A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Thank you to the people who take the time to read and respond to this...it it appreciated. I work in a challenging and fairly well paid career. I work with all men. They are decent for the most part and treat me well. There is one guy though who I have pegged as a classic control freak. He knows...quite correctly that he cannot control me although we have a cordial working relationship...most of the time. Yesterday at the office one of my male co workers messed up. I was out for lunch at the time and miraculously it was turned around and I was made to look the guilty party. The guy in question was in the supervisors office and I listend through the door and heard things that were untrue. We are unionized and I went to our rep for advice. The job is stressul enough and to be treated in this manner is hurtful. I do important work and love my job and am good at it but these games are making me consider leaving a job that it took me years to prepare for. I have been a trooper in dealing with this situation but do not know what to do. Has anyone been in a similar situation and what did you do?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (13 October 2007):
 Going to the union, follow up with it. That involves a 3rd party, and forces the supervisor as well to choose correctly.
When you have your meeting next week, you want to come off as someone who is credible, has a high level of integrity, strong character. When laying the problems on the table, don't directly attack, like "this bastard." That may not go over well.
I would simply let him know the issues and state "I feel confident I am a responsible, dependable employee of this company. I enjoy my position here, and look forward to a great future here, but his behavior toward me is not allowing me to excel to my full potential. I don't believe he is extending me the same respect as he is with the other members of this team."
That way your not attacking him directly as he has you. You'll come across as having more credibility than the BS he attempts, and you explain without this behavior the proficiency of the company will increase and the same with the employee morale.
Take care. If you need anything else, please let me know.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGood answer rcn. May need to give more info here. We did have an argument about this on Friday and he menacing said that he and I should meet with the supervisor...control again. I said I did not want to as I was pretty upset. It was then I went to the union and they suggested I wait twenty four hours and then document the problems and issues. When I left work at the end of the day he was back in the supervisors office as I was chatting with a friend in the front office. He most politely asked if I would like to meet again. I said we would try for that next week. The situation seems hopeless right now.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (13 October 2007):
Don't leave your job. What do you think control freaks want, TO WIN. Don't let him win. You sound like a valuable employee and a strong individual. Another thing you don't want to do, of course, is the same game he's doing. Don't talk about him to others or that may get back to him, and fuel this controlling behavior.
This is what I would do. (1) As far as your supervisor is concerned, if you haven't been called to discuss this, its probably because supervisors who have been doing it for a while, know when crap is being fed to them. They know who has bad behavior and who doesn't, he more than likely just blew it off.
OK, I'd go up to this control freak and mention. "The other day when this problem too place, and I was at lunch, I overheard you placing the blame in my direction, i request from now on if you have a problem with me you discuss it with me. If this continues you and I will have to schedule a meeting with someone in charge to get these issues worked out."
That way you eliminate his control. He knows that if you can't peacefully take care of this among the two of you, you're willing to go to someone with control to take care of it. He knows they have the authority or he wouldn't have been in his office discussing things with him.
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