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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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My loving, wonderful boyfriend has changed since his return from Iraq. I don't know what to do.
Q. hay guys! right i have no idea were to start i met this guy 2 yrs ago! the perfect guy eva! we fell in love almost straight away! then he found out he had to go away for 8 months with the army to iraq! then half way though the trip he got a we...
A. 17 September 2007: It's not your fault. He needs to realize getting drunk is a temporary solution. When he sobers up the problem is still there. He needs help. He needs to see someone who is trained in dealing with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Sometimes ... (read in full...)
I can't tell him that I'm unsure of our relationship b/c his best friend just died - I can't hurt him anymore!
Q. Im so unsure what to do i have been seeing my current boyfriend for a month and its very long distance and ive only seen him a few times in that time. And im going through alot of things this year including the sudden passing of my grandad and i ...
A. 16 September 2007: You are a very caring person. He's lucky to have someone in his life to care as you do.
Thank you for being up front about the past you had experienced, that must be very difficult to deal with. You are strong to have made it through that much trau... (read in full...)
He sent her a picture of his penis!
Q. There's this site that should be left un-named where you can sell items and a whole bunch of other things are on this site including a personals section.... well I was looking through my boyfriends email box earlier since he's always doing it to me ...
A. 16 September 2007: I think you have reason to worry. You need to remember what relationships are about. There not about jealousy, accusing, mistrust. If they were, we'd be crazy to ever get into one.
When you have feelings he's doing something wrong, trust your feel... (read in full...)
He wants me back. I want to stay single, but I'm not sure my feelings will ever go away!
Q. I was with a guy for 6yrs an have 2 children by him, we split up 4 mnths ago due to him staying out all night partying and generally not treating me very good.Now he wants me back and although i do still love him my head is telling me not to do it.I ...
A. 16 September 2007: I can't say whether he has changed or not. Knowing change, I can tell you it's a process, but sometimes what gets that process started is loss. If he loves you too, his loss can bring his not treating you well into perspective.
You still love him,... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is going over-seas soon... How will I cope with loss of contact and worry?
Q. Hi aunts My boyfriend is in the army and going over-seas soon Im so scared for him and worried how ill cope not having a lot of contact Someone suggested blueys but i dont know what these are can anyone tell me please Thank's...
A. 16 September 2007: Your feelings are natural. I suggest being part of or even starting a support group. Taking part with other women who share the same worries and fear can help you quite a bit. That way all of you will be strong for one another, which will build your ... (read in full...)
Do I still love him?
Q. well me and my boyfriend broke up but we have our times when we go to the park and act like were a couple again like doing all the things we used to for example kissing and touching eachother but were not together it's mostly him who suggests ...
A. 16 September 2007: First I think that you younger people give too much detail when asking questions. I'll answer your question, but first you need to understand "sex = sex", it does not equal love.
You're breaking up is a sign which shows lack of commitme... (read in full...)
My loving, wonderful boyfriend has changed since his return from Iraq. I don't know what to do.
Q. hay guys! right i have no idea were to start i met this guy 2 yrs ago! the perfect guy eva! we fell in love almost straight away! then he found out he had to go away for 8 months with the army to iraq! then half way though the trip he got a we...
A. 16 September 2007: Look at what's going on as a series of events. Great relationship, fighting a war, then coming back. Most of us can't even imagine what he went through in Iraq. We here stories of what goes on over there, but we're not in the middle of watching war, ... (read in full...)
What are the chances that I may be preganant?
Q. i really need some help i know it was stupid but ok my boyfriend and i had sex for the first time yesterday we did it twice the first time with a condom then the second time to be able to get deeper we didnt and he came just as he pulled out so how ...
A. 16 September 2007: First of all, you need to be careful. There's a reason so many say you may not be ready for sex at your age.
I'm not going to judge you, but I want to you understand sex is not a game, and doing something that allows the chance of creating life... (read in full...)
It's been 2 months since our break-up, but my feelings for him just keep getting stronger!
Q. Hi, im 15 and have just come out of a seriouse relationship it has been two months now and i am still not over him. i like him more than ever Is he the one?...
A. 15 September 2007: I know you realize you have to move on. It's hard. I'm 36 years old. I have 4 wonderful children. I will say there are a couple of people even from 10 years ago, I'm still not over. I think part of that is, when you have good memories with someone. ... (read in full...)
He didn't add me on facebook b/c it would annoy his ex, and more! Is he over her or what?
Q. Is my guy over his ex? I have found rude pictures of him n his ex(with whom he broke up 2 yrs back),everytime i ask him about her, he is overprotective n blames me of not trusting him. He avoids my questions and blames me instead.He visit...
A. 14 September 2007: You need to take care of yourself. He's not over his ex. Until he is he's not able to give himself to you and the relationship. It's not fair to you. You're a victim by all this. And his getting upset at you for extending best wishes to someone is ... (read in full...)
He's so interesting it makes me feel boring...
Q. I don't know what's wrong with me. I found an old classmate who used to go to college with me on facebook and we sent messages back and forth and found we had a lot in common.He is so interesting, incredibly well-read and intelligent, and is pretty ...
A. 14 September 2007: You guys are friends, why give up a friendship because of those differences. It sounds like he did much of the talking, you may know some things he's unfamiliar with. Being well versed only means a passion for learning. It doesn't say you're not ... (read in full...)
What do I do? I have a crush on my boyfriend's cousin!
Q. hi, im 16 and in trouble. I think i havea crush on my boyfriend's cousin. His cousin, i dont know why i do have a crush on him. He too has a girlfriend but everytime we se each other at a game or at his grandma's house we always stare a each oth...
A. 14 September 2007: You love your boyfriend, but have a crush on his cousin. Would you be willing to risk what you and your boyfriend have for a crush that isn't even love. That's like exchanging a house for a card board box.
It's OK to look. It's OK to like, an... (read in full...)
Embarassed about online dating
Q. Embarassed about online dating Hi everyone, This may sound really silly, but I find myself feeling embarassed about using an online dating site. Only one of my friends knows I am on Agematch.com and that is because we both joined together!...
A. 14 September 2007: You're fine. It's OK to feel this way too. It may seem as if your kind of hard up, but I see it as an additional tool to network. I've used a couple of those sites, all though nothing permanent came out of it, I have met some people who I consider ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to mess with other girls when she's in college?
Q. It's very hard to see my girlfriend in college while I'm still in high school and I'm feeling extremely lonely. If you love someone, is it ok to mess with other girls when she's in college?...
A. 14 September 2007: You have to tell her before you do. It's not OK to do something that deceives someone else. Not telling her is a form of deception. ... (read in full...)
My friend got back w/ her abusive ex and said we can no longer talk! I'm tired of her getting hurt! What can I do now?
Q. I need some advice on dealing with a friend and her boyfriend. First some background info: I met her at a church we were attending when I was 14 and she was 7 in 1994, I'm now 27 and she's 20. When we met we hit it off instantly and we were like ...
A. 14 September 2007: Sorry to hear about your friendship. Let's break this down a bit. First, It's great you care for her so deeply. Good friendships like yours are hard to come by. With friendship also comes respect. You're going to have to respect her when she doesn't ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and I think he cheated on me! There's so much evidence! What do you think??
Q. hello IM GETTING MARRIED IN NOV. im so excited butt heres the problem i fear that my love for my fiance is not letting me see whats really going on i maybe wrong but you tell me what it sounds like my fiance works with a girl that he told me...
A. 14 September 2007: You have your evidence. You know what the answer is without coming on here to ask the question. I'll tell you, when it doesn't feel right in a relationship, it probably isn't. People wouldn't have suspicions if someone didn't give them opportunity ... (read in full...)
Did he take advantage of me while I was asleep?
Q. I drunk wine and I became drunk at around 12 midnight for about 4 hours and after that at around 5 in the morning I went to bed with a guy having a clear picture of what I was doing. But can it happen that I did not sleep with him or could he have ...
A. 14 September 2007: It is possible. The pains could be cause from you getting trashed. But there could be a chance the other way too. I like having positive answers, but being truthful. I know it's scary to think something like that could happen.
We all have time... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and feeling angry and sad. Are these just mood swings like my husband says?
Q. quick question if you love some one than can you have bad feelings of sadness ? like as you feel not cared for or loved?????? i am pregnant and my husban thinks its just my mood swings but i feel so unhappy and want to leave all the time ...
A. 14 September 2007: There are mood swings that happen when you're pregnant, and it's very difficult to sort out your feelings. You hormones are doing jumping jacks right now.
I can't say if your feeling for him are accurate or mood swings. Sometimes the mood swin... (read in full...)
She keeps talking to her ex b/c he's related to her!
Q. My girlfriend will not stop talking to the ex-boyfriend because they are fourth cousins. They were together for five years, before I came into the picture. As we started dating she told me that it was her ex-boyfriend, but she fail to mention to me ...
A. 14 September 2007: Let me ask you this, answer from your own point of view. If you're in a relationship that ends, and you're not over your ex, what benefit would you bring to a new relationship? The problem is, people jump from relationship to relationship, and they ... (read in full...)
My online guy wants to travel to meet me, but I'm not sure about him. Should I allow him to visit?
Q. Hallow, m a 27 years old female, got this guy thru a certain website and we are dating online, chat frequenlty, he gave me his mobile number and sometimes calls me and send me text messages,it has been a month now since i have known him, he seems to ...
A. 14 September 2007: Usually if you have these thoughts about meeting someone, you need to wait a bit longer until you are absolutely sure.
Not saying anything bad would happen out of the meeting, but many people before something bad happens, they get a gut feel... (read in full...)
My fiance said it didn't matter if he thought of other women, that he loved me. I'm confused!
Q. im engaged and afew months before we are to be married i asked if he ever fantisize about other women...his reply, what if i do,what does it matter,i love you...im lost and dont know what to do with this......
A. 14 September 2007: Guys are a different breed of creature. Did you know guys have "animal" instincts. Animals, the dominate male during mating season, gets as many women animals pregnant during that time. All though your soon to be spouse isn't cheating on you, it's ... (read in full...)
How can I build my tolerance so I don't go so quickly?
Q. I cant really control myself while having sex. I dont last long while having sex and i feel embarrased and ashamed because i cant really please a girl that well. Any advice on what i can do to help build my tolerance so i dont go so quickly?...
A. 14 September 2007: First spend more time in 4 play. If you can't get her an orgasm during sex, might as well before the actual act.
I have a disability called ADHD. Coming along with that disability is an area called "hyperfocus" So during sex, I sort of, not mean... (read in full...)
He didn't add me on facebook b/c it would annoy his ex, and more! Is he over her or what?
Q. Is my guy over his ex? I have found rude pictures of him n his ex(with whom he broke up 2 yrs back),everytime i ask him about her, he is overprotective n blames me of not trusting him. He avoids my questions and blames me instead.He visit...
A. 14 September 2007: I would say he is giving you reasons to suspect there may be something going on. There broken up, why does he have to meet her for coffee. He's in a relationship with you, and isn't respecting your relationship by meeting with his ex. Even if, and ... (read in full...)
It's been 2 months since our break-up, but my feelings for him just keep getting stronger!
Q. Hi, im 15 and have just come out of a seriouse relationship it has been two months now and i am still not over him. i like him more than ever Is he the one?...
A. 14 September 2007: Who knows if he's the one, or how to test if he is or not. There's a song I have enjoyed since I was your age. It's called "Don't know what you have until it's gone." I believe that to be true. The reason being, we as a society most of the time take ... (read in full...)
I can't tell him that I'm unsure of our relationship b/c his best friend just died - I can't hurt him anymore!
Q. Im so unsure what to do i have been seeing my current boyfriend for a month and its very long distance and ive only seen him a few times in that time. And im going through alot of things this year including the sudden passing of my grandad and i ...
A. 14 September 2007: If you're not sure about the relationship. You need to tell him you're not ready for one. He's having a hard time, but it sounds like you are too. Let him know all though you're not ready for a relationship, you'll still be there if he needs a ... (read in full...)
I'm bored of having a normal life. I want to move to an impoverished country and no longer be a slave to money!
Q. hi, dont know if this is the usual thing? im running away from my life, theres nothing wrong with it, i have a job, home, friends and family. but i'm bored of having a normal life. i already know everything thats going to happen, work, morgage, m...
A. 14 September 2007: Life isn't all that. It's what you make of what you have and what you do with it. I wouldn't necessarily say moving to a poverty area is the answer. To test it, what I would do is find a church that's big on doing missions and join one. You can ... (read in full...)
My fiance is a control freak! He's forbidden me from wearing clothes I like and slapped me across the face!
Q. my fionce is controlling, weve bee together just over a year and at the beginning of the relationship it was so perfect! now, hes a control freak, i cant even wear the tops that i like. hes pinned me down by the throat wen weve bin arguin n slapped ...
A. 14 September 2007: It's time to get out of that situation. Most controlling relationships start out great. Now it's being restricted what you wear, what's next?????? People with these behaviors thrive on control. I want you to think about it from this angle. Think ... (read in full...)
I always have to be right and my bf just agrees to avoid arguments. How can I stop this behavior??
Q. hi i have a problem that is going to soon end my current relationship(its partly the reason my other relationship ended), my boyfriend brought a subject up last night which he told me that i "also have to be right" and that he just agrees with me ...
A. 14 September 2007: First of all, let me say this "YOUR NOT ALWAYS RIGHT". I don't want you to rule out the possibility of "personality disorders" There are a few which include the need to be right, and not owning up when you're the one who is in the wrong. Not saying ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend and I'm fat - but does my guy friend who has a girlffriend like me?
Q. my mum says he likes me. my best guy friend says that he does. my best friend. i like him. but how do i know if he likes me? he smiles alot when he see me. he use to say hello all the time. but it changed he's gf got mad when he does that. im kinda ...
A. 14 September 2007: First, stop calling yourself fat. Some guys go prefer weight challenged people. I use to be one of the skinny ones. But I've come to accept myself being a bit overweight. Once I reached my mid 20's my ability to maintain my high school figure ... (read in full...)
He sent me a text about another woman by accident! I'm gutted.
Q. Hi. im 24 and have been with my boyfriend 2 years. last sat night he had a boys night out. i was at home alone when i got a text message from him saying "she can't be more unreal than you..ha. are you settin me up. ha". He obviously meant to send it ...
A. 14 September 2007: He may not have given up on you, it sounds like you gave up on him. He asked for another change, and you said "No". If you called me every name there is to be called, I'd be reluctant to contact you too. The problem is, you did so before hearing his ... (read in full...)
I can't get over my ex and my family wants me to marry my friend! Help!
Q. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been in a relationship recently with this guy that I've known for 5 years and I love him so much that it kills when I see him that I can't touch him. He dumped me giving and said that reasons were that he ...
A. 12 September 2007: You need some time to sort out your feeling before you get engaged, married or date another. Sometimes if you ask yourself too many questions about "what should I do" you'd be surprised how many times the answer is "nothing". This guy dumps yo... (read in full...)
I'm married to the man I wanted to make him jealous with, but I'm still in love with him, which my husband knows. Do I reestablish contact?
Q. While in school i met a guy and fancied him, he was shy and took him a year to kiss me. This was wrecking my head so i tried to make him jealous and be more manly so to speak. So this other guy fancied me and i went out with him, i got pregnant and ...
A. 12 September 2007: So what your saying is through a marriage and three kids, you're still trying to make this guy jealous. This the the longest jealousy attempt I'd ever heard of. Usually it's quick, then you get back with the one you made jealous. All though y... (read in full...)
He was seeing another girl while seeing me. Now I feel numb towards him. Whys this happening?
Q. I'm tired of a lot of things. I'm talking about A LOT of things. How is it that certain boys become somewhat of a weakness for me? I was sort of seeing this guy. I guess I say that because when we hang out... and he acts a certain way with me. He ...
A. 12 September 2007: It means you care. You set morals for yourself. You decided what you are willing to put up with and what you are not. Now if it were me, I'd still just remain friends, but no more holding hands, kissing, or sex, just friends. The reason for that is ... (read in full...)
Loving him, I got back to him he cheated, but I see a future with this other boy...
Q. I need your help because i really don't know what to do!! I was in a relesionship with a boy called luke for 2 years... nearly 2 years. We had plenty of rows, they were usually based on someone telling me something and him denying it. I loved him...
A. 12 September 2007: I would say love conquers all, but does it. His cheating on you causes distrust. Can you truly forgive him. Will what he did weigh on your mind making where getting back with him may not be quite the same. Who knows. Just liking a boy, does not... (read in full...)
Any advice on trimming pubic hair?
Q. I've decided that for when I lose my virginty (at least for that one time), I'm going to keep pubic hair (not shave it all off because I hate that) tidy, trimmed and neat. To be honest, I think pubic hair can be pretty. But does anyone have...
A. 12 September 2007: I can't help you. There's many ways to do it. You do have to watch what chemicals you put close to that area. That's why little girls taking bubble baths is not a great idea. Many of them contain chemicals that cause infections. My girls were mad... (read in full...)
I've seen bruises, suspect she's mistreated by her ex who came back. I want to help her, how do I get her to see the light?
Q. I have a best friend have known her(she is female) (i am Male) for 15 years,totaly platonic ,she has alot of guy friends. I am in the middle of this argument with her. She is like a little sister to me,but i have to step in,she was dating a guy...
A. 12 September 2007: Your absolutely right in your views. Some people who are abused over and over and over again, it becomes second nature. Their will power is gone. Their self esteem is gone, and their sense of self disappears. If your country has laws regardin... (read in full...)
I was in an abusive relationship and we have a son. He wants us back, what should I do?
Q. My boyfriend and i broke up about a month ago and we have a 7 mo old son. Our relationship was unhealthy we fought all the time. We both physically abused each other i quit talking to all my friends and did what he said when he said it. Now he is ...
A. 12 September 2007: You don't put up with crap for your son. That's wrong. That would be teaching him, it's OK to be abusive. Since you both were abusive, I'd seek some counseling. You need to work out these issues, and the pain from this relationship before even ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he's 22, is this wrong?
Q. Well I am 15 years old turning 16 in January, I have been told I am very mature for my age and I know where I am in my life. So I need help with this, I am dating a 22 year old and he understand that I am 15 and still in highschool, he told me that ...
A. 12 September 2007: Dang legal for you sure is different than here. We are at 18 for legal. It's not that your not mature for your age. It's great you know where your going. I know other girls who do, and they are the ones I really don't have any thoughts to think th... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend will marry another girl, I'm losing my confidence which I'm afraid will affect my career and future.
Q. Hi, My ex boyfriend is going to marry another girl. We were together for around 10 years and my family and me did everything for him. His family first proposed my parents for our marriage on his wish. But they wanted it to happen soon which my p...
A. 12 September 2007: We always wonder why someone we care for can choose someone else. It's like, what do they have that I don't have. What makes them better than us. It is time to stop thinking that way. You already complimented yourself, and your qualities. It's OK to ... (read in full...)
I've been rejected by this girl and can't get her out of my mind...In fact I rejected two girls because of this, help me!
Q. OK I need some advice on getting over this, cause its driving me nuts. I can't get over a girl I went on a few dates with, I usually don't get too many girls interested in me, but in the three weeks since I last saw her I've had two differen...
A. 12 September 2007: First, your methods on covering up the paid are destructive. The hurt stays in our mind. Altering the perception of the mind by drugs or alcohol doesn't take away the hurt.
Being rejected does hurt. It's OK to feel the way to do. I've been ther... (read in full...)
We've split up before and it was agonizing. I've been thinking about doing it again. What do you think?
Q. Hi Me and my girlfriend have been together for nearly 3 years now. I'm 17 and so is she. We split up a while ago and it was agonising. It didn't get any easier and we both wanted each other back, so we got back together. It's a few months on no...
A. 12 September 2007: So why aren't you happy? What is causing you to be unhappy? Is it because the beginning romantic phase is gone. The innocent flirting you had with her has disappeared. It sound as if you're looking for the feeling you get when you're flirted with ... (read in full...)
She gives me a lot of mixed reactions.
Q. Dear aunts, or cupid, or whoever thinks they can help, I really really really like this girls. I have for several years now. We are friends, but she acts really wierd towards me. Sometimes she is really flirty, and other time she completely ignor...
A. 12 September 2007: I would like you to try something. This may or may not work for you, but it did for a friend of mine. It sounds as if she's confused. The flirting shows she may have feelings for you, the rejection shows she might be afraid of your friendship ... (read in full...)
Sex with my step aunt?
Q. i was wondering if anyone could help me with this question... my step aunt is really hot and i think she wants to have sex with me. i want to also but im not for sure. she is touching me sometimes and i like it. i dont know what to do....
A. 12 September 2007: Is your step aunt married at this time to your uncle? If so, you need to find someone else who you would like it from. Having sex with a step aunt, if uncle finds out, or she comes clean about it could cause many family difficulties, and guess who ... (read in full...)
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