A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I had a child when i was 15, i reget having a child so young but i dont regret having my daughter. Her dad came from a well off background and because of this didnt want to help raise her, he just sent money every week. I really wanted him to help raise her and be there and all that, but he just wouldnt. She's 7 now and ive now been in a relationship for nearly year, and my new boyfriend wants to adopt my daughter as his own, but her real dad, who is now married with a kid with his wife, says he would never let him adopt her, is there any way we can get round that or any advice to change his mind?
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (14 October 2007):
 I don't think it is possible to get an adoption through without the father's consent. Why do you want your boyfriend to adopt her? If your daughter wants your boyfriend to be her father and he feels the same, then he could still make a terrific stepfather for her. I'm not saying her biological father is not doing wrong when not seeing her at all, but it could happen that in the future the two of them will have some kind of father-daughter relation that will be good for her. Also his new child is her half-sibling and there will always be bounds between them. Your daughter's step father could still be her "real" daddy emotionally, adopted or not, if that is what they both want.
A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (14 October 2007):
Point out he could stop paying child support. He doesn't take time to see her anyway. It would be better for her long term happiness.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1 +, writes (14 October 2007):
 hi
cant really see your problem here, ask him again to let your boy friend adopt your child, if he refuse then tell him you will write a letter to his wife, and report him to the police, for having sex with a 14 year old girl, which is illegal in the UK, the age of consent is 16 years, any one having sex with a minor is breaking the law and will be arrested, fined or imprisoned, then his name will be put on the sex offenders register for the rest of his life, he will in all probability lose his wife and children for life and will not be able to see your daughter ever again, be careful how you say this to him do not make it sound like a threat, make it sound like a normal conversation one person to another, bet he will soon change his mind. (please let me now how you get on) good luck
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (14 October 2007):
 Nope, and I wouldn't do it until you are married and have longevity behind you. What I believe is let her choose when she gets older. If you choose, and it's not the way she would, she may rebel against your decision. Once it's done it's permanent. If this relationship didn't work out, he would then be responsible for all support and you would not be able to reverse the adoption.
I would wait.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): Well, since this guy is not your husband and is just a boyfriend, I wouldn't advise you letting him adopt her. She's already had her dad walk out on her..what if you two were to split up? I know you probably feel like that won't happen, you're in love, etc. but until there's marriage to really seal the deal I wouldn't bring the child into this situation. Also, if she is adopted, you will no longer be eligable from her real father for child support and if this is something you need financially it isn't a good decision for your boyfriend to adopt her. Plus, being in a relationship for "nearly a year" to me is definetly not long enough for this guy to decide he wants to be your kid's legal father for the next 11 years of her life. Why don't you just see how it goes, he can of course still be in her life as a father figure, if you decide to get married, then proceed with trying to have him adopt your daughter...Legally if you are not married and her real father is against it, I highly, highly doubt you're going to convince a court that it in your daughter's best interest to have your boyfriend of not even a year, adopt her. Plus if he were to adopt her and then you two split, you wouldn't have any assistance financially from either man and then where would you be? If this man feels he truely wants to commit to being your kid's father, why can't he commit to you, as a husband? Has the subject of marriage ever even come up between the two of you? Tell him if he wants to be your child's father then you are going to need some security that you are really a family. For yourself and for your child..and the way to get that is through marriage.
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