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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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How do I get her to tell me?
Q. I have been with my gf for about 5 months alredy and everything is good just that everytime she is feeling sad I want her to tell me but she never lets me how do I get her to open up to me and tell me what's wrong with her...
A. 2 November 2007: she will when she's comfortable in doing so, until then just be there to comfort her when she is sad.... (read in full...)
Is there a problem with me?
Q. 1. I'm 24 years old now but i can't my find true loves?...why? is there any problem with me... can you please help me.... ...
A. 2 November 2007: It doesn't meant there is anything wrong with you. Keep your head up, and good things will happen.... (read in full...)
What do you do when she requests space? How long without contact?
Q. My girlfriend asked for space thruogh an email. I don't know where we went wrong but its completely disrsctful if you cant say whats on your mind. I e=sent her a nice email stating I wouldn not contact and good luck finding you feelings, what a ...
A. 2 November 2007: I really still don't understand what the whole space thing is. It's baffling. Many times people take a break from people (the non-stress), and keep what stressed them out in the first place.
I think your plan is one worth wile. Who knows why peop... (read in full...)
My best friend and I became lovers, now he's back with his ex, its breaking my heart,help please!
Q. my bestfriend and i eventually became lovers after 10 long years of pure friendship.. however, our relationship as lovers did not even last a month.. i broke up with him on the 3rd week of our relationship because he was acting kinda cold on me.. ...
A. 2 November 2007: You crossed the boundaries. Sometimes friends make great boyfriends and girlfriends, other times they do not. You both took the risk with your friendship. This outcome is what sometimes happens when you do that. Did you redefine your boundaries when ... (read in full...)
She was raped by her ex father in law. How can I cope with the distress I feel for her?
Q. Hey, My fiance has a sexual past that she is not proud of and I'm not either. It's a real problem because I get these recurring disturbing images. She is coming from a really sick marriage in which her husband tried to sell her for sex and his ...
A. 2 November 2007: As far as guilt, and having something to do with it. She still did not. I can't even remember what show I saw this on. It was with teen girls acting all cool like they could have the power to dress sexy and get away of someone wanted to touch them. ... (read in full...)
I spent her Grandma's money, now she's furious, how can I get her to trust me again
Q. I have a problem in my relationship.Me and my girl friend has been living together for little over a year now and i lost my job about three weeks ago and had no luck so far but i am sure something will come up.We were over at her grandmas and she ...
A. 2 November 2007: What you did wrong was not telling her what was going on. You accepted the assistance for the benefit of the household. It's not like you were borrowing for play money. You had valid reason.
It sounds like your girlfriend looks at situations from... (read in full...)
Help! I am so worried my guy is going to cheat on me for a hot chick.
Q. Hi, anyone able to help with crazy fears about my boyfriend meeting somebody hotter than me. Basically anytime I go out with my boyfriend if we come in contact with a very attractive hot girl I get totally uncomfortable and feel so upset( I dont s...
A. 2 November 2007: Smoking hot chicks with big boobs....
Did you ever think that he's with you because he wants you? I've dated a couple of them in the past. If they don't have a good personality, and communications skills, I do just as well buying a blow up doll.... (read in full...)
I just don't know what to do for the best.
Q. I have been with my husband now for 13 years we have 3 children and another one on the way. We got married in August and i have just recntly found out that he has been having an affair with somone who he met on his stag night, now she is saying that ...
A. 2 November 2007: What do you think you need to do? What do you think is for the best? You have children, they have to be taken into account. The fact that another little one is on the way needs to also. You also need to look at this other person in a way that she ... (read in full...)
She wants to see her ex more often! I'm not happy. What should I do?
Q. Well hear's the deal, iv been with my girlfriend for around ten months now an i really love her with all my heart, we spend a good majority of our spare time together which i love. A couple of weeks ago she told me she was going to see her friend ...
A. 1 November 2007: Just reading this, many red flags are visible. I'd say something about it because of the issues I see which came up in your question.
It's fine to have friendships, but she lied about where she went, and denied it. You don't do that if your inte... (read in full...)
Why has my cheating husband done this?
Q. Why is this? After my husband cheated on my and after almost a year of ending it. He started talking to her again with the excuse to see is they could be only friends. Then he stoped contact for a while and I found out what he did. He did not ...
A. 1 November 2007: You guys have issues to resolve. He just wanted to see if they could be friends? I hope you're not buying such a stupid excuse.
One thing that is highly recommend when someone cheated is they no longer, ever and ever have contact with the pers... (read in full...)
Will my wife ever trust me again after I cheated?
Q. ive been married for 3 months now i have three children and 1 on the way i got married recently but i have cheated on my wife and now the girl i have cheated with is saying she is pregnant after my wife found out and i told her it was over i loive ...
A. 1 November 2007: So if you love your wife so much, Why did you do it? If your wife is giving you another chance, which she's not required too, first I'd be praising her every single day for that opportunity. Will she trust you again???? Who knows. That's up to her, ... (read in full...)
Is he board with me?
Q. I'm currently with a man i have been with for over 3 and a half years. and i have never had a problem with this, but yesterday night i busted him looking at all this Drunk chick stuff, like on youtube, "young girl on webcam" showing her ass n shit, ...
A. 1 November 2007: It's not you. It's him. You had reason to freak out. He's displaying behavior that is not good for being in a relationship. It is a big deal. If he's looking at minors, he may start trying to find relationships with minors as well.
I'd talk to him ... (read in full...)
I looked through my boyfriends phone and found out more than I wanted to know.
Q. Ok here's the deal- I've been w/my boyfriend for almost a year now. I love him more than anything and I want to trust him, but sometimes I get that feeling in my gut that something's off. Like he'll be sitting there just texting away on his phon...
A. 1 November 2007: He's a DOG. That's all I can say about this. You don't need it, you don't deserve it, time to leave and find someone who will treat you right. Leave him to lapping up and catching whatever he's bound to if this behavior continues.... (read in full...)
Why are you so sceptical about LD relationships working?
Q. This isnt a question really, Just an email for all of you. There are many people out there askign questions about relationships, where you are 60 miles apart and only see each other on weekends. Why are you all so sceptical about this wor...
A. 1 November 2007: I believe on occasion they can work. I really depends on the type of relationship, the faith they have in making it work, and the faith they have in each other.
Some people who have fairly big issues, I could see it being difficult. People with atta... (read in full...)
I had sex with my husband's best friend - it was his idea - will I find a need for more men?
Q. A family friend, who was widowed about ten months ago, visits us about once a month when he comes to the city on business. After dinner last month, he expressed to my husband how difficult it was to meet a woman and how frustrating it was to have ...
A. 1 November 2007: I have to agree with the other poster. I couldn't see an elder pimping out his wife.
I just wanted to add about the church. The pastor may relay the information to you that you are sinning and need to absolve your sins, but that information is not ... (read in full...)
She now wants her space, what do I do?
Q. Hello, my girlfriend of 5 months out of the blue said she needed space. I was blindsided. I was a little upset at first but know confused. Everything was perfect, we traveled alot, confidided in each other. She and her frieds asked when were getting ...
A. 1 November 2007: I would say cheating on you is a possibility, but not a probability. There's not enough in those conversations to state a greater than 50% chance. It could be that, It could also be fear. How was her past? How were relationships there? How did they ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being controlling?
Q. How can I tell if my boyfriend is being controlling? Some of the things he does are just annoying - for example, getting angry if another guy writes on my facebook wall or if I haven't talked to him long enough on the phone. But other things are ...
A. 1 November 2007: yep this behavior is controlling.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend being controlling?
Q. How can I tell if my boyfriend is being controlling? Some of the things he does are just annoying - for example, getting angry if another guy writes on my facebook wall or if I haven't talked to him long enough on the phone. But other things are ...
A. 1 November 2007: yep this behavior is controlling.... (read in full...)
My ex is coming out with the same stuff over and over, why can't he just leave me alone?
Q. My ex sent me a video he made of us ending it with "I will always love you, forever. I broke up with him 3 weeks ago, and I'm so sick of him contacting me. I finally called him and told him that I'm sick of him saying he misses me and loves me. I ...
A. 1 November 2007: He is expressing how he wants you back, just in a different way than you'd wish he would.
Being abusive is a valid reason for ending the relationship. Expecting someone to state things in the way you want is not normal, because people have diff... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is off to Iraq, but I think I might be pregnant , how do I tell him?
Q. Okay I have a question...first of all I am "kinda" getting back together with my ex from 3 yrs ago. He is a military officer and going to Iraq in December and will be there until probably August. He said he is serious but doesn't want to make a ...
A. 31 October 2007: If you are, just be honest with him. He may freak at the beginning, but having a child is a blessing and after he faints, he'll realize that. Don't hide it from him, that's not a good thing to do. It will give him something additional to look ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, he's 26, we really click, should I consult my parents?
Q. Dear Agony Aunt, do you think that age matters? i mean in our world which we live in, these days, you hear stories about 60 year olds having babies and 8 yer old's smoking, so is it such a bad thing for 15 year old and a twenty six year old to f...
A. 31 October 2007: Yes it matters. The reason it does matters is your growing at a different rate than he is. A 26 year old man has entered adulthood, and his behaviors and who he is has mostly settled in. You haven't yet. Theres a possibility as you grow, and he ... (read in full...)
Even though it is just a friendship, since she kept it a secret I am disturbed and want it over
Q. 8 months ago I discovered my wife was emailing an old guy friend I had never met that she had known from high school. She had written like 40 emails, all very long, one a day. I was very hurt and mad that she did not even bother telling me as ...
A. 31 October 2007: I think yes and no. When you discussed this issue, did she mention why she didn't tell you about this conversation.
You mentioned she has other guy friend, which you approve of. Did you have to profile each one before you approved their friendsh... (read in full...)
I want a future with him, but if he marries it may ruin all chances.
Q. I am hoping that someone can help me. I have noone I can talk to about this, and I'm so depressed I don't know what else to do. First, I am an unhappily married woman. I have only been married a little over a year but together for 6. I also ha...
A. 31 October 2007: The reason I brought up the neglect is, which I know in my area I'm going to try it out in actual court charges with someone when I graduate, if the person is spending inappropriate time with someone other than the husband, they're not taking care ... (read in full...)
I've made a big mistake, please help.
Q. I cheated on my fiance with his best friend Tim (also my friend) who is also married and his wife is one of my best friends, but to tell the truth I'm more worried about my friend's feelings than my fiance's, I guess that sounds bad, but I have ...
A. 31 October 2007: He must have been real good to allow yourself to be placed in this situation. The most difficult part of these situations is taking responsibility for your actions. The only way for this guilt to disappear is to own up with your fiance. If there are ... (read in full...)
I think he might be bi-polar
Q. Hey aunts, Just wondering I haven't always had a problem with my boyfriends watching porn... but for some reason with this boyfriend that i've been with for 2 years, i do. I just think it's because i'm offended that we never really do it any...
A. 31 October 2007: I think confusion is a possibility. You do understand in order for him to be bi-polar, he has to have the ups and downs, not you.
It's normal to feel the way you do. If he's going to be watching porn, he should be paying some attention to you also... (read in full...)
Please Help! I can't get rid of the feeling that my boyfriend is cheating!
Q. Please help! I have this burning feeling in my gut that my boyfriend is cheating on me. Even though i have tried to convince myself otherwise, the feeling just won't go away! Here's the deal: we have been together for quite some time- almost 3 ...
A. 31 October 2007: I wont guarantee you anything, but that burning feeling as if something is wrong, usually means there is something wrong. From experience I've never had that feeling and been wrong about what it is implying.
Subtle changes happen all the time, but ... (read in full...)
I am so confused and hurt.
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a while now. Only 4 days ago she told me I was the one and she was so madly in love with me. Now all of a sudden she says she needs some "alone time" to figure out what she wants. She says she still loves ...
A. 31 October 2007: I want to know, who'd the competition that's trying to win her over. This sounds like someone who's confused with more than one opportunity, and trying to decide between the two.
I don't know if it's over or not, but I would ask her to be hone... (read in full...)
What can we do about this guy?
Q. I have a girlfriend whom we've made a committment to get married soon but she has told me that another guy who approached her recently doesn't want to hear that she has been already booked,he wants everything by force,what can we do to this guy....
A. 31 October 2007: I would check the laws in your country, and area to see if there's something you can do there. If not, you have a talk with him. Tell him she is taken, period, that's the way it goes and you wish he didn't have contact with her, or interrupt your ... (read in full...)
I've suffered a traumatic experience, now I've put on weight, how can I get myself back on track?
Q. hiya, I'm 17 and 6 months ago i was raped. I started eating loads and i have gained so much weight i use to be a size 10-12 and now im a 16-18. I hate my body so much and i have lost all my confidence, i was woundering if anyone can give me any advi...
A. 31 October 2007: Oh, by the way. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. It's only the fault of the person who committed the crime. Be strong, this experience does not at all make you a bad person. It will end up making you stronger because of your ability to overcome, and live a good ... (read in full...)
I've suffered a traumatic experience, now I've put on weight, how can I get myself back on track?
Q. hiya, I'm 17 and 6 months ago i was raped. I started eating loads and i have gained so much weight i use to be a size 10-12 and now im a 16-18. I hate my body so much and i have lost all my confidence, i was woundering if anyone can give me any advi...
A. 31 October 2007: I'm sorry to hear about the rape. You should have never experienced something like that. My heart really goes out to everyone who has ever been through this kind of experience.
I hope you turned him in and justice was served, if you know who it w... (read in full...)
Are there any good books on crazy folk?
Q. My boyfriend says crazy things that I cant understand. Yesterday I said 'I hate him', And he said he likes the way my words sound and my lips move. Then I calmed down I love him so much. Even if he's a bit crazy. Is there any good books on crazy ...
A. 30 October 2007: There are quite a few books out there. You'd have to look under psychological disorders. I don't think they label them "crazy folk".
Here's a question for you. Is he crazy, or is he normal, and the rest of us are crazy.
Who knows. I look at psych... (read in full...)
She cheated and I'm scared of making the wrong decision.
Q. My wife of 5 years has had an affair. I'm devestated, but prepared to forgive (I think). Just one thing I can't get over, I don't want every gorey detail, but when I ask her to explain why she did it, she says. 'I don't know, It just happened...
A. 30 October 2007: I'd be worried. Reason being "it just happened" is a statement you'd expect from a child, trying to avoid being in trouble or taking responsibility. In order for anything to work. Your wife needs to take responsibility for her action. Admitting that ... (read in full...)
My mum died 6 years ago, I'm now 12. My sisters are too lazy to cook for me. What can I do?
Q. This is a very small thing but to me it's annoying. I have two older sisters one 23 and one 21 they both live at home with me and my other sister who is 15. We just got a new cooker after two years of useing a microwave and grill. I was really ...
A. 30 October 2007: Ok, this makes more sense. I was under the impression your sisters were now raising the children.
Do your sister pay money for rent, etc.? I know when I was old enough to work, I paid a certain amount of my money from working toward rent in my pare... (read in full...)
I want a future with him, but if he marries it may ruin all chances.
Q. I am hoping that someone can help me. I have noone I can talk to about this, and I'm so depressed I don't know what else to do. First, I am an unhappily married woman. I have only been married a little over a year but together for 6. I also ha...
A. 30 October 2007: I don't judge, I've also walked in most people shoes that I have answered. I was with someone who has Border line personality disorder. That's a mixture of just about all abusive and self centered disorder. My ex-wife, cheated on me 7 times, that I ... (read in full...)
I want a future with him, but if he marries it may ruin all chances.
Q. I am hoping that someone can help me. I have noone I can talk to about this, and I'm so depressed I don't know what else to do. First, I am an unhappily married woman. I have only been married a little over a year but together for 6. I also ha...
A. 30 October 2007: You thought you were on the same page. It looks like you're going one direction and he's not in the same playing field as you are. Get married for security. Unless she's extremely wealthy and he's extremely poor, I don't see that being a valid ... (read in full...)
I'm always thinking about her, what should I do?
Q. So i'm in high school. I'm a senior at a local high school in the bay area of california. There is this girl I have known since about 3rd grade whom i've always adored (i've had a crush ever since I can remember first seeing her.) She never ...
A. 30 October 2007: I'd tell her. What can it hurt. Build strength and chat with her. I'm the same way, of course we share many of the same disorders as well.
You mentioned you have Tourettes? Those mild tics, which I have the same is a sister form of tourettes call... (read in full...)
I don't want her to call off the wedding or something over this.
Q. My fiance asked me about my sex past the other night and we got to talkin about it, i told her more or less the truth, i have slept with about 60 diff. chicks (mostly one night stands, a few threesomes and 2 orgies- i had some wild parties)i didnt ...
A. 30 October 2007: You don't want to tell her the truth, then you shouldn't be getting married. It's all about honesty first, before anything else in a marriage can follow. Start out with distrust, better start saving up for the divorce.... (read in full...)
Why won't my ex leave me alone?
Q. Why won't my ex leave me alone? I broke up with him 3 weeks ago and he still texts me to say he misses me. I don't respond. He called yesterday but the caller id said unknown because he knew I wouldn't answer if I knew it was him, so stupidly I ...
A. 30 October 2007: You broke up with him, you called it quits. There's nothing in the break up rulebook that says the feelings must be mutual when broken up with.
I would simply let him know, "I heard of forgiveness, I did forgive you, but that doesn't mean I'm goin... (read in full...)
D`oes he hate the way I taste?
Q. Hey My boyfriend of 5 months went down on me for the first time ever this weekend, all was goin great, until afterwards he said i 'taste like a bitch'. what i wanna know, is this a bad thing? does he hate the way i taste? this has me really c...
A. 30 October 2007: I'd never heard someone saying that. I don't know, the way younger people talk today, if that was a good thing or a bad thing.... (read in full...)
My dad has turned to me for help, What do I do.
Q. After nearly 30 years of marriage, my parents' relationship is falling apart! My dad says he's trying to fix things, but my mom wants nothing to do with it. She doesn't want divorce, she says, but she's always mean to him, and gets angry when he ...
A. 30 October 2007: First I want you to really understand this, it's not your issue. All though you love your parents very much, this is an adult issue, and it's hard for a child to try to take this on themselves.
What happens in a marriage, is our boundaries get out ... (read in full...)
My mum died 6 years ago, I'm now 12. My sisters are too lazy to cook for me. What can I do?
Q. This is a very small thing but to me it's annoying. I have two older sisters one 23 and one 21 they both live at home with me and my other sister who is 15. We just got a new cooker after two years of useing a microwave and grill. I was really ...
A. 29 October 2007: I'm sorry to hear about your mom. This must be a difficult transition for you. I know your all having to go through this. Could the issue be that your sisters have been placed in this parenting role and psychologically they're still being affected ... (read in full...)
My mum died 6 years ago, I'm now 12. My sisters are too lazy to cook for me. What can I do?
Q. This is a very small thing but to me it's annoying. I have two older sisters one 23 and one 21 they both live at home with me and my other sister who is 15. We just got a new cooker after two years of useing a microwave and grill. I was really ...
A. 29 October 2007: I'm sorry to hear about your mom. This must be a difficult transition for you. I know your all having to go through this. Could the issue be that your sisters have been placed in this parenting role and psychologically they're still being affected ... (read in full...)
My mum died 6 years ago, I'm now 12. My sisters are too lazy to cook for me. What can I do?
Q. This is a very small thing but to me it's annoying. I have two older sisters one 23 and one 21 they both live at home with me and my other sister who is 15. We just got a new cooker after two years of useing a microwave and grill. I was really ...
A. 29 October 2007: I'm sorry to hear about your mom. This must be a difficult transition for you. I know your all having to go through this. Could the issue be that your sisters have been placed in this parenting role and psychologically they're still being affected ... (read in full...)
She was raped by her ex father in law. How can I cope with the distress I feel for her?
Q. Hey, My fiance has a sexual past that she is not proud of and I'm not either. It's a real problem because I get these recurring disturbing images. She is coming from a really sick marriage in which her husband tried to sell her for sex and his ...
A. 22 October 2007: Your girl needs to have someone she can talk to. I wouldn't hurt for you to be involved with that process either. I don't know anyone who has experienced a rape who has not developed a long term issue, if not addressed. A majority of the time I see ... (read in full...)
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