A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, My ex boyfriend is going to marry another girl. We were together for around 10 years and my family and me did everything for him. His family first proposed my parents for our marriage on his wish. But they wanted it to happen soon which my parents were unable to do due to some health problems in my family. Now he is marrying another girl for whom they claim is very beautiful and rich. They are spreading this all in our neighbourhood and seems very happy. I am also beautiful, smart, intelligent girl (as most of the people of all age have complimented me for the same and really respect me a lot) but then also now i am feeling very degraded and low. I feel i am jealous of her without even seeing her. He lives in front of our house and i feel i would not be able to see him with that girl after their marriage. How can I overcome this feeling....which is really disturbing me a lot.Please help, i'm losing my confidence which will surely affect my career and future....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (12 September 2007):
 We always wonder why someone we care for can choose someone else. It's like, what do they have that I don't have. What makes them better than us. It is time to stop thinking that way. You already complimented yourself, and your qualities. It's OK to feel jealous. That's normal. It stems from memories. The memories you shared with him, and the good times shared in the past. Many times when someone we care about makes as change as he is we ask ourselves questions, such as "why not me?" and "what could I have done different?" I'll tell you, sometimes we could have done something, but many times we simply can not. The reason we can't is we don't control other peoples actions. It would be nice to have a remote control for the one we want. We could turn them off and on (especially when the talk too much.) We could make them turn different directions, and do things for us when we command. People are unique, all with their own minds, thought processes, and ability to choose. It's his choice to marry this person, and it's your choice to allow his actions to tamper with your self confidence. We choose our actions, how we view what's happened. That's our choice. You are viewing this marriage as a direct attack against you, when it's not. You sound like a real nice person, and have a lot of great things a head of you. Focus on yourself and reaching your own personal goals without letting what someone else does affect you. Remember this too, by not marrying him may mean there is something much greater in store for you that wouldn't have happened if your situation was different.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (12 September 2007):
Remember she was his second choice. You were his first. I suggest you concentrate on finding new guys to date.
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