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female
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*zavmon03
writes: I don't know what's wrong with me. I found an old classmate who used to go to college with me on facebook and we sent messages back and forth and found we had a lot in common.He is so interesting, incredibly well-read and intelligent, and is pretty funny and I blew it. We hung around philly and walked up and down south street. He is a year younger than me and still attending college while I already graduated. He knew so much about music, Jewish and Puerto Rican culture, literature and foreign films that I couldn't possibly keep up. I felt intimidated and honestly quite dumb next to him because I felt I couldn't add anything to what he said because I had never heard of it or watched it or heard it.I just clammed up because I felt everything was boring compared to what he said. It's not like I'm an uneducated person, but he may have inadvertently made me feel like one, lol. I felt nervous to talk to him after awhile and we had that dreaded silence. I don't think he's ever going to talk to me again. You ahve no idea how discouraged this makes me feel because he is a cool person but I don't wnat to be always next to him saying "oh, that's cool" "No, I never heard of that" Ugh, I don't know whether to try talking with him again or leave him alone. Anyone have any advice?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (14 September 2007):
 You guys are friends, why give up a friendship because of those differences. It sounds like he did much of the talking, you may know some things he's unfamiliar with. Being well versed only means a passion for learning. It doesn't say you're not intelligent.
I talk to my uncle from time to time. We have a great relative relationship. As a child through his high school years he has literally read the dictionary dozens of times, and also speaks 7 different languages fluently. I don't feel intimidated because friendships and spending time with someone doesn't depend on how much they know, you do it because of who they are as a person.
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (14 September 2007):
 Hi there Lzavmon03,
My husband is the same way, but it's about politics, history and punk music. I once told him that I felt like an idiot around him sometimes because I never had anything to say when he brought up certain topics. Then he told me that I shouldn't feel like an idiot, that he enjoyed talking about these things and thought I'd want to hear and learn about whatever he was talking about. He told me that he didn't even really think about it, that he didn't see me as an idiot. I think that the guy you went out with probably felt the same - he was just happy to share his knowledge with someone. I honestly wouldn't worry too much about it.
I say, go out again and bring up other things that *you* know about. OR you could ask him questions about what he talked with you about and then go read up on it so you have more to talk about with him next time. (If the topics actually interested you.)
Or you could go do something that would educate and interest the both of you - that way you'd both have something interesting and new to talk about. I love Philly and one of my favorite museums is the Mutter Museum. If you haven't been there, you have to go! It's a medical museum with SO many interesting displays and facts. ^_^ http://www.collphyphil.org/mutter.asp I'm sure you wouldn't run out of anything to talk about while you're there!
There are also a ton of other museums there - what about visiting an art museum? Or you could see a movie at an art house cinema. Those places usually have a lot of foreign films playing, and also sometimes some old silent movies (which are always fun! At least, I think they're fun.)
But the main thing with all of this is that I think you're thinking too much into it. He's probably happy that he could just be so informative! Go out again and this time try to steer the conversation so that it's focused on what you both like. It's not hard to do and you'll probably have a lot of fun. ^_^
Take care.
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A
female
reader, pwincess  +, writes (14 September 2007):
 Hi
What I would do is talk about the stuff you know as you may not know half of the stuff he is on about but I bet if you talk about all you know he wont know half of that either. Try talking about other stuff rather than what you learn at college e.g. family or friends. Go to the movies it is a way of being together and not having to talk a lot.
good luck!
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A
female
reader, war37 +, writes (14 September 2007):
Hi did this guy not want to talk about 'normal' everyday stuff?if your not clicking in the conversation part then maybe its best to just stay friends........Sounds like he liked the sound of his own voice hun?
You sound great and you'll meet mr great who right for you.
Also hes not a better person because of the stuff he knows what makes us better people is putting another person 1st,in his case if he was that intelligent he would of realised you were uncomfortable with his knowledgeable waffle and changed the subject to one you were at ease witn,instead he was going on about stuff you werent truley interested in,have you thought some of what he may have said was garble?As you wouldnt of know.......
If you have another date get in there 1st on a subject you know really well and see what his reaction is if he turns it round to what he likes/knows then I wouldnt bother again?
What Imm trying to say is he may be full of himself or to give him the benifit of the doubt he may of been full of first date nerves?
xx
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (14 September 2007):
Some guys never tire of a girl who looks at them in awe. There are many things that you can do that are not intelectual that will interest him. Look at all the doctors that marry a nurse. A good pair comes with complimentary skills.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2007): Well personality wise you are both on two different wave lengths. I personally like people that I feel I can relate to and can "defend" myself with and who I feel I have just as much to offer in terms of my own knowledge or anything for that matter. Just because you don't know about the same things he does, does not mean you have nothing to offer or that he is "better." You should always feel proud about who you are and not let other people's intellect or beauty or whatever for that matter make you feel less of a person (I know you are probably thinking that is easier said than done).
In fact, I am probably a lot like this guy, I have always been intellectually curious and because of that I am really well read and know just as much about the arts and stuff like that. But to be honest I could care less about that stuff in plain conversation. But I am secretly drawn to people who intellectually understand the world in a similar way as I do. (key word here: "secretly" In other words I don't go around talking about culture and testing people's knowledge. That's dorky). But I usually date really intelligent men. But just because they are intelligent does not mean we sit around all day and talk politics and literature and watch foreign films. Ugh. I don't even like films. My last boyfriend was a genius and all we did was have fun and go to parties. See what I am saying??
So this guy might be kind of all caught up in his intellect. But trust me, DO NOT let that intimidate you. If that's not what you are into then accept it. You are who you are. You don't have to adjust to him. If anything he can adjust to you. And as "intellectual" as I "think" I am, and even though I like intelligent men, I personally would not be attracted to a guy who just spoke "intellect" and "culture" all the time if at all. There are many more subtle ways of bringing up topics like that. And if he had any social skills he would definitely be alot more subtle and maybe alot cooler about his topics of conversation. No offense. He just sounds caught up in this. Don't let it intimidate you, though. He may even just be trying to impress you. So don't be afraid to speak up and tell him what you like and what you know. And don't ever think you sound lame. Being realistic and REAL and honest is the most charming thing a person could ever be. So just be yourself without feeling intimidated.
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