A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I don't know if this is a common problem, so I need advice. I recently started dating a very nice guy and we also started having sex. Now the problem is that he takes incredibly long to orgasm. I wanted to give him oral sex, at first he didn't want me to, and when he eventually said I could, he stopped me after about 5 minutes saying it would take "forever". When we have intercourse I usually have an orgasm, but he can take very long. Sometimes he needs to masturbate himself after intercourse to orgasm. Is this a common problem? I have never encountered this before. I am attractive and had a sexual relationships before, but this is a first! I feel frustrated and sad, and don't know if I am doing something wrong. I would really appreciate any advice.
View related questions:
oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, ohwoesme  +, writes (16 October 2007):
Hello,
This used to happen to me all the time with my ex boyfriend..lol..(not why we a broke up)..dont get nervous..the sex was good but he would never have an orgasm..withought masturbationg..lots of reasons..is anyone using any form of birth control..and it was just what he liked ... he likes me to get off and would sometimes have me "jerk him off"..lol..for lack of better word's...nothing wrong with me..just what he liked...so on one occasion I actually did the same to him(I was in a bad mood)..kind of nudged him off and let him just play with me...you could see by the look on his face that,,he didn't like that..so...who know's...but it is definately not you!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): Most people would say it was a good thing for their partner to take ages to orgasm, it means you have more time to please yourself however you seem to find this sort of insulting?
Usually I would say that he was purposely holding out to make sure that he gives you a good time but this doesnt sound like that is the problem. Perhaps only certain things are turning him on right now, you could try asking if there is anything you can do to improve sex for him and tell him that it upsets you (and rightly so) when he has to masterbate to orgasm even if you have had sex.
I dont think it is anything to do with how attractive you are or the experience that you have, have you ever turned it round and thought that maybe he is not too slow to orgasm but you might orgasm too soon for him? Maybe he is used to his partners taking longer to orgasm? maybe he cant orgasm until after you have anyway? maybe thats what does it for him?
I hope you find the answer. Try talking to him and see what has changed since this relationship began.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2007): Hmm. I will say this is a sort of reversal of the usual complaint. Usually, it the man who reaches climax first and feals "guilty" if he cannot bring the woman to orgasm during intercourse. Actually, there are many variants in people's sexual response. No one is the same. But, if there is true respect and trust and feeling for the other, there are few problems that cannot be worked out.
...............................
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (14 October 2007):
This is not normal. Try waiting longer between the time you have sex. Also try lubes and different positions.
...............................
A
male
reader, thewiseman +, writes (14 October 2007):
 some guys bodies are configured differently. I know that men can actually build up a tolerance or increase the time before they orgasm by either having sex often or masturbating often. Or he could be made like that. Hope this helps
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (14 October 2007):
 Most women complain about it being too short. I don't think this is a common problem. I really have no clue about what might be going on here. I don't think you're doing something wrong if it worked before. It's strange that he didn't want oral sex, and knew it would take a long time.
The only thing I can think of is he pleased himself the same day you had sex. I know that will make someone take a long time. If not, there may be something medical going on with him.
...............................
|
