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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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My partner doesn't allow me the same level of freedom he gives himself. He also accuses me of cheating! What can I do?
Q. Ive been with my partner for 6 years, we have 2 kids wee girl 7 months and wee boy 2 1/2 years. At the beginning we had a great life, then I started going out with my mates male and female, he would only let me out until 8pm snd if I was 1 min late ...
A. 19 October 2007: Weather its name calling or hitting it's abuse. Name calling, emotional abuse, heals slower than physical. Two years ago, "the last time he hit" you should have been gone. Your welcome anyway, but even with the name calling, you stay around there, ... (read in full...)
Many differences, how do I approach this?
Q. I have been seeing a man that I have a wonderful relationship with, but we face a few potential challenges: 1) He is from South India, and I am a white American woman. This does not interfere with our connection at all; we both consider ourselv...
A. 13 October 2007: I'd love too. It may not be over different zip codes, but he's saying "I may be interested in variety." Committing is not marriage, all though it's included there. It's just saying I choose to be with you and you only during out time together.
... (read in full...)
Many differences, how do I approach this?
Q. I have been seeing a man that I have a wonderful relationship with, but we face a few potential challenges: 1) He is from South India, and I am a white American woman. This does not interfere with our connection at all; we both consider ourselv...
A. 13 October 2007: You do understand what an open relationship is? I use to have a joke with my ex wife. "I think we should have an open relationship so In see other women and so can you."
I wouldn't worry about any of this if he is not ready to commit. Why stir up w... (read in full...)
Can I convince her to stay?
Q. Bare with me i'm so confused and hurt that i just don't know what to do.What if i think my partner of almost 20 years is making a huge mistake by giving up our whole life together to be with her first love who is also maried? Can i do or say ...
A. 13 October 2007: What if you think it's a big mistake? I think she'd be leaving for sure. When getting someone to stay, it's not about what you think, it's about what they think. It's their feelings that cause them to make a change, If you want to have the ... (read in full...)
Did he physically abuse me?
Q. This happened to me once. After 2 years of relationship I was about to storm out of my ex's apartment (he was my boyfriend at the time) crying (for the first time in our relationship I was crying in front of him for something he did, neglecting me) ...
A. 13 October 2007: What he did is known as "domestic violence". The law sees in a relationship that either party must be free to come and go as they please without interference from the other party. His grabbing your wrist is a "3rd degree assault"
All though this... (read in full...)
I am obsessed with my appearance!
Q. How do I learn to love how I look? I've struggled with my self esteem for most of my life. I hate my body and I hate my face. People do compliment me on my looks but I feel that they are probably lying for my benefit. I eat a very healthy diet and...
A. 13 October 2007: First I want to say, people usually don't lie to benefit another person. Lies are normally to protect themselves. Second, I saw you're on a diet. Are you including diet drinks, such as diet Pepsi. If so, you're adding weight to your bootie. Sugar ... (read in full...)
I started kissing randomly a female-friend, another friend walked in on us. She swore she wouldn't tell, how do I make sure I can trust her?
Q. i am very interested in men... but i had a few friends sleeping over and we drunk alot of alcohol, and me and a close friend started kissing randomly i have never done this before, and i was not at all interested in my friend that way. however ...
A. 13 October 2007: Usually with good friends you can trust them. If it comes up say this "I sure did, and it matters to you, Why?"
One thing you don't want to do is deny it. Denying that you kisses a girl can be viewed as very disrespectful to the girl and may make... (read in full...)
How long is it normal to still be hung on your ex?
Q. hello everyone! i have a question that most of you will probably think is dumb but oh well here it goes...how long do you think it is normal to still be hung on your ex? I want to be able to move on so badly but I just think about what we had and ...
A. 13 October 2007: Let me tell you something about breakups. They hurt, sometimes real bad. For some it doesn't take much time, for others it does. I know you think about what you had, those thoughts will always be with you. They make up who you are. Like everything ... (read in full...)
Shall I keep ignoring my coworker's gossip or go to my boss and report this?
Q. hello dear cupid and to all of you, i just really need help veeeeeeeery much. i am working at hotel. i have this co"workers of mine who like gossip so much, everytime she is talking to our guest she always tell them bad things about me" and not only ...
A. 13 October 2007: Do you know what happens over a long period of time with this type of gossip? Lost customers. When I go somewhere and I stay at a motel, I'm escaping. I've left my career at home, even if it's a business trip, and the drama of what goes on around ... (read in full...)
He wants to just separate, but I know it can't work, how do I help him let it go.
Q. I recently broke up with my fiance. It was over a stupid argument, but really it's about all of our arguments. I was looking for a way out and found one. All we do is fight, and even though I love him, I don't think it's good or healthy for either ...
A. 13 October 2007: You know, if you would have given those details, instead of just given the petty things. I wouldn't have attempted to give information to save.
When you say emotional abuse. Some people consider that "he disagreed with my side so he's abusing me" ... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 13 October 2007: He only "looks". So his appearance is youthful compared to actual.... (read in full...)
I want to be independent, but is it worth the sacrafice?
Q. I could really use some advice/suggestion on this. I am 32 yrs old, I have recently separated from my husband of 7 years and I have 2 boys (6 and 4). We still talk and he expresses every day how much he loves me and wants his family back. The ...
A. 13 October 2007: This is a personal venture, and you need to make these choices. You are a strong person, I can tell with you knowing it's not the right time to get back together. I hope he'll get help as well for the sake of you family.
Weather you choose this trai... (read in full...)
Since he married me, he doesn't seem to consider my needs in the bedroom. What can I do?
Q. I was recently married 4 weeks ago and our sex life has gone down hill. Since I said I do the sex lasts about 30 seconds and he doesnt care about my needs. I have told him that I have needs to. So he says we will have to have sex twice. After the ...
A. 13 October 2007: Let him know that sex is not a race to win an award for "fastest shot". You deserve to get please out of sex. You could always get him all excited, even before penetration just get up and ask "was it good for you,"
Don't trust him with the twic... (read in full...)
Will this lead to a break-up?
Q. my boyfriend says he's confused about our relationship and needs time alone, we've been together a year now and i love him so much. Will this lead to a break-up?...
A. 13 October 2007: There's not enough information to answer this question.
Has he discussed with you what might be confusing him? Is it something that deals directly with you? Is it personal insecurity? There could be so many reasons why someone needs time. Without ... (read in full...)
Is there still hope for us after all this tragedy?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for a year and three months. She has had a very tough childhood. She nearly died after her bowl collapsed and her father abused her mother. This means she has to really trust someone before opening up to them. When we ...
A. 13 October 2007: This is really hard to comprehend. It's must have been hard enough with her past, but then all this stuff just exploded at once.
Here's what I think. You both need to seek some counseling to work out these issues. When dealing with this level of p... (read in full...)
He told me what he did with prostitutes, and it turned me on.
Q. hi i need help ive been with my partner 25 years not a brilliant 25 years but even so i do love him he has in the last two years seen 3 prositutes i was totally gutted, never felt so sick in my life just could not imagine he would ever do that, he ...
A. 13 October 2007: There is nothing wrong with you, it's just part of the fantasy. I really wouldn't worry about it.... (read in full...)
He cheat and we break up, now the endless msn messages
Q. weeks ago my boyfriend for an year moved away to another place for his university. we agree to keep a long distance relationship working. but within two weeks he confess to me that he had slept with a girl he just met. because he find the long ...
A. 13 October 2007: He must feel guilty for cheating. He's no good for you. Reason being, do you want someone who takes responsibility for their actions, or blames their actions on circumstances?
He couldn't cope, so he slept with a stranger. NOPE, he slept with her... (read in full...)
I'm attractive, but I know I didn't do anything to provoke harassment.
Q. Hi everyone, I have a slight problem. Its kind of long so please bare with me. Ok, Iam 20 years old. I been working at my job now for two months. I work at a store and I really love it. Ever since I have started working there I had the biggest crush ...
A. 13 October 2007: I have heard many stories of bosses making passes at employees, but this is the first time I'd ever heard of one like this.
What he did wrong was (1) he's your boss, you're his employee (2) He's not paid to play with nipples in the storeroo... (read in full...)
Was I wrong? Friends, Weddings, and Unreturned Phonecalls...
Q. Hi Everybody, I need to get the take of people I don't personally know on this situation. I live by two simple rules. Don't pursue a woman that's taken and don't show up uninvited. On short notice, a female friend of mine (who I've known m...
A. 13 October 2007: I think you had good reason to not go. She may be his sister, but it's not really her place to invite you to his wedding.
Take care.... (read in full...)
What can I do and does it worth going on with this relationship?
Q. I have a relationship for over an year with a man i really love. he has a 8 years old daughter, but he never got married to the mother. i have nothing with his daughter, who is a sweetheart, but hate the mom. i don't like her interferring the ...
A. 12 October 2007: It sounds like the mother is one jealous person. Now, relationships shouldn't interfere with the relationship between a parent and a child, but that doesn't seem to be the issue. It seems as if this behavior on her end is intentional. She's trying ... (read in full...)
He wants to just separate, but I know it can't work, how do I help him let it go.
Q. I recently broke up with my fiance. It was over a stupid argument, but really it's about all of our arguments. I was looking for a way out and found one. All we do is fight, and even though I love him, I don't think it's good or healthy for either ...
A. 12 October 2007: You feel bad because of his comment, he feels bad because you won't give counseling a chance. I know it was offered before, but you have to understand (1) men have a more difficult time discussing what's bothering them (2) when women make an offer, ... (read in full...)
Feeling lost after the woman I thought was the one kicked me out.
Q. Hi, I was in relationship for almost 17 months with a woman whom I thought was the chosen one, we had since the beginning good times never any bad no violence or arguments just love and care and planed to get married the next Valentine's Day but ...
A. 12 October 2007: I'd tell her, that you were insensitive of her feelings, that you apologize and afraid because of her medical condition. I'd tell her also that you're sorry she felt hurt, and you weren't at all trying to convey this as being a bad thing, and that ... (read in full...)
Should she move out?
Q. i have been living with my girlfriend for three years. We moved in from pretty much day one. We were both students sharing acommodation. We are now renting our own place. Im 24 and she's 21, i love her to piece's. she told me recentley that she...
A. 12 October 2007: I agree with the other person. What I don't agree is when people say "I need space" or "we need a break". Stating that implies "I am directly the problem or stress in your life." So if we take a break, she's back to low stress, neither on of us has ... (read in full...)
I'm getting married soon but don't want to neglect my parents
Q. I am 25 yrs old guy and facing a difficult situation where i am to get married soon but feel that it would do injustice to my parents and others who want to depend on me for their emotional needs. I feel that it is my duty to give first priority to ...
A. 12 October 2007: Time to respect your own needs. You can still provide emotional support to others, just don't focus all your time on it. It wouldn't be fair to you or your future wife. Don't feel guilty about doing something for you. Think of it in this direction. ... (read in full...)
I'm in an awful situation - can anyone offer some sensible advice?
Q. hi, im 16 and been dating a 21year old and he slept with my friend before me and she is 13weeks pregnant. Then he got with me and I'm late. I dont no whether or not to stay with him as he has offerd me crack. I'm in a awful situation.. I told him ...
A. 12 October 2007: If you are, be a single parent. Your friend is having a child, raise them to be close friends, all though they'd be half siblings.
As far as the crack situation, get rid of him. Chances are if he's an addict, he may not be much in the child's life... (read in full...)
I thought I was in, she didn't!
Q. I've been going out with this girl for 6 months.We recently had our 1st sex.Da 1st tym i's 2 nervous and pulled out too quickly.2nd time i lost my erection while trying to penetrate.3rd i kept my erection but after asking how it was,was told to ...
A. 12 October 2007: I wouldn't worry about any problem. Don't place blame. If you argue about being in or not, you can just imagine when real problems come along how intense the arguing will be.
I had a friend that his first time he actually did the running and jump... (read in full...)
I am 16, and addicted to internet porn, but looking at incest.
Q. I'm a sixteen year old virgin, and I think I am obsessed with internet porn. Worst thing is I always find myself reading and looking at incest- father and daughter porn. My Mom and Dad broke up when I was 2. I have never been sexually abused o...
A. 12 October 2007: Who do you live with?
I have daughters myself. I'm very active in their lives. I got worried about them maybe experimenting early so I researched to see is there would be preventative measures. I even researched different foods that boost se... (read in full...)
I'm bi-curious, and in a relationship with a guy, but have met a girl from work I really like.
Q. hello, sorry it might be really long but i will try to keep it short and to the point. firstly, i have a bf for 4years now and i do love him and treasure our r/s. secondly, i am bi-curious. i hav liked gals as much as guys, but never had ...
A. 12 October 2007: Just remember before doing anything, you'll need to inform your boyfriend of your plans. Cheating with same sex can have the same destruction on the relationship as cheating with opposite.
If you don't want him to know, make sure you end with him... (read in full...)
What kind of message am I sending her?
Q. I love my fiance but am still not comfortable around her, especially when we are making love. I feel quite tense and nervous as to whether i am doing it right and what kind of message i am sending her? I can't really enjoy the company of her for ...
A. 12 October 2007: I don't know if there is any kind of message. Unless you are discussing it with her, she may just think it's you're style.
My HUGE piece of advice for you is to talk to someone about what is creating this low comfort level before the wedding ... (read in full...)
I try to brainwash myself that I don't like him, but when I see him I blush.
Q. i like this guy from the first time i saw him i decided i wanted to be with him or even be friends this didnt work out because he doesnt talk to girls because too much girl like him so he just stop talking to them i dont know if he likes me ...
A. 12 October 2007: You little brainwasher, that is so funny. Why don't you brainwash him into liking you instead of you into not liking him?
Focus on your school work. You'll have plenty of time for boys. ... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 12 October 2007: If you keep looking at these old people, you might consider having your eyes checked. ... (read in full...)
Is it weird for an 18 year old not to be interested in sex?
Q. Is it weird for an 18 year old not to be interested in sex? Not only am I not interested I really don't want to do it, I still feel young and that is such an adult thing to do. I would also be very worried about getting pregnant, even though I know ...
A. 12 October 2007: I think you need to work on your self esteem for your body issue. I commend you for the lack of sex. That is awesome. Someone who thinks about what can happen if they do something before they do it instead of fixing it after.
If he loves you, he'... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is making me mad.
Q. My boyfriend is driving me mad. He is constantly telling me I'm miserable, even when I'm not, and he gets annoyed at me for it. Constantly! I love him, but this is becoming unbearable. I feel like nothing is good enough for him. He moans that I ...
A. 12 October 2007: He'll have to work on changing his routine. When you do something long enough, it becomes a habit. He'll need to change this habit. He'll have to recognize when it happens and stop the behavior. ... (read in full...)
He wants to just separate, but I know it can't work, how do I help him let it go.
Q. I recently broke up with my fiance. It was over a stupid argument, but really it's about all of our arguments. I was looking for a way out and found one. All we do is fight, and even though I love him, I don't think it's good or healthy for either ...
A. 12 October 2007: So you began the counseling, then gave up? So my question is if you're having a heart attack and start going to the hospital and change your mind, what are your chances of making it.
I would like to know why you "know" it can't work? Don't you just... (read in full...)
Joking or planning our future?
Q. am 16 while my bf is 25.there was a day when he was smoking and i told him to stop but he didnt so i said to him it was his ploblem.he said back to me that it was my ploblem too coz if we get married and he get cancer of the lungs it was going to ...
A. 12 October 2007: It was a sarcastic remark. ... (read in full...)
Why the sudden change of heart?
Q. I am 19 and I've been with my girlfriend for about 5 months (she is 18). I have strong feelings for her, and she is well aware of how I feel and she says she feels the same. All of a sudden, she said she wants to "take a break". Her excuse? She says ...
A. 12 October 2007: First of all, if she is pregnant there must be a thousand things running through her mind.
You may not understand whats going on with her. I'll tell you, telling her that her feelings about being a bad girlfriend are wrong, is the wrong way to go. ... (read in full...)
Concerned or controlling?
Q. how do guy feel if u tell them to stop drinking and smoking.do they feel u are concern or trying to control them...
A. 12 October 2007: It's all in the wording you use. It can come across either way. ... (read in full...)
How do you answer I Love You?
Q. when a guy says he loves you but your not sure if you feel the same what do you say??? is there anything you can say that wont hurt too much??? HELP!...
A. 12 October 2007: It's OK to not feel the same way. People grow at different speeds. You just let him know, you don't feel as strong as he does at this time, but when you do he'll know it.
The reason you say "when" is telling him there is a possibility at some time... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't allow me the same level of freedom he gives himself. He also accuses me of cheating! What can I do?
Q. Ive been with my partner for 6 years, we have 2 kids wee girl 7 months and wee boy 2 1/2 years. At the beginning we had a great life, then I started going out with my mates male and female, he would only let me out until 8pm snd if I was 1 min late ...
A. 12 October 2007: If this is going to work. You guys need some professional help. This is abusive and controlling behavior. H has no right to treat you this way. That's also why you have to take the kids with you everywhere you go and aren't allowed to go alone. It's ... (read in full...)
14, Is my height the reason why I can't get a Boyfriend?
Q. I am a freshman, 14 years old, tall (5'8''), brown hair, brown eyes, smart, funny and sorta pretty, people call me pretty sometimes. I have a good personality and i have never had a boyfriend. I don't have that much self-confidence and i am really ...
A. 11 October 2007: Nope, not your height, the other mix you have going on. Self confidence + being shy. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just contact your school and have them announce over the intercom that you're seeking a boyfriend. lol
If you don't show the guy ... (read in full...)
She suddenly broke up with me, telling me something was missing. Has anybody else had this and got back together?
Q. I was in a serious relationship for 2 1/2 years. Very suddently my girlfriend broke up with me. When she did so she was balling and could only tell me that somthing was missing. I treated her so well, and am what I consider a great guy and very ...
A. 11 October 2007: You would think in 2 1/2 years there may have been plenty of time to discuss issues if something was missing. It sounds like something else may be bothering here. Stress, being overwhelmed, many things can cause this, but normally with other sources ... (read in full...)
She suddenly broke up with me, telling me something was missing. Has anybody else had this and got back together?
Q. I was in a serious relationship for 2 1/2 years. Very suddently my girlfriend broke up with me. When she did so she was balling and could only tell me that somthing was missing. I treated her so well, and am what I consider a great guy and very ...
A. 11 October 2007: You would think in 2 1/2 years there may have been plenty of time to discuss issues if something was missing. It sounds like something else may be bothering here. Stress, being overwhelmed, many things can cause this, but normally with other sources ... (read in full...)
Should I take any notice of my father?
Q. I have been dating this guy for about 6 months now. We are both divorced. I am 23 and he is 39. I like the way our relationship is going and we are very happy. My mother adores him, but my dad only sees the age difference and refuses to even meet ...
A. 11 October 2007: Your fathers opinion matters. Why does he feel this way. What is his insecurity in your ability to make choices. He's acting out of fear. "If I don't acknowledge it, my girl can't get hurt."
You guys should talk and iron this out. Let him know "I l... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 7 October 2007: My girl is about your age. I asked her what she thought about having a crush on her teachers. She said eeeeeeewwwwwwwww. lol
You crack me up. ... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 5 October 2007: I think without having everyone else around yet, he just wasn't at the point of becoming grumbling. He has a right to grumble, being a Drivers Ed teacher. Have you seen how people drive? Heck by the time he gets to school, he's probably picked out ... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 5 October 2007: You know, someday as you mature more, your going to look at your teacher and say "he is old" and wonder why you looked at him in the first place. lol
You said once you would find a guy around your age. Take your eyes off the teacher, look arou... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 4 October 2007: Thank you very much for saving us from the other thing. lol Is there any time you don't stare at the teacher. Can't even keep your mind on the pledge. ... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 3 October 2007: You take care. ... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 2 October 2007: It's important to separate "paying attention". I don't think he has an affectionate interest for your friend either. ... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 28 September 2007: Take care, i wish you the best for your future.... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 28 September 2007: Only 3. Find a boy your age to go out with, you never know he may become a teacher when you guys are adults.... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 28 September 2007: Do you have any crushes on students? Why teachers?... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 28 September 2007: Yea, I hope you work through this. And just to think bringing an apple use to be enough. lol Enjoy your childhood, even if it was legal, which it's not, you don't want to get involved with adult issues. I don't even want to get involved with adult ... (read in full...)
I like my drivers ed teacher!
Q. So I do like another one of my teachers, this is my Drivers ed teacher too. In my school we see our 1st period everyday, and he just happens to be my 1st period teacher. Anyways I really really like him. He looks kinda young maybe in his 20s or ...
A. 28 September 2007: I think you're emotions for him are playing tricks on you. that happens at your age. did he look at me? is he smiling at me? etc.
even if he did look at you longer, i'm not saying you're not attractive, but it would be inappropriate for him to show... (read in full...)
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