A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy online who seemed pretty nice. He was very handsome, polite, and a complete gentleman. I didn't want to seem desperate so I would wait for him to contact me first, plus I was taught that if a man is interested, he should make the first move. He asked for my number, but oddly enough he would only text, instead of calling, which I thought it was weird, but I assumed that maybe that's what some people do now a days. He would text me saying how he enjoyed the way i would express my thoughts through text, how I seemed like a great girl, and how he missed me.... I would reply the same way, but wouldn't text unless he would text me first. We ended up hanging out on three different separate occasions, in which we had a great time. On our first date we talked about how we both wanted something longterm, genuine, and a family in the future. On the second date we had a nice meal, walk on the beach, and then went back to his place and watched a little bit of Netflix, passionately kissed, but that was it, told him it was getting late, that I had a great time, but I had to go home, and ordered an uber. We agreed to make plans to hangout again. The following weekend came which was our last third date, we went out for dinner, movie, and then went back to his place. He put on some music, we kissed nonstop for about an hour and a half. He tried to feel me, wasn't letting him, didn't feel comfortable. He expressed how he would love for me to stay over, but I said I couldn't because we were still getting to know each other and it wasn't right since we had only been out on a date three times. It was getting late so I told him I had to go home, ordered an uber, as soon as the uber arrived I told him that it was here. He asked if I wanted him to walk me downstairs to catch the uber, which I thought it was weird since the last couple times he walked me, he never asked that question. I Felt like maybe he didn't want to walk me, so I replied by saying that it was fine that I could walk myself. He asked me to text him as soon as I got home. Before I left his apartment, gave him a kiss, and said goodnight . As soon as I got home I text him saying I had got home safely, but then never heard from him again. Can anyone tell me what happened, I am confused, was he only interest in intimacy or what, because I thought that everything was going well? I didn't text him back asking why he hadn't contact me again because I thought maybe he really wasn't interested anymore. Two weeks had gone by after the last time I saw him, which I then text him saying, "It seems like the prince has gone to explore new waters, it seems as though, he didn't like this one, I wish him the best and a good farewell," but no response. Did I do something wrong, what were his true intentions, can anyone help me figure out what happened here? Should I try to contact him again and ask?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 June 2016):
 you did nothing wrong.
he did not want intimacy he wanted SEX.
big huge difference.
let him go. he's not worth the energy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2016): He wanted to get laid. He wasn't and is not interested in you. The second and third dates were at his place so you could sleep with him. Once you told him you wanted to get to know each other and wait more time he bailed.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 June 2016):
 He just wanted to get laid - ( and the fact that you followed him home by the second date might have given him the impression that this was going to happen pretty soon ).
It did not happen by the ritual third date and he obviously did not have enough patience, or enough interest in you, to wait any longer.
I must say that this seems to be a frequent collateral effect of online dating. It's not that they don't find you fun and attractive, they do. But , knowing that virtually there's plenty of other alternatives, many will prefer turning to another person who is somewhat fun and attractive as well... and will put out more promptly .
What to do about it ? well, first try to take it philosophically. You have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince.
Second- watch what they do, not what they say. It's easy to say " I want a wife and three kids " on the first date.
But then, a person who wants a relationship , won't mind building up the relationship, and taking his time to get to know you even outside of the bedroom. It may sound counterintuitive, but if someone is really interested / attracted, getting to know you, talking, doing activities together, comparing interests etc. IS exciting, IS part of the fun even if it leads to the bedroom a few weeks or even months later.
If they try to forge ahead as fast as possible, much more often than not they are simply looking for instant gratification .
No, don't contact him , don't waste your time. You did contact him with the " prince " text, and you got... a deafening silence in response. You'd get more of the same and it would be unnecessary, you sure don't need to chase after a guy who could not even wait to see you the 4th ! ( not the 50th ) time to get some .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 June 2016):
 No more contacting him, honestly... You should BLOCK and then DELETE his number and BLOCK him on the dating site (or wherever you met him).
I agree with the other two answers... He wasn't looking for anything serious, at least not til AFTER he had taken you for a test-drive in the bedroom and who knows... maybe not even after that.
Second date you went home with him. To me? BIG mistake. While you may have had some nice conversations over text and a previous date... YOU don't know him from Adam. You need to consider you OWN personal safety a BIT higher. And while THIS guy DID respect your no, the next may not. Unfortunately, you can't rely on feelings that he is a "complete gentleman".
So when you ask:" DID I do something wrong?" I will say yes. But it's not the thing YOU thought you did wrong. It was your total lack of self preservation.
STICK to dates in public, take your time getting to know him.
And if the NEXT guy "ghosts" you like this one.. don't text the passive-aggressive farewell thing. Just block, delete and move on.
Chin up and better luck next time!
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A
female
reader, miss frank  +, writes (10 June 2016):
No way should you contact him. He isn't interested and clearly his expectation was you should give it up, so as that isn't what you wanted to do- good for you for ensuring you didn't! He looked like am idiot while you retained your dignity intact... Which would go if you contacted him again
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 June 2016):
 The short answer is no you done nothing wrong, it is clear that he wanted sex and nothing else. You wouldn't let him so he got bored after trying three times. You said no to staying over and he didn't even bother walking you down, which shows he had no interest in you at all. So believe me you got a lucky escape, as if you had slept with him you would be feeling much worse than you do now.
No don't contact him again, you are worth better. The fact that he brought you back to his house two out of the three dates are signs he just wanted sex.
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