Like what
she writes?
... Add *untyEm to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
|
| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
|
I'm so attached to him, but was he trying to break communication? But then implied 'friends' only ?
Q. A guy and I were communicating on Skype as friends b/c we are Long distance. We've known each other for 5 years now since we met in person. We used to email before then we turned to Skype and he erased me from his contacts so I thought he cut-ted me ...
A. 25 January 2011: Lord the arrogance of men huh!! Implying you could still be in touch with him, even though he lied to you...what a nerve!!
Dry your tears darling, it's his loss and now you can move onto better things xxx... (read in full...)
Not sure if I should settle or not! Help please!
Q. Hello All!! I have been divorced for a long time (after writing this, it is becoming more clear why), since the mid 90's and have had two other serious relationships along with a few years of trying to work it out with the ex-wife and then few...
A. 20 January 2011: Being as you are in such a terrible state of confusion over what you actually want, I think the best thing to do, is to not get involved with this woman again. You had two attempts at a relationship with her and ended it both times. I am sure she ... (read in full...)
Broken up, how long should I wait before contacting him?
Q. My romantic interest lives on the other side of the world and he found someone else. I needed some time to get past the hurt of it, I just want to know what sort of time period shoulld I wait until I contact him to see how he is. i just want to be ...
A. 16 January 2011: Belive me, you think you need that contact again but...YOU DON'T. It would be like carrying baggage and if you keep in touch with him, you will find it so much harder to move on with your life.
Be strong...you don't need to know how he is...not... (read in full...)
What to do about a secretive, cheating husband?
Q. dear cupid for the past 2 years my husband has cheated on me with a 21 year old girl also other women call my home looking for my husband the 21 year old girl showed up at my house to see my husband i asked him if he knew her he said what if i do ...
A. 15 January 2011: I agree with the two previous answers. Your husband is your husband in name only. He is showing you massive disrespect and breaking his marriage vows by cheating. You need to be strong because it takes a lot to face up to the reality that the ... (read in full...)
Selfish or what???
Q. my husband's life revolves around his hobbies- currently golf. his idea of a good weekend is golf, sleep and tv. I should be happy just to cook his meals ,clean his mess and watch him sleep! He promises to be back in time if I ask to do something ...
A. 9 January 2011: I don't think I know of one single couple who are completely happy with eachothers behaviour in a long marriage (or relationship) Men are selfish creatures by their very nature. You have done for him for over 30 years so, for him, life is normal and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sent emails professing his love to another woman but won't admit it to me! What should I tell him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and just recently noticed that he has become quite distant. I now have discovered that my boyfriend has been communicating with another woman, has sent her a Xmas Present, went to see her for a weekend and ...
A. 4 January 2011: He is planning to leave. Tell him that you know exactly what is going on and that you want him out of your life NOW!!
He is planning his future with someone else...don't make it any more painful for yourself by allowing him to hang on and lie to y... (read in full...)
I have no idea who he really is!
Q. I have been seeing this guy for almost 2 months. Everything has been great, we hit it off, have fun, laugh and we usually see one another 3-4 times a week and I will sleep over. Well suddenly after xmas he seems different. Telling me he has been ...
A. 4 January 2011: Well it's true to say 'If you start digging, you had better be prepared for dirt'
aving uncovered so many unsavory things about this guy, you should consider yourself well rid of him.
Men do lie about their age, They do keep old girlfriends ... (read in full...)
He says I'm being unreasonable because I want to see him
Q. It's New Years Day. My mother is in hospital after suffering a massive stroke three weeks ago. I have had little/no support from my partner since this happened to my mother. I phone him, I talk, repeating the details of my day, he listens ...
A. 3 January 2011: To be honest, you will be better off doing things alone. If your mum doesn't pull through, then the person you should make your top priority is you...and definitely NOT him. You will have enough to do without considering him...so don't.
I hope you... (read in full...)
He says I'm being unreasonable because I want to see him
Q. It's New Years Day. My mother is in hospital after suffering a massive stroke three weeks ago. I have had little/no support from my partner since this happened to my mother. I phone him, I talk, repeating the details of my day, he listens ...
A. 2 January 2011: I know being lonely is a real killer, but you can tolerate some lonely times in your life as long as you stay positive about the future.
Telling yourself that you won't ever meet anyone else and you are doomed to a life of solitude is like fee... (read in full...)
Brokenhearted and afraid to live my life again!
Q. For the first time in my life I completely opened up to a man in every way because in my heart I knew he was the one for me, I gave him my all. Slowly he began to talk to me mean, he was always late for everything, he never really had any time for ...
A. 2 January 2011: It seems that you just got between two people who wern't quite over eachother, even after 5 years. It wasn't your fault but getting involved with anyone who has been previously married is a risk.
He probably did love you, when you were together... (read in full...)
I'm so attached to him, but was he trying to break communication? But then implied 'friends' only ?
Q. A guy and I were communicating on Skype as friends b/c we are Long distance. We've known each other for 5 years now since we met in person. We used to email before then we turned to Skype and he erased me from his contacts so I thought he cut-ted me ...
A. 2 January 2011: He is giving you confused messages because he is trying to break off from you gently without hurting you and feeling guilty himself.
Skype requires one-t-one and time, e mail requires less time and he doesn't have to reply straight away. He is mo... (read in full...)
He says I'm being unreasonable because I want to see him
Q. It's New Years Day. My mother is in hospital after suffering a massive stroke three weeks ago. I have had little/no support from my partner since this happened to my mother. I phone him, I talk, repeating the details of my day, he listens ...
A. 2 January 2011: The whole on and off thing is probably a good indicator that things are probably not going to last in the long run. I read some of your previous posts about your partner having a shady sex life in his past and you seem to have not accepted that so ... (read in full...)
He Says We Are Done, So Why Does He StilL Call Me Like We Are Still Dating, Each and Every Day?
Q. Hello. I know, I know, this sounds totally riduculous, but here goes. I have to have closure for the New Year, and perhaps you can help me. I had been dating a man for approximately 18 months before we split up during the Summer of 2010. We ...
A. 1 January 2011: I am in the same situation. I dated someone for two and a half years. We lived together for a while and he cheated on me and wanted out, so I let go. I was destroyed and depressed but slowly got over him. Its been almost 9 months since I saw him or ... (read in full...)
He says I'm being unreasonable because I want to see him
Q. It's New Years Day. My mother is in hospital after suffering a massive stroke three weeks ago. I have had little/no support from my partner since this happened to my mother. I phone him, I talk, repeating the details of my day, he listens ...
A. 1 January 2011: How long have you been dating this man? Do you live together? He seems as if he is angry at you for something to behave like this. Has he phoned you or asked to see you in the last 3 weeks?
Something doesnt seem right?... (read in full...)
Married man or emotionaly unavailable?
Q. I had been seeing a man for over a year, then he broke it off stating he was not ready for a long-term commitment. After 8 months with no contact, we recently reconciled. I suspect he may be married and have tried to ask questions to determine his ...
A. 31 December 2010: Good on you girl...you had the strength to walk away from a time waster low life.
Don't talk to me about charm, I have dated some very 'charming' men...'charming me towards the bedroom' that is...even snakes can be charming ya know!! it counts f... (read in full...)
I want my husband and lover back!
Q. my husband said he is in love with our children's best friends single mother. We both have two boys, and have been friends for years. Doing activities together all the time, with and with out our boys. Camping, vacations, bike riding, movies, etc.. ...
A. 31 December 2010: Aww I didnt mean to make you cry.
Well I guess the therapy may throw up some reasons why he is doing this. Has he talked about saving the marriage? or asked you about yours and the kids feelings and how this is affecting you all?...I am guessing... (read in full...)
If a girl regularly wears tight clothes or shows skin, does that mean she may not be faithful in a relationship?
Q. OK, I may get flack for this, but the Agony Aunts have given me wise advice thus far so I will give my question a chance: In brief: If a girl you know dresses very immodestly, is that a red flag for a possible future relationship? ...
A. 30 December 2010: Women don't generally dress to excite men, they dress to feel confident and good about themselves and in my opinion and from what I know, how a woman dresses has no determined connection to if she is faithful or not. Look at Camilla parker ... (read in full...)
I want my husband and lover back!
Q. my husband said he is in love with our children's best friends single mother. We both have two boys, and have been friends for years. Doing activities together all the time, with and with out our boys. Camping, vacations, bike riding, movies, etc.. ...
A. 30 December 2010: You need to ask your husband what is going on. It sounds very much like he has been having an affair for a very long time with this woman and now he loves her.
I really hate to say it but you might not want to break up the marriage, but honey, h... (read in full...)
I know we need to break up but I'm having trouble coming to terms
Q. I have been in a gay relationship for over 6yrs like any relationship it was going through the best phases of its life but I decided to move away from him cos of my job but touchwood most seems to have worked out well even when we decided to see ...
A. 30 December 2010: I can actually see his point. It must have really hurt him when you got married. I am sure you didn't really have much choice but still it must have hurt him so he is doing what anyone would do...he is trying to move on.
I think it's a good thi... (read in full...)
Is texting other men and women while in a relationship acceptable?
Q. I was married for 17 years and have been divorced for 6 years. I've dated off and on in those 6 years. it seems that people think it's ok to text other girls and men while being in a relationship. I don't think that is acceptable. my ex-husband and ...
A. 28 December 2010: The question is 'do you trust him?'
If you do...you won't mind him texting
If you don't trust him...the texting will drive you crazy.
I wouldnt be happy if my partner text ex girlfriends...but friends would be ok.
( I don't have a partne... (read in full...)
Is she wrong to begin a relationship with me again when she still has feelings for another?
Q. five years ago I began dating a wonderful woman, after 1-2 months, she dumped me to be with another man. Five years later, she asks me to take her back, we begin a serious realtionship and even talked about marriage. 6 months later she dumps me for ...
A. 28 December 2010: Sadly you picked and fell in love with an unreliable woman. Feeling love for someone is no guarantee that things will last or are even right in the first place.
She is wrong...no doubt about that and she is using you to fill the 'lonely' gap unti... (read in full...)
I cannot orgasm from intercourse. Is there something wrong with me?
Q. I just want to know if something is wrong with me because I cannot orgasm when we are having intercourse. It just does not happen, it only happens when he uses his tongue or finger. Does anybody know how to have an orgasm during intercourse?...
A. 28 December 2010: Most women can't reach full orgasm during intercourse so there is nothing wrong with you. It also makes little difference what position you have sex in or the size of your partners penis. Orgasm during foreplay is much more achievable.
You a... (read in full...)
Supposed to be getting married but I am unsure
Q. I am just not sure and feeling very anxious. i'm engaged to be married to my boyfriend in August. I live with him. We are both in our 40's. However I am happy just living together at the moment but he wants to get married,as he keeps saying I have ...
A. 28 December 2010: I know what I would do...I would put the brakes on pretty damn swiftly.
He is pressurising you (as men do when they want something)but marriage is a serious step. He is practically saying 'Marry me or I will assume you don't love me anymore'... (read in full...)
Am I rushing the situation or is he not interested in me?
Q. There's a new guy at work that I met and he seemed to like me, according to how he acts around me. Well, he invited me to his gym and i went and signed up. I signed up because I thought it would be a good idea since I liked him too. Well, we go to ...
A. 28 December 2010: Stop over thinking it...really you have gotten what you wanted...to get close to him and have sex. Men are generally more sexual so he picked up on your signal quite quickly. Now you have had sex, it's not the time to get all coy on him. Just be ... (read in full...)
I lied to my boyfriend about getting raped and being pregnant and he wants me to help raise the baby!!!!
Q. Okay, I'm 14. My boyfriend (who's 13) and I are really close, so we tell each other everything. One day, I saw him talking to his friend, who I SWEAR was hitting on him (she was touching him and everything)!! So I (obviously) got upset... I didn't ...
A. 24 December 2010: You don't really have a choice but to tell him. Better to tell him now and say you panicked rather than let things go on and on and deceive him over a much longer time. You are so young and I know feelings can be intense but you will calm down as ... (read in full...)
My first love from 30 years ago contacted me...He's free, I'm not. I still love him. Don't know how to quit him. Help!
Q. I have been with my husband for over 20 years. We have a good marriage now, not always easy (I guess that's marriage afterall), but we are making it work. We also have children. Last year, I was contacted by the first man I ever loved. There wa...
A. 22 December 2010: Have you ever asked him why he has contacted you after all this time?
Something isn't quite right here...not with you but with him. If he has no intention to disrupt your life then why is he pressing for phone contact? It just doesn't make sen... (read in full...)
Once trust has gone, will it ever come back?
Q. once a womans trust is gone is that it? game over? how can trust be regained. how can you show a woman you mean what you say even though she doesnt believe a word you say. how can you show a woman youve changed if she wont even see you....
A. 14 December 2010: If you don't know how your partner can be so hurtful, then she is probably thinking the same about you?
Why were you flirting when you are in a relationship and have children?...why would you do that to someone you love?
Do you realise how ... (read in full...)
My wife wants us to separate... advice welcome!
Q. My wife and I are approaching our 9th wedding anniversay we are both 33, we've been together for 14 years, and it's all falling to pieces, we have had many years of heart ache and trouble with her family and to be honest my intollance of how they ...
A. 10 December 2010: I think I can see why she wants to separate from you. You arn't eh man she married, you have changed. Even if it was no fault of your own, it will be very hard for her to change her feelings of dissapointment.
You also display some controll... (read in full...)
He cheated and denied it... I'm stuck and want to get a divorce!
Q. im 36 with three kids under 10. ive been married for 11 years. my husband about a year and a half ago signed up on ashley madison .com. i found his profile three days after he signed up. at that time i also found out that he was talking to his ...
A. 5 December 2010: I agree 110% with youwish...you need to start formulating a plan and the first thing to get straight is your money, because without that you can't make a move. Confide in a few close friends who you can trust for support.
It's not going to be ea... (read in full...)
I am unsure about his 2 children, but I don't want to lose him!
Q. Im 26 I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months. I love him to death and don't know what I would do without him. He has 2 kids aged 6 and 10 from a previous relationship who live with him full time. I bought my own house last year and would ...
A. 5 December 2010: I agree, it's only been 9 months so you have lots of time to see how you feel in the near future. Don't let him pressure you, I think there has to be a lot more discussion about how the kids will integrate with you before you even think about moving ... (read in full...)
I wish my husband would give me affection!
Q. Hi, how do you keep affection in a marriage alive? I feel like the flame has died down after 20 years. We still have a very above average sex life--but it is just sex/lust. Sometimes, I feel lonely because I feel no romantic connection. I some ...
A. 4 December 2010: I swear blokes are like blind rhinocerous where romance is concerned. You may have to get your feminine tool kit out and begin reigniting that flame...sulking that you arn't getting the romance you want won't help, it's time to get all loving diva ... (read in full...)
I can't be friends with her anymore because I love her
Q. hi really like this girl who has bf am sure she likes me we hang out alot etc ive told her i cant be friends with her ne more because i really like her have i done the right thing trying to give her a push as i dont like shes happy with h...
A. 4 December 2010: I agree, you're going to have to busy yourself and play the waiting game...it's the wrong time to make you're move because she may be happy with her BF and want to stay with him...coming between couples is always a bad idea because you never really ... (read in full...)
Why would he tell me this now after a year?
Q. Well I have a concern about my boyfriend. Just yesterday he decided to tell me that last year he went to Q-trip to get gas for his truck. There was this female that he uses to date she approaches him and asks him for $5.00. “Why” would he just now ...
A. 4 December 2010: I agree, it doesn't sound like a big deal to him and thats because it obviously doesn't mean anything to him. You lied to her and told her he was your husband...it's like firing a possesive warning shot across someones bowes!!!
...do you really feel... (read in full...)
Mixed feelings...
Q. I have mixed feelings! Having been out of the dating game for some time I recently met someone online. Although, at first I was honest with him and told him he was "not my type" he persisted in keeping in contact. He grew on me and we have been on a ...
A. 4 December 2010: To me that sounds like love...and that often happens when you begin to date and give someone a chance who isn't the usual type of person you go for....how exciting, play it cool, but don't put that fire out just yet...seems there is definitely more ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my girlfriend's weight gain?
Q. Hi Ive been with my partner over two years now, and over that time she seems to have gained a lot of weight. When we first met, she was a 14-16, curvy, but absoloutly fine. Since then, shes gone to a size 20. And is eating lots/ not doing...
A. 3 December 2010: Ask her if she is happy or if there is something bothering her. Overeating is usually a sign of loss of confidence, low self esteem, worrying about a situation, feeling insecure, stressed,bored or frustrated. It could be a medical condition of ... (read in full...)
Feeling left out in the workplace, any advice?
Q. sorry for the length I like my job,i dont want to leave or transfer. Im a shift worker, I work in a hospital environment, my work place has 2/3 people under 30, 1/3 over 30 - 2 people in their 50s, which is fine. 2 people are male, the 3o...
A. 3 December 2010: I am so with you on this. I worked in a hospital environment for years and I know how the staff can be. I work in maternity now and was warned that it was a very bitchy clique. I am also the kind of person who would easily be left out, so I made a ... (read in full...)
Lost without my lover but I can't leave my partner.
Q. So confused who or if im in love I had an affair with a girl 14 years yonger than me yet we think the same and act the same. we have been on and of for over 2 years. We both love cuddles and sex is great we are so hooked up. I have tried en...
A. 3 December 2010: It appears you arn't actually in love with either of them. Love is selfless and unconditional. Love isn't something you can manipulate to get what you want. If you love someone, you would rather cut off your own head than hurt them or decieve them, ... (read in full...)
Am I rushing the situation or is he not interested in me?
Q. There's a new guy at work that I met and he seemed to like me, according to how he acts around me. Well, he invited me to his gym and i went and signed up. I signed up because I thought it would be a good idea since I liked him too. Well, we go to ...
A. 2 December 2010: It definitely sounds as if he just wants to be a friend. If you are struggling with your feelings, it might be wise to stop working out with him. If he asks why then tell him the truth.... (read in full...)
I caught him acting deceitful but I did it while spying
Q. I'm involved with a man that I'm deeply in love with but do not trust. In the past he hid the fact that he was still with his ex and had a secret text relationship with her (if not more). He promised he would change and after 5 breakups things ...
A. 1 December 2010: You don't want to walk away but in all reality, it's just a matter of time before he walks away from you. He is lining up the other woman and you know it. Be a smart girl and dump him....he's a liar.... (read in full...)
How can I be in two places at once?
Q. I am taking care of my father who is in his eighties and recently came out of the hospital. I am not so worried about taking time off from work, but I worry that my boyfriend is lonely (now two states away) and though he understands, I wonder if ...
A. 1 December 2010: It's just one of those life events that has to be dealt with unfortunately...you shouldn't worry, I am sure your boyfriend understands and will be patient. He could always visit for a few weekends so you can see eachother. If he begins to grumble ... (read in full...)
I feel as if I am falling for him all over again but I'm worried about his girlfriend of 10 months
Q. Hi, I recently contacted an old love on fb. We've been corresponding for months but havent seen each other for 24 yrs. We had a brief passionate fling but I ended it as I was already in a relationship..he said I broke his heart. We've both been ...
A. 1 December 2010: I think it's one of those situations where you don't really know how things will pan out until you meet again. It's not fair to assume that he in't serious about his girlfriend if he is showing interest in you. I don't know any man that would turn ... (read in full...)
Lost without my lover but I can't leave my partner.
Q. So confused who or if im in love I had an affair with a girl 14 years yonger than me yet we think the same and act the same. we have been on and of for over 2 years. We both love cuddles and sex is great we are so hooked up. I have tried en...
A. 18 November 2010: How do you think this will affect your children when they get a bit older and they find out you cheated on their mother. That particular gem awaits you as you have already messed up their lives. Do you even care how this is affecting the women you ... (read in full...)
Am I rushing the situation or is he not interested in me?
Q. There's a new guy at work that I met and he seemed to like me, according to how he acts around me. Well, he invited me to his gym and i went and signed up. I signed up because I thought it would be a good idea since I liked him too. Well, we go to ...
A. 3 November 2010: Sounds like he wants to become a friend...seems like a good place to start, just enjoy getting to know him gradually and who knows what might develop.
Best of luck x... (read in full...)
| *untyEm's friends
These are mutual friends, so *untyEm has
added them and they have added *untyEm!
|
![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
