A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i met this guy online a couple months ago. we messaged back and forth a few times, and talked on the phone a few times. ive done the majority of the initiating, and it takes him awhile to return a message, but he always sounds happy to hear my voice on the phone, we ALWAYS laugh and enjoy each other. ive noticed also hes not online much, so ive given him the benefit of the doubt about non immediate responses lol he has recently messaged me suggesting we meet, perhaps go on a roadtrip this summer, etc, just throwing it out there...so last week he messages me saying hes coming through my town on personal business and would like to meet me, saying hed be here saturday if i wasnt too busy? i said sure, would be great to meet. then, i dont hear anything, by saturday afternoon im thinking wtf? lol so i call, no answer (he has always answered his phone), i try to call again at supper time, he says hes here, just getting a room, etc. so we hooked up that night (but i still think he should have called to let me know for sure, AND of course i worry about people travelling, but whatever, i didnt mention it) we got along great, laughing joking, eye contact, hes a real sweetie. we even managed to get to know each other better...i thought it went well. he asked for a hug when we met, which was fine, but at the end of the night, nothing...and there i went WTF ing? again lol as i was leaving he kinda just stood there with me, still talking, like, ok im leeeeaviiiing. when i initially told him i better get going, he DID ask me if i was busy monday, because he might drive back through, but just for a couple hours. i kinda gave him the same response i did to his message of meeting "probably working, yes, but would love to see you" kinda letting him know id make time for him. when i got home, i wondered if i was actually clear with him, i swear to god i googly eyed him the whole night lol do guys notice that??? so i called him and told him that i thought he was great! and he responded with "thanks for hanging out with me" my heart sank a little, was expecting maybe a, gee i dunno "i really like you too"??? it is now monday 5:30 pm, not a word from him. ive got a time frame in mind, like TONIGHT lol, and if i dont hear from him, im writing him off, he had his chance! i just cant help but wonder if i blew him off without meaning to, or made it sound bad by referring to him as a "nice guy" i really do think hes sweet, but time waits for noone, and i think if someones WANTS to see you, they WILL. i thought we had a connection, wrong? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): update: over a week had passed, and i decided to message him, i know i know, dont contact him, etc etc lol but i thought of it this way: just because hes not interested, doesnt mean hes a bad guy. so i wrote him letting him know i think hes great and good luck with everything...in a nutshell. turns out my hunch was right, i apparently fled the scene (our visit) too quickly, and he thought hed done something wrong, just not an aggressive/assertive guy..very respectful...didnt come back because he didnt think id want another visit with him, hence my comment to him "youre a nice guy", i did not really elaborate. anywho......he wants to see me again, threw a calender date at me, possibly spending a few days here! not soon enough in my opinion (less than 2 weeks from now) but i am so excited!ill try to keep my head about it, but truly, ive not met anyone in a long time that i felt such a connection to....baby steps...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): You're doing the initiating - stop it and see what he does. You've put yourself in the position of doing all the work - that's his job. Create the attraction/tension.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Lot's of people get 'chatting' through websites and get on famously...until they meet!!, thats the pitfall of internet dating and most men are all about how a woman looks.
It seems this guy either just isn't into you or he is just looking for a friend. Men in general will pursue and chase a woman if they want her...if he isn't calling, then he isnt thinking about you.
Give yourself a good talking to and stop obsessing over if he likes you or not...it won't help at all.
Get on with your life, if you don't hear from him in a couple of weeks, send a brief e-mail or text...a kinda 'how are you' sorta thing. If he doesn't text back then accept that it was a non-starter for him and move on. If he calls in the meantime, its up to you whether you choose to see him again but dont go along with it expecting some kind of huge romantic adventure, if in fact the guy just wants a casual friend...because that is going to make you even more obsessive and hurt.
Its frustrating when we dont get the reaction we want from someone, but their reaction should tell us everything we need to know...if he was chasing you...you'd know for sure!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): hey thanks you guys for answering. obviously its not every day that you feel a real connection to someone. he is my age, hes in operations, been doing that for 20 years. he was coming through here to look at some property in this area, which would mean hed be closer to me than what he is now. (maybe not now lol) he even showed me the places he was looking at and asked for my input. i originally started communicating with him on a dating site, so i didnt really ever feel the need to ask why he wanted to meet me, because we laughed like hell when we got on the phone for the 1st time, like we knew each other already. i just took our meeting as "i like this girl from what i know so far, i want to meet her, see what happens" he has mentioned the possibility of a trip together in the future. i did not bring up anything related to relationships, i just went with the flow. but i was kind of surprised when he messaged and said "lets meet" i thought it would take awhile longer for him. i thought of it also as him seriously wanting to meet someone and putting that into his agenda. he had no other business in this town other than to meet me. nothing i can do about it. how frustrating. i did try to call him, i wanted so bad to know why he didnt come back or even let me know how the property search went, but i hung up after a few rings bad girl! lol
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 I see two main possibilities here.
1) He's a nice guy, who's probably been burned in the past, not enough to screw him up, but enough that he takes things slow and steady. In this case, he does indeed notice the googly eyes (love that term) and leaning in, and just worries about going for it. Most likely not scared to make the move, but of the consequences of the move - that is, first-date sex and the usual fallout from that.
If this is the case, he likes you, but feels that sex too early would screw things up. I think this is the slightly less likely case, though; most likely he would have kissed you if it was (not guaranteed though). What salvages the possibility is that you called him a Nice Guy. Calling him a Nice Guy would tend to put most men on the defensive, though - it's the male equivalent of being called fat.
If this is the case, keep talking to him and see if he's eager to meet up again soon. If not, move on; if so, meet up and just go for the kiss yourself.
2) He's just not that into you, though he only really realized it during the actual date, but is still enough of a stand-up guy not to just sleep with you and move on. I think this is slightly more likely (call it 60/40), given that you are the one initiating most contact. If this is the case, there's not much chance of salvaging it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2011): Do you know what he does for a living? Do you know why he was in town? How old he is? Why he was interested in meeting you in the first place?He does not sound outward going or very upfront/confident about communicating.Are you sure you could not do better and meet someone more straightforward, something sounds a bit grim about the way he communicates. Either way the first thing you should do the next time you meet is try not to let things like calling you on time go under the raidar too often.It sounds like there is not a joyous potential relationship here but a tentative one? If I were you I would ask for a straight answer and ask him what he had in mind since he has met you - you could always say that you are interested in dating and meeting people and would like to know what he had in mind - no pressure but you are wondering?If he is a relatively mature adult he should be able to cope with this.
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