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female
,
anonymous
writes: I broke up with my fiance recently and I heard my dad telling my mom recently that the reason I go out with guys like my ex (that are emotionally abusive) is because my mom doesn't stand up for herself to my dad! I thought this was crazy because my dad has always been verbally abusive (and was at this moment yelling a cussing). He went on to say that I shouldn't have had premarital sex and that all my ex cared about was getting into my pants, and that he didn't love me. The weird thing is I'm a christian and do believe in waiting until marriage (but didn't with my ex because he kept saying if I loved him I would have sex with him or that I must be cheating). But, my dad is not a Christian, does not believe in God, and has had premarital sex! He is such a hypocrite. I'm not saying that my ex was some great guy (because he wasn't and that's why he's an ex), but I do know that he loved me and no one can take that away from me. I moved back home and now I'm trying to find a job so I can move out of this toxic environment. I guess my question is why is my dad saying such awful things, is what he's saying true?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (22 October 2007):
 I'd let your dad know, women who are drawn towards abusive men is because of the truth in the statement that says "women tend to find a husband most like their father."
Now let's talk about your issue. Your Christian, and you compromised your religious beliefs because he said "if you love me you will, if not your cheating" if anyone says that, get out then. That means no respect. If the guy loves you and wants to be with you he would wait for you and not pressure you into having sex. Remember when a guy truly loves you, he'll be a great guy to you.
You need to find out why you're attracted to these guys. Your dad needs to stop be abusive to your mom. That's not a good environment to be in. Yelling is just as abusive as physical abuse, and the long term affects can be much worse.
I wish you luck, take care.
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