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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I can't send him home, and he'll never have the money to move.
Q. Hi, i am 27 yrs old and recently moved from Poland to the UK with my boyfriend. We know each other since children but become boyfriend and girlfriend two half years ago. When we arrive we get job together at same place. We live with man in shared ...
A. 4 November 2007: Just remember this. Whatever issues you have that could have had some cause in this relationship with your boyfriend changing, you also bring to the new one.
Don't take that lightly, or you'll find after a few failed relationships which ones they... (read in full...)
Wife had an afair with someone large, now I am intimidated.
Q. My wife had an affair with a man with huge penis. She went on and on about how she never knew sex could be that good and how she was driven wild by his size. Now, I am intimidated to have sex with her because I am afraid I won't be able to please ...
A. 4 November 2007: Size really does not matter. I've been acquainted with females that when asked, they say it's not how big, it's how it's used.
Don't be intimidated by this other person. It's bad she had the affair, why she goes on about someones size during a... (read in full...)
How do I figure out who I truly am.
Q. I feel like I dont know myself anymore like ever since my first love passed away I feel like I dont even know who I am anymore. How do I figure out who I really truly am?...
A. 4 November 2007: I'm sorry to hear about your first love. That has to be difficult. Have you gone to any grief counseling. If not that would be extremely helpful for you to take advantage of.
Who are you? Get a piece of paper out and jot down who you are. What are ... (read in full...)
Why was my girlfriend so upset???
Q. hi everyone I need some insight as to something that happened. Today I had my girlfriend over and I was (for lack of a better term) fingering her, and everything was going fine until she said something felt weird. She wasn't sure what happend and...
A. 4 November 2007: The only things I can think of is (1) Bladder infection (2) Yeast infection (both of which can be caught by taking too long of a bath, taking in some hot tub time. or not consuming enough water.)
I'd recommend she see her doctor and get chec... (read in full...)
I'm lonely and can't love myself.
Q. Im 17, and being honest have never had a proper relationship, this really gets me down (i know im still young) all my mates have had first loves, i feel so upset and insecure about it, im a very negative person about myself, im shy, and i laugh off ...
A. 4 November 2007: I'd seek some counseling. I bet your drunken fling, with a non fancied person, might have taken you in a direction that is causing your current views.
... (read in full...)
I am miserable, should we go for counseling?
Q. I have been with my partner for seven years. We got into a civil partnership last year. But everyday I wake up, I have more and more doubt about this relationship and I feel more and more distant from him. He goes down to a local pub every nig...
A. 4 November 2007: Counseling may help. As the joke says "how many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?" answer "only one, but the light bulb has to want to change."
If he's not willing, there's nothing you can do about it.
Now about his behavior... (read in full...)
I love him, he's my first, but I'm scared to leave him.
Q. please help me. i'm really desperate because my boyfriend doesn't make any effort whatso ever. he'll say have a nice weekend on a thursday night and i won't speak to him or see him because he's busy with his mates. not even a phone call... ev...
A. 4 November 2007: He was your first. Now this is a big reason why so many people say "wait until marriage to have sex" I've worked with relationships now for over 14 years. That's a long time to be submitting myself to the great, good, bad, and ugly.
I want you to r... (read in full...)
I can't send him home, and he'll never have the money to move.
Q. Hi, i am 27 yrs old and recently moved from Poland to the UK with my boyfriend. We know each other since children but become boyfriend and girlfriend two half years ago. When we arrive we get job together at same place. We live with man in shared ...
A. 4 November 2007: What have you done to talk to your boyfriend. I can really understand your situation. I haven't played games for a long time, but when Super Mario 3 came out. A friend of mine and I spent 14 hours learning each level in how to clear it. This was ... (read in full...)
My partner of 11 yrs cheated but said she's emotionally dead so it didn't matter. She also refused sex for the past yr, for no reason.
Q. my partner of 11 years says she loves me but does not want sex,no reason given,she also says she feels emotionally dead.this has been like this for the past year and led to many arguments where we both throw things from the past at each other,this ...
A. 4 November 2007: So you had the evidence right there, verifiable evidence and she denied it? That changes my view a little bit, from a cold cold women to having psychologically based difficulties.
I really wouldn't doubt it if she has developed a personality diso... (read in full...)
Mom blames me for trying to OD
Q. hello i just found out my mom took an overdose and if it wasn't for my little sister finding her she would have died. i think it was totally selfish of her as she has me my 15 yr old sister and 1 year old son. she says it because of all the stress ...
A. 3 November 2007: I want you to know this. It's not your fault. Repeat it to yourself often.
She's stressed. She's lashing out at you because of the stress. I'm sure you've seen people freak out over little things, and make the little things BIG issues. Norm... (read in full...)
How can I stop feeling this way so I don't destroy a friendship.
Q. I am a non stereotypical (that is non-queer culture scene) gay 21 year old guy and I am completely in love with my straight, albeit open minded, best friend. We kissed once, but he has a girlfriend and prefers women. We often speak about how I feel, ...
A. 3 November 2007: Respecting him with the friendship love that you have. Meaning putting the feelings of someone else before your own. ... (read in full...)
Do you think this is bad for me?
Q. hi. im on a diet and am currently eating one apple a day n thats it n doin exersise but nt too much. Du thnk this is bad for me? im 8 n half stone n almost 15 nw in i jst really want to be skinny, like the ones in the magazines. plaz tell me if this ...
A. 3 November 2007: Sure is. Why do you want to look like one of the girls in the magazines?
Some time do some research. Look at advertising photos from the 1970's and then look at them now. Do you know why the girls in the older photos don't look like the ones now?... (read in full...)
How do I get over this stupid feelings?
Q. 16 years of age single, never had a boyfriend and I have never felt loved by family nor friends.How do I get over this stupid feeling that gets in the way of everything I do?...
A. 3 November 2007: You have to love yourself. I'm sorry you never felt love by family or friends. It's hard. I deal with people every day who are neglected, abused.
I'm going to tell you a quick, true story. "there were two people living in the same house, raised by a... (read in full...)
I feel trapped!
Q. hi i am 24 and i am marred for 1 and half year .all of this time he is so nice for me and wishes for the success of my wish but now when i am about to success my wish he dont let me to go out alone .and he said if u go dont come back .so what can i ...
A. 3 November 2007: He's a control freak. I'd ask him for an explanation. "Don't answer right now, but here's the question: you want me to succeed, but you don't provide or allow the tools to do so, why? I'll give you some time to think about your answer. I don't want ... (read in full...)
I he acting or serious?
Q. I am in a serious relationship with my boyfriend we are engaged and have a son, we are very happy together. The thing is he has a twin brother and they are very close. His brother has always had an alcohol problem we even had him live with us for a ...
A. 3 November 2007: I think I'd worry about what he could be capable of doing. You and your boyfriend are going to have to set clear boundaries.
When my daughter was born. My brother too had a alcohol problem. You can't help them unless they want help themselves. We h... (read in full...)
It's easy for everyone to say just get rid of him.
Q. Hey. My boyfriend and I were going out for 7 months and he finished me. We'd split up twice before but this time it was different. Everyone said he'd cheated on me. He admitted it to his friends but denied it to me. The friday before we split up...
A. 3 November 2007: I really can't think of anything to say to him that does not start off with "you lying piece of crap." There's your start then take it from there.... (read in full...)
Married but enamoured. What to do?
Q. i am in a troubled marriage, and there's this ex-supervisor of mine whom i really have a great sexual desire (lust) and so as he on me. we've been communicating thru text messaging, internet chat for the past 2 months now (on and off), and we see ...
A. 3 November 2007: Focus on your marriage. I don't know how long you've been part of this site, but reading the questions and answers should answer your question.
Affairs with married men = destruction
Affairs period = destruction
any relationship while in a relat... (read in full...)
I don't have trust in my wife.
Q. My wife for 13 yr started an emotional affair w/ co worker. When I found out we had a very huge fight and I verbally said bad words to her. We went to see a pastor and was able to fix almost everything and was being told to stop any form of calling, ...
A. 3 November 2007: First, how does this guy consider himself at all qualified to fix anything. The only way for him to fix it is "I don't want to interfere with your marriage, so don't contact me." Your right when you say he's full of BS.
The pastor is correct. In o... (read in full...)
Crazy in love, but confused.
Q. I am in a terrible situation, I am in a committed relationship with someone and we have a child together, a couple years ago he cheated on me, and I became very bitter. I have forgiven him but i also found out that he does not make me happy , we ...
A. 3 November 2007: If someone has an open relationship, that means they really don't want to be with that one person, they want to play the field or add variety.
You can't choose who you fall in love with, but when you're in a committed relationship, especially havi... (read in full...)
How can I get over his betrayal with a teen lover?
Q. I'm depressed and upset about my husband and his affair with an 18 year old girl. I've stressed about it since I found out 4 months ago. I can't stop thinking about it and crying. I had my new baby 6 weeks early due to all this trauma. The birth was ...
A. 3 November 2007: That happened because she's a self centered piece of crap. It's not just in teens. I've read messages from people who have said "I want to be your mistress." It happens at all ages. Usually someone who's been hurt in the past themselves. This girl, ... (read in full...)
After Years Of Cheating, I'm Undecided On How To React
Q. Hey everyone, I'm a 24 year old girl and I have just split with my boyfriend of 3 years after I found out he had been seeing a girl for sex over the whole of out relationships, about 5 times in all. I've suspected as much the whole time...
A. 3 November 2007: Yep your in control, and you were in control of yourself the whole time, but when we're with someone else we start to lower our guard and sense of control. If we're with someone who cares and loves us, it shouldn't matter. No matter how much we ... (read in full...)
Trying to move on without thinking about who he may be with next.
Q. Why is he doing this? I broke up with my ex a month ago, but he has already added lots of friends to his myspace that are girls and adds lots of pictures of him with girls to his other website. I know I shouldn't look at it but it hurts me terribly ...
A. 3 November 2007: You two are done with each other. You even admitted that you're seeing an ex "friend level or not". You're the one who ended it with him, but you find it to be a disregard to your feelings if he posts pictures of other girls on his myspace which you ... (read in full...)
I'm happy with him, but he's afraid he'll hurt me.
Q. Ok, wow! I don't really know where to begin! I have been with my boyfriend for 1 year and 8 months. I love him so much and my feelings for him have not changed in the past year and 8 months. I always think about our future together and am so ...
A. 3 November 2007: How many of his friends are in serious relationships? It sounds like it's either fear based. Or it could be peer pressure. It's difficult to be in a serious relationship if no one else is at the point.
I'd chat with him more. This could be answ... (read in full...)
How do I stop him from falling for me.
Q. I am at it again. Yes, somehow, I manage to break up with the married guy that i was with. Yes I am still with my boyfriend of two years.what it is is that I met this guy, he works around the area that I work at. He is actually an army guy whom I t...
A. 3 November 2007: So you still have a boyfriend. If you're going to be playing the field, you need to end it with your boyfriend. Doing this while having a boyfriend is disrespectful, unloving (there's no way in hell you could care for him and do this).
There is a... (read in full...)
Crazy in love, but confused.
Q. I am in a terrible situation, I am in a committed relationship with someone and we have a child together, a couple years ago he cheated on me, and I became very bitter. I have forgiven him but i also found out that he does not make me happy , we ...
A. 3 November 2007: You dug the whole yourself. So many times people come on here and ask "what should I do" nope that's placing blame. If someone else makes a decision for me and I follow it and it turns out to be the wrong one, then I don't have to take ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't like my breath, any cures?
Q. My boyfriend complains of bad breath. I take all the precautions, I even do brushing properly. Now i have gone in for braces since the dentist adviced me so that my bad breath decreases. I have used all sorts of mouth freshners still no use. Any ...
A. 3 November 2007: The only thing I can think of is (1) brush your tongue, that's where bad breath germs are mainly formed. (2) if you can get a hold of a "sonic" tooth brush, their electric, I don't know if their sold where you are, but you may be able to find ... (read in full...)
After Years Of Cheating, I'm Undecided On How To React
Q. Hey everyone, I'm a 24 year old girl and I have just split with my boyfriend of 3 years after I found out he had been seeing a girl for sex over the whole of out relationships, about 5 times in all. I've suspected as much the whole time...
A. 3 November 2007: don't say despite loving him. i read so many stories, and I can tell you accurately only about 1% has experienced real love in their relationship.
Since you ended it, having sex with him is a bad idea, It only leads him on, and implies he has a ch... (read in full...)
Should we go for professional help?
Q. Hi, I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and I realy have problems with our sex life. I have a high sex drive and I like to try different things. When I met him about a year ago he was interested to have sex all the time and now it has b...
A. 2 November 2007: Professional help is definitely needed. Sex is not suppose to be a chore, or an obligation, or something begged for, or bribed to get. It's an expression of love. Two people who let themselves go and together wrap their love into one being with the ... (read in full...)
How do I get a vibrator
Q. ive just turned 14. ive been masturbating for about a year and havent found my g-spot. i use the handle of a hairbrush, my fingers so massage my clit and the shower head. its fun and enjoyable but thats all. i cant seem to find my own way of doing ...
A. 2 November 2007: I don't think he'd be as upset as he would disappointed that his girl is growing up. I have a daughter that's about your age, and I worry so much because I know how boys her age act.
It sounds like the areas your massaging are out of the ball... (read in full...)
My partner of 11 yrs cheated but said she's emotionally dead so it didn't matter. She also refused sex for the past yr, for no reason.
Q. my partner of 11 years says she loves me but does not want sex,no reason given,she also says she feels emotionally dead.this has been like this for the past year and led to many arguments where we both throw things from the past at each other,this ...
A. 2 November 2007: If she was emotionally dead and didn't want sex, she wouldn't have done it with someone else. If she's that emotionally dead, they have places for her, it includes a padded room and a straight jacket.
I'd tell her, "OK but I think I deserve a bett... (read in full...)
My partner cheated because he "was unhappy in our relationship" and said it was my fault (I suffered from depression for yrs.) How to gain back self-respect?
Q. I found out, drip by drip, that my partner of 8 years cheated on me. At first i discovered a document he had wrote saying that he fancied some 'foreign' student in his night school class (he's an adult education teacher)and how she sent him flirty ...
A. 2 November 2007: It sounds like he really doesn't care, and thinks he can do whatever he wants no matter who it affects. Tell him to get lost. If he's blaming his actions on you, he doesn't take responsibility. You need to demand respect in any relationship. The way ... (read in full...)
Caught masturbating in dorm room - and don't know by whom. What can I do except to transfer to another room?
Q. I was masturbating in my dorm room to porn with my doors closed and someone accidentally opened my door. He said "sorry wrong room" and was gone. He didn't fully close my door after and I assume he was probably very shocked. I don't know if he lives ...
A. 2 November 2007: I wouldn't worry about it. He may have been a bit shocked, but at your age, be probably blew it off too, it's not really uncommon.... (read in full...)
I love him but he abuses me and drains my confidence.
Q. I am 19 year old girl in love with a 25 year old guy. Its become almost more than 1 year that we are together. He stays with me with my family and even works in the same office. We are very close to each other and even physically involved. He ...
A. 2 November 2007: Do you understand that love is not suppose to hurt like this? How about people who abuse are more in love with their controlling actions than they are with you. I can't believe he compares you to his ex's. If I went outside and randomly picked 100 ... (read in full...)
How can I get over his betrayal with a teen lover?
Q. I'm depressed and upset about my husband and his affair with an 18 year old girl. I've stressed about it since I found out 4 months ago. I can't stop thinking about it and crying. I had my new baby 6 weeks early due to all this trauma. The birth was ...
A. 2 November 2007: It's OK to forgive him, but that doesn't mean you have to forget what he did. You were hurt badly. You said he had been nasty for a while. If this continues, you may have to make a change to best benefit your children.
When I had kids my thou... (read in full...)
What should I do to avoid hurting anyone?
Q. my sister has been going out with a boy she met through her weekend job and they are both students.he is from a different caste to ours and my family have found out and she has been given 6months to get married to him as they dont want her ...
A. 2 November 2007: You don't have to go either way. Why should you have to agree with him or with her? Be your own person. I'd say, "your all acting like children, so until you grow up I'm staying out of it."
Are you in the UK now? Are they planning the wedding in t... (read in full...)
Does she resent me for disciplining her child? Are we 'pulling in different directions'?
Q. I have a simple question that I would really love to have some responses on. If I punish my soon to be step son, by taking his cell phone off him for a week, for mocking and back talking me, and his mother agrees with me that he needs to learn a ...
A. 2 November 2007: Lets look at a few different area:
Until your married the only authority to punish you have is what she extends you. The system doesn't look at live ins as having any authority over the other person's children.
What you need to do is sit down ... (read in full...)
Should I leave or should I stay?
Q. Im 45 a housewife just divorced my husband. I've met a man 18 years older than me. We've been seeing each other 4 a year now. We get on well. I've been trying to find job but no luck yet. He's got good income and still working but he never offer ...
A. 2 November 2007: My grandfather was use to paying much less for things, yet spent the last 40 years of his life blind. When we'd visit him, my family would take him to eat. He's always ask how much the meals were. Mom wouldn't tell him, because if he knew what it ... (read in full...)
Please advise me.
Q. hi i am a girl of 20 just passed my teen n had lots of problems in relation wether if i couldnt understand or it didnt work out........ well i have a bf n i we love each other very much but sill i have a fren i am very much attracted toward...
A. 2 November 2007: You need to explain further to what the problem your experiencing actually is. Thank you.... (read in full...)
Why does my husband attempt to get me jealous?
Q. Why does my husband after cheating on me and ending the affair makes up stories of girls hitting on him? I used to be jealous before the affair, but I realize I was pushing him away. Now that I changed he makes up stories of girls persuing him. Why?...
A. 2 November 2007: A little bit of jealousy is cute. You changed. He may feel the changes are due to the affair but in a negative, I don't forgive you sort of way. I'd talk to him about it and let him know that you feel you pushed him away that is why this has ... (read in full...)
I don't know which way to turn, can you help?
Q. I am currently off sick from work, the reason, stress and anxiety. due to my boss, she just hates me and life has become so uncomfortable. I am being bullied and victimised all the time and dont know which way to turn. can anyone help....
A. 2 November 2007: You are going to have to supply more information. Give some examples of how you are bullied or victimized, and maybe describe what a typical day would be for you that is creating this stress and anxiety.
With that information, I would be much easi... (read in full...)
I may be left behind, if I don't change the way I am.
Q. im 21, and been single for a year. this time last year my girlfriend of 4 years split up with me. i was totally heart broken and it took me months and months to get over. anyway, now i am over that and want to meet new girls. but, because i ...
A. 2 November 2007: Just because your friends are jumping from bed to bed, doesn't mean you need to do that.
I've studied relationships for a long time. What you have is a positive dating record. Many girls don't like dating guys who jump from women to women. They look... (read in full...)
How do I get her to tell me?
Q. I have been with my gf for about 5 months alredy and everything is good just that everytime she is feeling sad I want her to tell me but she never lets me how do I get her to open up to me and tell me what's wrong with her...
A. 2 November 2007: she will when she's comfortable in doing so, until then just be there to comfort her when she is sad.... (read in full...)
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