A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, here’s my question? Why would a guy (who tried to break it off with me) want to be not just friends, but good friends??Here’s the short story. I met a great guy through friends about 8 months ago. We live in two different cities about a 3 hour drive away. For the first several months things were “hot and heavy”. We saw each other every other weekend, even went on a trip to Vegas together. Well several weeks went by, where I couldn’t visit him. When I finally did, he proceeded to tell me that he really likes me a lot, but he’s not ready for a girlfriend. He’s been hurt before, and doesn’t trust women, and I was becoming quote “too clingy for him”…..everyone thought I was his girlfriend. Well we got into a huge fight over this, and I left without saying good bye. Several weeks later we made up and he came to visit me. We ended up having sex that weekend as if we had never been in a fight at all……..then last weekend, I was in his town. We went out and had a great time, but he told me he wants to be “just friends” He doesn’t think we should sleep together anymore, and I shouldn’t stay with him at his place anymore. “We’re past that” he says. He is so confusing to me. I know he cares a lot about me. I think he may be falling for me, and doesn’t want to, because he doesn’t want a Girlfriend. But, why would he want to hang out with me, go to a hockey game with me, but not sleep with me??? And why does he want to stay such “good friends”?? Is this a recipe for disaster?? I really do like him, and I don’t know if I can carry on as “just friends” right now………I think we should take a break from hanging out as friends or from dating, until I get a job in the same city as him. I am looking to move there, as most of my friends are there. Thanks for the help.
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 When a man says things like:
'I'm not ready for a girlfriend'
'I don't trust women'
'I find you too clingy'
'I just wanna be friends'
what he is actually saying is:
'I don't want YOU as a girlfriend'
when you have sex with a guy like that he is thinking:
'Your ok to have casual sex with but I don't want YOU as a girlfriend'
Just thank your lucky stars he has told you he doesn't want to have sex anymore with you, at least he has no intention of using you (beyond friendship).
If, of course, you hang round him and give him the green light that you wanna have sex with him in the hopes it will make him want to be in a relationship with you then, believe me, he is then going to think:
'Your easy to have casual sex with but he STILL doesn't want YOU for a girlfriend'
If yiu hang around long enough you will have this confirmed when he DOES meet someone he wants to be with and then you will be thinking 'Hmm but he said he DIDN'T want a girlfriend'
but you know what the truth is...
he just doesn't want YOU!!
Accept it, because if you carry on driving yourself crazy over him you are going to end up very dissapointed and hurt.
Chin up girl...move on to something better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): ' I think he may be falling for me, and doesn’t want to, because he doesn’t want a Girlfriend.'.......Wrong. He's putting as much distance between himself and you precisely because he isn't falling for you.
A man says 'let's just be friends' for the same reason a woman does - lack of romantic interest. Your relationship was a flash in the pan. Intense and short lived. He's lost interest and wants to move on without any hard feelings. Let him.
Enjoy being single. Then you can date anyone you like without having to make some enormous life altering commitment.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (11 June 2011):
 You are absolutely correct. You can't carry on as "just friends". If he doesn't want a girlfriend, then he shouldn't have one. The whole thing about having been hurt and not trusting women is all rot. His idea of you being "clingy" is because you wanted, expected, and behaved like it was more than sex. You expected a relationship. You wanted exclusivity. Nothing wrong or clingy about that.
It's also very highly possible that in the several weeks you and he couldn't see each other, he met someone else. He then induced the fight in order to cause you to break up with him. Several weeks later, and you saw him and had sex with him. Truth is, for all of his crap about not trusting women, he is the one who can't be trusted.
This long distance relationship is dead, over, and in the coffin. Don't be friends with him. Be nothing with him and find a guy who is local and would appreciate you...as a girlfriend! Even if you go to the same city as him, don't see him. And don't go there just for him. I'm guessing you'd learn more about him than you wanted to.
...............................
|
