A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am dating this guy for the past 3 months. I only got divorced 7 months ago after a 13 year marriage and 3 children. To me, my kids are my first priority. I was a stay at home mom until the divorce. I have been working for the past 5 months and able to support myself and my kids now. He (my boyfriend) wants to marry me. He wants to move in together. I was like "whoa" "too fast". How come he loves me more than I love him? If I leave him will I be losing the best thing that ever happened to me? I spoke with him and he is ok with taking it slow, and not moving in/marriage yet. But, he wants to be exclusive..meaning we can't date other people. I only dated one other guy after the divorce, and did not have much experience with dating prior to marriage. I'm so confused. I like him, but I'm still curious as to what is out there. Part of me doesn't want to date at all because work and the kids are so tiring in itself, but I get lonely.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (6 May 2011):
 I went through something very similar recently. I dated a man for about 3 months and he was very full on and said he had fallen for me in a big way. I liked him enough to carry on dating just to see how things went but told him that I wanted to take things slow. I found he was planning my weeks around him and his son (my kids have left home) trying to make arrangements to see me when I would have preferred to just see him occasionally...it was pretty intense.
The crunch came when he told me he loved me and I was completely stuck because I knew I didnt feel the same...I felt it was way too soon to talk about love. He got quite frustrated with me but said he would consider talking about us moving in (I have my own three bedroom house and he shares a one bedroom rented flat with his son)it was all too pushy and desperate to my mind.
I broke up with him because I went with my gut reaction...I just didn't feel the same way about him and even though I find dating complicated and often suffer from loneliness...I would rather that than start a life with someone who I felt so incompatible with.
Listen to your gut! it won't let you down.
A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Slow down you move to fast, got a make the mornin' last.
Loneliness can make us do crazy things. Fear can keep us frozen.
You're out of a 13 year marriage, you're able to support your children, huge kudos to you. That kind of independence should be rewarded with you being able to be free to do anything you please on your terms. Sure compromise, sharing, being real is great. But so close to the routine of a past marriage may get you into the very routine you left.
You may also be vulnerable to this effect, thus if he suggests it, your behavior may succumb to it. Fear of him backing out is a reality, but so is grabbing life by the horns and living it fully, freely, and fearlessly.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (5 May 2011):
 Wanting to marry you does not mean loving you more, or make him marriage material. He is more ready than you are. Some people are just more possessive. I am sure many abusive men marry and also "love" their wives. I think you should take the time to know him better. Plan weekend trips, let him bond with your kids, and see how much he wants to commit to you and your family, and not just the idea of marriage itself. I don't suggest you dating other people because there would just distract you and going back and forth between people is time wasting. You won't lose the best thing. You are not the only one afraid of being lonely. I do think you should be with someone you are crazy about. There are many men who can do the job by being available, but there is only one man who would stop you from thinking about other men. Maybe one day you will fall in love with him deeply, but dumping him now you may never know that possibility.
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