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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Would it be unfair to move with my son out of the country?
Q. I am considering leaving our marriage but we have a 16 month old so I need to feel I have exhausted all options. We have been together 8 years now. In that time my husband has always done 'odd' stuff. I put it down to stress related to work, or ...
A. 27 October 2007: Just a remind also when making your decision. You didn't mention where your son was born, but I'll use the U.S. as an example. The Law here is a child born in this country becomes a natural citizen of the United States. Also moving can be difficult ... (read in full...)
Could he be a pedophile?
Q. okay, so my teacher is a nice guy. He's friendly and extremely nice. He doesn't really flirt with students, but if they want him to hug them or if they touch him a lot, he has no problem with that at all. I'm really worried about my friend, like ...
A. 25 October 2007: let's put it this way, for Halloween, he won't need to dress up, he's creepy enough.
If this teacher continues, I'd notify someone with authority at the school that he creeps you out.
I want you to learn this as a life lesson as well. You all... (read in full...)
Cat's away and mice wanna play
Q. I Need help ! Me and my boyfriend are currently on a break, which was my idea. My reason being was that we were getting in to too many arguments so I wanted some time to myself. But I met this guy the other night, and I really like him, and he feels ...
A. 17 October 2007: Then you need to speak to him and let him know that at this time you're not getting back together. Going to a party with a guy is OK, as long as you're single. It's cheating if you're just on a break, but planning on getting back together. ... (read in full...)
Cat's away and mice wanna play
Q. I Need help ! Me and my boyfriend are currently on a break, which was my idea. My reason being was that we were getting in to too many arguments so I wanted some time to myself. But I met this guy the other night, and I really like him, and he feels ...
A. 17 October 2007: If you're just on a regular break, yes. If you do something with the new guy, make sure the break up is permanent before hand. If you want to play, you're not ready for a relationship anyway.... (read in full...)
What can I do about my friend flirting with my girlfriend?
Q. hi, my best friend and my girlfriend have started talking a lot (they didn't know eachother at first. the only thing is that its making me go crazy, knowing that my friend is flirting with my girlfriend and i know exactly what hes like. im so worri...
A. 17 October 2007: The advise I have is this: If he's a friend, he'd respect the relationship between you and your girlfriend. I'd tell him, flirt with my girlfriend, then you and I aren't friends. ... (read in full...)
Is she about to start an affair with her tattooist?
Q. my wife and i have been married for over a year now, we have a 1 year old, and are a pretty happy couple. today she left to work and left her myspace page up, and i saw she had a new message. it was from a frind shes been talking to about ...
A. 17 October 2007: I'd bring it up to her. Ask her about it. Even if she didn't meet up with him or do anything, she still intended to.
When talking to her, try to remain calm. I know that is difficult, but it's important. But don't accept excuses for it. Remember... (read in full...)
When I was left alone with my daugyhter's best friend, we touched each other intimately; my daughter knows I'm a lesbian. Help?
Q. i am a woman and im alesbian my daughter knows about this and doesnt mind but recently whenever her best friend comes over my vagina starts throbbing in a good way and i think i luv her, when i was left in a room with her i touched her breasts and ...
A. 16 October 2007: I change the age in my first post, but indecent liberties to a minor is the same whether 8 or 16.
If it's a hoax, who ever posted it has some sort of weird thing going on. I'd vote to have this individual removed as well.... (read in full...)
We started to treat each other just as friends for 4 yrs. I think my wife's staying for the sake of our daughter. Can it better? Should I leave?
Q. Hi, I've been with my partner for 15 years and married for 5 of those,she says she made a mistake marrying me and only loves me as a friend,we haven't slept together since our daugther was concieved 4 half years ago,s...
A. 16 October 2007: Good intentions with a possible bad outcome. It's great wanting to stay together for the sake of a child. That takes patients, and sacrificing. But doing it this way, with no affection, the child will end up suffering.
It could get better, but that... (read in full...)
I'm worried the strippers may have been better looking than me.
Q. My girlfriend (of 4 yrs) went to a club where there were male strippers for ladies night. she asked me about 10 times before she went if it was okay, and because she was celebrating a special occasion with a girlfriend of hers that was moving away, ...
A. 16 October 2007: She's not lying. It's not worth fighting over. Girls go see this entertainment because of having a girls night out. that is one place their safe from their boyfriends joining them. Boys go see women strippers because we generally think with the ... (read in full...)
She won't go back to me, what should I do?
Q. Me and my Fiancee always argue and fight and those fights lead to us breaking up because we said things taht really hurt each other? The other day i said thing in front of her mom and she was mad and she said that we can not be together. And my ...
A. 16 October 2007: You are desperate. Not good when trying to get your girlfriend back. You offered her email address. That's not a good idea. I can't even tell you how mad she'd be knowing you went from talking to her, to requesting strangers contact her.
The b... (read in full...)
When I was left alone with my daugyhter's best friend, we touched each other intimately; my daughter knows I'm a lesbian. Help?
Q. i am a woman and im alesbian my daughter knows about this and doesnt mind but recently whenever her best friend comes over my vagina starts throbbing in a good way and i think i luv her, when i was left in a room with her i touched her breasts and ...
A. 16 October 2007: You are really overstepping any rational boundaries. If you're daughters friend is that age, she doesn't know what's going on, and doesn't have any ability to choose sexually. You need help. You're taking advantage of a little girl. Think of your ... (read in full...)
I had the lust in doing this, is it cheating?
Q. Ive been with my bf for like 7 months soon And I just been bit bad girl lately.. Our relationship is distance relationship He's other land, and Im in other land. Not so far each other, like 3 or 4 hours flight. Anyways I dont know if this is ch...
A. 16 October 2007: Showing yourself on cam, doing what you were doing, could be a form of cheating. All though you were not touching someone else, the behavior is still not appropriate within a relationship with another person.... (read in full...)
What's that lump doing in my chest?
Q. Hey I wrote one of these a few weeks back and things have definately improved. I even managed to go out on the town this past weekend, which hasnt been easy since I have a young child and when im not at work I have my daughter. Anyways, when I d...
A. 16 October 2007: It's a normal feeling, when you feel as if you were wronged in some way by the other person. All thought it feels as vengeance, it's the pain of loss that causes it. What you have to do to work through this is realize it's OK that you're not ... (read in full...)
My husband never knew how to show affection so we became just friends. I'm having an affair with the love of my life, do I let him go and do "the right thing" ?
Q. I have been married for 12 years. My husband never knew how to communicate or show affection. We became just friends and not lovers or husband/wife. I have been having an affair for over a year now with "the love of my life" from years ago. I ...
A. 15 October 2007: You asked, DO I DO THE RIGHT THING? Let me ask you something, how about sitting your kids down and tell them what mommy had been up too. Ask them if you should do what's right or not. I have children, and once I did I had to make changes. My kids ... (read in full...)
Are my feelings OK with him impression of me.
Q. Hi all- Ok, I must admit first off to being a bit of a snoop. My boyfriend checked his myspace account on my computer earlier, and when I went to sign in later his home page was still up. I listened to the little devil on my shoulder and looked i...
A. 15 October 2007: I don't think he was implying you're a jealous person. I think he didn't want to join her, and used that as an excuse to get out of the invitation.... (read in full...)
Cheated on my girlfriend, she forgave me, I just found out she's pregnant, Now what?
Q. Months ago, I had a one night stand with a girl who I met previously before that night at a night club. What makes this situation very difficult for me is that I did this while having a girlfriend. I told her about it and she was devastated, but she ...
A. 15 October 2007: First of all, you did the act, you'll have to take responsibility. If she decides to keep the baby, and it's proven to be yours, I know she said she's not holding you to anything, but I think it would cause great pain to know you had a child and ... (read in full...)
I lover her, how do I get her to trust me again. I'm a pathological lier.
Q. i (a pathological liar) have been with a girl for nearly 4 and a half months which is a while for me, i have realized that i have fallen quite in love with her, well she recently found out i lied about a few things (my age, hobbies, and lack of a ...
A. 15 October 2007: Guilt is a good start. What is it about you that makes you feel as if you have to inflate or expand who you are to gain the approval from her?
How do you get her to trust you? EARN IT. That's the only way. You need to realize people don't owe you ... (read in full...)
Would it be unfair to move with my son out of the country?
Q. I am considering leaving our marriage but we have a 16 month old so I need to feel I have exhausted all options. We have been together 8 years now. In that time my husband has always done 'odd' stuff. I put it down to stress related to work, or ...
A. 15 October 2007: I've done so much research on personality disorders. My ex was BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) They made some movies after this one such as "Fatal Attraction" and "Hand that rocks the cradle"
Generally behavior training assists in re-t... (read in full...)
Dad disconnected but acts like victim
Q. In order for me to be clear of guilt and move on with my life, I needed to ask for forgiveness from my daughter's dad. I've said and done some things I shouldn't have said or done. The things he's done to us don't quite as done it as well. But ...
A. 15 October 2007: Whether or not he accepts your forgiveness, It's important for the apology. It's his choice if it's accepted or not.
What you have to do is forgive yourself, and you have to forgive him. It doesn't help to just say sorry, unless you're able to ... (read in full...)
My friends say my boyfriend has a girlfriend who's expecting a baby.
Q. A group of my friends at college kept telling me that my boyfriend of 2 months has a girlfriend who is habing a baby, but he denies it and i dont really want to leave him without any evidence, because i really like him and he treats me really well. ...
A. 15 October 2007: If you don't want to leave him yet, you'll have to wait it out to obtain the evidence you need. The funny thing about people who do what's wrong, sooner or later the truth comes out.... (read in full...)
I'm a hypochondriac and my man can't deal with me.
Q. I'm a hypochondriac, for people who don't know what hypochondria is it's a mental illnes that you constantly need a doctors opinion on your health, also you go in to panic/anxiety attacks because your so frightend of a serious illness you think you ...
A. 15 October 2007: It sounds as if you need some psychiatric treatment. You need to learn to control this disorder. The more you learn about yourself the stronger you'll become to handle your issue and deal with your mom. Don't try to deal with your mom and the issue ... (read in full...)
I don't want to have another year full of lies and secrts.
Q. I'm a 30 year old pretty , well educated professional and am dating a 23 year old guy from Eastern Europe who doesn't have any 3rd level education but has plenty of other qualities that I love and enjoy - my problem is my Mum ; I told her about him ...
A. 15 October 2007: I'd just tell her. Your a professional women, so you must be able to make decisions which are best for you. Love and relationships aren't determined by schooling or finances. I have friends here who earn a substantial income, who are dating and ... (read in full...)
My friend told everyone about my video to myself.
Q. Help! My friend saw my phone last week and it had a video of me fingering myself on it. She saw it and now everone in my year nows. But worse than that i was going to send it to a boy that i didnt even now. Everyone is now against me. How can i go ...
A. 14 October 2007: Oh and it's like they've never done that.
Now don't you find it a bit degrading to yourself to send a sexual video to someone you didn't know?
Don't put anything on your phone you don't want to be public knowledge. I was sending text mes... (read in full...)
Why am I letting what other people say, and the way they say it affect me so much? Please help.
Q. Hello I would be so grateful for advice or experience from anyone. I am 35 and I am at a crisis point of change in my life – trying very hard to make some big and difficult decisions and I have so little support. A brief background is that, with ...
A. 14 October 2007: It affects you because you care. It's a great quality, you should be proud, but you have to draw a personal boundary so you don't over care about others and not take action with your own life.
About the man. I have to say this all though you don'... (read in full...)
I don't know why all boys find me so unattractive?
Q. I really really really want a boyfriend i have wanted one for ages and its killing me inside, i want someone to talk to, to cuddle and to love but i don't know why all boys find me so unnattractive...
A. 14 October 2007: don't rush life. the way you mentioned what you wanted, it almost sounded like you were shopping for a puppy.
You need to feel good about yourself for yourself. Don't look at boys as a way of solving something you're missing, but someone you can ... (read in full...)
Do I have bi-polar disorder?
Q. Is it possible that if you get more than you expect in life, you get depressed about it? It seems to me that something like this has happened to me. I feel ecstatic something and gloomy and sad at other times when i think that nothing much is left ...
A. 14 October 2007: Nope, you didn't mention having high levels, also known as mania
It's not what you receive, it's what you do with what you receive. ... (read in full...)
I'm worried about contraception.
Q. How do I start..my girl friend is on birth control! ok..she tells me to come in her all the time but the thing is that I don't want no kids + I'm a lil bit scared of what is gonna happen with my sperm that goes inside of her...is the sperm gonna be ...
A. 14 October 2007: Use a condom, problem not solved but close. Remember birth control is not completely effective either. I know quite a few people who's children came when they used birth control. ... (read in full...)
How could I tell her how I feel without sounding like a total wuss??
Q. Me and my girl have been going out for about 1 months or so. A few weeks after our first year anniversary she confessed to me that she had cheated on me with this guy from her school. She also told me that she had only been with him for a few days ...
A. 14 October 2007: She has absolutely NO respect for you or your feelings. I've spoken with counselors before about cheating and what they recommend to heal a damaged relationship. They all say the same thing (1) The person who cheated needs to cut all ties to the ... (read in full...)
Is it time to end it?
Q. Okay.. I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and a half now. And Our realtionship is volatile to say the least. Not in a violent way, but we argue imensely and we can tear each other apart pretty easily then suddenly go back to being ...
A. 14 October 2007: You made a mistake. To get rid of the guilt, you have to come clean with your mistake. At least it was only a quick kiss. Even though that still isn't a good choice, your leaving was.
So many times people say, this happened, I hope they don't fi... (read in full...)
He takes longer..
Q. Ok I don't know if this is a common problem, so I need advice. I recently started dating a very nice guy and we also started having sex. Now the problem is that he takes incredibly long to orgasm. I wanted to give him oral sex, at first he didn't ...
A. 14 October 2007: Most women complain about it being too short. I don't think this is a common problem. I really have no clue about what might be going on here. I don't think you're doing something wrong if it worked before. It's strange that he didn't want oral sex, ... (read in full...)
I am falling for my boss....
Q. Iam majorly falling for my boss. I think he harmlessly flirts with me but im not sure. In 21 and he is only a few years older than me and he is really good looking.He never calls me by my first name, he either calls me by my nickname or he ...
A. 14 October 2007: It's not appropriate to pursue a relationship with your boss. It can cause problems. Quite a few business don't even allow management to have relationships with their employees, that is if they wish to keep their jobs. Once sexual harassment became ... (read in full...)
The school vamp is after my guy!
Q. Dear Agony Aunts/Uncles, There's a girl at my school who is a major slut. Her goal in life is probably screw every guy in the premises that she happens to be. Anyway, she happens to flirt with every guy at school practically, and its getting on m...
A. 14 October 2007: She does want to irritate you. The way I see this, she's a slut, you know that, everyone else knows that, so what's the chances of her having a good relationship? If she can't have what you do, she attempts to destroy what you do. It's jealousy.... (read in full...)
I don't know what to say, and feel bad for what happened.
Q. ok well i had a boyfriend i was with for 8 months we was always arguin like everyday and then he started pushing me over and i was fallin on my bottom and hurtin myself then he started threatning to hit me but he never did he was starting to push me ...
A. 14 October 2007: Take care as well, and to answer your question about a stupid girl. There not really that stupid. The problem with young girls doing things they should wait for is, boys your age are not as mentally mature. While they're playing games and just ... (read in full...)
Help! My conscience driving me insane!
Q. Alrigh. I was here awhile ago. long while ago. Here I am. The fictional name I will use here is Alex.(Yes, that name is not really mine). I'm a 12 year old loser, but that's not the problem. that was a post long ago. I'm paranoid and it's dri...
A. 14 October 2007: This is above our capability. I must say for your age, you really have excellent spelling, punctuation, and paragraph separation. ... (read in full...)
Could he be a pedophile?
Q. okay, so my teacher is a nice guy. He's friendly and extremely nice. He doesn't really flirt with students, but if they want him to hug them or if they touch him a lot, he has no problem with that at all. I'm really worried about my friend, like ...
A. 14 October 2007: I'd just monitor their behavior. Teacher at times get close with students, not necessarily because they are interested in something else, but because they spend so much time with them and develop kind of a mentor bond with them.
Have you talk... (read in full...)
He's a father but not a daddy
Q. I had a child when i was 15, i reget having a child so young but i dont regret having my daughter. Her dad came from a well off background and because of this didnt want to help raise her, he just sent money every week. I really wanted him to help ...
A. 14 October 2007: Nope, and I wouldn't do it until you are married and have longevity behind you. What I believe is let her choose when she gets older. If you choose, and it's not the way she would, she may rebel against your decision. Once it's done it's permanent. ... (read in full...)
After giving him his 3'some..he wants the other woman back all the time! It's getting to me...help!!
Q. My boyfriend has always wanted us to have a threesome with another girl, so a few weeks ago i agreed for his birthday to invole a friend of mine who is Bi-Sexual. He said he loved it and would like to do it again with the same girl, i enjoyed it, ...
A. 14 October 2007: You aren't stupid. He is. It's your relationship with him. All though you involved this other person, she's not an actual part of the relationship. You gave him a gift. One that so many guys wish they could experience at least once. Just because you ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to say, and feel bad for what happened.
Q. ok well i had a boyfriend i was with for 8 months we was always arguin like everyday and then he started pushing me over and i was fallin on my bottom and hurtin myself then he started threatning to hit me but he never did he was starting to push me ...
A. 13 October 2007: I wouldn't worry about him. I wouldn't get back together with him. Rubbing another person in your face is a sign of immaturity. I understand you two are young, but that is immature even for your age group.
If he does it again, shake her hand and ... (read in full...)
Many differences, how do I approach this?
Q. I have been seeing a man that I have a wonderful relationship with, but we face a few potential challenges: 1) He is from South India, and I am a white American woman. This does not interfere with our connection at all; we both consider ourselv...
A. 13 October 2007: I'd love too. It may not be over different zip codes, but he's saying "I may be interested in variety." Committing is not marriage, all though it's included there. It's just saying I choose to be with you and you only during out time together.
... (read in full...)
I don't know what to say, and feel bad for what happened.
Q. ok well i had a boyfriend i was with for 8 months we was always arguin like everyday and then he started pushing me over and i was fallin on my bottom and hurtin myself then he started threatning to hit me but he never did he was starting to push me ...
A. 13 October 2007: Your feeling bad, is guilt. It's when we take part in actions which have the potential of hurting someone we care about, or in your case loved. When you cheated, did you at all feel as if that was wrong? Sometimes we feel justified going things ... (read in full...)
Work Politics...
Q. Thank you to the people who take the time to read and respond to this...it it appreciated. I work in a challenging and fairly well paid career. I work with all men. They are decent for the most part and treat me well. There is one guy though who I ...
A. 13 October 2007: Going to the union, follow up with it. That involves a 3rd party, and forces the supervisor as well to choose correctly.
When you have your meeting next week, you want to come off as someone who is credible, has a high level of integrity, strong c... (read in full...)
Lost confidence and fed up with my love life...
Q. Im so sick of my love life at the moment and feel that its taking over my whole life. Im 24 years old, got a good job, loads of friends, great family and I know that I am attractive but I cant get a boyfriend - or not a decent one anyway! I think it ...
A. 13 October 2007: You need to stay single for a while. You are not doing yourself justice by attempting relationships at this time. All you're doing is growing these negative beliefs.
I see a couple of things. (1) rebounds, generally with someone who there sens... (read in full...)
Work Politics...
Q. Thank you to the people who take the time to read and respond to this...it it appreciated. I work in a challenging and fairly well paid career. I work with all men. They are decent for the most part and treat me well. There is one guy though who I ...
A. 13 October 2007: Don't leave your job. What do you think control freaks want, TO WIN. Don't let him win. You sound like a valuable employee and a strong individual. Another thing you don't want to do, of course, is the same game he's doing. Don't talk about him to ... (read in full...)
Many differences, how do I approach this?
Q. I have been seeing a man that I have a wonderful relationship with, but we face a few potential challenges: 1) He is from South India, and I am a white American woman. This does not interfere with our connection at all; we both consider ourselv...
A. 13 October 2007: You do understand what an open relationship is? I use to have a joke with my ex wife. "I think we should have an open relationship so In see other women and so can you."
I wouldn't worry about any of this if he is not ready to commit. Why stir up w... (read in full...)
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