A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:While in school i met a guy and fancied him, he was shy and took him a year to kiss me. This was wrecking my head so i tried to make him jealous and be more manly so to speak. So this other guy fancied me and i went out with him, i got pregnant and ended up marrying this guy, i didnt love him and still dont. I do care for him. We now have three children. But the first guy i cant get out of my head we have kept in touch as he lives nearby, but i had an affair and when i told him he asked why didnt have the affair with him. But the truth is i dont just want an affair with him i wanted more. He stayed single for ages and then dated his friend, i was happy for him but extremely jealous. She then found out that we kept in touch and that was it he has cut all ties with me. Im totally gutted and hurt that when we finally admitted we loved each other yet again we are kept apart.And yes i know, you will say if he wanted to be with me he would have chose me. I want to be with him, forever. I want to grow old with him.To have the life and happiness we promised each other.So im asking for advice on what i should do, try and re establish contact? as i know that our paths will cross again, My husband knows that im still in love with this man. And there is no fear of my children, they want for nothing and they have all the love in the world both my husband and i have to offer.So be gentle with the advice and the critisim..Thanks xxx
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 Why don't you ask your husband what you think he should do? It affects him and his children (assuming they are all his; you give enough reason to suspect otherwise) more than it could affect anyone of us on this site. See what he has to say. He married a woman that he knew was in love with another man. Maybe he would be good with it, as he probably only married you cause he got your preganat, and he might already have his own soul mate side lover and is cheating on you.
-Frank B Kermit
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 So what your saying is through a marriage and three kids, you're still trying to make this guy jealous. This the the longest jealousy attempt I'd ever heard of. Usually it's quick, then you get back with the one you made jealous. All though your husband knows you love this guy, does he know everything. Your intentions? If not, you really need to talk to your husband. I know you both have love for the kids. Buy raising kids means making sacrifices. If there's no abuse happening in the marriage, I would ask myself this. If my children were to choose being raised in a household with 2 parents or 1 parent, what would they choose?I know happiness is what we always hope for in life. You made your choices and have had three children by this man, so you have your children's lives and happiness to consider as well. If you're kids aren't happy, I can guarantee, this other guy could be a prince, and you wouldn't be happy because your children are loosing out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2007): first things first, you need to divorce your husband. leave aside anything else and regardless of whether or not you end up back with your ex. you deserve to be married to someone you love. and your husband deserves to be married to someone who loves him. so you need to walk away from that marriage, as amicably as possible for the kids sake.onto the ex, all you can do is tell him how you feel but i think he will be much more likely to take you seriously and to want to try something with you if you are single at the time. i cant imagine why anyone would be attracted to someone who left them for someone else in the first place, then came back to them years later looking to start something new all the while still married to the other guy. it wont make him think you are trust worthy.but first things first, your marriage is over you just havent made it official yet. and the sooner you do this the sooner you will both start to be happy, with or without other people.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (12 September 2007):
 Get a divorce, I can't imagine why your husband wants to be with someone he knows doesn't love him. He deserves so much more than a cheating wife. Do him a favor and cut him loose so he can find some true happiness. Once you are free maybe your old pal will come sniffing around and maybe he won't because he is happy with his current relationship. That doesn't really matter but your husband does, so walk out the door.
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A
female
reader, Jualsy  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 I understand where you are coming from, but it doesn't look hopeful does it, and what about the marriage vows you made to this man you married, and who is the father of your children. Does he deserve this? Do they deserve this?Romance is the excitement, the unknown, the bright sparky flame....but true love is the warm glowing embers that go on and on..."Till death us do part"Like yourself enough to think this through, and be the kind of person you would want your children to be.
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