A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a man that I have a wonderful relationship with, but we face a few potential challenges:1) He is from South India, and I am a white American woman. This does not interfere with our connection at all; we both consider ourselves "hippies"/free spirits who love learning about other cultures. I have learned quite a bit about Indian culture from him, and he likes hearing about my Italian-Irish heritage. He has told his parents a little about me, but I am not sure if they will approve or not? However, he has expressed interest in meeting my parents. 2)He is significantly older than me; I am 20 and he is 30. Once again, this does not bother either of us; we like to talk about the differences. Is it merely an issue of what challenges the outside world may present us with?3) I do not identify as bisexual, but he is very interested in threesomes. I am open to playing with another woman, but if we committed, I have to convince myself that this isn't cheating and find some way to get more comfortable with it? He doesn't consider himself polyamorous, and I enjoy other sexual exploration with him, but I can't see myself wanting another woman in the middle for the long term.4) He is very vague about why he prefers to keep ours an 'open' relationship for the time being. We spend a lot of time together and he is very romantic and affectionate, but it remains that while he calls me his 'lover', I eventually want to be his 'girlfriend'. He has been honest and told me that he is only seeing one other woman, but I'm not sure how to deal with this? Any advice on how to approach these things is welcome. Peace and Namaste.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 October 2007):
 I'd love too. It may not be over different zip codes, but he's saying "I may be interested in variety." Committing is not marriage, all though it's included there. It's just saying I choose to be with you and you only during out time together.
The problem I see with this, is not just the commitment, or lack of, but one of your new comments. "he suggest he might be thinking about committing" That comment is one of control. He's portraying "No matter what your feeling are I will be the one deciding if we commit or not."
If you're interested in having an equal relationship between man and women, I urge you to research "male and female roles in India." I trained a male in a previous job who was from India. I had to train him because I refused to be trained by a women. The only time he would take direction from a women in completing his duties was when I, in front of him, presented her with my authority over male and female employees. It was like inducting her into an authority he normally wouldn't see her having. Then it worked.
Just be careful. Make sure you don't enter into a commitment with someone who's cultural values differ to the extent of going against your beliefs and how you choose to be treated.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEh, "open relationship" means lots of different things...but I *think* he's just referring to the fact that he's not seeing me exclusively. He doesn't really seem like the type to have lots of women in different area codes...but if I'm being naive about the ways of men, feel free to enlighten me.
I don't know...he wants to spend a lot of time with me and he's talked to me about personal things, & to his parents...to me that suggests that he might be thinking about committing, but just holding out on that last step for some reason...the most obvious being "her"/the other woman. Argh.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 October 2007):
You do understand what an open relationship is? I use to have a joke with my ex wife. "I think we should have an open relationship so In see other women and so can you."
I wouldn't worry about any of this if he is not ready to commit. Why stir up with your parents, and others if the commitment is not there. Why have threesomes if their is no commitment.
It also sounds like you're reluctant to be with another women. I asked my ex-wife one, just for fun. She said she'd do that if we could have another one with another man there. She figured fair is fair, it may be, but I never brought the subject up again.
When it comes to the introductions, be strong. 20 and 30 is not that bad. You have quite a connection, so don't let the thoughts of others bother you. If you keep real strong with your thoughts about this is what you want, and he's the one for you, others will follow you in your beliefs. The problem comes when you let your guard down and begin questioning because others put the questions in your mind.
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