A
male
age
51-59,
*oth
writes:I am a 40 year old married man. I have a 3 year old child. My wife is a good person. At my work I am falling in love with my co-worker. She is very attractive, beautiful and sexy looking and 8 years younger then me. She is also a married and has a 5 year old child. She has been married for 7 years same as me. We like each other. Our 4 month old Love started with looking in each other's eyes and talking. However, I never have courage to say to her that i am in love with her. Recently we have started chatting at work. I think online chat makes it easier to explain things. I tried one time not to go further but then she started to hate me. One time she asked everyone from my office out to lunch except me. I was very nervous. After that I decided not to do that again but just try to be nice and continue to love her. Please advise me what to do. Can I take her for lunch and ask her what her future plans are and what she is looking for? Can I tell her that I am falling in love with her? Should I just have an afair with her? I don't want to go for divorce with my wife. Should I just change my job?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): No ! do not ask her to luch. You said that she invited everyone else to lunch but you.....maybe she likes you as a coworker and nothing more.Looking into each others eyes...hum ?? could mean that she is showing a form of respect. Because you have feelings for her, you would want to think that she feels the same.Both your marriages are young and your kids are too. Give her a chance at her own marriage and happiness. Do not mess up her life at all. Get a transfer so something, what about your good wife at home ??? come on man, the grass always looks greener on the other side. My gut instincts tells me that you are wasting your time with this girl, seems like she wants nothing romantically to do with you. I am not trying to be harsh to you, just trying to help you think straight. Do not hurt your wife and especially your kids, they are just babies. Find some romantic stuff to do with your wife.
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (21 October 2007):
 Do you think that we should have a relationship with everyone we feel drawn to? If so - then it's better not to get married if you hold this view.
Seems your choices now are: 1)Stay with wife, remain true. 2)Leave wife. 3)Tell wife you will have affair and OK if she does as well. 4)Have secret affair. You seem to be considering the last option. But make sure you have considered the implications:
Imagine the day your wife finds out about the affair. How will it happen? Maybe the womans husband does something crazy? What will your child make of the sudden turmoil your family has been thrown into?
One thing I find hard to understand - you seem overly concerned about upsetting the woman at work but not about upsetting your wife and child??? Good luck with your choice.
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A
female
reader, Helpmeplease123  +, writes (21 October 2007):
Before you consider taking your relationship further with your coworker, you must let go of your wife. Your marriage will never be the same if you act on these feelings. My advice to you is that you get a new job as if anything happens between you and your current colleag, it will affect the lives of you and her but most of all your families and trust me you will regret it. Goodluck x
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (21 October 2007):
 I don't thing your vows to your wife included chasing other women. Your questions don't even need answered. Use common sense.
When I was married, my wife had a sister. Her sister is gorgeous. She'd come stay with us a couple times a year, prancing around in shorts that you'd think would be borderline illegal.
Still to this day, all though I'm divorced, I have NEVER touched her sister. I didn't do it for a simple rule I live by. I respected my marriage, my wife, my children, and my will not to hurt any of them is much greater than personal desire.
If you decided to have an affair, first look at your wife and your child and tell them you're not the man or father originally chose to be. When having an affair, you not only cheat on your wife, but your child as well.
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