A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Im so sick of my love life at the moment and feel that its taking over my whole life. Im 24 years old, got a good job, loads of friends, great family and I know that I am attractive but I cant get a boyfriend - or not a decent one anyway! I think it all started 2 years ago when I was dumped for another woman by a man that I really loved, It really knocked my confidence and took me months to get over. I havent had a serious relationship since but Ive noticed that Im very sensitive to the way Im treated by any man. I mean if a man takes my number but doesnt call then I feel distraught. Or if I tell someone I like them but they dont feel the same it kills me!! Even if I dont like the person that much! I was seein a boy for 2 months until a few weeks ago. I really liked him but he was a bad boy and very good looking and did what he wanted. For those whole 2 months I analysed every little thing until in the end he finished with me. It would just be silly stuff like if he didnt reply to my texts or answer his phone to me I would get upset - on one occasion I was so upset by this I threw my phone in a river. At the time I thought that I was right and he even admitted that he had messed me about but now I look back and wish I had been a bit more laid back about things. Apart from him, every other guy Ive met recently has either treated me as a rebound to get over their ex-girlfriends or just wanted sex - both things which have really hurt me. Im ready to settle down now but I just wanna find the righ guy but its seems so hard and my reactions to everything probably makes it harder. I just need advice on why Im like this and what I should do?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (13 October 2007):
 You need to stay single for a while. You are not doing yourself justice by attempting relationships at this time. All you're doing is growing these negative beliefs.
I see a couple of things. (1) rebounds, generally with someone who there sense of self has weakened. (2) Throwing your phone in the river (all though some day you'll look back and laugh). This comes from a need to keep track of who you're with. It look as if this relationship you had ended, and your parting gift, a strong fear of abandonment.
You still haven't come to terms with "why" that one ended, until you do that, since you have trouble justifying it, you're going to fear at any second someone else will do the same. It's a way of protecting yourself, but it brings on many more issues than protection. Distrust, low self esteem, abnormal attachments to who you are in a relationship with.
You said you really loved him. I can see where you've ran through your mind over and over again, what does this other women have that I don't, why is she being chosen over me, etc. That's why you feel bad when someone doesn't call, or they don't like you the way you like them.
Rejection is not about you. It's not about who you are, how you look, your personality, it deals only in the right for the other person to choose what they want. Spend some time building yourself back up. The stronger you become as a person, the stronger the people you'll attract will be.
A
male
reader, anskydu +, writes (13 October 2007):
 Honestly you should just hang out with as many people as you can but keep it on the friend’s level for a wile. I just got out of a 3 year relationship and it was hardest thing I have ever done. After the pain went away I just started going out with other girls just as friends and its probably showed me what else it out there. Just stay true to your self hun and just know what you want and what ur looking for and you can go wrong with that. Good luck and stay positive.
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