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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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My boyfriend has gotten abusive
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years and we recently had a baby during my pregnancy he started getting a little aggressive just doing little things like pulling my hair and pinching me, since the birth of our son its got worse in the ...
A. 27 May 2008: It's nice to hear how everything is going for you. I really appreciate the update. It's nice to hear when people get out of bad situations and improve their situations. Take care, and best of luck to you.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has gotten abusive
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years and we recently had a baby during my pregnancy he started getting a little aggressive just doing little things like pulling my hair and pinching me, since the birth of our son its got worse in the ...
A. 1 October 2007: That is such a wonderful update. Please do keep us updated. This strength you have displayed, you should always be proud of yourself for taking that first step. It's people like you who become the "if she can do it, maybe I can take a step to" ... (read in full...)
Tonight my ex (who I care about more than anyone) told me how she slept with a guy we were talking to today for a one night stand...
Q. Well as I post this I just suffered a terrible night. Tonight my ex (who I care about more than anyone) told me how she slept with a guy we were talking to today for a one night stand, and she told me that I mean everything to her and am her best ...
A. 22 September 2007: First, please give a bit more information. I understand your pain, I've been through similar trials in my life. How long were you together for? What was the relationship you had with her like? How did you go from being a couple to not being a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has gotten abusive
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years and we recently had a baby during my pregnancy he started getting a little aggressive just doing little things like pulling my hair and pinching me, since the birth of our son its got worse in the ...
A. 22 September 2007: I'll be waiting anxiously to hear how everything goes for you. I do wish you the best as well. It's great to hear you took action. Please update as soon as you're safe with you dad. I know I'm not the only one who worries about people in difficult ... (read in full...)
More information about bj.
Q. How do you give a blowjob? People say "suck me off" but then it's called a "blow job". What excatly do you do!? Suck or blow? And do most people use a condom when giving one? Does this turn a guy off? Does it taste bad doing it without a con...
A. 22 September 2007: Watch the movie "white chicks" they have the answer. lol Some questions just don't have answers. That's the same as saying why do they call it eating a girl out when you only lick. I tried to answer the same question about what it's called when I ... (read in full...)
My bf has had a vasectomy and I want a baby, what should I do?
Q. my boyfriend has had a vasectomy and i want a baby we've been together 3 years and have talked about marriage, etc, what should i do? he is 41 i am 31...
A. 22 September 2007: Have you talked to him about what it is you are wanting?
I would say adoption, or if he's feeling the same way, it's expensive but I believe they can reconnect things.
... (read in full...)
We want Sex, but can't have it because the kids are around! Any advice?
Q. Ok hi, me and my wife need some advice on how to stop wantign sex when we can't have it such as when we are out or in the day when the kids are in, ones 17 and the others only a baby. We both work during the hours that our youngest is at ...
A. 22 September 2007: I don't know what you're talking about. You know, when you can't have something it always increases the intensity.... (read in full...)
Sooo many problems that I need to sort out. I feel like a nobody. Please, please help me!
Q. can anybody help a looser?? i feel like a complete nobody at the minute. i am so depressed and yes i know its my fault but i dont know what to do about it. i am a 15, female and live in the uk. have a mum, no dad, no grandparents and no other fa...
A. 22 September 2007: The female who answered first, I think she's a bit faster than me in answering questions. Beats me every time.
First, my heart really does go out to you and you mum. You've both been through a lot, and reading your story, I'm a bit worried.... (read in full...)
I want to apologize but I feel like he owes me one as well...
Q. i accidently insulted the guy i'm crushing on about his looks. i was only joking around and i didnt think it was really hurtful. but apparently he did. he now acts coldly toward me and even told a friend of mine that i joke around a lot but someti...
A. 22 September 2007: If you only knew each other for a few weeks, you didn't know him enough to joke about his looks. Some types of jokes you have to really know someone, because people do take things in different ways. i have to watch what I say, even on here. There ... (read in full...)
I just have something to say to my fellow agony aunts!...
Q. this is not a question as such. i would just like to say that i don't understand why people seek advice and then become completely arrogant when you say something they dislike. in their head they have the answer they want and therefore ask a ...
A. 22 September 2007: This is way true. I know I get under some peoples skin. I see my rating go down, and it's like, another job well done. What I don't think they realize is when we tell the get out, it may not be because of their ability to have a good relationship, ... (read in full...)
He suffers from prem ej and has now joined a site looking for sex. He doesn't know I know. Should I confront him?
Q. I am married for 14 years to a man 16 years my senior. We have got into a vicious circle, where he comes too quick if we haven't had sex for a while which puts me off having sex with him for a while. When I want to have sex with him again he comes ...
A. 22 September 2007: four play is the answer or multiple times in one day. With my ex once, we did it 4 times. By the fourth, I was not going to cum again.
Waiting in between times decreases how long it takes, unless he learns how to control it. That takes pati... (read in full...)
Am I straight or a lesbian? I'm confused. Help!
Q. hi, i recently lost my viginity to a male, but i didn't enjoy it at all. i have always thought i was a lesbian but people told me i just needed a decent bloke. i've snogged girls before and i enjoy it more than snogging men. when i was younger ...
A. 22 September 2007: I have to correct on of the answers, Girls are confused at your age. I don't recall any time where I was wanting to be with a man. I could see if I was a girl, why I would want to be with girls too.
It's OK to experiment with your sexuality. I know... (read in full...)
Am I being stupid?
Q. Am I being stupid? I have a great wife, who is a great mother with our children and in 12 years we have never had bad problems. My problem is that she had a couple of relationships in high school and as she says she was "forced to have sex". ...
A. 21 September 2007: you are not acting like a silly ass. You are acting like a concerned parent. But you have to separate the traumas here. Believe it or not, when something happens to the ones we love, it can create a traumatic experience for us as well, because we ... (read in full...)
How do you know when a guy is being genuine? I'm afraid I could be "blinded" by impressions.
Q. How do you know when a guy is being genuine? How do you know when he is truly nice? How do you know when a guy isn't being fake??? I've just met a guy who I'm dating and Im worried although I think hes a pretty good guy, that I may just be to blind ...
A. 21 September 2007: Follow the gut. I can't answer that for you. There are guys you can tell right off are not what they say they are, and there are those who have been deceiving for so long, it's harder to tell. I can tell you this which may help sort things out and ... (read in full...)
Can someone explain the reasoning behind what people talk about as "stains" in a males' underwear and how that relates to possible cheating?
Q. I feel a bit uneducated in this matter and want someone to explain the reasoning behind what people talk about as "stains" in a males underwear and how that relates to possible cheating? Could someone enlighten me on what this is all about please...
A. 21 September 2007: OK, this is quite a question. I know you've heard of kitty litter. If you don't buy the real good stuff it's almost like powder. That's how the name clitty litter came about. When a man has sex, if he doesn't immediately clean himself off, or shower ... (read in full...)
I'm dating a married man who cheated on me! His wife refuses to divorce him and I don't know what to do.
Q. What can i do now? I am a 26 year old girl, pretty and independent. My college boyfriend left me when I went abroad for my further degree. I had another boyfriend two years after I came back to the country, but i found he married, he cheated on m...
A. 21 September 2007: Say goodbye to the married man. I do feel for your situation, and those who are on her reading I think do as well. But asking a question on here and relying on answers is a great way for advise. The reason you may not approve of some of the answers ... (read in full...)
He's agressive after I cheated, so I don't want to reconciliate. Do I deserve what is happening, and how do I stop this tension?
Q. I am writing cos about 1 month ago I split up with my bf of 18 months because he attacked me. But I am finding it very hard getting on with my life. Thing is I can't get past it because I know its all my fault. See after I had been with him ...
A. 21 September 2007: First I want you to really look up the laws of your country. Where we are, beat a women, go to jail. Do they have restraining orders where you live. That's where he's ordered to stay away and not make any contact, and if violated, automatic ... (read in full...)
Why don't I seem to truly like myself, although am aware of my qualities?
Q. Everything about me seems to link to a high level of insecurities and a low level of self esteem. I am unassertive, try overly hard to please others, constantly look for reassurance from males, and i let people walk all over me. However desp...
A. 21 September 2007: You're last paragraph explained part of your answer. Not being close to your dad. I read a report that explained, there is a psychological father daughter bonding that takes place when a girl is close to her father, not to be perverted, but ... (read in full...)
How long with it take my ex to get over the guy who just dumped her?
Q. My ex left me for another man, also down in here in Kent, and he dumped her after eight months, claiming that it was too far to go and see her (3 hours away), which, just to stop going to see her like that is a lie. Anyway, how long would you say ...
A. 21 September 2007: It varies, that's a question only time will tell. Some are able to get over others quickly, some people have more pain from the break up that it takes longer. It's different with people and the environments they were in.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has gotten abusive
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for just over 2 years and we recently had a baby during my pregnancy he started getting a little aggressive just doing little things like pulling my hair and pinching me, since the birth of our son its got worse in the ...
A. 21 September 2007: Let me tell you something. First I am a man, I didn't make a mistake by my gender on my profile. I was in an abusive situation, where I was the one being attacked. My ex was a girl who had a disorder the the movie "fatal attraction" and "hand that ... (read in full...)
I think I am ready to lose my virginity
Q. hi everyone. i kinda need help. you c im a virgin and i think im ready to lose it to this guy i know. i mean like he is soo sweet nd he makes me feel sooo good inside. but the thing is hes not a virgin. we talk about the subject "sex" when we r on ...
A. 21 September 2007: If you're ready you'll know, just be careful, use protection, and I think this is where your boyfriend comes in not us. We can't all be there to be a cheering section for you.... (read in full...)
I'm 12 and want to have sex! I'm scared but I want to. Should I???
Q. i am 12 i want to have sex with my boyfriend. what should i do? i am so scarde but i want to, so should i have sex with him ...
A. 21 September 2007: You're too young to be having sex. People talk so much about, being scared, does it hurt, what protection should I use, those are all great questions, but here's one not asked often but the truth. The younger you are having sex, you have a higher ... (read in full...)
Am I still a virgin?
Q. Hi, on my birthday my friends bought me a vibrator. Now am i still a virgin since i use it?...
A. 21 September 2007: There is a thing in a mans pants, if his non battery operated toy hasn't entered you, you remain a virgin.... (read in full...)
Am I still a virgin after all these years?
Q. My first bf and i was sexually active for about 4 years, he was the first sexual partner but there was never bleeding after sex even after the first time. Now i have a new bf, not long after i broke off with the first, my second partner, but sex...
A. 21 September 2007: nope, penetration = no more being a virgin.... (read in full...)
My friends don't approve of my older boyfriend
Q. ok so im 15 and going out with a 21 year old. everythings fine except my friends are being really annoying about how its wrong. what bothers me the most is my best friend is getting pissed off and hes always like dont even mention your bf anymore ...
A. 21 September 2007: After reading the answers I'd have to disagree with most. Seems as if they don't have the same legal system as we do here. It's illegal here (indecent liberties with a minor). There's a reason for those laws, to protect our children against adults ... (read in full...)
I am 18, she is 15. Is it ok to date her?
Q. I've recently left my old job of which I got quite close to another person who worked there. I'm 18 but she is still 15, is it wrong if I try to make something happen- not having sex; but just having a good time together?...
A. 21 September 2007: The difference between 18 and 15 is fairly large. As people get older a few years isn't much. You're talking about an adult v. someone who hasn't even completed puberty yet, she's in between playing with barbie dolls and becoming an adult.... (read in full...)
We're used to seeing each other every day but now it will be only once a month, until college. How will this work out?
Q. I need help I'm moving away from fl and I love my gf she is 18 and I'm 17 we have been dating for about 6 months we had sex a lot and we both love each other. This is both of ours very first relationships that we have ever been in. I have to move ...
A. 21 September 2007: Personal strength and the bond you share.... (read in full...)
Beads
Q. When pleasuring your partner use a necklace of beads around(a mans parts) or inside (a woman) this feels good and is very pleasurable for each other....
A. 21 September 2007: I must be old fashioned. I thought I had heard of everything. ... (read in full...)
My family don't understand my feelings after the recent break up, and it's hard for me to concentrate on employment now and put up with their reaction. Help!
Q. Not necesarily a question but a cry for help. I'm so mad. My sister got a job a this great company and they are still hiring people. I'm unemployed so I applied for a job there and got an interview. I canceled it and rescheduled because I didn't ...
A. 21 September 2007: This is going to be a difficult transition for you. First, stop placing blame. I will tell you with your last comment what she meant by that, and as a previous manager it is somewhat true. The ones who are working, it's easier for them to make a ... (read in full...)
Any advice on saving my relationship?
Q. i need to save my relatinship with my girlfriend! having a bad patch, we both love each other. any advice anyone?...
A. 21 September 2007: Communication. If you both love each other you should be able to discuss the issues, and come up with a way to make a change.... (read in full...)
Should I leave my partner? We argue all the time.
Q. my partner and i are together 1yr and 8mths we are deeply in love . he spoils me with every including body massages makes personal love song cds brings me flowers and trys get involved with my 2 children . problem is we argue often and every week ...
A. 21 September 2007: With abuse, your family is right. They notice behaviors you don't recognize. But if you love him, there is a chance to turn things around. You're going to have to decided what you are willing to put up with and what you are not. Sit down with him, ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my partner? We argue all the time.
Q. my partner and i are together 1yr and 8mths we are deeply in love . he spoils me with every including body massages makes personal love song cds brings me flowers and trys get involved with my 2 children . problem is we argue often and every week ...
A. 21 September 2007: With abuse, your family is right. They notice behaviors you don't recognize. But if you love him, there is a chance to turn things around. You're going to have to decided what you are willing to put up with and what you are not. Sit down with him, ... (read in full...)
I got my period while having sex
Q. I'm 15 and having the scare of my life.....I had sex a few weeks ago and got my period during it and he wasnt wearing a condom....than 3 days later it stopped and my period lasts 6 days....could this mean I'm pregnant? And if your not sure how long ...
A. 21 September 2007: I think if you're asking you shouldn't be having sex in the first place.
Generally you won't get pregnant while having that time of the month. But that's generally, just like birth control, nothing is 100% sure.... (read in full...)
My girlfriend and I are crazy for each other! So why do I always think I'm going to lose her?
Q. hi, i have the most amazing girlfriend i could ever ask for...in my eyes shes perfect in almost every way. i love her more than i have ever loved anyone else. and shes always saying she feels the same way. so why do i always think im gona lose her...
A. 21 September 2007: Fear. You need to work on it. Realize you need to live your moments with her now, and every minute of fear is a minute you loose.... (read in full...)
I would like to meet crossdressers. How can I do that?
Q. i like men dressed in sari, blouse, bra and panty. i am very much desirous of making frindship with with those men who like to wear sari, blosse,bra, pettycoat and bangles. How can i make frindship with them?...
A. 21 September 2007: Go to a gay club.... (read in full...)
Is he a cheater, should I dump him?
Q. Is he a cheater, should i dump him? i want to first start out by saying i have been cheated on in the past and i think the cheating may be my problem now..?? so this is my problem, my boyfriend and i have been togther for 6 months, before...
A. 21 September 2007: Quit driving your self nuts, come right out and ask him if he's screwing this young thing. He has given you enough information to suspect something is going on. I'd just come out and ask him. This isn't because of being cheated on before. Even ... (read in full...)
Should I try and prove to him he can trust me or let him go? I made a mistake before meeting him and he holds it against me.
Q. My boyfriend of 3 months and I had a fight tonight because I have realized that he doesn't trust me to go out with my friends, or to a party and have a drink. I don't have a problem with alcohol and never have, A few months before I met him...
A. 21 September 2007: I hate these questions, I feel for you, but believe it or not I feel for him too. It's not you, it's not what you had done before you got back together. He needs to realize you are not the dysfunction in his family. You didn't cause these issues, ... (read in full...)
If I go back he will continue his torture, if I stay back society will blame me, so what should I do to end the abuse in my marriage?
Q. Iam having troubled life for the past seven years, my first marriage was a dissaster there was dowry problem, i was physically abused, i kept quiet for a long time for my parents sake. basically i am a shy person and closed person who would like...
A. 21 September 2007: Nobody deserves this kind of treatment. I know your laws are really different than ours. Here we'd take the guy and put him behind bars in jail for quite some time.
We don't stand for abuse. All though you may believe different because of your coun... (read in full...)
Is my boss flirting with me?
Q. I am really confused with wether my boss is flirting with me or just being friendly: He winks at me He walks past me, looks me in the eye and holds my gaze and then smiles I passed him a recept the other day and he practically took my hand...
A. 21 September 2007: Reading this I think if you tried to have fun, you'd end up getting hurt.
His advances are inappropriate. In our country their called, sexual harassment. The reason I worry if you were to have fun with this is, he's what we call a pig. They prey... (read in full...)
My estranged husband uses the children to get at me. Do I stop including him when it comes to our daughters behaviour?
Q. Well another upadate on some of the issues I have been faced.I told my ex on Tuesday that my oldest wants to stay here with me and after that he BLEW, fighting with me allday.Serious text messages that were horriffic to me.I had to work nites that ...
A. 21 September 2007: What do you feel is in the best interest of your children? That's the issue, it's not including or not including, it's about the kids.
Why are his visits damaging to the mental health of your child? Is it related to the visits or because of your... (read in full...)
Why have I got a lack of sex drive with this pregnancy when last time I was always wanting it!?
Q. We got married last week. My 1st pregnancy (my baby is 5 months old) I wanted sex a lot. It seemed like I couldn't get enough. I would even wake him up in the middle of the night and get on him. I am 3-4 months pregnant now and I don't at all ...
A. 21 September 2007: Hormones don't have to cahnge in the same direction every pregnancy.... (read in full...)
In an unhappy relationship with lots of issues... But am I giving him a fair chance?
Q. recently my boyfriend and i have been having big problems. He started a new job about 9 months ago which takes more of his time and energy, in turn, the past 7 months he has done nothing but work, eat and sleep. I have an office job which requires ...
A. 21 September 2007: You are both on an ego trip. First no, you can't forget the 6 months, the behavior you displayed is unacceptable as well. Giving him a fair chance is an understatement in this situation, You are both combative, you know how to tick him off and he ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend can be so immature. How can I make it work?
Q. I've been dating a guy for 3 years. We've had our usual ups and downs, breaksups and reunions, etc but I really need some advice. Now before I say anything I should say that my boyfriend can be REALLY immature, insecure and needy. Despite all of ...
A. 21 September 2007: First, you can't do anything to really save this relationship (I didn't say dump him.) Look at what's going on here. The reason you can't save it is it's not your issue. It sounds as if it's his behavior that's keeping you going nuts. Now it does ... (read in full...)
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