A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereI'm a male, 25. I have been with my girlfriend (she is 24) for about 10 months or so. Several months earlier, she had cheated on me (with her ex) and it really hit me like a truck. I think I was feeling a wave of depression for about a week. Anyway, things have been better now, we talked things out, settled it (so to speak), we love each other and she says she really wants to be with me and all that. It's been a couple months since the ordeal (I discovered it on my birthday, which really sucked), and things have generally been okay, but I feel I have been too *clingy*. I really hate that! I often want to spend time with her to do things and whatnot, and at times at a little paranoid at certain things. I keep feeling that sense of distrust and cling in fear of losing her or something bad happening again. (I happen to love her very much). It's just like I often want to spend time with her. I think someone here called it a 'love addict' symptom, I never had this issue before with past relationships.I know if I hold on too tight, I'd lose her, and I know she wants to have 'space' and 'time-off' every now and then. I really hate this sense of 'neediness' and 'clingy-ness' feeling. (Especially as a male, makes me feel less-manly or wussy, but I can't help this feeling!)How can I curb this issue? How do I get past this feeling? If I don't hold back or less-tight, I could potentially lose her. Any tips, advice or solutions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all!
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cheated on me, her ex, too tight Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wolfain +, writes (21 October 2007):
Thank you for all your tips and advice. I will see what I can do. 'Get out' more. Do other things. Perhaps my mind is too 'free'. Thank you all.
A
male
reader, Somethingeasy  +, writes (21 October 2007):
 Personally speaking, you have got to let her go. If you really love her, you have to let her go. If someone is cheating on you it only means you are with someone who cant be trusted. Its really gonna hurt to let her go. But if you keep her and she does it again, that will hurt more, let her go, there are other people out there that you can have that will be faithful.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (20 October 2007):
 Do you understand that settling it and forgiving her for it are two different actions. If you want this to work out you must completely forgive her for it, that doesn't mean you have to forget.
It does hit like a truck when that happens. You also need to release her action as being an incident. What happens is we attach the cheating to the person or to relationships. You need to keep reminding yourself it's an incident, and if you've really resolved this issue then it's unfair to have this additional clingy behavior.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (20 October 2007):
 You can not continue in a relationship when there has been something like that happened unless you can 100% forgive and forget as it will just not work.
If you love someone with all your heart you can do this, if not they are not the right person for you.
Take care.xx.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 October 2007):
 You are insecure about what she is up to. Your clinginess comes from a wish to control what she is doing. Deep down, you don't trust she wouldn't cheat again.
Which is a good question. Why did she cheat with the previous boyfriend? It seems like you are her rebound. I can't speak for her, but maybe she was not really over the other guy. Which means you should question what your relationship really is.
On the other hand, being clingy and controlling is never justified. A song in Spanish goes like this: "if you have to see what she's up to all the time, then she's not your woman".
If she has really moved on, and you two are honestly willing to continue with the relationship, you should have a serious talk and create the solid ground you need.
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