A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 and I have been with my fiance 3 years. He lived in Lincoln and moved here about 3 and half years ago. When i first met him he was into drugs and drinking every night. I dispise drugs, but i gave it ago. We became close and he stopped doing drugs but he was very immature. In 3 years i have put 3 stone on and he has put bout 3-4 stone on. We split up twice in the first 3 months but only for a couple of days, his mum said it broke his heart. He lived with his sister and his friend but 2 years ago he moved in with me and my mum. And a year and a half ago we got engaged. He had a rubbish childhood and he got mad at the smallest thing (but he never hurt me)He had a few mental problems, he was ment to see a councillor but never went. Everything was perfect but in the last 3-4 months he has been moody and we haven't been showing each other much love. On Friday he rung me while he was at work and everything was normal, but 2 hours later he rung and said "i dont wanna hurt you and i dont wanna split from you just think i need a couple of weeks away to sort my head out cos if i dont i will end up killing myself or going to prison". I was heartbroken but he came home to pick up a few belongings that he needed. But when he came here my mum rung and said get him out of the house so he said he would take all his things. We talked and he said he still loves me and he didnt wanna split up but his head was a mess and until he sorted himself out we couldn't sort our relationship out. He told me he wasnt taking his phone and that he will get in touch with me when he is ready. He ended up staying that night and he cuddled and kissed me and told me e loved me it was better then it has been for ages. I had to get up early Sat morning to pick my mum up from hol. He told me he was still going and that he would be here when i got back he kissed and cuddled me and told me he loved me and still wanted to be with me. But he wasnt here when i got back and he left his phone here. I think he is at his mums but she wouldnt tell me much and she said as well maybe its because he wanted us to get our own house which i knew he did but i just wasnt ready. Then she rung me back to tell me that he was ok and that she would take it as we were over but she cant say for definate cos she doesnt know. Its been 2 days and i still havent heard nothing but he hasnt said its over i just dont understand and i dont no what to do until he explains properly i cant move on. I have had other boyfriends but i have never loved anyone like i love him.my ex wants me to move 35 miles away to live with him or its over. i have never left my mum as she has M.S and all my family and friends live here. His family live 35 miles away but he works with them 10 hours 5 days a week. He can drive and i cant so i would be stuck there on my own. I have just been given a full time job which i have been waiting for for 4 years and the bus picks up from where i am now. The only way to do it is to pack my job in but i have only had it a month. Wat should i doNow i told his mum on sunday that i will move to hull with him and she sed she will talk to him but i rung her today and she sed that he doesnt love me but he cares alot about me. She sed he has got a new job his own flat and hes going to college as well on a night, she told me it was over for good and to get on with my life. Then later she texted saying that he wanted nothing more to do with me and that she didnt want to tell me but he met a new lass on saturday and he lives with her so he moved in with her within 2 days of knowing her. So she sed move on with my life cos he has and its time i git over it. I talked to a lad that went out with him saturday and he sed there was no lass, he lives with his mum he isnt at college snd he is doing the same job, where he works with his mum. i dont think he has a new girlfriend i think his mum is causing trouble and she never liked me. Y would she do this how do i know she has told him everything. She sees him as her baby and she will see this as her perfect chance to get one over on me, wat di u think, do ya think e has got a new girlfriend and has she sed it so i get lost help me
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at work, drugs, engaged, fiance, heartbroken, immature, mental problems, move on, moved in, split up, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Nefertiti +, writes (23 October 2007):
Hello,I agree, don't let his mum do the talking for him. I think he has some issues which he is tryng to sort out and he had not been directly in contact with you for that reason. If someone's head is 'screwed up', I imagine they will try and hide from people they care about for fear of (as my ex put it) 'dragging you into their messed-up lives'. I am not sure about giving up your life to move away with him - if he is still a drug user or has mental problems, he needs to be able to deal with these so they don't continue to affect your relationship, or else neither of you will be happy. If he has your number or address, he will make contact if he really wants you to move in and has thought it through, and you can both discuss exactly how this will work - how often you can visit your family, where you will get another job, how much you will both contribute towards the bills etc. It has to be a practical arrangement.The likelihood is that if he is still on drugs (or even if he is trying to get off them), they have caused him some damage and he has no idea what he wants because his mind is messed up - something I have recently learned about my ex. You sound very un-selfish, but please try to put yourself first for a change, and do things that you know will benefit you, like sticking with your job and being with your family. Look after number one.Take care and I hope things get clearer as time goes on xx
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (23 October 2007):
 I'd listen to the friend. I wouldn't listen to the mom. Reason being, she's trying to do everything for him, and probably tries to wipe his butt too.
An adult who ends a relationship, and is independent would not use his or her mom to do it for him. It sounds like she has some issues, maybe even sees you as a threat in taking her sweet child away from her.
I don't think, unless your boyfriend was real crazy that he'd meet a girl and move in with her within two days. Look at all the changes she said he'd made, and how long has it been since he left?
I'd wait to hear from him before making a decision, but you may want to move on if the mom is going to be overly involved all the time.
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