A
female
age
30-35,
*ovehel
writes:We are both 23. He lives with his mother who has been out of a job for the past year. When I am there (23) and we are in his room she calls his name every 30 mins to do something for her. Its obvious he finds it annoying but he is always polite and caters for whatever she needs, he will even ask me to do what she asks sometimes. I stayed over the night before he had work at 7 am. We got up at 6 am to have a quick breakfast and get ready. He goes to make coffee and I hear his mom 30 seconds later following him to the kitchen. I was hoping she wasn't going to follow him to the kitchen that morning, as it was so early and I could not be fake at that time of the morning. It is like she never sleeps and waits to grab his attention. I heard them speaking in Italian(their first language) and I thought she might leave. I ended up hearing her keep speaking so decided to stay in his room for 20 mins until he came back to then go to work. My patience is so low with her. I can't stand the fact she does nothing all day other than follow every one of her sons movements. It is like she is obsessed with her son and doesn't want a life of her own. The sheer unhealthiness of it is driving me mad. I feel like saying to her " get a life, make yourself busy, and stop interfering in your sons and mine". I was going to get a job for the summer and she goes I told you they were looking for someone in that cafe, if you don't go quick you will never get it. I felt like saying "look at yourself". I wouldn't dare be so rude to her though, as she has a scary temper.BF and I were playing a video game. She comes over and is all over son, rubbing his back, shoulders etc...calling him baby, Saying you know I love you baby, I love you so much baby. It felt so wrong. He was visibly uncomfortable yet she kept going. With me she nit picks and always tries to be the more mature one. She tries to lecture me and tell me what to do. BF invites me over there quite a lot. I have had issues with his mom in the past and don't want to seem like I always have a problem with her(which I do). She just seems so selfish. Am I being unsympathetic and cold? Or can you see where I am coming from? And what can I do???
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 June 2016):
 Ah these pesky Italian mothers ! what a nuisance they are ,lol !
Look, obviously for whatever reason there's not much love lost between you and your MIL, so it's best to keep away and minimize the occasions of conflict. And, going beyond the stereotypes and/or the actual cultural differences about displays of affection and whatnot, when all is said and done, she is in her home with her family, you are just a guest and need to show respect. So if you feel the atmosphere is not favourable to your lovemaking, ( in a general sense, not a sexual one ) just bring your lovemaking elsewhere.
You are acting quite entitled. The woman is in her home, can't she have the right to get up as early as she wants ? She heard movement in the kitchen, she joined her son for a cup of coffee. What's so scandalous in that ? Is she supposed to ask your permission for early breakfast ? Is she supposed to ask you permission to have a conversation with her own son ?! (.. also considering that anyway you were nowhere to be seen and for all she knew you could have been still snoring away ).
If this cuts into your "cooing " time, ...then it's best you go coo somewhere else.
I am very willing to believe that this woman is annoying or even an unsavoury character, but remember that when you point your finger against people, one finger points out, and 3 fingers point toward you. You resent her for being unemployed , and in your opinion, she's got too much time on her hands to devote to her son. Possible, but... what are you ? Unemployed too. By the same token, one could say that if you had a job, you would not even have time to notice how long her conversations with Son are- you would be at work, doing other stuff than just being girlfriendish .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2016): Break up with him.Trust me it will never ever get any better.He is and always will be tied to mamas apron strings.Even if he moves out it will be the same.You see he does not stop her does he?I predict he will end up alone and living in mommy's house forever.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (14 June 2016):
 The thing is he is living with his mother, therefore if you cannot bare to be around her then maybe you need to make a choice. You cannot make him choose between him and his mother. He is her child and she loved him, what you might think is strange is normal to her. Remember that she is not out to cause any harm, she is probably just looking out for him. Also it is her house and she is allowing you to stay, therefore being a bit more grateful wouldn't go a miss. If you want private time with your boyfriend then tell him he needs to get his own place.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (14 June 2016):
 Ditto, Fatherly Advice.....
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 June 2016):
 The obvious advice is no Dates until he has his own place, and do get that job.
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A
female
reader, llc93  +, writes (14 June 2016):
Its sounds as though you both have issues here. Is she his only child still living at home? If this is the case this may be why she is over bearing, with nothing else to fill her days but being a mother it's not surprising that she will smother him. Things that she is doing may seem weird to you as they may be different to how your parents brought you up but may seem completely natural to her. I think from both of your sides you seem to both be fighting for the attention of your boyfriend. However I think you need to ask your boyfriend if he feels like it's time to move out. Particularly if he is feeling uncomfortable with her behaviour. Or maybe he could spend more time at your house? You won't be able to cut his mother out completely but I think time together without her may help. I'm also aware (without sounding prejudice) that Italians are very family oriented particularly mothers and sons. It may be worth also speaking to her to try and connect with her better. You say youve had issues with her before maybe the air needs clearing a bit as well.
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