A
female
age
30-35,
*-wanttobehappy-x
writes:ok well i had a boyfriend i was with for 8 months we was always arguin like everyday and then he started pushing me over and i was fallin on my bottom and hurtin myself then he started threatning to hit me but he never did he was starting to push me away and i didnt no what to do... then when he went to his dads for 2 weeks i cheated on him with another lad and this other lad wanted me to finish with my boyfriend for him and i met up with this other lad twice and we had done things i felt really bad about it but i then really didnt want to be with him.. then when he had come home i was really off with him and then we broke up i went on holiday got back and found out he had been meetin my friend behind my back he started comin round and bringin me flowers and thing he really was in love with me then i told him i cheated on him he was fine but i really didnt want him back.. then i started liking someone else while i was with my ex and i had been kissing him and acting normall with him as i didnt no what to do i had been drinking and i told him i didnt want to be with him and told this other lad i liked him then my ex started goin mad and headbutted me it was really bad because he loved me so much what do you think i should do i am now with this other boy and my ex is findin other girls to use to ennoy me i lost my viginity to him i was so in love with him but things changed and i dont really no why i feel really bad about what happend, he has now got girls callin me a slag and things i really dont no what to do and sayplease help x
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broke up, flowers, kissing, my ex, on holiday Reply to this Question
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (14 October 2007):
 Take care as well, and to answer your question about a stupid girl. There not really that stupid. The problem with young girls doing things they should wait for is, boys your age are not as mentally mature. While they're playing games and just wanting the sex, the girl is actually capable of developing feeling that are close to the emotions of an adult female. With feelings developing of wanting to be loved, you can see where some guy comes along and they fall for his false nature.
A
female
reader, x-wanttobehappy-x +, writes (14 October 2007):
x-wanttobehappy-x is verified as being by the original poster of the question lol aww bless you,
thankyou for your advice on my problems,
deffinatly will have a nice big think about what you have said.
and yes i might do that well she saw how he was with me b4 what kind of stupid girl does that and all he wants of her is sex
anyways thankyou agen
much love x x
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 October 2007):
I wouldn't worry about him. I wouldn't get back together with him. Rubbing another person in your face is a sign of immaturity. I understand you two are young, but that is immature even for your age group.
If he does it again, shake her hand and congratulate her then say softly, but so he can hear it, "enjoy, because he wasn't that good." He won't introduce you to another girlfriend.
He may be trying to make you jealous now, but he'll be jealous later on. After seeing your picture, you're going to grow to be a very attractive lady. He'll be sorry for treating you bad now, because he'll be dreaming about you in a few years.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, toughlove +, writes (13 October 2007):
Demand respect and act respectfully. You need to go slow to let yourself heal: do not just jump into another relationship as soon as you decided your are through, give yourself time to really be sure about your decision, recover from your loss, and build a renewed set of expectations for next time, otherwise what is a possible good match ends up being only a fling. Also, you cannot totally forget about expectations for acceptable behavior. Is pushing, threatening violence, headbutting behavior you yourself think of as appropriate to a loving, caring partnership that you know you deserve?
I've been in an abusive relationship where I was never actually physically hit but I wasn't treated the way I wanted to be and at the end I had to leave. I gave him a chance and he failed until I knew it could never work. I didn't actually cheat, but we had a similar sort of back and forth with breaking up, talking to other people, getting jealous, getting back together. It was a mess.
What helped me was: talking to the people who are close to him about his behavior, seeing how he interacted with others, not screwing up even if he was, having solid reasons for my decisions that I could think over and over again later and still come to the same conclusions, finding friends and support.
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A
female
reader, x-wanttobehappy-x +, writes (13 October 2007):
x-wanttobehappy-x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your comment back..x
well yes i feel guilty about it but iv just found out his going out with another girl now as yesterday he brought her up 2 rub it in my face and i no this girl anyways
but i no its to rub it in my face
i wasnt happy so i did it..x
but least i had the guts to tell him he cheated on me with my best friend and couldnt tell me he said he wanted us to be alright b4 he did but it would of made it worse in my opinion i felt there was to much history for us to get back together
x x
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A
female
reader, x-wanttobehappy-x +, writes (13 October 2007):
x-wanttobehappy-x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your comment back..x
well yes i feel guilty about it but iv just found out his going out with another girl now as yesterday he brought her up 2 rub it in my face and i no this girl anyways
but i no its to rub it in my face
i wasnt happy so i did it..x
but least i had the guts to tell him he cheated on me with my best friend and couldnt tell me he said he wanted us to be alright b4 he did but it would of made it worse in my opinion i felt there was to much history for us to get back together
x x
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 October 2007):
Your feeling bad, is guilt. It's when we take part in actions which have the potential of hurting someone we care about, or in your case loved. When you cheated, did you at all feel as if that was wrong? Sometimes we feel justified going things because of the demise of a relationship, but It's not the justification that makes us feel guilty, it's the action its self. Cheating, many times is used as a tool to feel important when the person we're with isn't filling out needs, but it's a tool that comes with huge consequences. The person cheated on, develops pain, lowers their self esteem, and begins not trusting others. The person who does it develops guilt, and low self esteem. That's why I tell people to make sure you are out of a relationship before beginning a new one.
The key is to live according to your beliefs, don't compromise yourself to make someone else happy, and live in a manner by which you want others to view you.
I'm not saying your boyfriend is right by what he did. Head butting you was a violent action. Never put up with that behavior. Those girls will get tired of calling you names, I think it will begin blowing over. Just remember what you do is how people view you.
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