A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Months ago, I had a one night stand with a girl who I met previously before that night at a night club. What makes this situation very difficult for me is that I did this while having a girlfriend. I told her about it and she was devastated, but she eventually forgave me and we're a happy couple now.But this whole thing just backfired on me two nights ago when the girl called me saying she's pregnant. It's not a sure thing if I'm the father or not since she states that she also slept with her ex. But the possibility still frightens me considering I didn't use protection and her ex-boyfriend did. She doesn't know what to do and she's looking for options because we are both in no position in our lives right now to raise a child. Of course, we've acknowledged abortion and adoption...and she's still not sure about her decision yet. But either way, she says I don't have to be involved and she'll even lie and put the father as "Unknown" on the birth certificate if the baby is born.Worst of all, she didn't know she was pregnant until she was 14 weeks. And this girl is a party-holic...drinking and everything. I figure this would definitely effect the risk of the baby being born healthy if she decides adoption.I know what I did is a mistake and like all mistakes--one should pay the price. But in a situation like this...what do you think is the best thing to do for me and for her? I love my girlfriend, my family, and everyone...and they would all be heart broken if I told them this.Anonymous
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): I think you need to have that chat with your girlfriend. As hard as it is going to be it is better coming from you as a stranger telling her in the future. You need to get a DNA test in the future before you decide just what you are going to do. She may say that she wont say anything now, but i bet in the future when times get hard she will squawk!!! Be aware that her hormones will be everywhere and you need to be ready for a very bumpy ride. You have learnt one of life's lessons, dont stray!!! You should of worn protection. What if she had had HIV and you had infected yourself as well as your gf???? Not good. Do the deed, tell all concerned and sit back and wait. If your gf leaves you then i am sorry, but these things happen to cheaters.
take care
xx
A
female
reader, angelblueeyes  +, writes (15 October 2007):
 Ok so what you did was bad but you and your g/f were strong enough and got through it,
just beacause the other woman is having a baby dosen't mean you have to marry her lots of people have babies without being together and they get on fine, if she decides to keep the baby and you have had the test to prove that the baby is your's just be there for the baby be the best dad you can and ensure the baby has the best possible life, this obviously will affect the relationship with your g/f but if you love one another you will make it through just fine, i hope that has helped you a bit good luck!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): It's somewhat out of your hands until she decides what to do about the pregnancy.
She will need to make a decision soon if she is going to terminate - I think she can opt to terminate up to 14 or 16 weeks(?)
What she does have to be aware of is that any drinking during pregnancy does increase the risk of Foetal Alcohol Syndrome which can cause physical abnormalities, mental & social development disabilities. If she has been drinking during her pregnancy, this is something she needs to think about because a healthy baby is a lot of hard work - a special needs baby is an enormous amount.
If she does decide to keep the child, you can get DNA testing in utero from about 12 weeks, I believe. It is costly, but it's possible. Other than that, once the child is born it can be done. Either way, you're better to be up front with your current girlfriend if / when you're sure she's having it AND when you know it's yours. Until both of those facts are confirmed, you may be worrying for nothing.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (15 October 2007):
 First of all, you did the act, you'll have to take responsibility. If she decides to keep the baby, and it's proven to be yours, I know she said she's not holding you to anything, but I think it would cause great pain to know you had a child and didn't get to know them.
I do know about the reaction of others with news like this. I had my son when I was 19 years old. When I told my mom, she literally locked herself in her bedroom for 2 weeks, only coming out to eat. Now she finds him as much of a blessing to our family as I do.
If I were you I'd prepare. You may hope for the best, but preparation is the key here. If you tell people before getting a paternity test, tell them "there is a possibility" you don't want to imply certainty until it's been verified.
A couple of my children did come by surprise, but now, I'd be lost without them.
Take care, good luck
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (15 October 2007):
Get a pregnancy then then a dna test if necessay. If the child is yous step up to your obligations and make sure the baby has a wonderful life.
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