to a family crisis, I was out of town for part of the last two years and his last words to me were harsh and I could not contact him. Last year, he started contacti...
A. 5 February 2012: He is a cheat who is hedging his bets. Seriously it's a no brainer.
I would 'push the hand'. He is an ex for a very good reason, it's his choice to cheat, his responsibility and no amount of 'words' kind or other is going to fix that. He think it... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is going through chemo, and suddenly we're more like just friends!
Q. Ok .. complicated, but serious question. Just 5 months into a new relationship (which was going very, very well) my girlfriend was diagnosed with breast cancer. Through surgery .. then 4 months of chemo, she is now cancer free .. yet doing 6 weeks ...
A. 4 February 2012: She is going to need a lot more time that 5 months to get over having cancer and all the affects from the treatment.
To be honest, if you really loved her, you'd wait a lifetime. Thats just how it is. Breaking up with her now could trigger ... (read in full...)
being married to him is a daily shake of the dice wondering which personality he will have that day
Q. Hi my husband goes through long periods of being nice sometimes even a couple months but he always starts that way and then one day boom he is yelling at me to clean the fridge or something the moment I get up. Then he is mad at me all day and ...
A. 4 February 2012: I apologise if I got you so wrong. Its really hard to get the big picture and we are just here to offer advice as we see it, so you have to forgive us if we dont nail it immediately. I am kinda glad you have good self esteem because that means when ... (read in full...)
How can I cope and continue living with him, broken hearted but apart?
Q. Hi all. I have recently broken up with my bf. We have a joint mortgage together. After much soul searching and advice from a mortgage advisor, we have both been advised to stay in the property together for as long as we can. This is because ...
A. 4 February 2012: Thanks for the update...you are indeed in a pickle (to say the least). I guess the only thing you can do is to live as separately a you can for now, but it's going to be very hard. You have no gurantee that he will want you back and for all you ... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable to ask my partner to be responsible for half the bills? Am I being used?
Q. My partner has taken on financial responisbilities without communicating her intention to do so with me. These have stretched her resources so far that she never has any money. The result is that, although she does not ask me to assist her in paying ...
A. 4 February 2012: 'My partner has taken on financial responisbilities without communicating her intention to do so with me' 'I work full time and she works occasionally' 'every time I bring the subject up she gets angry and asks me if I am telling her to g... (read in full...)
My partner slept with her ex-boyfriend and now I feel bad when I'm near her.
Q. I would be grateful of your thoughts. My partner walked out last April without saying a word. In July she took the lease on a rented flat and said that she had realised she still wanted to be with me. In the same month she had sex with her ...
A. 4 February 2012: You don't make it clear how many times she has walked out on you? If she is in the habit of walking out, there must be a reason why she does it. Usually with women, it is because they feel their emotional demands are not being met or that they are... (read in full...)
being married to him is a daily shake of the dice wondering which personality he will have that day
Q. Hi my husband goes through long periods of being nice sometimes even a couple months but he always starts that way and then one day boom he is yelling at me to clean the fridge or something the moment I get up. Then he is mad at me all day and ...
A. 4 February 2012: I don't think your husband will change unless he knows beyond all doubt how unhappy and miserable you are. Saying that, some people never change, even if they face losing their family and I suspect he knows you are trapped (no job and looking after ... (read in full...)
How can I cope and continue living with him, broken hearted but apart?
Q. Hi all. I have recently broken up with my bf. We have a joint mortgage together. After much soul searching and advice from a mortgage advisor, we have both been advised to stay in the property together for as long as we can. This is because ...
A. 3 February 2012: He must have taken into consideration that he would lose money on the house if he split with you, so basically it's his problem. I understand you need to get your name off the mortgage and you can only do that if he sells up. All the while he is ... (read in full...)
2 months have passed and I've heard nothing, its over for good this time but how do I stop wanting to contact him?
Q. Hi, I really need some man advice, yes I know the same age old problems in most peoples like, the opposite sex... So I will try and keep this brief and I am also aware that I will get comments telling me how he told from start and I am deludin...
A. 3 February 2012: He is keeping you on a long string, hence the hot and cold behaviour.
This means he isn't serious about you but maybe wants to keep you on the hook in case he hits a dry spell.
You called him out a couple of times on his bad behaviour, cheat... (read in full...)
It's been 5 days.....should I text him or wait?
Q. i met a guy at a bar 5 days back.He came to talk to and gave me lots of compliments and we both had a good time talking, drinking etc.He said he was new in town and didn't have any friends and I offered to hangout.He took my number and then text me ...
A. 2 February 2012: Five days is nothing to a guy. Believe me he isn't sitting at home thinking 'Ok Im gonna keep her hanging for a few more days' He may have forgotten altogether.
Give him a week, if he hasnt called, ditch his number so you can't obsess over the... (read in full...)
Why am I always the friend... with benefits? I want marriage, kids, to start a new family!
Q. met him on vacation. a year and a half ago. he lives in the united states and i live in canada. immediately we had passion, fire and the relationship was heated. i didnt want to think so much about it, or even care to see him again. but we did. ...
A. 2 February 2012: You need to remind him that he said you were 'average' and that you want an explaination of what he meant when he said it. I feel like he is playing you and you have no proof that he has dumped the girl. Proof would be that he asks you to marry him ... (read in full...)
The reason why so many relationships fail
Q. I've come to realize recently that there are so many relationships that fail, so many guys and girls that break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend, and so many broken hearts. You may say it's because of the increased population, but I say it's b...
A. 2 February 2012: I think you make a very valid point about wanting perfection. We also live in a society of 'entitlement' where everyone just expects to get everything they want...and life just isn't going to provide that.
We can improve ourselves but we cannot c... (read in full...)
I need motivation, how to lose weight?
Q. What are good weight loss exercises for over weight people? I physically can't do regular push ups so I'm trying to find new things I can do that will still work. I'm currently on weight watchers, but I feel I need more motivation... Any help would ...
A. 2 February 2012: Brisk walking is an excellent way to get a good cardio work out if you are a overweight. It gets the blood pumping, reduces cholesterol and burns fat. You can start off with short 10 minute walks 3 times a week and build up to as many walks as you ... (read in full...)
I just need this man to do something for me that makes me feel special, at least on one occasion. Am I merely his landlady and not his partner?
Q. I will be with my partner of seven years in March and I have started to ask myself where the relationship is actually going and am feeling slightly insecure. He is a high earner but all his money is put into finance and he is forever on his ipad ...
A. 2 February 2012: Arrrrggghhhhh!!! How bloody frustrating and upsetting for you.
It definitely looks like he is using you. I wonder what the rest of your relationship is like?
Does he sleep with you?
Is he affectionate?
Does he take you out and spoil you?
... (read in full...)
I have no trouble dating men off dating sites, but why can't I get them to stick around?
Q. I seem to be able to get men, date men off the dating sites, but never seem to be able to keep them.What am I doing wrong?I am not sleeping with them early on, but I am upset when I see them on the dating sites after we agree to meet up again as ...
A. 2 February 2012: You can see from the 3 anonymous male answers what the general mode of operation is for men on dating websites.
DEFINITELY NOT worth losing your head over.
Internet dating is like swimming with sharks. Sure there are a couple dolphins in ... (read in full...)
Why is he pursuing me when he has a girlfriend
Q. He and i were sort of fwb in the past, it didn't become anything more for a number of reasons. Mainly because we live hours away from each other and hadn't really gotten to know each other well enough to form a real relationship. I went to see him ...
A. 2 February 2012: Because a lot of men cannot be faithful. They are also super insecure and cannot bear to be on their own. He wants to get into your pants because it gives him an ego boost to know another girl is into him and he can call her up and have sex at the ... (read in full...)
Why did he stand me up?! Should I just dump him??
Q. i need some advice and your opinions on my relationship please... I have been with my boyfriend for over ten months now and we have been getting on really well, we arranged to meet tonight but he stood me up. I was waiting for an hour and a half in ...
A. 2 February 2012: You need to ask him why he didn't turn up and listen to what he has to say. If he is vague and doesn't give a good reason, you might have to insist in future that he picks you up from home so you arnt left hanging around.
Boys (and men)hate... (read in full...)
I have no trouble dating men off dating sites, but why can't I get them to stick around?
Q. I seem to be able to get men, date men off the dating sites, but never seem to be able to keep them.What am I doing wrong?I am not sleeping with them early on, but I am upset when I see them on the dating sites after we agree to meet up again as ...
A. 1 February 2012: I am not a fan of dating websites, they cause a lot of worry and paranoia and can leave people feeling like they have been through the mill.
I know a fundemental difference with men and women is that men like to throw their net far and wide. Th... (read in full...)
Does no communication from a man...really mean no interest??
Q. I have dated this guy last week and he said he wanted to see me again.He works away alot and has sales meetings etc. I am finding it hard though when there is no communication and I am doing all the texting. he has now gone away to new york for a ...
A. 1 February 2012: Its way too early to be fretting over contact with this one guy. You only had one date and it's possible he is busy, however if he is still checking in to the dating site he's probably still looking.
I would do as he is doing, check out others o... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have a relationship with a man 22 years younger than me?
Q. I am in my fifties and had a boyfriend of 38 .he just dropped contact 3months ago. We saw each other occasionally.I loved him but he borriwed money and never gave it back. Is it biologically normal to have a relationship with a guy 22years younger ...
A. 1 February 2012: It's normal if it's a loving relationship and you both respect eachother and care about eachother. Any age gap of both genders or same genders for that matter is normal but not all relationships are good or serious.
Im sorry you got used. Put it d... (read in full...)
Why is he pursuing me when he has a girlfriend
Q. He and i were sort of fwb in the past, it didn't become anything more for a number of reasons. Mainly because we live hours away from each other and hadn't really gotten to know each other well enough to form a real relationship. I went to see him ...
A. 1 February 2012: Ask him if he'd like to go on a double date. Him with his girlfriend and you with your boyfriend...because that's what friends do.
If he says he wants you on his own or he doesnt want his girlfriend to meet you then he definitely has you in his s... (read in full...)
What was this foreign guy's motive? He used me in every way possible and I'm numb with shock now
Q. Hi this is a long story but I need perspective: I was in a relationship with an arab muslim for a year. We have broken up for the final time. He is younger than me by 10yrs (claims not a problem ever) When I think to what I have gone throug...
A. 1 February 2012: Good Lord, you list such a massive chunk of absolutely awful and dire things this man has done to you. He has treated you like absolute cr*p and left you in pieces...and you are sad he's gone?????
Ummm...WHY??? You should be jumping for joy and ... (read in full...)
The heat wants what the heart wants....so do I tell my married lover how I feel about him knowing he would walk away? Or just keep quiet and carry on witht the affair?
Q. Im hurting and need some advice. I just came out of a horrible divorce and is still going through a nightmare of fighting and possible custody battle with my ex husband. Im trying to get my life back together and doing pretty good. Everything I do ...
A. 1 February 2012: Time to remove the rose tinted glasses my dear.
He is using you and he is also disrespecting his wife.
He also sees you as an object, a place to get his rocks off, give himself a bit of a thrill and boost his ego. I am also surprised that h... (read in full...)
Were we ever really friends?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a question about a long time friend (18 years) with whom I ended the relationship / friendship with because he deliberately concealed his marriage from me. Basically, I'm wondering why someone with whom I've been frie...
A. 31 January 2012: Time means very little to most men. They could be with someone 25 years or 3 months and once they decided to move on they usually do whatever they want.
I had a guy do the 'return' thing over a 4 and a half year period. He would constant... (read in full...)
Had a row, he went to ex's flat, stayed the night, do I believe that nothing happened?
Q. Had a row with my boyfriend he went to the ex flat stayed the night says nothing happened should i believe him ? ...
A. 31 January 2012: No way of knowing but why did he go directly to the ex? Did he not have a mate or a relative to go to?
I would be suspicious of a man who 'involves' his ex into a row.
How long have you been together and why is the ex, the ex?... (read in full...)
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