A
female
age
30-35,
*yla22
writes:I was with a relationship for 2 years. A few months ago i found out he had been two- timing me with his ex (i was apparently the side chick). I broke up. He pursued her like a crazed stalker for a month but she left him for good. Then he came for me. Being the emotional fool that i am i took him back. We were okay for a few days - then i find out he had been contacting her again.It shattered me. I left him again and again he chose to pursue her. After a while when it became clear she wasn't coming back, he came for me again and AGAIN i took him back. But this time i had huge doubts and grudges against him. I started fighting daily. I also found out he still had her nude pics on his phone. When confronted he said he "didnt know about them".He makes me feel like I'm the one who provokes him into contacting her. He always blames my temper for it. I end up feeling terribly depressed. I end up crying everydayI feel so worthless. He was engaged to her, used to buy her gifts constantly, write her long love letters - he does nothing like that for me. He treats me like someone he wants to string along.Im in mixed emotions over this. One part of me wants to forgive him and better myself, the other part wants to dump him. He is also trying vehemently to move to another country for work, but keeps on telling me that he won't go. His words and actions often don't match. He hits and punches me sometimes but I feel like I provoke him to do that. Some days he acts really loving and the other days he says I make his life hell (this is because I complain when he doesn't call me or talk to me lovingly).Can someone PLEASE tell me what to do? I feel like I will go mad due to my insecurity and fickleness of mind. Help!
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broke up, depressed, engaged, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 July 2016):
 Sweetie you are far from over him yet, you are wishing that his ex does not take him back because deep down you still want to be with him. Please cut all contact. Erase him from your life. Delete his number, email, social media. It will hurt and it will take time to move on, allow yourself to grieve for the relationship, it is okay to feel sad and upset but you also need to remain strong and accept that he is no longer part of your life. It should not matter to you who he is with, you just need to be glad you got out when you did.
A
female
reader, Lyla22 +, writes (9 July 2016):
Lyla22 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone!! Thank you immensely for your concern.So I finally left this guy. Actually he dumped me over some small argument. And guess what? He immediately ran back to his ex. It hurts that I have to watch the man I loved, stalk his ex like an obsessed madman. Hes creating various accounts to get to her, emailing her day and night, begging for her number. He seems to have forgotten I even exist.And some of you are right, it did feel like I had "won" this guy from his ex. But I also realized he's no prize. I finally FINALLY worked up the will to not contact him anymore. Its been 10 days that we haven't spoken.It does hurt watching him forget me and run after her. But I take this as God's divine intervention, to prevent me from ruining my life in the wrong hands.I really hope the withdrawal pain doesn't kick in and make me weak in any way. Its like my brain knows he's an asshole and my heart is slowly accepting that fact as well. Before leaving he made sure to dump the relationship's failure on me. Im dealing with that too. It takes a lot of effort to recognize that it was he who had messed up since the start, not me. I only wish his ex won't take him back, though.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): Leave. You're telling yourself that this is your fault and that you're not worthy and that's why he's treating you this way when in reality you have no idea how he really did treat that other girl maybe he beat her too
Getting him will not equal winning or give you the feeling of self worth.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (21 June 2016):
The thing is OP you need to love and respect yourself before anybody else will, and it is clear that you keep taking this guy back and allowing him to use you instead of standing up for yourself and telling the world that you deserve better than this.
You need to believe that you deserve better than this, you know deep down that you do, and you also know he will leave you as soon as some girl catches his eye. Why keep putting yourself through that, you might be missing the opportunity to meet someone who will treat you good because you are allowing him to use and abuse you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 June 2016):
 There is only ONE "question" here. Let me ask it for you:
"How many times am I going to allow this guy to make a fool of me, before I come to my senses."
THAT is the "answer" you are seeking......
Good luck..
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (19 June 2016):
I wonder why you are with him. Ask yourself this: Is the reason I am with him because i am hoping one day he will stop treating me so badly, and see the woman i truly am, then he will treat me well...and therefore i will feel better about myself and my self worth?
You see, the issue is how you see yourself here. I don't know how you were when you entered the relationship. Weather you had confidence issues, that the way he initially treated you and made you feel...are you chasing that now? Hoping it will come back and then your self worth will?
You see OP, that will never come back, because it was never real...just driven by the newness of the relationship and his pursuit of you fuelling it. Its gone. You may have a couple of days of honeymoon again, but that's just the novelty of getting back together.
He is abusive, and doesn't even want you! He wants his ex! Please find the strength to get out of this and start your healing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2016): Now you know why his ex left him! He is violent and abusive. Don't think he wasn't doing it to her, because he would be! She probably took ages to break free and heal from his abuse. Take the advice of everyone here and RUN!!!!
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (19 June 2016):
Break all contact with him.
He is not going to change, neither are you.
Yes he is stringing you along and you need to break up.. now! and not look back again.
Please do that for yourself. It's not worth it.
It will never be. It might hurt and feel different for a while. But i promise it gets better.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 June 2016):
 That's an easy question to answer,- I think nobody in their right mind would advise you to do anything but dump him.
Dump dump dump him, like, right now, today. Don't wait, don't procrastinate, don't fool yourself.
He hits you and punches you, OP !
With these kind of situations you deal without compromising. No ifs and buts. You just remove them from your life.
Frankly, I am surprised you even have doubts. " Love " does not justify everything , including cruelty and crime, yes, crime, what he does to you is a crime.
I could understand that you have sort of decided to hang in there even if you know very well that he wants the other girl, not you, and you are at best a default choice. That's a matter of swallowing your pride, and some people don't mind swallowing their pride.
But most people do mind swallowing their own TEETH, and that's what you'll have to swallow if you stick to this cad and let him abuse you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (19 June 2016):
 He *hits and punches* you OP!! That is enough... More than enough reason for you to never ever see his face again and shut him out of your life for good! What are you waiting for? For him to kill you because you "provoked him"? My God... Get out of there immediately!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 June 2016):
 There's really no reason to stay with him. He is abusive and you are treated as second fiddle. If there's one that's because you want to prove that you won, and that his ex lost. You don't better yourself by staying with him and sucking up the fact that he still loves her. You better yourself by knowing your worth wanting more in a partner. Someone who cherishes you and treats you with respect. Even if you keep quiet and suppress your feelings of being unsatisfied, he's still going to hope that one day his ex would come back to him. A broken engagement is not something to be taken lightly. They had a deep commitment. She probably saw his temper problem and therefore broke it off. So don't hold on to this relationship so tightly because at best he's her discarded old ex.
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