A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:After being together for 2.5 years, I've finally beoken up with him yesterday. He called me last night thinking that I was just 'acting up'. As soon as I heard that he was still out, supposedly driving home at 1am, I didn't want to talk and confirmed it was the end of the road for us. He never called me back supposedly after getting home. He always used to at least text me when he got home.This morning he called me at 10:30am, wanting to know if I was done acting up. I firmly told him I am breaking up with him and to please leave me alone from now on. He texted me one final text thanking me for a wonderful 2.5 years and he wishes me the best. Never heard from him after that.It's almost 1am now.. I'm sitting here a bit sad, he really didn't contact me today. I'm thinking he probably went out again and partying so hard he doesn't care about contacting me. I know it's the right thing to do to break up with him.. But it's funny how I still feel a little sad. I honestly don't want him to contact me but sit here wondering why he didn't contact me and feeling upset as I imagine he's most likely out clubbing and checking out new girls.Why does everyone go through a phase like this? Are there people who just break up and feel happy and relieved and never think twice about their ex again?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 June 2016):
 you told him not to contact you...was that CODE For "contact me anyway"
he's doing what you said
why would you think he would contact you?
are you playing games or do you need your ego stroked?
i have broken up with folks or been broken up with and it was a good thing. I did to contact them or want to be contacted by them but that does not mean i did not miss the relationship's good times.
You broke up.
You TOLD Him "do not contact me"
he's being mature enough to respect your wishes and yet you are still NOT happy.
what do you REALLY want?
A
female
reader, wrathykins  +, writes (11 June 2016):
 I don't know a single person that has never been sad about their ex in some way. Even years after the break up you can see something that reminds you of them and it brings back old feelings.
Feeling sad about this is normal and it's inevitable with a break up. You'll probably be sad for a while, but if you feel it's for the best then good on you for having the balls to end a relationship that wasn't working. Alot of people would just stay hoping that it'll get better eventually!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 June 2016):
 It's not as simple as that, unless you have few emotions. I have had relationships that I ended and didn't think about the ex at all, and was just relieved and feeling like a weight was pulled off my shoulders. Then I have had relationships that ended, leaving me in despair and pain for years! So, it is all relative. I don't even know why one relationship made me feel happy once it ended, while others made me feel sad. I think it's got something to do with maturing, though, emotionally. After a few break ups, you sort of get the hang of it. Also, I think it depends on how you saw your future together. If you had envisioned a long future, maybe marriage etc, and everyones families had met and liked each other, maybe got a house together, maybe have a kid together, then breaking up would be much harder than... say, if you were just planing on dating him until you found someone better.
The amount of hope I place on a relationship, tends to reflect how much I grieve it's end.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 June 2016):
 I honestly don't get you. You broke up with him twice. Yesterday and today. You confirmed him that you were not acting up, that you were adamant in breaking up, and that you did not want to hear from him any more.
What was he supposed to do ? To beg and plead on his knees ? ..some men would do that maybe, but many other men would consider it stalking. You took a firm decision , told him not to insist, and now you are upset because he RESPECTS your decisison ?
That would only make sense if you were just flexing muscles, and tryng to scare him into " behaving ". I.e. you did not really want to break up, only to punish him a little, but it backfired on you.
If that's not the case, and you really meant to break up and not to hear from him anymore- well, that's how being broken up works. They are out of your life .
It does not mean necessarily that he is happy and relieved and toasting to his liberation. Maybe he is sad and wistful. Or, half and half, half sad half relieved because things are seldom all black and all white, so part of him will miss you and part of him will realize that if you two weren't getting along then it's for the best.
Anyway , it was your idea, you signaled him to move on. And he is moving on. It makes sense, I'd say.
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A
female
reader, MissKin +, writes (11 June 2016):
 He hasn't messaged you because you told him not to. You can't then assume it's because he's already over it. But if he IS already over it, it's no longer your concern. Telling him not to contact you was the right thing to so if you're serious about breaking up. And you will obviously feel sad. 2,5 years is a long time.
People react differently to break ups. Some people hide their pain. Some people wallow for weeks. Sometimes people don't feel the pain for a few days. Because it takes awhile for it to click that it is over.
When my bf of four years broke up with me, I was sad for two days, and then I just felt this relief. No more wondering if he cares. No more waiting for him to call. I felt so light and relieved it confused me. Of course I missed him. But I definitely dealt with it better than he did as he was the one who ended it but wanted to get back together two weeks later.
Stop worrying about what he is doing. Look after yourself. Go out with friends. Do something you enjoy doing. And pamper yourself. Also, let yourself feel sad. People are always says "get over it", especially if you're the one who ended it. But sometimes that's the hardest thing to do. So let yourself feel sad when you're sad but do your best to find things that make you happy.
All the best,
Miss.K
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