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I can't get over my ex and my family wants me to marry my friend! Help!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 September 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 September 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been in a relationship recently with this guy that I've known for 5 years and I love him so much that it kills when I see him that I can't touch him.

He dumped me giving and said that reasons were that he cared for me too much to keep as a fling and didn't want to hurt me by abusing me. So he ended it to leave us as mates.

Then two weeks later I know he's going out with the girl that we used to argue about. This bugs me.

Also, I got drunk and made out with a random guy and he had the nerve of calling me a slag when I know pretty well I was a game to him! It's so obvious after all this time that he is being a hypocrite as he's said to everyone he's doing the same thing to his current girlfriend.

The worst thing is I am still head over heals for him. It hurts so bad, everything he does: he girlfriend, the name calling, not talking to me... I feel as if something is missing from me. I've tried so hard to move on, but it's impossible! I shouldn't love him, but I want to!

On top of all of this, I've learned that my family would love me to get married to one of my close mates. So do I go ahead with this as just a pure engagement? Or should I attempt to win my lover back? Or should I move on? Help!

View related questions: drunk, move on, my ex

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (12 September 2007):

rcn agony auntYou need some time to sort out your feeling before you get engaged, married or date another. Sometimes if you ask yourself too many questions about "what should I do" you'd be surprised how many times the answer is "nothing".

This guy dumps you then ends up with this other girl a short time later. I be he knew he was going to be dating this girl at the time he dumped you. Don't try to get him back, you must let this one go. He's trash, if he wasn't man enough to tell you the real reason he was ending it, how would you know when he was telling you the truth or just what you want to hear.

It sounds like he is a player. But I wouldn't get married right now either. You have these feelings, anger, jealousy, you have to work out before you'll be able to give yourself to marriage. It wouldn't be fair if you got married, and every time you were in bed with your husband, you would be thinking, or wishing it was the other person. Be fair to yourself and take care of these issues then worry about being fair to someone else.

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A female reader, CC-Monkey United Kingdom +, writes (12 September 2007):

CC-Monkey agony auntThat situation is awful and i know it is very hard for you to let go. But if he has a girlfriend, you may have to move on. I know that it must be so bad to love someone who you don't but its life.But if he dumps her, dont smother him just keep in the playing field and see how it goes from there. And about your parents, they CANNOT force you into marring anyone that you dont like or feel pressured. Even if it makes them happy they should be happy that you are happy, best of luck xxx

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