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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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She was raped by her ex father in law. How can I cope with the distress I feel for her?
Q. Hey, My fiance has a sexual past that she is not proud of and I'm not either. It's a real problem because I get these recurring disturbing images. She is coming from a really sick marriage in which her husband tried to sell her for sex and his ...
A. 2 November 2007: As far as guilt, and having something to do with it. She still did not. I can't even remember what show I saw this on. It was with teen girls acting all cool like they could have the power to dress sexy and get away of someone wanted to touch them. ... (read in full...)
Do I stay in the marriage for the sake of the children?
Q. Help! I have been married for 25 years. Have 2 children. 6 and 9. For most of my marriage, my husband has refused to touch me. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but turns out, he is very messed up sexually, and we've just started ...
A. 25 October 2007: If you're not a wuss, and in pain, then deal with the pain. Your comment "I feel like I am DRUGGED from love with him." Are these feelings really real, or is he your drug to cover up and "hide" from reality?
All though he's willing to go to coun... (read in full...)
It was super glue, not lube.
Q. Hey Ok. This is a true story and I need help. My girlfriend and I recently decided to try new things in our relationship. We decided to try anal sex for the first time ever. Here is the problem: The night we decided to try it, it was the sa...
A. 24 October 2007: You need to press charges. This could have been worse. Do you want him to not learn his lesson, then what's next? When I was in Military School years ago, someone played a prank and super glued a guys eyelids closed. They had to be surgically ... (read in full...)
He feels he didn't do anything wrong because he didn't have sex.
Q. I luv and am stil inlove with my husband.But he hurt me and i feel betrayed. About 2mths ago i caught him having inappropriate conversations with women in chatrooms downloaded on his cellphone.I went thru his cell while he was sleeping cos he didnt ...
A. 23 October 2007: Tell him inappropriate conversations with a women when married, IS CHEATING. Just because he didn't have sex, doesn't matter. If he brings up you snooping, just let him know if he wasn't cheating you wouldn't be having this conversation. It's not ... (read in full...)
Do I stay in the marriage for the sake of the children?
Q. Help! I have been married for 25 years. Have 2 children. 6 and 9. For most of my marriage, my husband has refused to touch me. I used to think there was something wrong with me, but turns out, he is very messed up sexually, and we've just started ...
A. 23 October 2007: Can you have both? What kind of selfish question is that? You have children and want them to learn that sort of behavior. "Sure mom with my spouse tonight, but got one on the side, you must be so proud since you taught me that behavior." Then they ... (read in full...)
I'm boy crazy
Q. hey. I've seen this site gives good advice so i am gunna try it for myself =] Basically i am 15. Into guys like crazy. Totally normal at this age i think. Yet i get depressed as i don't know many. I know this is probably a very frequantly asked ...
A. 23 October 2007: You sort of answered your own question. Putting yourself down. Let me ask you something. If I saw you and told you that you were a very attractive girl, and you told yourself multiple times a day that you weren't, who would you believe? We tend to ... (read in full...)
Lot's to say
Q. I'm 19 and I have been with my fiance 3 years. He lived in Lincoln and moved here about 3 and half years ago. When i first met him he was into drugs and drinking every night. I dispise drugs, but i gave it ago. We became close and he stopped doing ...
A. 23 October 2007: I'd listen to the friend. I wouldn't listen to the mom. Reason being, she's trying to do everything for him, and probably tries to wipe his butt too.
An adult who ends a relationship, and is independent would not use his or her mom to do it for ... (read in full...)
My family doesn't accept gay people, what should I do?
Q. hi im sixteen and i never been too intimate with guys..........cause im kinda a nerous freak........but.......i kinda sorta am attracted to sum grls but im not sure how do i know if im bi.....and am i like this because i havnt rally been too ...
A. 23 October 2007: I wouldn't make any decision until you know. It's not worth building something if you don't know for sure. When it comes time, you'll know what to do. ... (read in full...)
How do we get over our difficult past?
Q. i met my girlfriend in may 2002 and we fell in love but since then we have had a very rocky ride...it started off very well and we had a healthy attraction coupled along with effective communication..her daughter who was 8 at the time hardly ever ...
A. 23 October 2007: That's a common feeling when someone is like a yoyo, just in and out, no wonder where the phrase "getting f**ked" comes from. It sounds as if she is extremely dependent. She has to have someone there, all though she does, she gets board easily, then ... (read in full...)
I'm married with four kids but in love with my HS sweetheart, any suggestions?
Q. Hi. I am married with 4 kids. My husband and I had a child when I was 16. He was no where to be found , untill he showed up on my door step when my child was 4 and I had another by someone else. 3 days later we got bacj together and have been ever ...
A. 23 October 2007: It's up to you, but whatever decision you make, look at the whole picture. What happens when someone leaves a marriage and goes immediately with someone else? Your children learn from you. Being a single parent is not that bad. I've been a single ... (read in full...)
My wife is cheating and acting like a nymphomaniac with a neighbour. Should I tell his wife?
Q. About a month ago I found out my wife of 11 yrs (we dated 10 yrs before that so thats 21 yrs together) has been cheating on me for the last 3 yrs. I also found out she was text messaging a neighbor and his friend alot and wanting to have sex with ...
A. 23 October 2007: I sure love my kids. Especially the fact of being a single father. It's wonderful. When the judge told my ex, he was fearful about her lack of communication and felt they would be better in my custody.
It no longer matters, man or women. What matt... (read in full...)
It was super glue, not lube.
Q. Hey Ok. This is a true story and I need help. My girlfriend and I recently decided to try new things in our relationship. We decided to try anal sex for the first time ever. Here is the problem: The night we decided to try it, it was the sa...
A. 23 October 2007: I think with something like that, pressing charges would be an important thing to do. ... (read in full...)
Me? a Poser?
Q. If you are in a long term relationship, is going into chat rooms posing as a single person classed as cheating? ...
A. 23 October 2007: It is if you are attempting to attract people of an opposite sex.... (read in full...)
Lesbian sisters?
Q. hi. i am 18 and i am a lesbian. my younger sister is 13 and we are close. i have started to get horny around her and want to know if this is wrong. should i not spend as much time with her?...
A. 23 October 2007: She's your sister. It is wrong to act on your impulses, but don't cut her out because of them. You can still act as a sister to her without being with her.... (read in full...)
This isn't really a relationship question, but please help me... My daughter is hearing voices at night...
Q. Im sorry this isnt a relationship question....its about my 9 year old daughter.......each night when she goes to sleep she is hearing voices and she cannot quieten them....i believe but am not sure that they are spirit but this is distressing her ...
A. 23 October 2007: This does sound like too much fun. She hears the voices, my daughter doesn't hear them but claims she watches spirits walking from her mom's room into hers.
What I recommend, which I've heard people do with this issue. Chances are your daug... (read in full...)
She was raped by her ex father in law. How can I cope with the distress I feel for her?
Q. Hey, My fiance has a sexual past that she is not proud of and I'm not either. It's a real problem because I get these recurring disturbing images. She is coming from a really sick marriage in which her husband tried to sell her for sex and his ...
A. 22 October 2007: Your girl needs to have someone she can talk to. I wouldn't hurt for you to be involved with that process either. I don't know anyone who has experienced a rape who has not developed a long term issue, if not addressed. A majority of the time I see ... (read in full...)
If its just connection problems, then why was he so aggressive?
Q. Im having problems with my significant other. He's is away for two weeks and ive tried to ask him nicely to get on the internet from his hotel. So on tuesday he tried but then claimed that he wasnt able to get on but his peers were. And ye...
A. 22 October 2007: I'm wondering why he is feeling guilty. Defensive behavior usually comes when someone feels challenged and that comes when what they told you was their reason was not really true at all.... (read in full...)
We are supposed to be serious, so why do I have to wait until the weekends till I hear from him?
Q. Hi i need some male advice. I met this guy on the internet a month ago. We had a great first date, and i ended up staying 4 days at his. it was really nice, we cooked each other meals, he took me in to work in the morning. It was like a r...
A. 22 October 2007: So you told him you weren't looking for just a wam bam thank you mam relationship. I hope you didn't tell him what you were looking for first. If you did, I want you to play this little game. Put the answer "me too" at the end of each sentence.
... (read in full...)
I'm married with four kids but in love with my HS sweetheart, any suggestions?
Q. Hi. I am married with 4 kids. My husband and I had a child when I was 16. He was no where to be found , untill he showed up on my door step when my child was 4 and I had another by someone else. 3 days later we got bacj together and have been ever ...
A. 22 October 2007: I'm sure you didn't think everyone was going to agree with your choice. Why if it's your feeling you need others who aren't in your situation to give you direction? The only thing I can think of is you know all those who would be affected by your ... (read in full...)
I fell in love with another guy and I'm married.
Q. hi, please help me get off to this situation.. im married, i have fallen to onother guy, yes i made mistake but i really wanted to get off to this other guy, although i loved him already.. i know its wrong to be with him coz im married.. i do love ...
A. 22 October 2007: More information is needed please. Did you or did you not physically cheat on your husband with this other guy?... (read in full...)
I found my dad has been cheating on my mom.
Q. I found out that my dad has been cheating on my mother for the past 4/5 years (maybe longer) with women on the internet as well as women he meets at business trips. I found out because he accidentally left open an internet browser when I went on ...
A. 22 October 2007: Personally I feel honest is always best. I'm not saying tell your mom, I'm saying let your dad know how he has disappointed you, and how you feel about his actions. He might decide it's best to tell her, or he may feel guilty and stop his poor ... (read in full...)
Why does my dad say such aweful things, are they true?
Q. I broke up with my fiance recently and I heard my dad telling my mom recently that the reason I go out with guys like my ex (that are emotionally abusive) is because my mom doesn't stand up for herself to my dad! I thought this was crazy because my ...
A. 22 October 2007: I'd let your dad know, women who are drawn towards abusive men is because of the truth in the statement that says "women tend to find a husband most like their father."
Now let's talk about your issue. Your Christian, and you compromised your reli... (read in full...)
Help, My hubby won't sleep with me.
Q. My husband doesnt like having sex with me. It really depresses me so much - I see people on TV etc in love scenes and it upsets me. I have been with him since I was 17 and the only man I have been with. I know people have good sex lives but that is ...
A. 22 October 2007: First, don't be knocking us in our 30's. I want to tell you a few things. Instead of looking at sex as just being sex, lets look at the emotional end. All though he has a low sex drive, that doesn't mean he should be able to deprive.
Sex in marr... (read in full...)
I want to have sex, will it hurt?
Q. im 12 years old and my boyfreind is 23 years old,we want to have sex will it hurt and will he have to force his penis in me?...
A. 22 October 2007: You do understand this is not a healthy relationship. This is a big difference. I'm sure that by having this relationship, you don't mind your boyfriend spending time behind bars. You really need to review this before you make a choice that can harm ... (read in full...)
What are your opinions about boob jobs?
Q. Hi Dearcupid, I'm just wondering your opinions on boob jobs! I'm 15 and roughly 5"10...i know, very tall! And i feel that my tall build does not match my breast size of a 34A - To be honest, some 34A's are a bit big on me even...I've been...
A. 21 October 2007: I'd wait a while. First from a guys point of view. Some like bigger, and some believe more than a handful is a waste.
I think waiting until you're at least 18 to make that decision would be beneficial. You don't want to be 16, get it done, then have... (read in full...)
I miss my baby daughter who is with her father. Should I just do what he wants so I can see more of her?
Q. torn between daughter and my family.... I really need some advice and different point of views. Me and my 2 year old daughter's dad split up about 6 mths ago, ever since she has been living with him. I moved about 100 miles away from him with my...
A. 21 October 2007: I know you may not get this, since it's kind of old. You'll have to go through the courts. You say it's easier pleasing him for more time with your daughter. If you can prove he's using sex as a tool for visitation, that is really against the law ... (read in full...)
Can it be possible that he really loves me?
Q. recently i don't know what to do my ex boyfriend and i dated for 4 years on and off. he always tells me he loves me and that were meant to be and that he cant live with out me. he's cheated on me so many times and even had sex with with many of my ...
A. 21 October 2007: If you're not interested in chatting with him, when he comes by to chat with you, just glance up at him, turn and go off talking to someone else. He'll get the picture you're not interested in having a conversation.... (read in full...)
How the hell can I convince him that this actually can work out?
Q. (sorry bout the lenght of this question, but you need some backround info...) Okay, so I'm 15 and he's 18. (we dont live in the states, so its leagal to have a relationship with a person over 18 if u're under 18, so its not a problem leagally...
A. 21 October 2007: You can't. How simple of an answer. Have you ever looked at dating sites, not for yourself looking for a date, but seeing the wide variety of profiles? They ask you what age gap would you look for in a person to date. They range from 2-3 years all ... (read in full...)
Falling for a co-worker. What should I do now?
Q. I am a 40 year old married man. I have a 3 year old child. My wife is a good person. At my work I am falling in love with my co-worker. She is very attractive, beautiful and sexy looking and 8 years younger then me. She is also a married and has a 5 ...
A. 21 October 2007: I don't thing your vows to your wife included chasing other women. Your questions don't even need answered. Use common sense.
When I was married, my wife had a sister. Her sister is gorgeous. She'd come stay with us a couple times a year, pran... (read in full...)
Miscarriage? And what are these other problems?
Q. I had found out that i was Pregnant on the 4th of October. I took a few home pregnancy tests. My last missed period at this time was on Aug. 22nd. On Sept 22, I had one day of bleeding. Since around the 22nd, I started getting bad cramping which is ...
A. 21 October 2007: I'd go back to the doctor and see what's going on. I was with someone who experienced a miscarriage, she didn't have recurring problems as you're describing. ... (read in full...)
Am I getting played?
Q. I've been talking to this guy for over a year now. In the beginning it was great but then I did what I always do when someone got too close I ran. I told him I liked his friend and did not want to have a relationship with him which was a lie. After ...
A. 21 October 2007: Nope, I think he is overly cautious. You told him you liked his friend. I'd be wondering, how long until she finds another friend to be attracted too. I think he is confused of when your behavior is going to retract and you'll withdraw from him ... (read in full...)
Where is my Prince?
Q. Are there any good men left out there? Pretty much all the men I have ever met in my life have been terrible. They have all pretty much been uncaring, unromantic, unfaithful, shallow, and rude. Which makes me wonder, are there any decent guys still ...
A. 21 October 2007: They've all been the same way? That tells me you're looking for your prince in the same place each time. A friend of mine quit drinking, five years after his last drink he went to a bar he use to frequent, he drank soda, but he said the same people ... (read in full...)
My husband's parents cause us to fight all the time because of their bickering, how to tell them without risking them to destroy my marriage?
Q. My husband's parents won't butt out of our business they try to tell us how to live our lives and raise our two children. They don't respect us as parents and they cause us to fight all the time because of their bickering, how do I let them know ...
A. 20 October 2007: Let them know their causing issues. There is a nice way to do it. "We respect your insight and respect your position as grandparents, but we feel as if you're not respecting our position as parents. We can work together, but we have to do so without ... (read in full...)
Since she cheated, I feel I've been too clingy in fear of something bad happening again. How can I curb this issue?
Q. Hi there I'm a male, 25. I have been with my girlfriend (she is 24) for about 10 months or so. Several months earlier, she had cheated on me (with her ex) and it really hit me like a truck. I think I was feeling a wave of depression for a...
A. 20 October 2007: Do you understand that settling it and forgiving her for it are two different actions. If you want this to work out you must completely forgive her for it, that doesn't mean you have to forget.
It does hit like a truck when that happens. You also... (read in full...)
What should I do if I love someone and he keeps going out with other girls?
Q. hi what if i love someone,but he keeps going out with other girls?and what should i do when he traveled abroad?because he will.. im really confused about what i should do. i need your help....
A. 20 October 2007: Maybe what I did once will help you figure things out in your situation. I want you to know I loved this girl a lot, and in ways always will. She asked my back out a few years ago, and this is what I told her: "I will always love you, but I'm sure ... (read in full...)
I just can't seem to just give up on her.
Q. I'm going to try and keep this short and simple. Me and ex-girlfriend were together off and on for 2 years. We had alot of good times and alot of ruffs ones also. I loved this girl and i still do. She lied about certain things sometimes(some not ...
A. 20 October 2007: I'd move on, talk about a yo-yo. It's almost as if she flips a coin to figure who to be with. As long as you stand by and let her bounce back and fourth is as long as she's going to keep playing this little game.... (read in full...)
My kids are out of control, and my wife and I fight over it.
Q. My 3 kids of ages 11, 9 and 6 are always fighting among themselves. I being the father have a little control. I mean when I am home they take notice of me, but for the mother they dont seem to listen her. I always ask them to behave but in worst ...
A. 20 October 2007: This is very difficult when dealing with children. First their mother needs to understand, you're not raising children, you're raising adults. What you do now determines who they become when they grow up. Next you need to establish order. I find the ... (read in full...)
What can I do to look closer to my age?
Q. I look very young for my age. Depending on the age of the person I've heard I look anywhere from 12 to 21. However, VERY few people have said 21. I am 29 and I think this is a huge problem with dating. I want to date men in their 30s but the only ...
A. 20 October 2007: That must be difficult, telling the teens their too young for you. I would think going to a beautician would be able to help out quite a bit. They have the keys to age, and can make people look older or younger.
I thought girls liked getting comp... (read in full...)
I'm debating on whether to remain friends with him or not.
Q. I met this guy about a year ago. Just a usual hi and by thing. He would come over to my place of employment every so often because he's a friend of one of my employees. Then I met this young lady who just recently graduated from college and...
A. 20 October 2007: Don't mess with married men. It's wrong, shows disrespect for yourself, for the person he's married to. All though he shows you interest, you should have enough self respect to say "your married, I won't take part in hurting your wife". If you were ... (read in full...)
Is this considered abuse?
Q. Was my ex-fiance abusive? He never hit me, but he told me that his ex-girlfriend cheated on him and he slapped her on the face. Does that count as abuse? I'm not with him anymore, but I was just wondering if someone could give me some insight. He ...
A. 20 October 2007: It would be considered "assault and battery". All though his ex-girlfriend messed up, you have to look at the situations separately. (1) She cheated (2) He slapped her. She may have made a mistake, but he chose how to react to the mistake. ... (read in full...)
I'm unsure if I should stay with my boyfriend or move on to an older, mature guy.
Q. should i finish my boyfriend of 14 months to go out with a hot guy thats older, more attractive and more mature?? im 15 and have been with my 16 year old boyfrind for 14 months but a guy i met a few months ago asked me to go out with him. we meet ...
A. 20 October 2007: If your kissing some other guy, I would say it's time to end it. ... (read in full...)
I feel used and can't give away my virginity again.
Q. I have been with my fiance for going on 7 years. We just had our first baby 4 months ago. from the beginning of our relationship he has always told me that I was the only person he has ever slept with. When I first started talking to him 7 years ...
A. 20 October 2007: Let me ask you this. I know you're hurt, but look at your baby and then imagine your baby either not being their or having different qualities or characteristics than what he/she turned out with. That would be what your decision of not being with ... (read in full...)
It's one rule for him and another for me. Are his double standards acceptable?
Q. My b/f and I have been together for a little over 3 years, we were best friends before that. When we first got together my b/f had lost his job of 8yrs and was in a real slump (emotionally at first, then financially). Me being the person I am ...
A. 20 October 2007: I thought relationships are to be made of trust. This one sounds like it's 100% distrust. I could just see the two of you waiting for the other one to leave so you can snoop and see what they've been up for the 3 hours since the last time you ... (read in full...)
I'm a proffessional hacker, but I don't like what I've found. What shall I do?
Q. I'm 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've known him for 6-7 years. We were friends before anything. I moved from one coast to have. But I am highly insecure which causes me to snoop. I ama professional in Computer spyware ...
A. 19 October 2007: Good luck to you in the future. Take care. ... (read in full...)
I'm a proffessional hacker, but I don't like what I've found. What shall I do?
Q. I'm 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 7 months. I've known him for 6-7 years. We were friends before anything. I moved from one coast to have. But I am highly insecure which causes me to snoop. I ama professional in Computer spyware ...
A. 19 October 2007: Your friend coming across a dating site, use that. Also prepare your questions, different versions of the same question. I find sometimes if asked the same thing but a different version he'll trip on one of them.... (read in full...)
Can it be possible that he really loves me?
Q. recently i don't know what to do my ex boyfriend and i dated for 4 years on and off. he always tells me he loves me and that were meant to be and that he cant live with out me. he's cheated on me so many times and even had sex with with many of my ...
A. 8 October 2007: He doesn't love you. He loves sex. There's a difference. See, he thinks it's OK for him to cheat, date others, screw all your friends, and when it comes to you he wants you to place yourself on reserve as a backup for him to play with when no one ... (read in full...)
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