A
female
age
51-59,
*needhelp1969
writes:I just found out my husband cheated on me for the second time. We had been married for 13 yrs and had our ups and downs, then I found out about a affair he was having and we split up, but never got divorced. It was like that for about 6 yrs, in agony because I still loved him but hated him for doing that to us. Had a young daughter at the time. Then some life changes happened my mother and his dad passed away, and we started talking again. He wanted to come back but he had another child by then by the women he cheated on me with. Make a long story short we got back together, I accepted his child in my home and we was happy.....for awhile. Now 4 years later I found out he is cheating again. In anger I told him to leave and he moved out. I've been all torn up about this and told him I wanted to try and work on our marriage and would he consider it. I said that I was sorry I didn't try hard enough. In short he said he would have to think about it and no he was not going to break off his relationship with this other woman cause he has feelings for her even while he is thinking about if he wants to get back together with me. Agggh What should I do????????
View related questions:
affair, cheated on me, divorce, get back together, got back together, moved out, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ineedhelp1969 +, writes (13 June 2011):
Ineedhelp1969 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for responding. I know all your answers are right. I guess I was just needing to hear it from someone else. Its very hard and scary to think about starting my life over when its already half over, I'm not a teenager anymore. I just really loved him and can't believe this is over. My daughter is a teenager almost ready to leave "the nest". Soon I will be truly by myself. And the thought paying these bills after losing his income is horrifying.
A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (13 June 2011):
 GOODBYE!
That's what you do. Kick his ass out. He won't change. Be strong and independent!
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 June 2011):
'I said that I was sorry I didn't try hard enough'
Really?...was the demise of the marriage your fault??? I don't think so!!!
The guy is is gone, the marriage is dead and he has moved on. You may not believe it but your standing alone, it's definitely time to get divorced and move on with your life.
Would you seriously have him back knowing he will continue to be in a relationship with someone else? Why would you want that?...LOVE?? it's TOXIC LOVE and believe me that will kill you.
You seriously need to get your mind on one thing and that is YOU and how your going to rebuild your life. That means finding a good divorce lawyer, securing a place to live and perhaps getting some therapy to help you deal with your loss and your low self esteem.
Sometimes you have to make a stand for your own survival. Sacrificing yourself to his whims...believe me...it's a living hell!!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): what do you mean, now what?? you need to divorce him once and for all!! he's already said he has no intentions of breaking off his relationship with the other woman, and this isn't the first time he's had an affair. he's laid out the terms and conditions on the table, if you can't accept his terms and conditions (nor do I think you should!) then the only option is for you to leave him.
by his actions he's actually already made the decision to divorce you, he just is too cowardly to say it out loud and set it in motion and is hoping you will be the one to do it for him (and maybe also so he can blame you if he regrets it later on).
he cheated on you, twice, had a child by his mistress, yet you're the one apologizing for not trying hard enough and asking him to come back again?? And he's the one saying "I'll think about it" and dictating the terms and conditions????
this is all backward! he should be apologizing for lying to you and deceiving you! if he doesn't want to be with you he has every right to leave you but he didn't even have the decency to do that instead he lied to your face by continuing to be married to you yet having affairs that he's refusing to end even now when caught.
you've put your self-respect aside for far too long. You forgave him for his affair and took him back, you even accepted his mistress' child into your own home, which is more than what most betrayed spouses can do, and yet he still betrays you a second time rather than being honest and leaving you. A marriage that requires you to cast aside your self respect and dignity, is a toxic marriage that should be ended.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 You divorce him and you never look back. Your blaming yourself for this marriage's downfall when all along it was his unwillingness to truly commit that caused it to break. He should be the one asking YOU if you would consider taking him back and working on this marriage but he made his choice, he loves that other woman, you have to unshackle yourself from him, from this marriage. It was a long marriage, you gave your heart to him and you fought for it thinking it was the right thing to do. He had his one last chance and he took it for granted so don't bother even considering working on this 'marriage', its no longer a bond pulling you toward each other, only words spawned from a want to have not wasted the last few years. Leave him for good and find real happiness for yourself.
I hope that helps.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): Develop some self respect for starters. HE wronged YOU twice, in a big way, and now YOU'RE begging HIM to come back and HE'S going to think about it? That sounds a bit backward to me.
Besides, he's already admitted to you that he has feelings for another woman so even if you did get back together you know he would still be tempted to cheat. And you know how well he can resist temptation.
Let him go. Don't accept him back. It will be painful at first, but give yourself a chance to get through the grief. You could be a whole knew woman and look back in amazement that you didn't end it sooner.
...............................
A
male
reader, goalstopper +, writes (13 June 2011):
don't get back with him. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. There are no third chances.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2011): You need to ask?He's never going to change, yes it's tough being a single parent and losing a man you love, but the alternative is a life of mistrust,misery and heartache,he's proved that twice already (that you know of) - is that really what you want?
...............................
|
