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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I am reposting this, please help, I'm concerned.
Q. i had posted this yesterday....................................................................i i am an american citizen. i met an australian man over the internet last year and things progressed with our relationship rapidly. like we were soul ...
A. 25 October 2007: This has nothing to do with your insecurity. It has to do with his. Do you understand what a triggered response is? That's where he says sorry, then it happens again, he says it again, then it happens again. That's why I recommended counseling for ... (read in full...)
I'm a proffessional hacker, but I don't like what I've found. What shall I do?
Q. I'm 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've known him for 6-7 years. We were friends before anything. I moved from one coast to have. But I am highly insecure which causes me to snoop. I ama professional in Computer spyware ...
A. 19 October 2007: Good luck to you in the future. Take care. ... (read in full...)
She hurt me so much. Why do I still want her back?
Q. My ex hurt me a lot, cheated on me, lied to me, deceived me, and yet part of me still wants her back. When she's hurt me, why does some of me still want to hold on?...
A. 19 October 2007: Just because it hurt, doesn't meant you didn't have an emotional attachment to the person. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is always intruding into who I see and why. What should I do?
Q. I'm been with my boyfriend for almost 3 yrs. and I hate it when he tells me a story and leave out (the important parts) but when his friends are over he tells them the real thing. Also I don't like it when he gets to stop and talk to females he use ...
A. 19 October 2007: It's time for you to renegotiate the boundaries of this relationship. You can't totally place blame on him for this. Let's say you were someone who maybe had been cheated on in the past. You then go into the next relationship with this fear of being ... (read in full...)
I have a bf but this new guy carries on flirting with me. What should I do?
Q. I have had a boyfriend for four years but we have to be apart because of the nature of my work. i met a new guy and he always flirts on me. He made me fall for him. The problem is when he felt that i'm falling for him he just didn't mind and did not ...
A. 19 October 2007: I'm sorry, did you say he "made you" fall for him. Nope can't happen. You chose to, he has no power to make you. If you have to question what to do, you need to reevaluate how you feel about your boyfriend. If I loved someone and someone else ... (read in full...)
Who do I choose, my ex-boyfriend or my current boyfriend?
Q. My ex-boyfriend and I broke up a few weeks ago. We were in love, it just happened to be at the wrong time for him. So he ended it with me. A little more than a week ago, I started dating my current boyfriend. He is everything I have been looking for ...
A. 19 October 2007: You owe it to your current boyfriend to tell him you cheated on him. I really don't think you're in love with either one. Usually a few week time for people who really do love someone,they're still healing from a break up, not going out with someone ... (read in full...)
I want to tell her about us, but he'll be mad.
Q. Hey I'm a 19 yr old female with a dilemma! I have this friend, we have been best friends for about 7 years. He's had a girlfriend for the past 4 years, one that I helped him to get- when he saw her he basically fell in love and said he wanted t...
A. 19 October 2007: So what you're saying is you really have no friends, at least not who you consider to be friends.
You are not entitled. You're beliefs are abnormal, just as evil as your actions. You say she's a sweetheart, and you want to destroy her world. Is l... (read in full...)
My mood swings drag up the past, please tell me why?
Q. I've noticed a strange pattern in my moods recently and it has been like this for pretty much the past year. Randomly I will be on a high for about a week or two and be really happy but then I will suddenly sink down and feel low and sad and slig...
A. 19 October 2007: I would go to a psychologist and get an actual diagnosis. It sounds as if you're experiencing the affects of Bi-Polar disorder. ... (read in full...)
All my life I have suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder
Q. All my life I have suffered from Body Dysmorphic Disorder but i really want to change it now but i dont know how. Its a lot better than it used to be. I'm 22 now and still incredibly shy and quiet around new people and always worrying what they ...
A. 19 October 2007: What makes you feel as if you are different? Do you have depression or bi-polar as well. BDD is more frequent in people with those disorders.
As you know BDD gives you a mentally distorted view of how you look. I would recommend working on your... (read in full...)
I would really love to know the best and fastest ways to gain a 6 pack and a good body
Q. Hi, Well, i am a male (15 nearly 16), but i would really love to know the best and fastest ways to gain a 6 pack and a good body. I occasionally go to the gym and make a point of doing sit ups as i can certainly feel stretching in my abs, but i am...
A. 19 October 2007: That's about all you can do. I didn't get mine until I was 17, but when it came, it was noticeable. I set a daily schedule, push ups, sit ups, pull ups, jogging, then just alternate. ... (read in full...)
My mother commited suicide, My fiance just ditched me - and he tells me to learn to love myself?
Q. Me and my fiancé just recently broke up. We were together for four years. He said that I need to be on my own and deal with things from my past. That he was exhausted because he felt as if he had been living for two people for the past four years. I ...
A. 19 October 2007: It sounds like you have a real man with you. He realizes what will work best for you and your relationship long term, instead of keeping you as long as he could then having your relationship split.
I am really sorry about the loss of your mom. I ca... (read in full...)
He argues with me, just because. Will our counselling be a waste of time?
Q. So I'm with a 32 yr old and I'm 26...when we met we got along sooo well. Then we moved in and found out he gets bothered by the toilet tissue being downside or if something is laying there for more than 20 min, etc. He has a really bad temper and ...
A. 19 October 2007: I can't believe he's like that over the toilet paper. You should get him on of those enlargement pumps and complain because it's just not long enough.
It sounds as if he's living an altered reality. Lets have everything perfect so my perfect litt... (read in full...)
I'm a proffessional hacker, but I don't like what I've found. What shall I do?
Q. I'm 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've known him for 6-7 years. We were friends before anything. I moved from one coast to have. But I am highly insecure which causes me to snoop. I ama professional in Computer spyware ...
A. 19 October 2007: Your friend coming across a dating site, use that. Also prepare your questions, different versions of the same question. I find sometimes if asked the same thing but a different version he'll trip on one of them.... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't allow me the same level of freedom he gives himself. He also accuses me of cheating! What can I do?
Q. Ive been with my partner for 6 years, we have 2 kids wee girl 7 months and wee boy 2 1/2 years. At the beginning we had a great life, then I started going out with my mates male and female, he would only let me out until 8pm snd if I was 1 min late ...
A. 19 October 2007: Weather its name calling or hitting it's abuse. Name calling, emotional abuse, heals slower than physical. Two years ago, "the last time he hit" you should have been gone. Your welcome anyway, but even with the name calling, you stay around there, ... (read in full...)
My friend and I love each other, but I'm afraid to get together - what if we break up and lose the friendship?
Q. My best friend says that he is falling in love with me and i think i feel the same but i don't know what to do about it because he has always been just a friend. I'm scared that if we ever did break up we would lose our strong friendship, what ...
A. 18 October 2007: That's the chances you take. There's no way to determine what's going to happen, but sometimes its better to find out then to always wonder if it could have worked out.... (read in full...)
I fear rejection and failure. What can I do?
Q. I am doing engineering at University of Michigan. I have a good life and I'm on a good course, but the reality is a lot grimmer. Ever since I started doing this course, I have found the work difficult, even though I got the required grades. I'm worr...
A. 18 October 2007: First you have to look at the obvious. You're studying something that is (1) difficult (2) time consuming (3) stressful (4) complex.
It is normal to feel as if you may fail when taking on something new. I'm graduating in law soon. I feel nerv... (read in full...)
We were engaged, but now he wants to call it off! How do I accept this?
Q. I have been living with a man for a year and a half. He is 49 and I am 38. I have one child, 17, and have never been married. He was married once before and has three children, 20, 18 and 17. I moved out at an early age and have been responsible ...
A. 18 October 2007: It's all up to you. Some people are afraid of marriage, especially if they did it before and it wasn't much fun to get divorced. If it was real messy the closer your marriage date would get the more afraid he would get because of what happened to ... (read in full...)
We had Anal sex, and now I can't seem to get rid of the smell!! What can I do?
Q. I'm having a problem and I don't know what to do. It's quite gross. At the weekend me and my boyfriend had anal sex, then afterwards we still had normal sex and he came inside me. I usually kind of wash myself 'up there' with the shower, and ...
A. 18 October 2007: Use one of the non-chemical based liquid soaps. In the future don't have anal then regular. It's a good way to develop an infection.... (read in full...)
Many mental problems in our family, any advice to my questions.
Q. Okay here is a seriously family problem i need help with let me give some background first. *scroll down for the questions* I'm 16, I have 6 older sisters, 5 of them have mental problems, only me and one other sister dont. As we're not allowed n...
A. 18 October 2007: Have a talk with your dad about WHY he allows her to manipulate him. Do this without her.
Here's an idea, you mentioned the mental problems? You said your mother has them. Since your father and mother are married, her having mental diff... (read in full...)
I'm 15, and a 20 year old on MSN keeps asking to see me. What do you think?
Q. theres this guy i know. hes 20 i am only 15 and i dont like him in that way. he is too old, not my type and copletely the wrong guy for me but he seems to of took a liking to me. everytime i see him or talk to him he smiles at me and winks at me and ...
A. 18 October 2007: Him doing that is sexual assault, stalking, harassment, attempted 1st degree sexual assault, assault and battery with sexual intent.
go to the police. with him just grabbing you like that, his need for you will increase. This is clear sign of some... (read in full...)
I was raped 10 months ago, and now I stand out to people at school, and this makes me feel very insecure. Can you help?
Q. 10 months ago i was raped while walking through the park with a friend of mine, i told my mum at the time and the police where involved and it kind of got sorted the man got 6 months and it kind of got forgot but we had to go ive a statement over ...
A. 18 October 2007: Rape is never your fault. It's a sick malicious act that someone did to you. The laws there must not be too strong. 6 months seems like hardly any time for a crime like this.
I would recommend finding a support group. It helps to share with oth... (read in full...)
My bf's daughter and her husband seem to want to control my bf's life..far too much! What can I do?
Q. i have been dating a man for the past 2years and 10 months. we broke up twice but are now somewhat back together. i know that we each need to have our own friends and activities, but what do you guys see as a schedule for seeing each other. he ...
A. 18 October 2007: Your boyfriend needs to stand up and take control. What is he afraid of? I doubt his daughter will go over there and bend him over her knee. It's OK to want to be helpful to his daughter and her husband, but complete focus on them is wrong. They ... (read in full...)
I havent seen or heard from him in a month. Is he cheating on me? Did he break up with me?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been going out for 3 years on and off. He was really my rebound back in the fall of 2004. The is an 2 1/2 age diff between us. Okay he was sent away for 2 years for cutting school and causing trouble, so we had a long ...
A. 18 October 2007: And you care why? You are both a real piece of work. You both need to come with warning labels for anyone who chooses to have anything to do with you. Talk about dramatic backstabbing. You both need help. I really don't understand why you want this ... (read in full...)
I want to stop being needy
Q. I am totaly lost. About 3 months ago I broke up with my ex bf (he didnt treat me right). It was hard though because i was dependent on him to make me feel good, to make me feel valued and important. Yet i did it and wanted to work on myself. Ive ...
A. 18 October 2007: What I used to build myself up was using roles. I wasn't needy, per se, but I felt more complete when dating. I had to find out how to be happy for myself, because I really couldn't share love with someone, until I found love not being with anyone. ... (read in full...)
We're in love but both of us are married.
Q. Here's my story,I am inlove with this guy and he's inlove with me also, but both of us are married.Both of us are really attracted to each other and we have a whole lot in common. We get along pretty okay. At the beginning we used to talk on ...
A. 18 October 2007: Arranged or not, your are not being fair or respectful to your husband. This is wrong, you say you have a long distance relationship, well that's not allowed when you are married. If you're going to play these games, you need to tell your husband ... (read in full...)
I lied to her and she won't forgive me...
Q. i don't know how to say this without sounding like a shallow a-hole... but my girlfriend and i got in a fight because i lied to her, today i bought her flowers and a card but she still hasn't forgiven me(can't say i blame her) but her frien...
A. 18 October 2007: Does her friend like women too now. That's the only way I could see her taking a claim.
This is an issue between you and your girlfriend, not anyone else. Her friend needs to remain out of this issue. I'd let her know, your friend wants these pa... (read in full...)
How do I save her when she doesn't want my help?
Q. my best friend since kindergarten just told me that she is a lesbian. we have been friends all our lives and i dont know what to do homosexuality is a big big sin and i know that she will go to hell for it. i told her this and she said that god lo...
A. 18 October 2007: So it's your duty to save her? I'd be finding another church. It's not your duty. Can you tell what you're "duty" has done to your relationship with her. You are shoving the bible down her throat, that's wrong. What can you do for her? Prayer is a ... (read in full...)
Cheated on my husband and now I'm pregnant.
Q. I am in love with a man and he is really good to me. However, I cheated on him and he was always working and not making any time for fun with me. I am pregnant and wondering if I should tell my husband?...
A. 18 October 2007: Yep, you need to tell your husband. You made the mistake by cheating on him, it's up to you to own that mistake, take responsibility for the mistake and own up to it. It's not right to continue in a marriage, with this behavior without coming clean ... (read in full...)
I'm so discusted with the though that I was with my ex for 5 years. Has anyone else felt this way?
Q. I was with my ex for 5 years. I was totaly head over heels the first year or so. But I guess his true colors shone through over the years and now he is everything I hate. I am mad at myself for being with him. When I think about how I had sex with ...
A. 18 October 2007: You need to ask your family members to refrain from contact from this person. If he continues to attempt to contact you, I would seek a restraining order. You're married now, his treatments toward you and others is uncalled for, but now you have a ... (read in full...)
Many mental problems in our family, any advice to my questions.
Q. Okay here is a seriously family problem i need help with let me give some background first. *scroll down for the questions* I'm 16, I have 6 older sisters, 5 of them have mental problems, only me and one other sister dont. As we're not allowed n...
A. 18 October 2007: I feel real sorry for the life you have had to live. Talk about challenge after challenge. First, why does your mom use the words psycho analyze? Most people who use that phrase, link the observations of another to mental being. To me, that stating, ... (read in full...)
His daughter (7) from his previous relationship makes it very difficult for me to play with her. Any advice?
Q. I've dated my boyfriend for 2 years. I love him very much. He has a 7 years old daughter from his last relationship (she lives with the mom right now). She's a very nice girl but just like my bf, she's really stubborn. She gets frustrated if she ...
A. 18 October 2007: You need to look at what the girl has been through. I heard someone say one, when people split up they don't need a lawyer, they need a counselor for their children. It sounds as if this is a way for her to express her being hurt by what took place. ... (read in full...)
I want to stop being needy
Q. I am totaly lost. About 3 months ago I broke up with my ex bf (he didnt treat me right). It was hard though because i was dependent on him to make me feel good, to make me feel valued and important. Yet i did it and wanted to work on myself. Ive ...
A. 18 October 2007: I agree with the others, you can't do this while being with a boy. There are a couple of things going on with you. The main thing is you seek outside sources to make you feel good and complete. Happiness comes from within, outside sources give a ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my husband while he's away at war, but now I want to fix it!
Q. Well this situation is pretty sorted. I feel like the most terrible person in the world. I cheated on my husband while he's away at war! What kind of person does that???? Anyway, here's my situation. Thanks for reading. My husband went away to Afg...
A. 18 October 2007: How can you save your marriage? You have to tell your husband what you did. All though there is really no excuse for adultery, he may be understanding with you.
You're friend, you'll have to tell him you love your husband, what you did was a mist... (read in full...)
My ex-fiancee is real confusing.
Q. My ex is freaking confusing. But I love her... We broke up yesterday because she thinks she's not IN love with me and fell for me for the wrong reasons. That she does love me and cares about me though. So when i asked if she'd want to try and ...
A. 17 October 2007: It's always better to know what's going on, than to wonder. Good luck to both of you, I wish you the best. ... (read in full...)
My ex-fiancee is real confusing.
Q. My ex is freaking confusing. But I love her... We broke up yesterday because she thinks she's not IN love with me and fell for me for the wrong reasons. That she does love me and cares about me though. So when i asked if she'd want to try and ...
A. 17 October 2007: It's always better to know what's going on, than to wonder. Good luck to both of you, I wish you the best. ... (read in full...)
I am not coping with this break up well
Q. Help me please, because I really don't think I am capable of dealing with this situation. I really love this guy and he loves me. We broke up 4 weeks ago. The reason for the breakup was basically, his alcoholism. We've been together for mor...
A. 17 October 2007: You've both made good progress, be proud of that. I think your ex-boyfriend has some controlling issues. You can tell that in "you're making a mistake." or "you misunderstood." That tell me he's turning the reason you left, or the blame back on you. ... (read in full...)
Could these be signs of pregnancy?
Q. Hey i need help please!! Okay you get asked this everyday im sure. But please be a little patient with me im 16 years old and scared to death. Ok me and my boyfriend have had sex WITHOUT protection, VERY stupid thing i know but it happened and...
A. 17 October 2007: Definitely signs of being pregnant. Morning sickness doesn't have to take place just in the morning.... (read in full...)
I am reposting this, please help, I'm concerned.
Q. i had posted this yesterday....................................................................i i am an american citizen. i met an australian man over the internet last year and things progressed with our relationship rapidly. like we were soul ...
A. 17 October 2007: Sometimes people are real damaged, and need help weeding through all these issues that caused it. It shows a low self esteem, that he's not good enough for someone to remain faithful. Unfortunately you won't be able to be that person. You have an ... (read in full...)
My ex-fiancee is real confusing.
Q. My ex is freaking confusing. But I love her... We broke up yesterday because she thinks she's not IN love with me and fell for me for the wrong reasons. That she does love me and cares about me though. So when i asked if she'd want to try and ...
A. 17 October 2007: You're friend is not correct. If you were the one who offered the open relationship, then it may be possible, but she is. How do you feel about this. How are you going to feel if she's dating someone else during this time?
I see this as a way to s... (read in full...)
How can I help my friend?
Q. How can I help my best friend? He is dating a biploar girl with many issues. They have been fighting about him wanting some alone time, that she is always coming to him at his apartment, and he told her he love her and took it back but now he says ...
A. 17 October 2007: When his emotions are playing with judgment, you really can't do much about it. All though you want what's best for him, sometimes what's best is to let him make his own mistakes. He should also research bi-polar and gain knowledge on coping with ... (read in full...)
Cat's away and mice wanna play
Q. I Need help ! Me and my boyfriend are currently on a break, which was my idea. My reason being was that we were getting in to too many arguments so I wanted some time to myself. But I met this guy the other night, and I really like him, and he feels ...
A. 17 October 2007: Then you need to speak to him and let him know that at this time you're not getting back together. Going to a party with a guy is OK, as long as you're single. It's cheating if you're just on a break, but planning on getting back together. ... (read in full...)
Cat's away and mice wanna play
Q. I Need help ! Me and my boyfriend are currently on a break, which was my idea. My reason being was that we were getting in to too many arguments so I wanted some time to myself. But I met this guy the other night, and I really like him, and he feels ...
A. 17 October 2007: If you're just on a regular break, yes. If you do something with the new guy, make sure the break up is permanent before hand. If you want to play, you're not ready for a relationship anyway.... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't allow me the same level of freedom he gives himself. He also accuses me of cheating! What can I do?
Q. Ive been with my partner for 6 years, we have 2 kids wee girl 7 months and wee boy 2 1/2 years. At the beginning we had a great life, then I started going out with my mates male and female, he would only let me out until 8pm snd if I was 1 min late ...
A. 12 October 2007: If this is going to work. You guys need some professional help. This is abusive and controlling behavior. H has no right to treat you this way. That's also why you have to take the kids with you everywhere you go and aren't allowed to go alone. It's ... (read in full...)
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