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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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| Latest articles: Happy Christmas: My thoughts on DC
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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Throwing in the towel is never been an option if you love someone, or is it???
Q. I've been in a relationship for over a year. I moved 700 plus miles to be with this woman. We both come from long marriages with bad ex'es. We both have custody of our boys. Needless to say blending a family is hard. Please tell me if I'm being an ...
A. 13 March 2012: People like her deserve to be alone with no partner at all.
Forget being nice and creating NO Drama..Pack your bags and leave, you arn't married to her and you can afford to rent a place of your own.
I seriously don't know why you haven't done... (read in full...)
I have been paying for everything while he saves his money...should I leave if he doesn't follow through on his promise?
Q. I havent been wed very long but me and my hubby both work, we both earn about the same plus I have outgoings and he doesnt. The problem is is that I pay for everything and and its been this way all the time. before I met him I had savings. I could ...
A. 9 March 2012: Instead of leaving why don't you make a suggestion to him that you split everything 50/50.
He needs to be paying half the rent/food/utilities/house repairs and car maintenence costs.
If you have outstanding financial commitments you ... (read in full...)
I asked him to marry me on February 29th, but he keeps changing his mind about buying the ring!
Q. i have a problem that some will think im stupid on. I asked my man to marry me on feb 29th and he said yes. we talked about rings and i showed him the ring that i wanted which wasnt alot 150 pounds. He said no problem he would get it for when we go ...
A. 9 March 2012: I agree with worldlywise. I think he feels rushed or pushed. He most likely loves you and wants to be with you but maybe isn't ready for marriage. Why did he say yes when you asked him?...probably because if he had said no, you would have been ... (read in full...)
My g/f has had 35 plus partners and I know 4 of them!
Q. my girlfriend of 10years has had about 35previous partners an i can't stop thinking about it and 4of them i know. i have these feelings of anger alot i still even think theres more an she is lying an theres a chance she cheated with 2 or 3 aswell im ...
A. 9 March 2012: Im going to be blunt...and brutal!!
The only shitty thing about this situation is YOU.
You have known this about her for 10 years. You knew she had other kids from different men and yet it wasn't a problem then...so why is it now?
I wonder... (read in full...)
I want to tighten myself up
Q. am in a relationship for over five years now and we've been having sex for the past two year but i want to stop having sex,what should i do cos my vaginal is very loose and i don't know what to do to thighten it?...
A. 8 March 2012: Pelvic floor exercises.
http://www.guysandstthomas.nhs.uk/resources/patientinfo/womens/pelvicfloorexercises.pdf
You cant make your vagina smaller but you can strengthen the muscles within it.... (read in full...)
How can a guy be still in love with me after 15 years?
Q. How can a guy be still in love after 15 years? He is a family friend, same age and loves me like a crazy. He proposed me few times but I wasn’t ready to get married and didn’t accept. I got married 8 years ago but he is not dating anyone because he ...
A. 8 March 2012: I don't think you can help him other than completely breaking contact so he can forget and move on, but he seems pretty entrenched in his love for you. You are married but you must ask yourself what you would do or how you would feel if this man ... (read in full...)
Little sex, I'm working nights, found wife's sex toy. Is she cheating?
Q. My wife and I have been together for 4 years but in the last 3 have only had sex maybe 6 times. Just resently I found a sex toy after she went away for a weekend for work. I know she has been using the lotion she got for us also when I was working ...
A. 8 March 2012: No you should not be concerned at all about the sex toy. Have you asked her why you arn't having sex?...it might give you some clue to just ask her straight out rather than making illogical judgements.
Ask her...... (read in full...)
I can't seem to stop contacting him, no matter how hard I try!
Q. I feel so silly to be doing this at my age! I have split up with a guy who I had been seeing for 6 months - we split about a month ago. It was a mutual agreement in the end as I felt he wasn't putting much effort in. However, I can't seem t...
A. 7 March 2012: Hate to pour water on this and yep you could go for the whole 'lets get it out in the open and see what we want' dinner but I fear he has already stated his wish and it's to just be friends with you.
He is texting to be respectful because he proba... (read in full...)
I've developed a strong hate for gay men because of a failed legal dispute, how do I change this?
Q. Ive been involved in a legal dispute with a major airline the last two years over a discrimination claim. Ive now lost the case and the man I accused of discriminating me is gay. Since the incident (and a few bar happenings), Ive overall developed a ...
A. 5 March 2012: Good for you, nobody ever died from saying hello :-)... (read in full...)
Went out for a drink with a male friend but didnt tell my husband the friend was a man, should I tell my husband the truth?
Q. Hi, I am in a slight dilemma over something that happened recently. I am a happily married woman with a stepson, and I have many male friends at work. They are just that, friends, and I would never think of doing anything with them that could harm ...
A. 5 March 2012: If you arnt going to see the guy again and you know in your heart that nothing ever would have happened then I see no reason to 'confess'...it might arouse suspicion where none is warrented so it's better to treat it as 'no big deal' because thats ... (read in full...)
My depression is eroding my confidence and self esteem and I feel that no one will ever love me
Q. DearCupid I have depression and i have been to the doctor and becuse am under 18 (am 17) they wont prescibe antidepressants to me. I feel awful i am constaly told at home how useless i am and made to feel i worthless i am. I desperatly want to ...
A. 5 March 2012: You are very welcome and it is my pleasure. You really can make things work for yourself if you work hard and don't let others hold you back. There is so much help available for people your age and yes, the world is your oyster honey and you can go ... (read in full...)
Should I contact my ex, who hurt me or wait for him to contact me?
Q. I'm curious if any men out there ever wished they could get their ex back after leaving them for someone else and then a yr. or so later realized you had made a huge mistake or the one you hooked up with ended up dumping you? Were you too much of ...
A. 5 March 2012: Yep. sadly it might be time to lay it to rest but at least if you deal the final blow, knowing what you know, it will give you power and then some peace. All mourners have to move on eventually or else we would just cry forever.
Lay it down, gr... (read in full...)
New relationship - Am I being silly or what?
Q. Good afternoon all, I will give you a little background regarding my situation. I'm in my 40s and met a wonderful man a couple of years younger back in November while walking my dog. We actually live on the same street and we have been dating ...
A. 5 March 2012: I am so sorry you got hurt dear girl, but you are in good company me you sandra Bullock!!! happens to the best of 'em.
Try not to let it drag you under.
Hugs... (read in full...)
I might as well be single, I'm liviing like a room mate!
Q. Someone suggested reposting to get fresh advice.. so here i am! Hi, My partner who i live with, is addicted to online gaming. Not only that, but when he does deign to spend any time with me, it's generally him wanting to "get it on", he canno...
A. 4 March 2012: Addicts are selfish selfish selfish people who are so blinded and blinkered by their addiction that they absolutely refuse to see what is going on around them. We think gaming is harmless but it causes just as much disruption and damage to ... (read in full...)
Throwing in the towel is never been an option if you love someone, or is it???
Q. I've been in a relationship for over a year. I moved 700 plus miles to be with this woman. We both come from long marriages with bad ex'es. We both have custody of our boys. Needless to say blending a family is hard. Please tell me if I'm being an ...
A. 4 March 2012: Wow!!! She has good qualities?? Too bad you didn't list any because anyone reading this is going to tell you to get away from her.
Relationships require balance and it's hard to have an opinion on this because there is no balance here. There is... (read in full...)
He cheats on me, we don't have sex. What should I do?
Q. we lived all life without sex, he was always cheating on me saying that was tired, i did something wrong, I didn´t do something well and so on... we married he was 29 and I 25, we had sex one day and other 2 weeks without, it was the routine during ...
A. 2 March 2012: Leaveing seems to be your only option.... (read in full...)
Are these signs of a man with issues or is it his situation that has made him push me away?
Q. Hi I guess I really am asking others for conformation of something I already know in my heart but maybe I someone has another perspective .I have posted before and this is my third disaster relationship since a long term toxic relationship 7 yrs ago ...
A. 2 March 2012: Ok I'll have a stab at this one...
A man that lies about his situation, tells you he doesn't want you to get too attached or that he doesn't want to meet your child, a man that criticises you, tells you that you arn't compatible, compared... (read in full...)
Is it sensible to stay friends with my ex when I want her back?
Q. hi, my girlfriend of over a year broke up with me recently. We didnt fight much, I didn't do anything extremely wrong and it's fair to say the break up was out of the blue. It was because she wants to be single. she said she wanted space and...
A. 2 March 2012: Put yourself first. You can't move on whilst remaining friends and she can't use you as a friend if she knows you still have feelings for her...it's stalemate.
The best solution is to stay away from eachother for the time being. Use the no conta... (read in full...)
My depression is eroding my confidence and self esteem and I feel that no one will ever love me
Q. DearCupid I have depression and i have been to the doctor and becuse am under 18 (am 17) they wont prescibe antidepressants to me. I feel awful i am constaly told at home how useless i am and made to feel i worthless i am. I desperatly want to ...
A. 2 March 2012: You know what...life is a funny old thing. There are no guarantees for anyone (not even your perfect cousin) that all will be perfect in the end and life is almost NEVER perfect for anyone, not even the most beautiful attractive successful people.
... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my confused feelings? I think my brother's wife fancies me and I feel the same about her.
Q. My brother's wife and I have history, we both have moved on since she married my brother but the only problem is deep down i still fancy her and deep down in her heart i know she feels the same. But she will not admit it to herself. We only see each...
A. 2 March 2012: Oh dear!!! 'Can of worms alert!!!'
You could blow the lid off it and start having an affair with her and see where that gets you...family fights. mistrust, jealousy, your family disowning you etc
or you could do the right thing (and it is the r... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to understand why my husband had affairs!
Q. My husband established two illicit text relationships over a period of two months, he slept with one of the woman after getting seriously drunk. I have decided to give him a second chance and I am plagued with the usual hauntings a victim of an ...
A. 2 March 2012: I agree, there is no real way to know the full truth and he will only tell you what he wants you to hear because he wants to protect his own security. I am not sure I would believe that he didn't get any gratification. He obviously got physical with ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend vs FWB. How do you know what the guy thinks of you as?
Q. how do you know if a guy likes you as a possible girlfriend? or if he is just interested in sex- you as a friend with benefits? what are the signs that he wants you as a girlfriend? thanks...
A. 2 March 2012: If he wants you as a girlfriend he will date you and get to know you for a while, allow you to know all about him, intro duce you to his friends and family and discuss with you mutually when to start having sex when it feels right for both of you.
... (read in full...)
Blow up over a birthday gift, and cold turkey on sex??
Q. About 3 months ago I reconnected with an old flame from about 9 years ago! He seemed really excited to run into me, stated that he's now a business owner, a promoter, a father of 2 and is currently going through a separation. I, on the other hand, ...
A. 2 March 2012: Guys throw up confusing and flaky behaviour either when they are covering up or they don't know what they want. This guy is all over the place.
Are you a friend?, Lover?, girlfriend? friend with benefits? public convienience?, a hook up? Booty ca... (read in full...)
What are your opinions on taking a break and giving your lover space after a horrible argument?
Q. Hello everyone. My boyfriend and I got into the worst argument we've ever gotten into last Friday. We've been together for almost two years now and that one topped them all. I will be honest that I barely have the energy and strength to expl...
A. 1 March 2012: Yep I get your point 100% and it is a bit of a flag but these are quite young people and I still think there is room for lessons to be learned. The trouble is that if she calls him now and demands he come back to speak to her, both you and I know he ... (read in full...)
My ex wants us to start sleeping together again! What is he playing at? Does he not care how this will affect the kids?
Q. Is my ex partner trying to play mind games? 2 months ago i broke up with my partner of 8 yrs as he can been verbally and physically abusive towards me. He accused me of giving him children he didnt want and ruining his life, i was also accused of ...
A. 1 March 2012:
It beggars my belief to know that women far and wide and spanning many years will do absolutely anything to keep a man in their life for the sake of that one word 'LOVE'
Love when it is flowing both ways and there is mutual respect and proven t... (read in full...)
What are your opinions on taking a break and giving your lover space after a horrible argument?
Q. Hello everyone. My boyfriend and I got into the worst argument we've ever gotten into last Friday. We've been together for almost two years now and that one topped them all. I will be honest that I barely have the energy and strength to expl...
A. 1 March 2012: With respect, ultimatums are fine if you intend to carry them out if the other person does not respond. I don't think this OP wants to make that threat to her BF.
We also don't know what the argument is about and it could be something that the... (read in full...)
I've developed a strong hate for gay men because of a failed legal dispute, how do I change this?
Q. Ive been involved in a legal dispute with a major airline the last two years over a discrimination claim. Ive now lost the case and the man I accused of discriminating me is gay. Since the incident (and a few bar happenings), Ive overall developed a ...
A. 1 March 2012: I think with anything where you develop hatred for some thing or someone the only way to unravel yourself is to get therapy.
We can all sit here and tell you to not judge all by your one incident but that really wouldn't help. You have obviousl... (read in full...)
I thought he really liked me, but he tried to kiss someone else that night! How do I forget about our amazing kiss and move on?
Q. So I fell for this guy about 3 months ago, and I thought he really liked me. One night he kissed me (he is only the 2nd guy I have kissed) but it was so amazing. He was gentle and lovely. I found out later he tried to kiss someone else that nite. I ...
A. 1 March 2012: Not much you can do sadly other than keep pulling yourself back to reality and get on with your life. There are a lot of jerks out there (both men and women) and a kiss doesn't really mean very much.
You arn't an idiot, you are maybe just someone ... (read in full...)
What are your opinions on taking a break and giving your lover space after a horrible argument?
Q. Hello everyone. My boyfriend and I got into the worst argument we've ever gotten into last Friday. We've been together for almost two years now and that one topped them all. I will be honest that I barely have the energy and strength to expl...
A. 1 March 2012: It's the typical Men are from Mars, women are from Venus set up.
When a problem/argument happens, men are compelled to have space, go into their cave and find a solution by themselves.
When a problem/argument happens, women are compelled ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to wear my most slimming outfit 2 times in a row?
Q. I met someone from online about 2 weeks ago. We spoke for 2 weeks prior to meeting as well. We met and the date went pretty well and we seem to like each other. He doesn't live very close and I am going to go visit him this weekend and it will be ...
A. 1 March 2012: I think it will be absolutely fine and he won't notice. You could always dress it up with a pretty scarf or different shoes or wear your hair a different way. Really most men wouldn't notice, he will just be happy to see you.
One thing you must... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a gangster! Should I marry him?
Q. Hiya, I'm 27 years old woman and I dated a 19 year old boy for 5 months last year. The very first time that we met, I doubted that we would ever got along as he's 8years younger than me, turned out, it was like love at the first sight for us both ...
A. 1 March 2012: Do I think you should say yes to a marriage proposal from a 20 year old child who has turned his back on his family for a life of crime and murder?...Ummm that would have to be a big fat NO!!!
Really? are you serious? The fact that you know he ... (read in full...)
An old friend wants back into my life, but I don't think I can handle his issues
Q. Someone is trying to get back into my life, and I’m very conflicted about it. Bear with me while I try to keep this as short as I can and still give enough detail. We were buds in high school, but really bonded in our last year there when our g...
A. 1 March 2012: This is a really interesting question and firstly thankyou for sharing.
I can't help comparing this dilemma to what others here on DC experience when they stay in bad love relationships even when they know they are being used and abused. They sta... (read in full...)
Is there still a spark there with him???
Q. I have been in touch with my ex boyfriend, now married. It was a bad breakup and we started to finally talk and be friends again. Well one night I get two phone calls from his wife telling me not to talk to him or text him again. I didn't pick up. ...
A. 29 February 2012: It's sneaky behaviour...he is married, he belongs to someone else...go there at your own peril.
I agree with the other aunts, you can't be friends with an ex if there are still 'connections' between you and you are both attached to other people..... (read in full...)
Is there still a spark there with him???
Q. I have been in touch with my ex boyfriend, now married. It was a bad breakup and we started to finally talk and be friends again. Well one night I get two phone calls from his wife telling me not to talk to him or text him again. I didn't pick up. ...
A. 29 February 2012: Gosh arn't people tricky!!
The question shouldn't be why didn't he block you, the question should be why are you starting something with a married man? (and you do intend to start something...and so does he, it seems) His wife must be concerne... (read in full...)
What should I do if he doesn't respond to my messages?
Q. My boyfriend sent me a text message this morning saying that he loves me, and a couple of hours later, he called me, but i missed the call. He didnt leave a voicemail message. I couldn't get back to him until a few hours later. I tried to call him ...
A. 29 February 2012: You are over thinking it way too much. You know he's having a busy day...so...he's busy. Stop second guessing and get on with your day. He already said he loved you today, so be happy that he has given you a thought. When he isn't busy, he will ... (read in full...)
Liking a friend's ex?
Q. I really.like my friend's ex-bf. They have broken up many times when they dated and got back together. They broke up again and now my friend has a new boyfriend. I'm afraid to tell her that I like her ex. But i want to tell her I like him but don't ...
A. 29 February 2012: I agree...GIRL CODE is a must, if you really value her as a friend.
Just say something like 'I really fancy *****, would you think it's crappy if I went out with him?'
Some people get very territorial about ex's, even if they have moved on an... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never calls and it's starting to bother me.
Q. I know this isn't a life altering issue or anything, but it's starting to really bother me. My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together and we text every day. We rarely talk on the phone- maybe once a week. When we talk, and the conversation ...
A. 29 February 2012: I think it's not a big deal. He already told you he's not a phone guy so...he's not a phone guy.
How is the rest of your relationship? How does he treat you when you are together? and more importantly...how do you treat him? Women tend to fall ... (read in full...)
I feel like an outsider after our discussion about wills and money!
Q. HI guys. I have posted questions on here before and had some really good advice so hope you can help. To cut a long story short, I have been with my partner almost four years and we are reasonably happy. It started out long distant but i mo...
A. 29 February 2012: Forgive me for saying so but you just don't seem that happy overall with your relationship.
You firstly said you were 'reasonably happy' which implies that all is not rosy in the garden. What other issues are you facing or is it just about th... (read in full...)
Scared that no one will want me now, and terrified to find out!
Q. Dear Aunts/Uncles Im going to try and keep this brief but to the point. Single mother of three, suffer with servere I.B.S for 18 yrs, but now its not too bad. Have had a recent hysterectomy, so cant have any more kids, and obviously now goi...
A. 28 February 2012: Good girl!!!
Just go for it and don't worry...it'll only give ya wrinkles :-)
xxxxx... (read in full...)
Do you remember how/why you found Dear Cupid and did it help?
Q. Not a dating/relationship question as such, but just curious...Do you remember why/how you came across Dear Cupid and do you take that into account when answering questions? E.G. When you tell someone to move on/dump their partner, do you ...
A. 28 February 2012: I came to DC a few years ago when I was going through a really bad relationship break up. It was all the usual stuff, I loved him but he was a serial cheat and I thought the strength of my love and good nature would be enough to save things!!!...Yep ... (read in full...)
How do I mend my broken heart? I've been having an affair with a married man!
Q. how do i mend my broken heart? Im a married woman and i have been involved with a married man for the past 5 years, i fell deeply in love with him he said he loved me too. I helped him pay off bills and have been there as much as i could. He is a ...
A. 28 February 2012: Affairs are exciting arn't they??
If you had to put it all in a big melting pot what would be in there?
Passion,thrills, love, hopes and dreams, desires, sexual liasons?
and then what else is in there?
deception, lies, fear,jealous... (read in full...)
Scared that no one will want me now, and terrified to find out!
Q. Dear Aunts/Uncles Im going to try and keep this brief but to the point. Single mother of three, suffer with servere I.B.S for 18 yrs, but now its not too bad. Have had a recent hysterectomy, so cant have any more kids, and obviously now goi...
A. 28 February 2012: I agree with the other aunt who answered...the IBS and hystorectomy arn't a big deal, you don't even need to mention those things unless you particularly meet someone who wants kids so I wouldn't worry.
The body thing, well we can all lose a b... (read in full...)
New relationship - Am I being silly or what?
Q. Good afternoon all, I will give you a little background regarding my situation. I'm in my 40s and met a wonderful man a couple of years younger back in November while walking my dog. We actually live on the same street and we have been dating ...
A. 22 February 2012: It could be that he is busy or it could be that as he nears the end of his marriage and is finally moving on to a place of his own, he might feel that he wants his freedom.
I know that sounds a bit rough because you both have been so close bu... (read in full...)
Should I contact my ex, who hurt me or wait for him to contact me?
Q. I'm curious if any men out there ever wished they could get their ex back after leaving them for someone else and then a yr. or so later realized you had made a huge mistake or the one you hooked up with ended up dumping you? Were you too much of ...
A. 13 February 2012: You want him back.
You know what he has done before and you are prepared to forgive him.
Seems as if he still wants to get back with you.
I'd get his siter to tell him to contact you if he wants another chance.
That said, go back with both eyes o... (read in full...)
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