A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI hope you can help me as I really don't feel I can go on anymore. Last week my dad had a huge heart attack, we were told to say our goodbyes to him but fortunately he recovered but needs to have a triple heart bypass. I am emotionally and physically drained from this experience. On top of this my work colleagues don't really care. My boss has snapped at me loads recently in which I try to keep calm but I just want to cry.On top of this, my boyfriend I thought has been very supportive, but tonight he let me down and was supposed to come and see me, but he got drunk instead. We haven't had sex in 5 months and he keeps on saying he is going to the doctors but never has. He went to the night do of a wedding, in which the groom said I couldn't go to (apparently). I wasn't bothered but my boyfriend said he was coming to mine but then let me down last minute. I feel very vulnerable at the moment and cry at everything and that just topped it off. He is almost 40 but never offers to take me out, I always tell him when we are going out. He prefers to spend saturday nights with his friends and last week when I suggested stopping at his house, he told me he was stopping at his friends house, only to return back to his house in the morning. I get the sense he is lying.I just don't know what to do, my whole life is in distress. I want to curl up and hibernate.Please help me x
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 May 2011):
 I am sorry your dad's not well and that you are feeling so under pressure. It is at times like these that you can really use a supportive partner but it seems yours is treating you badly and behaving like a d**k.I gotta ask why you are with this guy? What does he give you that makes you feel so important and special? He must give you something because if he didn't then it would be crazy to stay with him wouldn't it?There are probably more people in disfunctional relationships than normal ones. It is so fearful to be alone...in fact it's terrifying and society pressures us that if we are single...we arn't normal...So people cling to other people and get treated badly and taken advantage of...the kicker is that they are still alone but to top it off they have all the sh*t of a bad relationship to deal with as well...silly isn't it!!You state that your boyfriend has been supportive up to now...so what has changed?? Maybe the pressure of taking on your problems has sent him running for cover.The only way you are going to make some headway is to be calm open and honest with him. Tell him you need his support more than ever now and that you would apreciate him staying a little closer to you (it's not unreasonable to state your needs at this time). If he can't...or won't, if he still messes around then you need to get shot of him and focus on your family. With him or without him, you will still be going through this alone so the less time you have to focus on him, the more you can focus on your dad.As for work...well most bosses never apreciate drama in the workplace and can be very unsympathetic to family crisis...it's a very british thing to not care...bosses only think about business.You need your job for your money so probably best to keep your head down. If you can, confide in a close colleague just so you have someone to vent to if things get tough during the day.You need to stay strong at this time because your family needs you. I know you probably feel unloved by your boyfriend but if he was any kind of a decent guy he would be there for you unquestioningly and not be acting like such a creep.Get your priorities straight, be there for your dad and help him back to recovery, there is always time in the future to meet someone else...dont let anyone treat you badly and just force yourself to get a grip...it's much much better than falling apart and worrying about things you cannot change.As for work, just keep your head down because thats your security and you need to separate it from your home and personal problems.Chin Up darling...you can get through this and move on to happier times.hugsEm x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): Jobs come and go and so do boyfriends but your dad is something else. It is great to hear he is going to be ok. After his surgery you will see a big improvement. You are still in shock from his near death experience. So don't expect to be feeling 'normal' at the moment. Something out of the ordinary has happened and you are having a natural reaction to it. So be kind to yourself and take some time out to recover from the shock you have had. If you go to your doctor and explain how you feel about work right now. He can sign you off with stress for a few weeks. You can also talk to him about your father because I'm sure he will be able to reassure you about your fathers surgery. Also it might help you to talk to someone like a counsellor. There are lots who work privately from home so check them out in your local area. They arent that expensive and it will do you good to talk even if its only for a couple of sessions. If your world has temporarily caved in and your boyfriend has distanced himself, well that tells you all you need to know there! You could confront him but it might be best to leave that until you feel a little stronger. If you have told him you need his support but he is uncaring, he needs sorting out once you are up to it! For now, go along and talk to your doctor and have a little break from work. Once you make a few plans and follow them through you will start to feel that you are back in the driving seat again and things will start to feel better. Just don't sit and count your woes because it doesn't help. Your dad is going to be ok and so are you and your excuse of a boyfriend isn't worth worrying about right now, be your own best friend for a little while and look after you. Everything is going to be ok x
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