A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is away on a trip with his family.He hasn't even been gone two days and won't be back until the first week of July.I am not sure if this is normal but I am severely depressed. I have been crying a lot and have isolated myself. I have not done anything since he left except for over eat bad stuff like chocolate and cookies and candy. I have not gone to work out and did not even leave my house today. It's like I am numb and do not care about anything.I am not sure how I will be able to make it through until he comes home. It is already a terrible start. I just feel so lost and empty without him here. I am not sure I could endure it. Looking ahead, I see him being gone a long time and it seems like such a big task to accomplish, going on without him.When he left, we just hugged each other endlessly for about 20 minutes. It was one of those hugs that lasted forever. We did not want to let each other go. It was beautiful. A nice way for him to depart. I am holding onto that hug. But it's still very hard.Can anyone help me cope?
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (20 June 2016):
It is not as bad as you think it is, and it could be worse. Don't let your emotions control your life. There is always something you can do to feel better in a situation. That funny thing about life is that there will always be bad experience, moments, days etc. As others have said, be active in your life.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 June 2016):
 No, that's not normal- although technically you can't say you are " severely depressed " because for that you should have shown your current symptoms for at least 6 weeks.
Nevertheless, even if it 's just a bout of the blues, it shows itself in such an irrational, extreme form that I think consulting your doctor can't do any harm and it is in fact a good idea. He/ she could have the right suggestions ( and maybe the right medications ) to help you cope right now. An emergency intervention, let's say. Then, when you feel a bit better, you may want to consider the possibility of seeing a therapist to assess if you have abandonment issues, or an anxious attachment mode, and what to do about it in the long term.
The other Aunts' advice to keep busy, exercise, see friends, etc., and all the other common sense things one would normally do to perk herself up, are obviously good and valid advice, but, I feel that you would if you could; and you can't. It ìs sort of instinctive, in a situation like yours,to try and do things to take your mind off loneliness and sad thoughts- but if this self - nurturing and self- preservation instinct does not kick in, there must be something more behind this, than just being in love : at least in the case of a short absence of 2/3 weeks .
All this, unless- pardon me- by " away with his family " you mean that he is a married man away with his wife. In this case I can understand how being reminded daily that he is away with the official one, having fun , while you are at home sitting alone, may be like constantly being rubbed salt on your wounds and it may shoot your nerves to pieces. But in this case, what to say ?... every choice has consequences, every cause you put has an effect, - and these are the almost inevitable consequences of certain choices.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 June 2016):
 I agree with the aunties here.
You need to stop it. It's 2-3 weeks without him, not 2-3 months or years.
I'm sure you have been on your own before and MIGHT be on your own again in the future from time to time and you know what ? THAT IS healthy!
Someone who can't function without their partner around, is not in a healthy state of being. YOU need to dig deep and find your INDEPENDENCE and dust it off.
Think of ALL the things you want to get done but have procrastinated with. Like painting walls, redoing the XX room, reading the complete set of Song and Ice (or whichever) go out visit some friends or family you might have been "neglecting" a bit, volunteer at a animal shelter once a week, go on a fitness craze or DO nothing! SIT on the couch in your undies drinking a glass of wine and binge-watch Hulu or Netflix!!
You are a GROWN ASS WOMAN - act like one!
I say that with love mind you.
My husband served in the US Army, was deployed SEVERAL times, was off for months on training, schools you name it. I learned quick and in a heartbeat that LIFE doesn't stop because he isn't home. Dust bunnies pile up, the kids get measles, have birthday parties, but most of all THEY need normalcy. Now you don't have kids (I presume) but the thought still goes.. YOU need normalcy. Don't become some desperate damsel in distress the moment your man is out of sight. Seriously. Woman up!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2016): Keep busy! Meet up with friends, watch movies, get some exercise, do something creative (paint or learn to knit), bake something etc. Write him letters telling him all the things you would tell him if he were there (you can post them to him or just give them to him when he gets back). You could also count down the days on a calendar crossing them off one day at a time. I did that when my boyfriend went abroad for 6 months and i found it helped.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 June 2016):
 I fully expected this poster to be 13-15.
Do you want to be a fat unemployed woman when he comes home or the same woman he loved when he left.
It's less than 3 weeks.
You need to get up and go to work and go shopping and use this time to catch up with your girl friends that I'm betting you have ignored since BF showed up and you made him your whole life.
IF my husband was gone for 4 weeks i would be thrilled.
I could come and go as I Pleased. eat the healthy foods I love, sleep on my terms and my hours, meet the friends I wanted when I wanted and not have to make sure he had plans.
how long have you been together and what was your life like before you met him?
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (19 June 2016):
 What, two or three weeks?
You say you are not sure if your reaction is normal, well, it depends, let me ask for some clarification to help me answer your question.
When you say he has gone with his family, what do you mean, is it his parents, or siblings, or cousins, or his children? Does it mean an ex, or even current, wife. Is the trip for pleasure or for family business?
If you can give further details we will be able to better answer your question. I look forward to your update.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (19 June 2016):
 Yes, first, recognize that what you're doing is NOT healthy.
He's on a trip, not dead!
You need to have a life of your own, with fulfilling things to do, and friends or family of your own to do them with.
Before you reach for junk food, know that you wouldn't like him to come home to a 20+ pound heavier person than he left, right?
You know what would make you feel marvelous?? EXERCISE! Walking, yoga, running, get those endorphins pumping through your veins with all of their feel-goodness washing away all of that nasty obsessiveness. Then, he'll come back and see a healthy, vibrant you instead of the one that smells like spoiled chocolate cookies.
It *is* normal to miss your partner. It's not normal to become self-destructive simply because you're spending a little time apart, and if you want to spend your life with him, a month is not much time.
...............................
|
